Upon further contemplation, even if I can pull off spring green nails, I'm not sure I want to.
Today in class we discussed versions of Little Red Riding Hood stories.... of what these stories say about our culture. Of the themes that we can pull out of them and I realized something about myself in the midst of a discussion. We were talking about a Little Red Riding Hood book that was set in the southwest- In the desert, and in this book her mother warns her not to stray from the path, because it's rattlesnake season. Then LRRH meets the wolf and the story happens and at one point in the book you see LRRH's horse has apparently stepped on a rattlesnake because it has stars around it's head but it isn't actually mentioned. I didn't even read this book, but someone asked why the author talks about rattlesnakes when those aren't the danger of the book, and they kinda started to bash the author for this, and finally I said, "Because maybe the things that you are warned about aren't the things you really need to watch out for."
My teacher looked at me strangely- cause who says that rattlesnakes aren't something you need to watch out for? Then she said, "Well, I think rattlesnakes are deadly. If one bites you you have to get the venom out within hours..."
I interrupted her and said, "I'm not saying rattlesnakes aren't dangerous... but they give you warning. The mother in the story gives her warning and rattlesnakes... well, they rattle. She knows about the rattlesnakes and their danger... They can be avoided. But she doesn't have a warning about the wolf and that's the real danger to her..."
And then my teacher said, "So in real life, you are careful of the rattlesnakes, but sometimes it's the wolves that get you."
And then I realized that I was feeling so strongly about defending this author, cause I've been warned about a whole host of rattlesnakes, and managed to avoid every single one as if it wasn't even there. But that stupid wolf... that's what got me and I had no warning at all. Sometimes you do exactly what you are supposed to do, all your life. You follow all the instructions and you are just the very best person that you know how to be and still you run into a wolf. But maybe that's not the best theme for a children's book, and maybe that's not what the author was trying to say... she just wanted to make her book more authentic..
I don't really know, but my teacher thinks I have a very strong argument.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Through-out the day...
Random thoughts that were almost made into facebook statusi today: (yes, there are a lot... I have a tendency to think in facebook statuses.)
I'm 28 and have recently decided I don't really like caramel flavored things... What took me so long? (ok, this one actually made it as a status.)
I think I could give up chocolate forever if I could have an unlimited supply of cinnamon and vanilla.
Has anyone ever heard of "Seabird" the band? I think I like them-- Huzzah for Pandora.
Huzzah for the library having the CDs I want to listen to, so I can decide if I like Seabird.
I'm excited for Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword to be released in November, but do not want to buy it for 50 dollars... the hem and the haw of it all.
I think I might request Glee Karaoke Revolution for Christmas this year... I've held out for long enough.
Letting go of your own plans for your life and letting God have them does not get any easier with practice.
Renée Dunn, Efficiency Rockstar- Getting stuff done since 9 AM.
Eternal dilemma: Pick up things from the library today so you have something to do tonight, or wait till tomorrow because you have lots of things "in transit."
You know what sounds good? Some Rutledge beef jerky. All you Memphis-ites know what I'm saying?
I'm experimenting with Ponzu as a marinade for tonight's supper..... I also have the very American peppercorn and garlic marinated chicken as a backup.
God bless George Foreman, or whomever actually invented George Foreman grills.
Someone please tell me that foxes are going to be the next owls.
I miss Christmas, but I'm scared of Christmas. I'm afraid of the snow and the songs and the sentimentality.
Oh heavens save us from the sentimentality.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
I want to smell like fall. So much so that I will wear apple scented perfume... or apple/cinnamon/leaves perfume... or a blend of autumnal notes of golden nectar, juicy mandarin and red delicious apple paired with toasted cinnamon stick, mulled cider spices and freshly harvested red berries.
OMG Jane Lynch is Pacey's mom on Dawson's Creek!!!
And that's pretty much all I got...
I'm 28 and have recently decided I don't really like caramel flavored things... What took me so long? (ok, this one actually made it as a status.)
I think I could give up chocolate forever if I could have an unlimited supply of cinnamon and vanilla.
Has anyone ever heard of "Seabird" the band? I think I like them-- Huzzah for Pandora.
Huzzah for the library having the CDs I want to listen to, so I can decide if I like Seabird.
I'm excited for Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword to be released in November, but do not want to buy it for 50 dollars... the hem and the haw of it all.
I think I might request Glee Karaoke Revolution for Christmas this year... I've held out for long enough.
Letting go of your own plans for your life and letting God have them does not get any easier with practice.
Renée Dunn, Efficiency Rockstar- Getting stuff done since 9 AM.
Eternal dilemma: Pick up things from the library today so you have something to do tonight, or wait till tomorrow because you have lots of things "in transit."
You know what sounds good? Some Rutledge beef jerky. All you Memphis-ites know what I'm saying?
I'm experimenting with Ponzu as a marinade for tonight's supper..... I also have the very American peppercorn and garlic marinated chicken as a backup.
Someone please tell me that foxes are going to be the next owls.
I miss Christmas, but I'm scared of Christmas. I'm afraid of the snow and the songs and the sentimentality.
Oh heavens save us from the sentimentality.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
I want to smell like fall. So much so that I will wear apple scented perfume... or apple/cinnamon/leaves perfume... or a blend of autumnal notes of golden nectar, juicy mandarin and red delicious apple paired with toasted cinnamon stick, mulled cider spices and freshly harvested red berries.
OMG Jane Lynch is Pacey's mom on Dawson's Creek!!!
And that's pretty much all I got...
Monday, August 29, 2011
Chinese Rainbow story, or: Get Some Flippin' Gumption!
Three books read in 2 days... plus a children's picture book written (it's not good but at least I've written something, so I've gotten my feet wet and now don't have to be intimidated.) I've also watched 4 episodes of Gilmore Girls, discovered their brilliant notion of S'moreos in a deleted scene and read far too many folk tales.
I read this evening the Chinese tale of how the rainbow came to be... and it's kooky, lemme tell ya.
Apparently a girl's father dressed her up and had her pretend to be a boy so she could go to school. Oh yeah and there was this boy, who was the same age and their fathers were friends, so they became friends, too. So they went to school and grew up together, and all the while he thought she was a boy. (Hey! It's Yentle!) And of course the girl eventually fell in love with the boy but was afraid to tell him. Then her father died and her sister-in-law arranged a marriage for the girl and made her come home. So the disguised girl went home but not before singing a song to the boy about how she is actually a girl and wants to marry the boy. He is a numbskull, apparently, cause he didn't get it, and basically says, "Ha! See ya next term, buddy!"
So then she went home and eventually the boy missed his pal, so he went to his friend's house to visit and found out his pal was actually a girl-- and then he discovers a whole bunch of love letters she'd written him, but he couldn't see her as she was in isolation before her marriage so basically he stopped eating and died. The girl heard the news and was devastated and on the day of her wedding the girl made the processional stop at the boy's grave and cried a whole lot and then said to the grave- "If we were supposed to be man and wife, open up" --and the grave did, she jumped in and it closed up again.
Now, dude who was supposed to marry the girl was understandably ticked off so what does he do? He has them dig up the boy's coffin. But the only thing inside were 2 white stones.. which they threw into the road cause they were so mad, but where they threw them, 2 shoots of bamboo immediately sprang up... and then they cut those down (at the same time) and then the stems "flew up to heaven" to become the rainbow... and the boy is red and the girl is blue (which seems kinda stupid since those colors are nowhere close to each other.)
If this were a European folk tale, the only people dying woud be the sister-in-law and the mean guy who was gonna marry the girl despite the fact she loved someone else. Oh China! I mean homeboy doesn't even try to save the girl from this marriage... he just finds out that she's a girl, finds the letters, and mopes himself to death. And for this he gets to become a rainbow?! Bah.
I think Europeans prized gumption a little more than the Chinese did back in the era of folk tales.
I read this evening the Chinese tale of how the rainbow came to be... and it's kooky, lemme tell ya.
Apparently a girl's father dressed her up and had her pretend to be a boy so she could go to school. Oh yeah and there was this boy, who was the same age and their fathers were friends, so they became friends, too. So they went to school and grew up together, and all the while he thought she was a boy. (Hey! It's Yentle!) And of course the girl eventually fell in love with the boy but was afraid to tell him. Then her father died and her sister-in-law arranged a marriage for the girl and made her come home. So the disguised girl went home but not before singing a song to the boy about how she is actually a girl and wants to marry the boy. He is a numbskull, apparently, cause he didn't get it, and basically says, "Ha! See ya next term, buddy!"
So then she went home and eventually the boy missed his pal, so he went to his friend's house to visit and found out his pal was actually a girl-- and then he discovers a whole bunch of love letters she'd written him, but he couldn't see her as she was in isolation before her marriage so basically he stopped eating and died. The girl heard the news and was devastated and on the day of her wedding the girl made the processional stop at the boy's grave and cried a whole lot and then said to the grave- "If we were supposed to be man and wife, open up" --and the grave did, she jumped in and it closed up again.
Now, dude who was supposed to marry the girl was understandably ticked off so what does he do? He has them dig up the boy's coffin. But the only thing inside were 2 white stones.. which they threw into the road cause they were so mad, but where they threw them, 2 shoots of bamboo immediately sprang up... and then they cut those down (at the same time) and then the stems "flew up to heaven" to become the rainbow... and the boy is red and the girl is blue (which seems kinda stupid since those colors are nowhere close to each other.)
If this were a European folk tale, the only people dying woud be the sister-in-law and the mean guy who was gonna marry the girl despite the fact she loved someone else. Oh China! I mean homeboy doesn't even try to save the girl from this marriage... he just finds out that she's a girl, finds the letters, and mopes himself to death. And for this he gets to become a rainbow?! Bah.
I think Europeans prized gumption a little more than the Chinese did back in the era of folk tales.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Why I hate "Inception"
Have I told you about how much I love Tamora Pierce as a writer? Cause it's a lot. I know she's a YA Author.... but seriously her books are just so blamed good. And it's not just because she pretty well only writes about strong female protagonists- Though I like that about her too. Been up reading one of her books and honestly could probably start on another if it weren't already 2:30.
One of the reasons why I really like my new class/ professor is that she went on a mini-rant on the first day of class about how our writing had to have endings and closure. That adults will deal with ambiguity but children will get mad at you or call you lazy... and if anyone has heard my rant about Inception, then you know how much and strongly I identify with that sentiment.
Inception rant summed up: They made an incredible movie. It draws you in and somehow makes sense even with all the insanity inherent in the premise... and then they completely punk out on the ending, leaving it ambiguous. Make a CHOICE! It makes me mad. Yes, I realize I might not be rational on this argument but it feels like everything that wrong with the world. The inability to commit somehow made into a virtue. BAAAAAH! Choose and then deal with the consequences.
Needless to say, you shouldn't take this up with me. Cause contrary to my normal laid-back nature and cool demeanor, this is a topic that I won't cede and I will fight you about. It's best to just let it lie. I know, some people feel this way about politics or civil rights or important things... I feel this way about a movie ending. Just call me Dawson Leery.
