School things

First off, I really want a hamburger. All over the city, the smell of hamburgers has been following me until no other food sounds like it could compare.

I said it on facebook but it bears repeating. I really love being a student. I wish there was a way I could be paid to go to school forever without being a teacher.

My one class today was awesome. Not because of the subject matter, though I think that will be at least mildly interesting, but because I knew about 50% of my classmates, and I love *love* being in a class where people I know come and sit near me/by me and ask how my summer was and tell me about theirs and chat with me before class. It was great last year, even when I didn't know anyone, but it's fantastic this year, already.

Also I love that my job is actually proving to be kinda useful to my friends as they start their TA's (teaching assistantships) I was able to give lots of decent advice today just in the five minutes before class about Blackboard and experts and training classes, which was so nice. Huzzah.

Also either I or my supervisor have a stalker, so that's interesting... on the "Springfield Bear Confessions" page:  

4890- There is this lady I think is insanely cute who works in the library. Sometimes she teaches classes in a room on the second floor, sometimes I see her in Cheek, and her office is in the back corner of The second floor of the library. She is so hot, I think about her while out with my girlfriend, I dream about her in my dorm room, and I cannot get her lovely body out of my mind. I know a wonderfully cute and married woman like that would never give a guy like me the time of day, but now that I have her in my mind I cannot seem to get her out of it. I have fantasized about her all summer, even when I tried not to. How the hell do I get her out of my head. I dont wanna seem like some stalker but I cannot live a normal life when every thought is of her. I wrote a paper recently that mentioned the library, when I reread it I realized I had changed at that mention and wrote 7 pages of fantasy about her.

 ...Yeah. Pretty sure it's about my supervisor, but our office is in the "back corner of the second floor" of the library, we have tech training in a room on the second floor, our other training center (and most of computer services) is over in Cheek so we are over there all the time. (She teaches classes way more often, which is why I think it's her.) The only thing that isn't accurate is that neither of us are married, but ours is the only office in any corner of the library on the second floor... so I'm almost positive that it's her.... it's too many specifics not to be.

And that's pretty much everything I wanted to say...  Now to find that burger!

Revelation

by William Carlos Williams

I awoke happy, the house
Was strange, voices
Were across a gap
Through which a girl
Came and paused,
Reaching out to me--

Then I remembered
What I had dreamed--
A girl
One whom I knew well
Leaned on the door of my car
And stroked my hand--

I shall pass her on the street
We shall say trivial things
To each other
But I shall never cease
To search her eyes
For that quiet look--

Thoughts on 30

It's been a long time, I know. I haven't blogged recently cause all I would blog about is how busy I am and that seems like it would get really old really fast.... but I'm going to blog about how busy I am tonight. :) I'm still working as a grad assistant at Missouri State. That, plus actual classes, plus Pixelscopic, plus preaching at church, plus sometimes singing on the worship team, plus maintaining a healthy relationship with a person you don't live with (I'd forgotten how much time that takes!), plus trying to maintain my other friendships, means my writing (blogging, writing, and even my writing group, sadly) have all taken a backseat to surviving.  Don't get me wrong, I love everything I just mentioned, I'm just often overwhelmed.

Take this week for example: I got home Sunday night from my family "4th of July" celebration.  I basically fell asleep as soon as I walked in the door and slept for 5 hours. Then I woke up, ate dinner at 2 in the morning, and went back to sleep. Monday morning I got up at 8 in the morning and worked on a paper that was technically due that evening though I got an extension, and prepped for class, then went in at noon to work, then straight to class and I got back home at around 9 that evening. Monday night I wrote a final (take-home essay) and went to bed around midnight or 1. Tuesday I got up at 9 went into work at 11 (oh and I should mention its a very busy time at work because it's almost a new semester and we got a lot of sudden new documentation that has to be done.) I left at 4:30 went home, met up with Jason and friends and went to Silver Dollar City for the evening, got home at 11:30 or so and crashed. Then on Wednesday I left for work at around 8:45, worked until 5:30-- and I do mean *worked* I think that's the most I've ever done in a single day at work--, came home, proofed and e-mailed my final and started work on my final paper for the same class... I finished it at 5 AM and went to sleep at 6 AM.  Then I woke up at 8:30 got to work at 9:30, worked for 2 hours, grabbed lunch with Jason, took my car to the dealership to get it maintained, went home took somewhere between a 30 min and 1.5 hour nap, while also doing laundry. Got up, showered and packed and packed and packed. Ran to Wal-mart, had dinner with Jason,  watched a Dr. Who, revised my paper and e-mailed it out, curled my hair, and went to bed at like 1 AM... only to get up the next morning and leave for St. Louis so I could get on a plane to come to Philadelphia. Lots of fun happened in the week, but not enough sleep and a *lot* of work also happened.

And now here I am in Philadelphia!

And I looooooooove that I could come see Kara, because I've missed her so much.

But today is my 30th birthday and I feel old. And not where I wanted to be in my life. I feel like I should have a plan, but beyond some "it would be nice" ideas, I don't have a clue what I want to do after I graduate (probably in May or this time next year)... I feel like I'm about a year farther into my life than I was at this time 10 years ago, which feels pathetic. I don't know how I will make enough money to support myself and I don't know how I will find time to write when it feels like I don't have the time to write now. And I'm worried about my retirement on a practical level (I should have already saved a million dollars by now! I can't get that time back when it comes to investments!)

So my 30th birthday has a very mixed set of feelings in it. It's great to be with Kara, and to relish in just how very *known* I am with her, but I also find myself introspecting, which frankly is always dangerous with me. I think knowing how little I can predict the future makes me want to be very secure financially and have a million back up plans... and I'm not and I don't and that's not likely to change... that is unless someone knows how to make a million dollars painting my own nails, baking cookies for people (for free), crafting, and writing YA books?

So... Thirty... how about you prove me wrong.