God's really good at bringing who you need into your life when you need it.. I should remember that and remember that just because I think I need something doesn't mean that God does. I'm not very patient, though. I don't know that I ever have been. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) I'm not a settler, either (except of Catan). But if there is anyone in this life who has seen God bring the exact right person at the exact right time, it's me.... How quickly we forget how very much we've been blessed.
One of the reasons why I really like my new class/ professor is that she went on a mini-rant on the first day of class about how our writing had to have endings and closure. That adults will deal with ambiguity but children will get mad at you or call you lazy... and if anyone has heard my rant about Inception, then you know how much and strongly I identify with that sentiment.
Inception rant summed up: They made an incredible movie. It draws you in and somehow makes sense even with all the insanity inherent in the premise... and then they completely punk out on the ending, leaving it ambiguous. Make a CHOICE! It makes me mad. Yes, I realize I might not be rational on this argument but it feels like everything that wrong with the world. The inability to commit somehow made into a virtue. BAAAAAH! Choose and then deal with the consequences.
Needless to say, you shouldn't take this up with me. Cause contrary to my normal laid-back nature and cool demeanor, this is a topic that I won't cede and I will fight you about. It's best to just let it lie. I know, some people feel this way about politics or civil rights or important things... I feel this way about a movie ending. Just call me Dawson Leery.
God's really good at bringing who you need into your life when you need it.. I should remember that and remember that just because I think I need something doesn't mean that God does. I'm not very patient, though. I don't know that I ever have been. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) I'm not a settler, either (except of Catan). But if there is anyone in this life who has seen God bring the exact right person at the exact right time, it's me.... How quickly we forget how very much we've been blessed.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
A book elegantly bound
I've spent a good deal of time tonight reading folk tales from France and Germany. Germans are apparently much blood-thirstier than the French. But you want to know the real conclusion I have come to?? I'm a fairy tale nerd. There are all sorts of nerds in this world... Here's visual proof- There are Star Trek nerds, Star Wars Nerds, video game nerds, computer nerds, science fiction nerds, music nerds, Japanese nerds, ect. And I am a fantasy/fairy tale nerd. I love them. I get excited by adaptations of them, I find the differences in them in regards to culture fascinating. I just think they are great.
Went to dinner tonight with Katie and our waiter was totally cute. The problem is that, as a patron of a restaurant, there is no way to know if a waiter is making a lot of eye contact with you and smiling because he thinks you are cute, too, or if he is doing that to get a good tip, and then he meets up with his girlfriend after work and laughs about all the ladies whom he got good smile-tips from... (I left him a standard sized tip, to avoid becoming one of these ladies.) Or worse! His girlfriend is the hostess and sends all the parties of only girls to his section. That's totally brilliant and evil at the same time. Well played, possible girlfriend/evil mastermind. Well played. But I did check his finger and there wasn't a ring, so I don't feel bad about saying he was cute.
Not sure about if the Starbucks drive-through guy is married or not... so I'll just not talk about him.
P.S. If anyone tells you that I don't have a physical type, they are horrendous liars. Luckily, for all the men-folk out there, I stray from it when given enough incentive. ;)
Honestly all of this cute boy talk is just a smokescreen. I've had such a rough/emotional week that I've started taking it personally... All of it. I've cried more in the past week than I have in a month. And I dont even know where it's all coming from... but it's certainly welling up. It's so much easier from the safety inside a happy marriage to think that dating is easy... that there are thousands of people out there who are/would be interested in you if only you were single. That you would be snatched up in an instant if you were single... but when push comes to shove... those people aren't real, and you find yourself alone and hurting and as confused as all get-out, cause somehow in the course of your marriage your husband managed to convince you that he was the luckiest guy in the world because you chose him... but now no one seems to want to be the luckiest guy... and you don't know why. And you start believing that your fairy tale has run it's course and you are gonna turn into the eccentric old lady who lives in a shoe, decorates the tree in her yard with broken mirror shards, and travels the world to avoid remembering that she's alone.
Now, I'm far more likely to turn to cynicism than desperation... I'm not likely to accept a proposition from the type of guy who would offer a proposition... but I don't really want to turn to cynicism either... I've said it a million times and I still really believe it. I don't *need* someone... I'm capable of living my life as it is. I'm capable of just being the cool aunt to my sister's and my friends' children. I'm capable of doing all the driving and the phone calling and the decision making. But I want more than that... I want to be the not-quite-so-cool mom. I want to have a family to take care of. I want to have a partner in life, again. I just don't know how to get that... cause I'm a girl and not super forward unless I'm at a breaking point and just trying to move on... I mean Nathan and I just sorta fell together.... and I don't know how that could happen again... Lightning not striking twice and all that.
I'm sorry. I try so very hard to be Pollyanna. I try so hard to look for the bright side- to focus on the positive... but I don't know what it is about this week... I just feel like I have so little to give and so much sadness stirring up inside me and nowhere to go with it. I feel like I have to fix something inside me that's irrevocably broken before someone else could love me as more than a friend or sister... or like I have to change who I am for someone to find me attractive and I don't know that I'm willing (or even able) to do that.
I have so much love and laughter and care and passion and fun and joy to share. And cheesy-ness... I have lots of cliches and cheesy-ness to share, too, as you may have noticed. It's like Death Cab says-- I'm "like a book elegantly bound but in a language [they] can't read."
Went to dinner tonight with Katie and our waiter was totally cute. The problem is that, as a patron of a restaurant, there is no way to know if a waiter is making a lot of eye contact with you and smiling because he thinks you are cute, too, or if he is doing that to get a good tip, and then he meets up with his girlfriend after work and laughs about all the ladies whom he got good smile-tips from... (I left him a standard sized tip, to avoid becoming one of these ladies.) Or worse! His girlfriend is the hostess and sends all the parties of only girls to his section. That's totally brilliant and evil at the same time. Well played, possible girlfriend/evil mastermind. Well played. But I did check his finger and there wasn't a ring, so I don't feel bad about saying he was cute.
Not sure about if the Starbucks drive-through guy is married or not... so I'll just not talk about him.
P.S. If anyone tells you that I don't have a physical type, they are horrendous liars. Luckily, for all the men-folk out there, I stray from it when given enough incentive. ;)
Honestly all of this cute boy talk is just a smokescreen. I've had such a rough/emotional week that I've started taking it personally... All of it. I've cried more in the past week than I have in a month. And I dont even know where it's all coming from... but it's certainly welling up. It's so much easier from the safety inside a happy marriage to think that dating is easy... that there are thousands of people out there who are/would be interested in you if only you were single. That you would be snatched up in an instant if you were single... but when push comes to shove... those people aren't real, and you find yourself alone and hurting and as confused as all get-out, cause somehow in the course of your marriage your husband managed to convince you that he was the luckiest guy in the world because you chose him... but now no one seems to want to be the luckiest guy... and you don't know why. And you start believing that your fairy tale has run it's course and you are gonna turn into the eccentric old lady who lives in a shoe, decorates the tree in her yard with broken mirror shards, and travels the world to avoid remembering that she's alone.
Now, I'm far more likely to turn to cynicism than desperation... I'm not likely to accept a proposition from the type of guy who would offer a proposition... but I don't really want to turn to cynicism either... I've said it a million times and I still really believe it. I don't *need* someone... I'm capable of living my life as it is. I'm capable of just being the cool aunt to my sister's and my friends' children. I'm capable of doing all the driving and the phone calling and the decision making. But I want more than that... I want to be the not-quite-so-cool mom. I want to have a family to take care of. I want to have a partner in life, again. I just don't know how to get that... cause I'm a girl and not super forward unless I'm at a breaking point and just trying to move on... I mean Nathan and I just sorta fell together.... and I don't know how that could happen again... Lightning not striking twice and all that.
I'm sorry. I try so very hard to be Pollyanna. I try so hard to look for the bright side- to focus on the positive... but I don't know what it is about this week... I just feel like I have so little to give and so much sadness stirring up inside me and nowhere to go with it. I feel like I have to fix something inside me that's irrevocably broken before someone else could love me as more than a friend or sister... or like I have to change who I am for someone to find me attractive and I don't know that I'm willing (or even able) to do that.
I have so much love and laughter and care and passion and fun and joy to share. And cheesy-ness... I have lots of cliches and cheesy-ness to share, too, as you may have noticed. It's like Death Cab says-- I'm "like a book elegantly bound but in a language [they] can't read."
Friday, August 26, 2011
It doesn't require a song, Renée
I've had "Daydream Believer" stuck in my head for a solid 24 hours... I've ear-wormed some of my friends and the entirety of facebook to no avail. It still remains...
This is on Pinterest and I chuckle every time I see it:
Things Rick Astley is never gonna do:
Am I the only one who will watch a TV show and then search song lyrics that you hear on the show during the commercial break.
Thus I found this song today:
Ignore cheesy graphics... and thank Dawson's Creek, which didn't even have a commercial break.
... but this one? This one you should watch... if you can keep your eyes open.... I know I can't.
Goodnight, loves.
This is on Pinterest and I chuckle every time I see it:
Things Rick Astley is never gonna do:
- give you up
- let you down
- run around
- desert you
- make you cry
- say goodbye
- tell a lie
- hurt you
Am I the only one who will watch a TV show and then search song lyrics that you hear on the show during the commercial break.
Thus I found this song today:
Ignore cheesy graphics... and thank Dawson's Creek, which didn't even have a commercial break.
... but this one? This one you should watch... if you can keep your eyes open.... I know I can't.
Goodnight, loves.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Not so great...
so today... it wasn't a good day. It tried to be a good day... but it wasn't. I cried so many times today. I tried not to, but.. it still hurts so much sometimes. And it's like some days are just designed to make you hurt. People say stupid things, and you find yourself in bad circumstances and unrelated things bring up fears and pain... and you find links to incredibly touching songs that just make you sob.
And it's all that I can do to not scream "Why" at the sky. Why do I have to be alone and dealing with this. Why can't I have the man who loved me with me.
People tell me all the time how well I'm handling everything and how amazing I am at dealing with this. But I still have breakdown days, when all I really want is to be held. I still have days when I lose my temper over things that shouldn't cause such a meltdown, and I still think of him a million times a day. What I wouldn't give to just live my life over and over in one day with Nathan. Just stick me in Groundhog's Day for 60 more years, please. Either that or give me something to work with... something to hope for. I don't know how much longer I can be normal and well adjusted and doing so well. I know I can't stay in one day forever and that it wouldn't actually be healthy to do so... I want to heal, I really do. But I'm not sure that I know how to heal on my own anymore.
The brother-in-law of my uncle (the uncle who lost his mom this year and went through the Joplin tornado) was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given a few weeks. And my grandfather is apparently having Electrical Cardioversion for atrial fibrillation in the morning. I just found out about it on Facebook, cause I don't think my family (understandably) wants to worry me with medical stuff. But I am worried. Not so much about this particular procedure, but about his health in general... And I'm worried that I don't have Nathan here to get me through this. He promised me that he would get me through the deaths of my grandparents if that ever happened (and I'm choosing to believe that it never will.) Because he's not here and I'm not sure that I can do it on my own... especially not now. I mean how freaking brave and strong do I have to be? Even the bendiest of trees has a breaking point, and I don't really know how I can rely on God any more than I already am.
I don't know what the crap God is doing with my life right now. I know it's something, cause there are too many strange things going on to be coincidental, but it kinda just feels like He's messing with me. That doesn't really fit into my picture of who God is/ what He's about... but there it is.
Ach, time to sleep, and recover from this bright red nose and stuffy head.... and my one woman pity party. Goodnight, for now. Oh and here's the song that I referred to.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
"You Should Date an Illiterate Girl" ... or not.
Ok so Facebook had several people linking to this blog today. In fact, my dear friend Katie reposted it on her blog today as well. It's clear that Katie and I sometimes think alike, because I, too, was struck by a desire to blog about this piece tonight. Well, sorta... I like/identify with the "Date a Girl Who Reads" response (especially the lines, "Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but, by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does. She has to give it a shot somehow." and "She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day.") But from a link in the first blog I found the original reference material. And I like that even more.
It's entitled "You Should Date an Illiterate Girl" and it's written by Charles Warnke. (Be sure to go to the second page, don't just stop after the first page... I almost did and it would have been a very unsatisfying conclusion.)
I think you should read it in it's entirety, but I'm going to quote the last paragraph because I like it so much:
What I think young Master Charles (I can call him young, he's 21!) is saying is that a life lived in ignorance of what it could be is not that bad, when contrasted with a life made fully aware of what it could be and not ever being able to attain it. And sure, I get it. You don't miss what you never had. But it's too late for Charles. He knows what it's like to date a woman who reads, whose vocabulary makes his "vacuous sophistry a cheap trick," who, "knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment." I see this article veiled so thinly as cautionary advice to men to be an apology and love note in one. He respects the girl who can read... he likes that there is someone who can call him on his pompous overwrought language and knows when he's lying. He thinks it's good that she has enough self-respect to not accept bitterness as her due or to settle into a rut of acceptance. He admires her perception of the events in her life and her ability to move on when and if that time comes. He wants to be challenged and he thinks that the girl who reads deserves more than what he can offer.
Melissa has quoted a study on marriages lasting more than 50 years to me that says the thing most closely correlating to happiness in marriages is both parties considering themselves to be the lucky one in the relationship. What I think Charles Warnke is saying, is that he thinks that he would be the lucky one. He's "arguing" for a relationship in which one feels superior but what the dear boy really wants is to be the lucky one. Because, you see, girl who reads, mostly he hates the way he doesn't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
And that kinda makes me think he's adorable.
It's entitled "You Should Date an Illiterate Girl" and it's written by Charles Warnke. (Be sure to go to the second page, don't just stop after the first page... I almost did and it would have been a very unsatisfying conclusion.)
I think you should read it in it's entirety, but I'm going to quote the last paragraph because I like it so much:
and I would now like to install a quote from that age old classic Ten Things I Hate About You.Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.
"But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.You see all through the first half of the piece, this guy named Charles describes this sub-par life with a girl who cannot read, and throughout the second half he goes over the reasons why the girl who can read is worse than a girl who can't- why "a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell." And basically it breaks down to 4 reasons: 1) A girl who reads can call you on your bs and can tell when someone really loves her and when someone is just talking. 2) A girl who reads knows that there are ups and downs in life and will expect equal measure of both, but will move on if you only offer up a bitter and cynical attitude. 3) A girl who reads knows when something is over, and doesn't try to hold on to false hope. 4) A girl who reads will challenge you to be more than you think you can be and not accept less than your best.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
What I think young Master Charles (I can call him young, he's 21!) is saying is that a life lived in ignorance of what it could be is not that bad, when contrasted with a life made fully aware of what it could be and not ever being able to attain it. And sure, I get it. You don't miss what you never had. But it's too late for Charles. He knows what it's like to date a woman who reads, whose vocabulary makes his "vacuous sophistry a cheap trick," who, "knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment." I see this article veiled so thinly as cautionary advice to men to be an apology and love note in one. He respects the girl who can read... he likes that there is someone who can call him on his pompous overwrought language and knows when he's lying. He thinks it's good that she has enough self-respect to not accept bitterness as her due or to settle into a rut of acceptance. He admires her perception of the events in her life and her ability to move on when and if that time comes. He wants to be challenged and he thinks that the girl who reads deserves more than what he can offer.
Melissa has quoted a study on marriages lasting more than 50 years to me that says the thing most closely correlating to happiness in marriages is both parties considering themselves to be the lucky one in the relationship. What I think Charles Warnke is saying, is that he thinks that he would be the lucky one. He's "arguing" for a relationship in which one feels superior but what the dear boy really wants is to be the lucky one. Because, you see, girl who reads, mostly he hates the way he doesn't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
And that kinda makes me think he's adorable.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Ninja Warrior
I turned on the television and fell into an alternate universe. One entitled American Ninja Warrior. Oh my goodness. So addicting/amazing. I can't believe that they can do that. It's like a lumberjack competition only waaaaaaaay more awesome and far less plaid.
I want to be related to the Gilmore Girls who create parties with insane country themes. Rory created a London going away party for Logan and then Lorelai created an Asian vacation for Rory since Logan was away in London and not going to Asia with her. Want destination themed party.
or maybe an American Ninja Warrior party... as long as I don't have to be an American Ninja Warrior.
Tomorrow I have class... weird. What will I write of? I don't know. I have no ideas. But that will come to me, right? Eventually it will come to me. I can be inspired.
Lonely. Want someone to talk to. Am without talking buddy. So I think I'm going to go to sleep early and be well rested for tomorrow... Just like an adult. I'm an adult? Sheesh, a girl signs up for one post-bachelors class and suddenly she's all grown up and saving China.
Well, I'm not saving China, but I bet a Ninja warrior is... Mulan- Disney's first Ninja Warrior.
Sometimes I wonder if Nathan's death has made me numb. I seem to feel sympathy so much more distantly than I once did. Once when something bad happened to someone else I would feel it... Now, I recognize it and try to respond sensitively, but... my emotions aren't invested in it. I'm a step removed in a lot of ways. I want to be sad/ troubled/ upset for someone... but all I can manage is detachedly sympathetic. It's like my empathy skills are broken. It's like I don't have any emotions to give but positive ones. I can rejoice with you in your triumphs but I can't go with you to your depths. Maybe that's because my depths are so very low... maybe it's because it would turn bitter inside me... Maybe it's because everything that I've gone through has drastically impacted my personality in some profound way and made me into a thinker, rather than a feeler.
I don't really know, but here is something I suspect. Jesus would have been a kick-a Jewish Ninja Warrior. Cause God has to have a pretty easy time navigating human-made obstacle courses... He has eons of experience.
I want to be related to the Gilmore Girls who create parties with insane country themes. Rory created a London going away party for Logan and then Lorelai created an Asian vacation for Rory since Logan was away in London and not going to Asia with her. Want destination themed party.
or maybe an American Ninja Warrior party... as long as I don't have to be an American Ninja Warrior.
Tomorrow I have class... weird. What will I write of? I don't know. I have no ideas. But that will come to me, right? Eventually it will come to me. I can be inspired.
Lonely. Want someone to talk to. Am without talking buddy. So I think I'm going to go to sleep early and be well rested for tomorrow... Just like an adult. I'm an adult? Sheesh, a girl signs up for one post-bachelors class and suddenly she's all grown up and saving China.
Well, I'm not saving China, but I bet a Ninja warrior is... Mulan- Disney's first Ninja Warrior.
Sometimes I wonder if Nathan's death has made me numb. I seem to feel sympathy so much more distantly than I once did. Once when something bad happened to someone else I would feel it... Now, I recognize it and try to respond sensitively, but... my emotions aren't invested in it. I'm a step removed in a lot of ways. I want to be sad/ troubled/ upset for someone... but all I can manage is detachedly sympathetic. It's like my empathy skills are broken. It's like I don't have any emotions to give but positive ones. I can rejoice with you in your triumphs but I can't go with you to your depths. Maybe that's because my depths are so very low... maybe it's because it would turn bitter inside me... Maybe it's because everything that I've gone through has drastically impacted my personality in some profound way and made me into a thinker, rather than a feeler.
I don't really know, but here is something I suspect. Jesus would have been a kick-a Jewish Ninja Warrior. Cause God has to have a pretty easy time navigating human-made obstacle courses... He has eons of experience.
Thoughts of school...
My left arm is crazy sore today. I have a theory that I used my arms equally at the City Museum, but since I'm right handed my left arm is the sore one, because it's not used to lifting and toting and the like.
Course that could all be malarky, I dunno.
I finally ate at Ihop... and those pancakes were yummy.
I was just looking at the English professors so I could know who my teacher was going to be and realized I'm a bit of an ageist when it comes to professors. I want my professors to be over age 40... That's a bit weird, eh? Doesn't seem to matter to me if they are male or female... but I want them to be old. I wonder why that is? I had an English teacher in high school that was only 4 years older than me and it was fine. I actually really liked her... And don't even get me started on Mr. Citron, who, as I recall, was to-die-for-cute and couldn't have been more than 10 years or so older than us Jr. High girls. I was a young teacher and I have friends who are young professors at both MSU and OTC... My favorite preacher from home was only 8 years older than me, and Tim isn't that much older than me either, so I don't seem to have a problem with someone close to my age having a bit of authority over me... and yet I was relieved/happy when I saw that my English prof has a good 20-30 years on me. What's up with that?
I'm about to change my name with MSU... they still have me on their books under my maiden name.... seems very odd to be changing my name because of marriage after my husband has died, but since I don't plan on changing my name back, just to change it again if I re-marry, that's what needs to be done. S'weird though.
Just realized that will be a rather strange role call on Tuesday... since I'll be turning things in as Dunn... I just hope the prof notes the name change without comment... because I'm not going to be able to let something like a marriage congratulations pass without making some sort of comment that could get awkward very easily. Yes, I should have changed my name a while ago to avoid this possible kerfuffle. Oy vey. A lot can happen in 5 years... a whole life can blink in and then out of existence.
Anywho, the bed, she calls to me.
Course that could all be malarky, I dunno.
I finally ate at Ihop... and those pancakes were yummy.
I was just looking at the English professors so I could know who my teacher was going to be and realized I'm a bit of an ageist when it comes to professors. I want my professors to be over age 40... That's a bit weird, eh? Doesn't seem to matter to me if they are male or female... but I want them to be old. I wonder why that is? I had an English teacher in high school that was only 4 years older than me and it was fine. I actually really liked her... And don't even get me started on Mr. Citron, who, as I recall, was to-die-for-cute and couldn't have been more than 10 years or so older than us Jr. High girls. I was a young teacher and I have friends who are young professors at both MSU and OTC... My favorite preacher from home was only 8 years older than me, and Tim isn't that much older than me either, so I don't seem to have a problem with someone close to my age having a bit of authority over me... and yet I was relieved/happy when I saw that my English prof has a good 20-30 years on me. What's up with that?
I'm about to change my name with MSU... they still have me on their books under my maiden name.... seems very odd to be changing my name because of marriage after my husband has died, but since I don't plan on changing my name back, just to change it again if I re-marry, that's what needs to be done. S'weird though.
Just realized that will be a rather strange role call on Tuesday... since I'll be turning things in as Dunn... I just hope the prof notes the name change without comment... because I'm not going to be able to let something like a marriage congratulations pass without making some sort of comment that could get awkward very easily. Yes, I should have changed my name a while ago to avoid this possible kerfuffle. Oy vey. A lot can happen in 5 years... a whole life can blink in and then out of existence.
Anywho, the bed, she calls to me.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Girl of the Museumlost
You know what's hard? Editing myself. I'd never make it on Project Runway. I can't seem to stop myself. What's that? I have lots of nail polish? I should wear it all at once!
What's that? I need to choose wedding colors? I choose them all!
What's that? I need to write down my thoughts? I'll write down them all!
I just don't want to choose one thing. It's exceedingly dull... Until I spot someone else doing it and think, "Oh, isn't that elegant! So simple, so refined. So straight forward."
But then I go to paint my nails again and the glitter... or the design... or the scrapbooking scissors call my name and I'm off to the races. I need to find someone to help me focus my energy and tell me when to stop.
Back home from the 6 Flags adventure. The girls and I had a lovely time, only used a tank of gas and a gallon, and Wore. Ourselves. Out. City Museum= best workout ever... even if my knees are bruised from crawling around on the floor and my leg is bruised from an uncooperative rope swing. It was so much fun... I only wish I had more time/ more energy to do everything... and that I'd worn pants... and that I wasn't afraid of heights. Cause if I wasn't I could have been one of those people crawling through the mesh tunnel in the sky, off that airplane wing....
I didn't get to do half of the things I wanted to do, but I was so exhausted when we left that I'm not sure I could have done much more.
Then it was 6 Flags today. The weather was rainy this morning but after I informed everyone that the plan was for the rain to scare away the park go-ers and then to get really nice so that we could enjoy the park, those storm clouds shaped right up and skedaddled.
I love amusement parks... I looooooove amusement parks. They juice me up... I'm not an extrovert, I'm a parktovert. I didn't know this, but it isn't true of everyone. I've gone to amusement parks with my family who are like me and with friends who didn't actually like amusement parks, so I just assumed that their waning spirits were due to the park not being their thing... but it's not true. Today I was with girls who like roller coasters and amusement parks and I still outlasted them... and drove home while they slept it off.
Interestingly enough- heights on amusement park rides don't give me a second thought. It's something about the control... If I have control of the climbing and the moving over the heights, I can't do it... if I don't have control, then I'm totally fine. Someone needs to psychoanalyze me, I think.
At the City Museum there was this adorable little girl that I watched for about 5 minutes. I'm going to place her at approximately age 6. She wandered in from outside and was wearing a sparkly pink dress. She was precious. She came in and started looking around. She walked to one doorway and then back to close to where we were and then stood and turned in a circle for a few minutes, looking more and more confused.... and then she went to the fountain that we were sitting near and put her head on her hands and stared at the fountain. Just as I was about to get up and go ask her if she was lost, her dad came down the stairs looking for her. He saw her and called her name and gestured for her to come while asking her (teasingly) what happened... and she looked up at him with a huge grin.... and then the poor thing started crying and her dad came all the way down the stairs and sat down next to her and hugged her and asked her again what had happened to her in a much softer tone. It was super sweet... and I thought to myself how brave she'd looked when she was lost. What a tough face she'd put on, when I know she just wanted to cry when she realized she didn't know where her family was... and I thought to myself that that sparkly-pink-dressed-little-girl is my kindred spirit, because she was doing exactly what I would have done in the same situation... Everything from the obviously lost-ness, to the pretending like I'm not lost because I don't want someone to come up and talk to me, to the tears when I'm finally found. And you know what? As the casual observer I think she did exactly the right thing. She confirmed that she was lost and then found a central spot to sit down and wait for someone to find her.... and then I think I should follow that little girl's lead.... If you just sit down in one place and wait, eventually the people who are looking for you will find you....... And then you can cry.
What's that? I need to choose wedding colors? I choose them all!
What's that? I need to write down my thoughts? I'll write down them all!
I just don't want to choose one thing. It's exceedingly dull... Until I spot someone else doing it and think, "Oh, isn't that elegant! So simple, so refined. So straight forward."
But then I go to paint my nails again and the glitter... or the design... or the scrapbooking scissors call my name and I'm off to the races. I need to find someone to help me focus my energy and tell me when to stop.
Back home from the 6 Flags adventure. The girls and I had a lovely time, only used a tank of gas and a gallon, and Wore. Ourselves. Out. City Museum= best workout ever... even if my knees are bruised from crawling around on the floor and my leg is bruised from an uncooperative rope swing. It was so much fun... I only wish I had more time/ more energy to do everything... and that I'd worn pants... and that I wasn't afraid of heights. Cause if I wasn't I could have been one of those people crawling through the mesh tunnel in the sky, off that airplane wing....
 |
| The City Museum, aka adult playground is 12 dollars. The terror is free. |
Then it was 6 Flags today. The weather was rainy this morning but after I informed everyone that the plan was for the rain to scare away the park go-ers and then to get really nice so that we could enjoy the park, those storm clouds shaped right up and skedaddled.
I love amusement parks... I looooooove amusement parks. They juice me up... I'm not an extrovert, I'm a parktovert. I didn't know this, but it isn't true of everyone. I've gone to amusement parks with my family who are like me and with friends who didn't actually like amusement parks, so I just assumed that their waning spirits were due to the park not being their thing... but it's not true. Today I was with girls who like roller coasters and amusement parks and I still outlasted them... and drove home while they slept it off.
Interestingly enough- heights on amusement park rides don't give me a second thought. It's something about the control... If I have control of the climbing and the moving over the heights, I can't do it... if I don't have control, then I'm totally fine. Someone needs to psychoanalyze me, I think.
At the City Museum there was this adorable little girl that I watched for about 5 minutes. I'm going to place her at approximately age 6. She wandered in from outside and was wearing a sparkly pink dress. She was precious. She came in and started looking around. She walked to one doorway and then back to close to where we were and then stood and turned in a circle for a few minutes, looking more and more confused.... and then she went to the fountain that we were sitting near and put her head on her hands and stared at the fountain. Just as I was about to get up and go ask her if she was lost, her dad came down the stairs looking for her. He saw her and called her name and gestured for her to come while asking her (teasingly) what happened... and she looked up at him with a huge grin.... and then the poor thing started crying and her dad came all the way down the stairs and sat down next to her and hugged her and asked her again what had happened to her in a much softer tone. It was super sweet... and I thought to myself how brave she'd looked when she was lost. What a tough face she'd put on, when I know she just wanted to cry when she realized she didn't know where her family was... and I thought to myself that that sparkly-pink-dressed-little-girl is my kindred spirit, because she was doing exactly what I would have done in the same situation... Everything from the obviously lost-ness, to the pretending like I'm not lost because I don't want someone to come up and talk to me, to the tears when I'm finally found. And you know what? As the casual observer I think she did exactly the right thing. She confirmed that she was lost and then found a central spot to sit down and wait for someone to find her.... and then I think I should follow that little girl's lead.... If you just sit down in one place and wait, eventually the people who are looking for you will find you....... And then you can cry.
Friday, August 19, 2011
...in St Louie, Louie
Well, important note: When planning a trip to 6 Flags- make sure it's open on the day you want to go. See, we planned too well to avoid the crowds which resulted in going on a day that the park wasn't actually open. However, we decided we will just go back tomorrow and today we went to the Zoo and to the City Museum. Both were very fun.
Riding the Ferris Wheel on top of the City Museum was my highlight, I think. It was gorgeous. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be super sore for tomorrow though... there are lots of stairs to get up to the 10 story slide... as well as all the other stairs and climbing and walking. :) I may just have to suck it up, tomorrow.
Super tired, though... Up very early for me after a night of little sleep... and then running around all day long and a crazy workout at the City Museum (my new favorite exercise program-- you are having so much fun you don't even notice how many muscles you are working. They should sell City Museum gym memberships.)
Mkay, Going to bed. Not a long or deep blog post tonight... you only get those like once a month... if you're lucky.
Riding the Ferris Wheel on top of the City Museum was my highlight, I think. It was gorgeous. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be super sore for tomorrow though... there are lots of stairs to get up to the 10 story slide... as well as all the other stairs and climbing and walking. :) I may just have to suck it up, tomorrow.
Super tired, though... Up very early for me after a night of little sleep... and then running around all day long and a crazy workout at the City Museum (my new favorite exercise program-- you are having so much fun you don't even notice how many muscles you are working. They should sell City Museum gym memberships.)
Mkay, Going to bed. Not a long or deep blog post tonight... you only get those like once a month... if you're lucky.
Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes
Short post... I have to get up rather early which means I purposely didn't nap this afternoon... which means I'm more tired than normal... and, as per my usual I have miles to go before I sleep.
But I wanted to tell you that I'm officially registered in the "Writing for Children and Young Adults" class.
My work schedule has been changed around so that I work until 5 and have 2 hour lunches... at least on the days I don't have class I have 2 hour lunches. I'm a little nervous... a little excited... a little nervous.
It all happened very quickly... which is not really me. I'm more a take-a-long-time-to-ponder kind of girl... but I don't really see the downside. I don't really see what the problem could be in this very low risk situation. And it could turn out really great. Risk versus reward and all that.
P.S. I love how many Mighty Duck references they make with the Pacey character on Dawson's Creek. They just don't want us to forget that this kid (Not Emilio Estevez)
turned into this kid
Who turned into this kid.
...
I think I might need to start watching Fringe.
... wait did I just turn into a Pacey girl? What has happened to me?
But I wanted to tell you that I'm officially registered in the "Writing for Children and Young Adults" class.
My work schedule has been changed around so that I work until 5 and have 2 hour lunches... at least on the days I don't have class I have 2 hour lunches. I'm a little nervous... a little excited... a little nervous.
It all happened very quickly... which is not really me. I'm more a take-a-long-time-to-ponder kind of girl... but I don't really see the downside. I don't really see what the problem could be in this very low risk situation. And it could turn out really great. Risk versus reward and all that.
P.S. I love how many Mighty Duck references they make with the Pacey character on Dawson's Creek. They just don't want us to forget that this kid (Not Emilio Estevez)
turned into this kid
Who turned into this kid.
...
I think I might need to start watching Fringe.
... wait did I just turn into a Pacey girl? What has happened to me?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Open your fist, unclench your eyes and say, "ok."
When I wash my hair and then let it dry without putting any stuff in it or straightening it, it turns into a puff ball. But it's better if I let it dry naturally before attempting to come at it with a straightening iron. So I'm sitting here with puff ball hair. S'ok though. We'll just keep it between us, ok?
It's funny. Sometimes something gets built up so big in your head that the actuality can't live up to it. My dear friends can't quite be as funny or as cool as they are in my memories and in my expectations... and that's why the best times/plans come from nowhere... when you have no expectations, it's easy to blow them out of the water... but when you expect something... when you have a plan for it. That's when it gets dangerous cause that's when you can get disappointed. And life... it just does not turn out like you expect it to. If there is anything in this world that I have learned it's that.... Yet, what do I do, over and over again? I get my hopes up. I anticipate... I expect. And I'm not the only one, I know... I have a lot of friends who are expecting something... babies, marriage, love... seems like every single one of us is expecting something out of life. And I'm not saying that's bad, at all. I'm very pro-babies and marriage and love... but I don't think it's going to be as we imagine... there is too much that can change, too much that is in flux. And in some ways it's going to be more wonderful, more awe-inspiring, more entrancing and intoxicating and incredible than our wildest imaginations could ever dream... but I also think it's going to be more painful and soul wrenching and disheartening than we knew... at least that's been my experience of life thus far. I paraphrase Helmuth von Moltke when I say that no battle plan survives the first engagement. (Yeah, I had to look that up to know who I was paraphrasing.) It holds true to life as well as war... no plan survives the first step...
I paraphrase Kara (who might be paraphrasing someone else or might just be this brilliant) when I talk about this little kid who has a ten dollar bill in her hand... It's there, right in front of her- clenched tight in her fist. She can feel it, she knows what it is and she knows how she is going to spend it. That Princess Tiana doll is in her sights. And then her grandfather comes up to her with all the doting in the world says, "Give me that 10 dollars. I have something better for you." But she clenches her money to her chest and closes her eyes and yells "no" and doesn't even stop to look at the 100 dollar bill that her grandfather is offering in trade. Nevermind that her grandfather would never cheat her. Nevermind that she doesn't even know the value of money. Nevermind, even that her grandfather was who gave her the money in the first place. She just knows that he now wants what she thinks is hers. He wants to take away this thing that she now holds dear. How could he possibly understand how great Princess Tiana is? How could he possibly understand the friendship that exists between a girl and her doll??
I think that most of the Christian life (most of life?) is trying to keep my fist open and trying to actually mean it when I say, "You gave this to me, You can take it away if You want. I know that Your plan is better than mine.... I don't know how it's better than mine, but I know it is. Take it... and take my expectations, too. I choose to trust You."
Sometimes hair has to dry before it can be straightened... and sometimes you have to open your fist, unclench your eyes and say, "ok." (How's that for bringing it all back around?)
It's funny. Sometimes something gets built up so big in your head that the actuality can't live up to it. My dear friends can't quite be as funny or as cool as they are in my memories and in my expectations... and that's why the best times/plans come from nowhere... when you have no expectations, it's easy to blow them out of the water... but when you expect something... when you have a plan for it. That's when it gets dangerous cause that's when you can get disappointed. And life... it just does not turn out like you expect it to. If there is anything in this world that I have learned it's that.... Yet, what do I do, over and over again? I get my hopes up. I anticipate... I expect. And I'm not the only one, I know... I have a lot of friends who are expecting something... babies, marriage, love... seems like every single one of us is expecting something out of life. And I'm not saying that's bad, at all. I'm very pro-babies and marriage and love... but I don't think it's going to be as we imagine... there is too much that can change, too much that is in flux. And in some ways it's going to be more wonderful, more awe-inspiring, more entrancing and intoxicating and incredible than our wildest imaginations could ever dream... but I also think it's going to be more painful and soul wrenching and disheartening than we knew... at least that's been my experience of life thus far. I paraphrase Helmuth von Moltke when I say that no battle plan survives the first engagement. (Yeah, I had to look that up to know who I was paraphrasing.) It holds true to life as well as war... no plan survives the first step...
I paraphrase Kara (who might be paraphrasing someone else or might just be this brilliant) when I talk about this little kid who has a ten dollar bill in her hand... It's there, right in front of her- clenched tight in her fist. She can feel it, she knows what it is and she knows how she is going to spend it. That Princess Tiana doll is in her sights. And then her grandfather comes up to her with all the doting in the world says, "Give me that 10 dollars. I have something better for you." But she clenches her money to her chest and closes her eyes and yells "no" and doesn't even stop to look at the 100 dollar bill that her grandfather is offering in trade. Nevermind that her grandfather would never cheat her. Nevermind that she doesn't even know the value of money. Nevermind, even that her grandfather was who gave her the money in the first place. She just knows that he now wants what she thinks is hers. He wants to take away this thing that she now holds dear. How could he possibly understand how great Princess Tiana is? How could he possibly understand the friendship that exists between a girl and her doll??
I think that most of the Christian life (most of life?) is trying to keep my fist open and trying to actually mean it when I say, "You gave this to me, You can take it away if You want. I know that Your plan is better than mine.... I don't know how it's better than mine, but I know it is. Take it... and take my expectations, too. I choose to trust You."
Sometimes hair has to dry before it can be straightened... and sometimes you have to open your fist, unclench your eyes and say, "ok." (How's that for bringing it all back around?)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Hold the butter
I just dropped my phone... and it fell off the headboard, bounced off the side of the mattress, and shot straight into the trashcan, nothing but net. What are the odds? I told it that it had a lot to live for and that I loved it and I'll be keeping a close surveillance on it for a few days.
Nothing from e-harmony. I "smile" at them but they don't seem to respond at all... Trying to have patience, but I'm not sure what's up. I get 7 (or so) new matches everyday. You'd think that one of the 77 that I haven't archived would say something... but nothing. Heck, I think even the archived ones could still contact me... but not even they are. I altered my profile to seem not quite so intimidating... we'll see if that works. And perhaps I just need to keep up that whole idea of patience. I can't help but laugh, though, as my suspicions about the cosmic "back-off" sign hanging around my proverbial neck seem to be ringing true. Oh dear Lord, what are the plans you have for me, eh? I'd like to get a glimpse
In the meantime, I've been admitted to MO State as a non-degree seeking post bacc. That was speedy! I guess when you really just wanna take a class to find out if you want to take more it's easy.... I do feel strange about being as we so lovingly used to say, a crazy non-trad. Mayhaps I can be the non-trad without the crazy... I don't write fan fiction so that's a step in the right direction, I think. English non-trads can be a very special version of non-trads. Have not totally confirmed that I will be picking up the mantle of student again... but I'm walking in that direction at least.
I've been eating like winter is coming and I'm going into hibernation. Even as I type I'm trying to refrain myself from going to get a bowl of cereal. Kara has recently informed me that cereal (at least the kind I'm currently craving) is pretty much junk food... I don't know why but it's hard for me to see that... it's for breakfast! Breakfast isn't junk food!
Sure, pour some more straight fat and liquid sugar on that fluffy carb fest. This isn't junk food it's breakfast!
and now I want some pancakes. Fluffy carb fest that they are. Hold the butter. But not in your hand.. it will melt and you will get greasy... to say nothing of your hand full of melted butter. Body heat. Gets ya every time.
btw M&M's can sooooo melt in your hand. It just requires patience... and perhaps something to protect you from the colored sweat of their candy coating.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Thoughts of the future...
So I went to my bed thinking that I would blog... but I couldn't do it... No inspiration. So instead I find myself back at the couch, watching Dawson's Creek.
By the way if I'm horrendously sick tomorrow I blame it on the sweetened condensed milk currently sugaring up my coffee... You know the one that was in my cabinet with the "best used by" date of April 2010. Oh yeah, I'm a rebel. It says "best."
Fun fact about sweetened condensed milk in coffee. It floats. Like the squiggles. Like chocolate syrup in milk. Like snow candy.
So much in life can be related to the Little House books. The scene where Manzo gets the sheep upstairs in the barn so he can win the bet with the shearers. The scene where the Wilder Children eat all the sugar when their parents leave. How Laura hates that Mary gets to wear blue because she is blonde and blue eyed and Laura has to wear red because she is brunette and brown eyed. Ginger water and straw logs twisted for the long winter and how big of a deal it was for Laura to "cut a fringe" (even though she's sportin' one in the above picture.)
I'd say I was born in the wrong time period, except for how much I love the internet... and indoor plumbing.
Here is a thought to ponder. Interior design or creative writing? I've been leaning towards creative writing... and I just went and looked at the MO State course schedule and the only class I could find that I have the necessary pre-reqs for and that also has seats open is "Writing for Children and Young Adults." Which actually sounds like a really fun class and thus far it only has 12 students in it, so it would be good for getting more focused instruction. It also happens to be right in the middle of my work week and one of the 1:15 ones. On the other side there is a fundamentals of interior design class that starts at 8:00AM, has a class size of 50 (5 seats left), and would mean that I couldn't get to work until 10 two days of the week. But darn it if I'm not far and away more interested in the writing for children and young adults class now.
Maybe I should defer this idea rather than suddenly focusing on it the week before classes start? Wish more classes started at 3:30...
By the way if I'm horrendously sick tomorrow I blame it on the sweetened condensed milk currently sugaring up my coffee... You know the one that was in my cabinet with the "best used by" date of April 2010. Oh yeah, I'm a rebel. It says "best."
Fun fact about sweetened condensed milk in coffee. It floats. Like the squiggles. Like chocolate syrup in milk. Like snow candy.
So much in life can be related to the Little House books. The scene where Manzo gets the sheep upstairs in the barn so he can win the bet with the shearers. The scene where the Wilder Children eat all the sugar when their parents leave. How Laura hates that Mary gets to wear blue because she is blonde and blue eyed and Laura has to wear red because she is brunette and brown eyed. Ginger water and straw logs twisted for the long winter and how big of a deal it was for Laura to "cut a fringe" (even though she's sportin' one in the above picture.)
I'd say I was born in the wrong time period, except for how much I love the internet... and indoor plumbing.
Here is a thought to ponder. Interior design or creative writing? I've been leaning towards creative writing... and I just went and looked at the MO State course schedule and the only class I could find that I have the necessary pre-reqs for and that also has seats open is "Writing for Children and Young Adults." Which actually sounds like a really fun class and thus far it only has 12 students in it, so it would be good for getting more focused instruction. It also happens to be right in the middle of my work week and one of the 1:15 ones. On the other side there is a fundamentals of interior design class that starts at 8:00AM, has a class size of 50 (5 seats left), and would mean that I couldn't get to work until 10 two days of the week. But darn it if I'm not far and away more interested in the writing for children and young adults class now.
Maybe I should defer this idea rather than suddenly focusing on it the week before classes start? Wish more classes started at 3:30...
Monday, August 15, 2011
E-harmony...
So there is this thing that I've done and I wanted to talk to you about it... but I've been a little... scared? Shy? Just not quite prepared?
So I've put it off and put it off, and rambled about pie and waited until I was too tired to blog about anything serious or even make any sense. But I think it's time I talked to you about it. After all, if an action is taken and a blog is not written, does the action really happen at all? :) So, I know I've told ya'll that I'm ready to find someone again. I'm ready to find another relationship. Well, this week I took action on that. I signed up for e-harmony. I have 2 family members who found their spouses via e-harmony and I've heard several stories of friends of friends who have also found their significant others via e-harmony... I kinda feel like e-harmony is the one that doesn't mess around. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just my impression.
I've always defended online dating/match sites. Not just because of my aforementioned family, but because in this world where we live, it can be so hard to find someone who shares enough of your back story to understand you and to be compatible with your world view. It used to be that we found someone who grew up in the same town we did and it was so easy because you had so many pre-determined relationship points that you just had to find someone who fancied your smile or who had the bluest eyes. But we don't live that way anymore and I've always said that online dating is the replacement way of finding the people who you used to be able to find in your home town.
...That said, I didn't really want to do online dating... I talked about it, but something in me really resisted it. I far prefer the back story of being friends and then being more... I far prefer the back story of being set up by friends. Heck, I far prefer the back story of seeing each other across a restaurant... though I'm not sure that really happens. Plus, I think that I'm a lot more attractive when you know me, rather than relying on my abysmal first impressions... and that's not exactly conducive to the whole idea of dating while you get to know a person. But I don't want to be passive about this. I mean I want to be pursued, I want to be courted, I want a guy to try for me... but I don't want to just be sitting around waiting for God to intervene... I want to feel like I'm *doing* something. Yes, it's ultimately God's timing that it comes down to, but I don't want to go crazy while waiting... or to become cynical or jaded.
Plus, I came to a realization that most people would think was obvious, but shocked me. In all likelihood, I will date more than one other person before I find the right one. I know... you are thinking, "well, duh." But here's my boy history- I like them, they don't like me, or I like him, he likes me, we get married. So to think that I might date several guys... it was surprising, but also freeing. There isn't any pressure on the next relationship to be anything more than it is. If it's great and leads to marriage, lovely. If it's not and leads to no longer dating... so it goes. And both of these options are ok. So getting on e-harmony just got a heck of a lot less scary. And it's not like I have much of a way to meet single guys. I work mainly by myself and nearly every guy at my church is married or dating someone. I also don't have the steady supply of single men that college provided me with and for some reason it's never been easy to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with me.
I don't mean for that to sound self-pitying-- I have no regrets about my life. I think Nathan being my first boyfriend was kinda the ideal situation for me... but now I have to keep going, and I'm not sure if I'm just more intense than most guys want, if I'm intimidating, or if the Good Lord just has plans for me that He doesn't want me to screw up by getting into a relationship with the wrong guy. And heaven's knows that being a widow sure doesn't help a guy to be confident about me. I'd imagine most guys would find that -pardon the expression- scary as hell. So, I fall into the friend category with boys pretty easily, but the more than friends thing... that's a lot harder to find, but it's something that I want.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not desperate. I've gotten used to going to bed alone and not having someone to tell all the mundane details of my day to. I've gotten used to not having someone to touch or lean on, though I miss it. I've really tried to examine my heart and make sure that this is what I want and that I'm not looking for a Nathan replacement, but truly a new relationship that is just as good but very different. I do feel like there is some part of me that is at it's best when in a relationship with someone. That said, I've got people who I can take care of and invest in and I'm not hurting for friends, so I'm not going to settle for a guy who isn't wonderful. But I am going to *look.* I'm also not going to be stupid. Online dating can be a dangerous- even on a site with a good reputation like e-harmony, so I'll have friends on call and I'll be smart and safe about it.
Of course all that depends on someone who I have an interest in having an interest in me based on a few sentences and pictures. That hasn't happened yet... I'm still shy and I'd like for the guy to make the first move, though I've sent out a few smiles and even attempted to start communication with one fellow. I'll definitely keep you informed of any situations that arise... and you be sure to tell any gorgeous single men that you know about this lovely girl you know. ;)
But in the meantime, I've finally told you and I've opened up a new book in this series of life. We'll see how it goes.
So I've put it off and put it off, and rambled about pie and waited until I was too tired to blog about anything serious or even make any sense. But I think it's time I talked to you about it. After all, if an action is taken and a blog is not written, does the action really happen at all? :) So, I know I've told ya'll that I'm ready to find someone again. I'm ready to find another relationship. Well, this week I took action on that. I signed up for e-harmony. I have 2 family members who found their spouses via e-harmony and I've heard several stories of friends of friends who have also found their significant others via e-harmony... I kinda feel like e-harmony is the one that doesn't mess around. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just my impression.
I've always defended online dating/match sites. Not just because of my aforementioned family, but because in this world where we live, it can be so hard to find someone who shares enough of your back story to understand you and to be compatible with your world view. It used to be that we found someone who grew up in the same town we did and it was so easy because you had so many pre-determined relationship points that you just had to find someone who fancied your smile or who had the bluest eyes. But we don't live that way anymore and I've always said that online dating is the replacement way of finding the people who you used to be able to find in your home town.
...That said, I didn't really want to do online dating... I talked about it, but something in me really resisted it. I far prefer the back story of being friends and then being more... I far prefer the back story of being set up by friends. Heck, I far prefer the back story of seeing each other across a restaurant... though I'm not sure that really happens. Plus, I think that I'm a lot more attractive when you know me, rather than relying on my abysmal first impressions... and that's not exactly conducive to the whole idea of dating while you get to know a person. But I don't want to be passive about this. I mean I want to be pursued, I want to be courted, I want a guy to try for me... but I don't want to just be sitting around waiting for God to intervene... I want to feel like I'm *doing* something. Yes, it's ultimately God's timing that it comes down to, but I don't want to go crazy while waiting... or to become cynical or jaded.
Plus, I came to a realization that most people would think was obvious, but shocked me. In all likelihood, I will date more than one other person before I find the right one. I know... you are thinking, "well, duh." But here's my boy history- I like them, they don't like me, or I like him, he likes me, we get married. So to think that I might date several guys... it was surprising, but also freeing. There isn't any pressure on the next relationship to be anything more than it is. If it's great and leads to marriage, lovely. If it's not and leads to no longer dating... so it goes. And both of these options are ok. So getting on e-harmony just got a heck of a lot less scary. And it's not like I have much of a way to meet single guys. I work mainly by myself and nearly every guy at my church is married or dating someone. I also don't have the steady supply of single men that college provided me with and for some reason it's never been easy to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with me.
I don't mean for that to sound self-pitying-- I have no regrets about my life. I think Nathan being my first boyfriend was kinda the ideal situation for me... but now I have to keep going, and I'm not sure if I'm just more intense than most guys want, if I'm intimidating, or if the Good Lord just has plans for me that He doesn't want me to screw up by getting into a relationship with the wrong guy. And heaven's knows that being a widow sure doesn't help a guy to be confident about me. I'd imagine most guys would find that -pardon the expression- scary as hell. So, I fall into the friend category with boys pretty easily, but the more than friends thing... that's a lot harder to find, but it's something that I want.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not desperate. I've gotten used to going to bed alone and not having someone to tell all the mundane details of my day to. I've gotten used to not having someone to touch or lean on, though I miss it. I've really tried to examine my heart and make sure that this is what I want and that I'm not looking for a Nathan replacement, but truly a new relationship that is just as good but very different. I do feel like there is some part of me that is at it's best when in a relationship with someone. That said, I've got people who I can take care of and invest in and I'm not hurting for friends, so I'm not going to settle for a guy who isn't wonderful. But I am going to *look.* I'm also not going to be stupid. Online dating can be a dangerous- even on a site with a good reputation like e-harmony, so I'll have friends on call and I'll be smart and safe about it.
Of course all that depends on someone who I have an interest in having an interest in me based on a few sentences and pictures. That hasn't happened yet... I'm still shy and I'd like for the guy to make the first move, though I've sent out a few smiles and even attempted to start communication with one fellow. I'll definitely keep you informed of any situations that arise... and you be sure to tell any gorgeous single men that you know about this lovely girl you know. ;)
But in the meantime, I've finally told you and I've opened up a new book in this series of life. We'll see how it goes.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
It ends in pie
Life is weird.
It's a fickle minx of weirdness.
It doesn't make any sense and seems to obey no rules.
It comes and goes as it pleases and it doesn't listen to anyone or anything.
The only thing we can do, really, is hang on.
And sometimes throw our hands into the air and scream like we're on a roller coaster.
And sometimes let the tears fall, because that TV show or song or experience just hit you in the gut.
And sometimes, just go with your gut, even when your mind tells you it's a bad plan.
Your gut can be wrong.
But so can your mind, and at least when your gut is wrong you can logic out what the result would have been if you'd gone the mind route.
For a girl who likes to follow the rules I sure do get annoyed when people tell me how to think.
That's just my own little slice of conundrum pie.
Speaking of pie, I'm thinking a custard one sounds delightful. What say you? Are you with me? Or are you more an apple-cherry pie kinda person?
It's a fickle minx of weirdness.
It doesn't make any sense and seems to obey no rules.
It comes and goes as it pleases and it doesn't listen to anyone or anything.
The only thing we can do, really, is hang on.
And sometimes throw our hands into the air and scream like we're on a roller coaster.
And sometimes let the tears fall, because that TV show or song or experience just hit you in the gut.
And sometimes, just go with your gut, even when your mind tells you it's a bad plan.
Your gut can be wrong.
But so can your mind, and at least when your gut is wrong you can logic out what the result would have been if you'd gone the mind route.
For a girl who likes to follow the rules I sure do get annoyed when people tell me how to think.
That's just my own little slice of conundrum pie.
Speaking of pie, I'm thinking a custard one sounds delightful. What say you? Are you with me? Or are you more an apple-cherry pie kinda person?
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Escaping the movie
Jack: Besides, I can be friends with her, but you're her soulmate
Dawson: You just told the bride you don't believe in soulmates.
Jack: I don't believe in perfect love. But I do believe that there are people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. You know… who have a bond that lasts forever, that can never be broken.
Those beautiful words were spoken by characters in Dawson's Creek.
See, even the most plebeian of shows can have a moment of eloquence every once in a while. I don't know that I even agree with the sentiment, precisely... or maybe I do, but just not for me. I'm not sure.... but I'm also not bitter. I want there to be people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. I still believe in happily ever after, despite it all.
It's amazing how much of my life feels like a book or a movie and not like a real life at all. And I don't know that I like it. Ok, yes, I'm a theatre kid and yes, I love a dramatic personality and heavens knows I love a happy ending... but I often wish I were living a life that couldn't be turned into a movie.
I wish I were in the midst of your average, normal, everyday boring life... the one where you date and marry and raise 2.5 kids and nothing exciting or interesting ever seems to happen, and then they sing a country song about you and how your life is so great cause you are country folk and you are just being you. That's one of the real fairy tales of the modern generation. The country song. Home of the last great romanticism of a normal life. I know, I know, this here blog might be the vacation home.
Ach, I really like piano music. I forgot, or only recently realized this, but it's true. Guitars are well and good.... but piano music... I dunno there is just something so.. relaxing? transporting? soothing? All of the above.
Pensive.. thoughtful... musing... I think this might be as close to introspection as I get... and it's 3:30 in the morning. No wonder. Let me take this sleep-drunk opportunity to let you know that I really appreciate you... I appreciate you reading my blog and I appreciate you caring about me and my little saga. I'm beginning to come back... I'm beginning to make decisions, I'm beginning to move- not on, but forward. So please, keep praying for me. I'm not outta this movie yet.
Dawson: You just told the bride you don't believe in soulmates.
Jack: I don't believe in perfect love. But I do believe that there are people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. You know… who have a bond that lasts forever, that can never be broken.
Those beautiful words were spoken by characters in Dawson's Creek.
See, even the most plebeian of shows can have a moment of eloquence every once in a while. I don't know that I even agree with the sentiment, precisely... or maybe I do, but just not for me. I'm not sure.... but I'm also not bitter. I want there to be people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. I still believe in happily ever after, despite it all.
It's amazing how much of my life feels like a book or a movie and not like a real life at all. And I don't know that I like it. Ok, yes, I'm a theatre kid and yes, I love a dramatic personality and heavens knows I love a happy ending... but I often wish I were living a life that couldn't be turned into a movie.
I wish I were in the midst of your average, normal, everyday boring life... the one where you date and marry and raise 2.5 kids and nothing exciting or interesting ever seems to happen, and then they sing a country song about you and how your life is so great cause you are country folk and you are just being you. That's one of the real fairy tales of the modern generation. The country song. Home of the last great romanticism of a normal life. I know, I know, this here blog might be the vacation home.
Ach, I really like piano music. I forgot, or only recently realized this, but it's true. Guitars are well and good.... but piano music... I dunno there is just something so.. relaxing? transporting? soothing? All of the above.
Pensive.. thoughtful... musing... I think this might be as close to introspection as I get... and it's 3:30 in the morning. No wonder. Let me take this sleep-drunk opportunity to let you know that I really appreciate you... I appreciate you reading my blog and I appreciate you caring about me and my little saga. I'm beginning to come back... I'm beginning to make decisions, I'm beginning to move- not on, but forward. So please, keep praying for me. I'm not outta this movie yet.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Inspired by: "I'm Gonna Be"
I hate it when I know there are things that I have plans for but I can't think of what they are at all. I feel like that is this whole weekend.
Went grocery shopping and cleaned out my fridge, just to fill it back up again.
And I would walk 500 miles...
and I would walk 500 more...
and I am writing really crazy...
Cause I have not slept enough.
A thousand miles is a long way to walk just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at some random chick's door.
This weekend, I think me and Dawson's Creek may actually finish the video boxes I started to trim out 5 months ago. Living on the wild side.
There are people who come into your life for just a moment, and then they leave, but somehow in that brief time they manage to set you up for the next phase in your life.
I'm really glad that all the people in one's life aren't so short term. The guy in that song isn't short term though, cause walking 1000 miles is a long term kinda of commitment. Nothing says love like 1000 miles.
This blog post, though? This thing is short term... cause I'm sleep-deprived drunk and soon I'm going to be slurring my words and telling everyone I love them. (Which is totally true.)
Went grocery shopping and cleaned out my fridge, just to fill it back up again.
And I would walk 500 miles...
and I would walk 500 more...
and I am writing really crazy...
Cause I have not slept enough.
A thousand miles is a long way to walk just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at some random chick's door.
This weekend, I think me and Dawson's Creek may actually finish the video boxes I started to trim out 5 months ago. Living on the wild side.
There are people who come into your life for just a moment, and then they leave, but somehow in that brief time they manage to set you up for the next phase in your life.
I'm really glad that all the people in one's life aren't so short term. The guy in that song isn't short term though, cause walking 1000 miles is a long term kinda of commitment. Nothing says love like 1000 miles.
This blog post, though? This thing is short term... cause I'm sleep-deprived drunk and soon I'm going to be slurring my words and telling everyone I love them. (Which is totally true.)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
"I'm like a koala bear- I can't be sexy!"
Dang it! I forgot stuff in Katie and Jonny's fridge. Again. Dearest Katerina and Jonathan, I promise to rescue my things from your fridge upon the morrow. (Katie's name is actually just Katie, but I wanted to make it more formal sounding.)
Am I the only person who thinks a baked potato sounds amazing right now? As most of you read this in the morning, I going to guess, yes.
I'm considering switching up how my blog works and having "theme" days. A blogger-ess whom I read recently did this and it worked out well for her, and it might be nice for you all so that you get less whatever-randomly-falls-out-of-my-fingertips and more focused posts. But what do you think? Do you have an opinion? If you are pro-themed days what are your themed suggestions?
So tonight we broke out the chat pack and here is a fun question from it: If you had to describe your personality as a farm animal which would you choose and why?
I (as per usual with these types of questions) was stumped and made everyone else answer for me. But there was not a clear consensus. The suggestions were: A pheasant or peacock, a calf, or a show horse. I lean towards show horse, but I still don't know for sure. What do you vote for or do you think I'm a different animal all together? What do you think you are?
I love el chat pack for several reasons. I love long rambling late night conversations with friends, I think the answers are fascinating and you never know where your conversation will go. For example, tonight I learned that boys think girls' hair is sexy and the easiest way to change one's sex appeal is change one's hair. This came from a question about what what you would entitle a song about the things currently happening in your life. (and I know it's a shocker but none of this was related to my hair extensions!) Apparently everyone in the world knows this but I totally missed the train. It's amazing how clueless I still find myself, even though I consider myself a reasonably smart gal.
Recently a kid on the Glee Project said, "I'm like a koala bear- I can't be sexy!" Oh yes, this I can identify with this... at least I can some of the time. Skirts are also good for this. Guaranteed to make a gal feel sexier. And sides... Koala bears have babies... so.. I'm just sayin'...
You know, sometimes blog posts, like conversations, can end up in weird places. Only in blog form it's easy to retrace your thought pattern... and be amazed at how strangely your mind works. This is one of those times.
Am I the only person who thinks a baked potato sounds amazing right now? As most of you read this in the morning, I going to guess, yes.
I'm considering switching up how my blog works and having "theme" days. A blogger-ess whom I read recently did this and it worked out well for her, and it might be nice for you all so that you get less whatever-randomly-falls-out-of-my-fingertips and more focused posts. But what do you think? Do you have an opinion? If you are pro-themed days what are your themed suggestions?
So tonight we broke out the chat pack and here is a fun question from it: If you had to describe your personality as a farm animal which would you choose and why?
I (as per usual with these types of questions) was stumped and made everyone else answer for me. But there was not a clear consensus. The suggestions were: A pheasant or peacock, a calf, or a show horse. I lean towards show horse, but I still don't know for sure. What do you vote for or do you think I'm a different animal all together? What do you think you are?
I love el chat pack for several reasons. I love long rambling late night conversations with friends, I think the answers are fascinating and you never know where your conversation will go. For example, tonight I learned that boys think girls' hair is sexy and the easiest way to change one's sex appeal is change one's hair. This came from a question about what what you would entitle a song about the things currently happening in your life. (and I know it's a shocker but none of this was related to my hair extensions!) Apparently everyone in the world knows this but I totally missed the train. It's amazing how clueless I still find myself, even though I consider myself a reasonably smart gal.
Recently a kid on the Glee Project said, "I'm like a koala bear- I can't be sexy!" Oh yes, this I can identify with this... at least I can some of the time. Skirts are also good for this. Guaranteed to make a gal feel sexier. And sides... Koala bears have babies... so.. I'm just sayin'...
You know, sometimes blog posts, like conversations, can end up in weird places. Only in blog form it's easy to retrace your thought pattern... and be amazed at how strangely your mind works. This is one of those times.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
She is clothed with strength and dignity and skirts.
So today I made a skirt. From a pair of old jeans.
I feel like a crafty and super cute McGuyver.
I've been deciding to try wearing skirts more often. There are a few reasons for this, but one of them is just that I bought some cute sweater tights and tall socks and want to have a reason to wear them. Also skirts make me feel fancy and girly and who doesn't like that, right? Well, ok, boys don't. But all the girls do!
I think I blame pinterest.
Speaking of Pinterest I came across this quote the other day on there and was really struck by it, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future." So, I immediately went to look it up, as is my wont with the internet at my fingertips. And lo and behold I discovered I should have already known. Maybe some of you recognized the quote? I'd never heard this particular version, and I think that is what threw me off. It's from Proverbs 31:25 (aka the noble/virtuous wife passage.) And I thought-- that's the type of lady I want to be. One who is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future. And how very appropriate that it should come from the Bible... Where so much of my strength comes from.
And I'm falling asleep at the computer typing this--- memo to self: don't stay up till 6:30 AM writing a blog post, skip your nap, and then figure you will be able to stay awake. You won't. I'll have to leave it there for now. But I loves ya!
Numbers 6: 24-26
The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.
I feel like a crafty and super cute McGuyver.
I think I blame pinterest.
Speaking of Pinterest I came across this quote the other day on there and was really struck by it, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future." So, I immediately went to look it up, as is my wont with the internet at my fingertips. And lo and behold I discovered I should have already known. Maybe some of you recognized the quote? I'd never heard this particular version, and I think that is what threw me off. It's from Proverbs 31:25 (aka the noble/virtuous wife passage.) And I thought-- that's the type of lady I want to be. One who is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future. And how very appropriate that it should come from the Bible... Where so much of my strength comes from.
And I'm falling asleep at the computer typing this--- memo to self: don't stay up till 6:30 AM writing a blog post, skip your nap, and then figure you will be able to stay awake. You won't. I'll have to leave it there for now. But I loves ya!
Numbers 6: 24-26
The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Hug Array
It's 5:47.
I just finished a book and then realized I'd not blogged. Whoops! I thought about a blog in my head, but didn't actually write it... So I will now, I suppose.
So I've been thinking and I realize the other day, that for a non-touchy person I'm becoming an expert on hugs as of late, so I thought I would give you a list of them as I've experienced them. I do so for no real reason other than the idea that you might find it mildly entertaining.. or barring that at least true.
1) The confused hug: This hug happens when one of the parties doesn't know that a hug is imminent, when one hugger is seated while the other is standing, when they are both seated side by side, or when circumstances somehow otherwise collide to make the hugging ungainly. This is what happens in your head when that happens, "Ah? Wha? Where do I put my hand? No! That's her forehead! Ahh, can't put it there! What do I do, what do I do? Ummmmm curl it up upon itself and wish for detachable limbs? Good enough. Oh, it's over, thank heavens."
2) The awkward side hug: This hug is given when one or both of the parties don't really want to hug, but the situation compels them to. It's a hug given out of some sort of social obligation. A variant of this is when one person goes for a regular hug and the other person only wants a side hug... then it's an awkward, confused side hug. This is what is going through your head when that happens, "How long does this have to last? One... two... Ok, good enough, Trixie."
3) The genuine side hug: This is for people who it is inappropriate to give a real hug to, but you still like: Students to teachers... opposite gender marrieds... people you are about to go skipping down a yellow brick road with, people who have plates of food in their hands but you want to greet anyway. Here is your vein of thoughts on that one: "I like you! .... but a real hug would be kinda weird... Plus I might get a plate of food down my back so I'll just hug you from the side and stay far away from that marinara sauce."
4) The soft hug: Oh you know this hug... it's often given by people who have dead fish handshakes. It's a hug in the fact that arms are wrapped around each other but that's about it. Usually given by someone who is timid, shy, or unsure of the best way to handle the situation, but still wants to display some token of affection. Here is what is going on in your head when that happens, "A hug! Wait, are his/her arms around me at all? Was that a squeeze or just a strong breeze? Am I hugging a person or a hologram?"
5) The real deal: This is a good one. The huggers arms go in the right directions, the hug is solid and you are actually held by the other person for a moment. Neither is afraid of anything and it comes out of a place of genuine affection. It breaks off just before that moment where it's been too long and just makes you feel good. Here is what you think with this hug, "Wow, This is a good hug. Seriously, He/She should join the Olympic hugging team. They'd get the gold!"
6) The twitter-pated hug: This is the hug you have with someone you like, but haven't actually admitted to liking yet. It happens because one or both parties are flirts, or there is some nonsensical pathetic excuse that you can come up with to hug him/her. It lasts the right amount of time, mainly because everything in your brain is focused on making sure it doesn't become hug 1 or 2. Here is what you are thinking when you experience that hug: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't believe that worked! Oh, no, do I still have my hand on his/her back? Crap! Move, hand, move! Why won't you move?! Whew, finally. Do you think he/she noticed that? Do I want him/her to have noticed that? Is there any way to hug them again?"
7) The clinging hug: There are a few reasons for this hug. One is that someone is in desperate need of comfort, two is that someone is engaged in a twitter-pated hug that their brain didn't back them out of in time, three is that one of the parties is under the age of 7, four is that one of the huggers isn't responding to the universal hug-tighter-for-a-second release cues or thinks the other person needs more comfort than they do, and five is that one of the people is just clingy. Here is what your thoughts are with this hug, "Oh, that's nice, a hug! ...and hug tight for a count and release... and release... release. Good Golly, man, let go! What the heck? Why can't I escape? Oh no, please don't tell me I'm going to have to go about my day trapped in a hug. I got things to do today, I can't be locked up in arm jail! Why won't they let me go? Let go, let go, let go! You cannae take my Freedom!! Ah, at long last I'm free! Praise the Lord!"
And there you have it. Hugs in the full spectrum... Same number as the colors of a rainbow if you count indigo, which I, of course, do not.
Indigo is just blue-purple. Red-orange doesn't claim a spot in the rainbow and neither does yellow-green so I don't think Indigo should get such a pimp spot when it's only claim to fame is that it provides an i for that clever rainbow acronymn, ROY G. BIV
Indigo=usurper.
Ok that's enough. g'night!
I just finished a book and then realized I'd not blogged. Whoops! I thought about a blog in my head, but didn't actually write it... So I will now, I suppose.
So I've been thinking and I realize the other day, that for a non-touchy person I'm becoming an expert on hugs as of late, so I thought I would give you a list of them as I've experienced them. I do so for no real reason other than the idea that you might find it mildly entertaining.. or barring that at least true.
1) The confused hug: This hug happens when one of the parties doesn't know that a hug is imminent, when one hugger is seated while the other is standing, when they are both seated side by side, or when circumstances somehow otherwise collide to make the hugging ungainly. This is what happens in your head when that happens, "Ah? Wha? Where do I put my hand? No! That's her forehead! Ahh, can't put it there! What do I do, what do I do? Ummmmm curl it up upon itself and wish for detachable limbs? Good enough. Oh, it's over, thank heavens."
2) The awkward side hug: This hug is given when one or both of the parties don't really want to hug, but the situation compels them to. It's a hug given out of some sort of social obligation. A variant of this is when one person goes for a regular hug and the other person only wants a side hug... then it's an awkward, confused side hug. This is what is going through your head when that happens, "How long does this have to last? One... two... Ok, good enough, Trixie."
3) The genuine side hug: This is for people who it is inappropriate to give a real hug to, but you still like: Students to teachers... opposite gender marrieds... people you are about to go skipping down a yellow brick road with, people who have plates of food in their hands but you want to greet anyway. Here is your vein of thoughts on that one: "I like you! .... but a real hug would be kinda weird... Plus I might get a plate of food down my back so I'll just hug you from the side and stay far away from that marinara sauce."
4) The soft hug: Oh you know this hug... it's often given by people who have dead fish handshakes. It's a hug in the fact that arms are wrapped around each other but that's about it. Usually given by someone who is timid, shy, or unsure of the best way to handle the situation, but still wants to display some token of affection. Here is what is going on in your head when that happens, "A hug! Wait, are his/her arms around me at all? Was that a squeeze or just a strong breeze? Am I hugging a person or a hologram?"
5) The real deal: This is a good one. The huggers arms go in the right directions, the hug is solid and you are actually held by the other person for a moment. Neither is afraid of anything and it comes out of a place of genuine affection. It breaks off just before that moment where it's been too long and just makes you feel good. Here is what you think with this hug, "Wow, This is a good hug. Seriously, He/She should join the Olympic hugging team. They'd get the gold!"
6) The twitter-pated hug: This is the hug you have with someone you like, but haven't actually admitted to liking yet. It happens because one or both parties are flirts, or there is some nonsensical pathetic excuse that you can come up with to hug him/her. It lasts the right amount of time, mainly because everything in your brain is focused on making sure it doesn't become hug 1 or 2. Here is what you are thinking when you experience that hug: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't believe that worked! Oh, no, do I still have my hand on his/her back? Crap! Move, hand, move! Why won't you move?! Whew, finally. Do you think he/she noticed that? Do I want him/her to have noticed that? Is there any way to hug them again?"
7) The clinging hug: There are a few reasons for this hug. One is that someone is in desperate need of comfort, two is that someone is engaged in a twitter-pated hug that their brain didn't back them out of in time, three is that one of the parties is under the age of 7, four is that one of the huggers isn't responding to the universal hug-tighter-for-a-second release cues or thinks the other person needs more comfort than they do, and five is that one of the people is just clingy. Here is what your thoughts are with this hug, "Oh, that's nice, a hug! ...and hug tight for a count and release... and release... release. Good Golly, man, let go! What the heck? Why can't I escape? Oh no, please don't tell me I'm going to have to go about my day trapped in a hug. I got things to do today, I can't be locked up in arm jail! Why won't they let me go? Let go, let go, let go! You cannae take my Freedom!! Ah, at long last I'm free! Praise the Lord!"
And there you have it. Hugs in the full spectrum... Same number as the colors of a rainbow if you count indigo, which I, of course, do not.
Indigo is just blue-purple. Red-orange doesn't claim a spot in the rainbow and neither does yellow-green so I don't think Indigo should get such a pimp spot when it's only claim to fame is that it provides an i for that clever rainbow acronymn, ROY G. BIV
Indigo=usurper.
Ok that's enough. g'night!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
15 minutes and food pictures!
My voice is tired... This is what comes from singing for 5 hours straight while driving, singing musical theater tunes with your cousins for a few hours each night while you play a card game and then singing for another 4.5 hours on the way home... I took the last half hour off and put my ipod on some songs that I don't know as well so I wouldn't start absentmindedly singing like I normally do.... but I can't help but wonder if I will have a voice tomorrow or not.
It's so much easier to do housework in 15 minute stints rather than one big overhaul... problem is that I always have something to do even in 15 minute stints, so the 15 minutes are very condition specific.
You see, I also blog in 15 minute increments. Then I get distracted... by pinterest or making iced tea, or cookies or mischief. Oh that reminds me- mischief managed! ;) And wouldn't ya'll rather I blogged than do housework? Yeah, I thought so. What care you about the state of my kitchen? "Not one whit!" say you.
In other news, Pinterest has led me to this lovely blog, which has recipes... and more importantly pictures of food if you scroll down the side... Pictures of food that will make you very hungry if you scroll down the side... pictures like this
and this
and this
and this
All those mouthwatering pictures are taken by the blogger-ess herself, Monica, and wow do they make me hungry! Pardon me whilst I go rummage around in my refrigerator now... be back tomorrow!
It's so much easier to do housework in 15 minute stints rather than one big overhaul... problem is that I always have something to do even in 15 minute stints, so the 15 minutes are very condition specific.
You see, I also blog in 15 minute increments. Then I get distracted... by pinterest or making iced tea, or cookies or mischief. Oh that reminds me- mischief managed! ;) And wouldn't ya'll rather I blogged than do housework? Yeah, I thought so. What care you about the state of my kitchen? "Not one whit!" say you.
In other news, Pinterest has led me to this lovely blog, which has recipes... and more importantly pictures of food if you scroll down the side... Pictures of food that will make you very hungry if you scroll down the side... pictures like this
and this
and this
All those mouthwatering pictures are taken by the blogger-ess herself, Monica, and wow do they make me hungry! Pardon me whilst I go rummage around in my refrigerator now... be back tomorrow!
Getting through the moments.. but without any grace.
The problem with family reunions is the driving that's required to get to them. Another long drive tomorrow. :s
The thing that's hard about family reunions is that there are so many people... Wyatt's lovely bride makes 49 people in my "immediate" extended family. And I love each and every one of them.. and I want to talk to all of them.. but I don't know how to spread out my time, because there are a few that I haven't seen for years... seriously- pre-cancer. And I want to talk with those people and catch up and spend quality time with them which is impossible in a group of 49 people. But that means that I can't spend time with all the other people that I also want to see but whom I've seen more recently... and I just feel torn, because I don't know where to go or who to go with and I try to be more equal opportunity but it never works out like I want it to. Plus... it's harder to talk to some of my family than others.... And I don't have a lot of grace... I'm the same awkward girl I so often am. Only now I'm awkward and grace-less with family. I'm glad they have to love me anyway!
I get so tired of answering the question, "How are you doing, now?" It just shines a spotlight on the fact that I'm at a wedding and my husband is gone... I just want everyone to act like I'm me. Ask me *what* I'm doing, not how. Or just assume I'm fine unless I'm crying or looking really sad.
Of course, I'm also more sensitive than I would be if I hadn't gone through it... so who knows, maybe everyone is treating me like normal and I'm just more comfortable around the people who don't really care what I'm up to these days. Come with me, let's just live in the moment. The moment is my friend. The moment is how I get through the moments.
Speaking of moments I should make sure that I get enough sleep to drive for 5 hours tomorrow, so I'll catch ya on the flip.
And in case I don't see ya, Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.
The thing that's hard about family reunions is that there are so many people... Wyatt's lovely bride makes 49 people in my "immediate" extended family. And I love each and every one of them.. and I want to talk to all of them.. but I don't know how to spread out my time, because there are a few that I haven't seen for years... seriously- pre-cancer. And I want to talk with those people and catch up and spend quality time with them which is impossible in a group of 49 people. But that means that I can't spend time with all the other people that I also want to see but whom I've seen more recently... and I just feel torn, because I don't know where to go or who to go with and I try to be more equal opportunity but it never works out like I want it to. Plus... it's harder to talk to some of my family than others.... And I don't have a lot of grace... I'm the same awkward girl I so often am. Only now I'm awkward and grace-less with family. I'm glad they have to love me anyway!
I get so tired of answering the question, "How are you doing, now?" It just shines a spotlight on the fact that I'm at a wedding and my husband is gone... I just want everyone to act like I'm me. Ask me *what* I'm doing, not how. Or just assume I'm fine unless I'm crying or looking really sad.
Of course, I'm also more sensitive than I would be if I hadn't gone through it... so who knows, maybe everyone is treating me like normal and I'm just more comfortable around the people who don't really care what I'm up to these days. Come with me, let's just live in the moment. The moment is my friend. The moment is how I get through the moments.
Speaking of moments I should make sure that I get enough sleep to drive for 5 hours tomorrow, so I'll catch ya on the flip.
And in case I don't see ya, Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
In preparation for a wedding
Well, here I am in Hannibal. Well sorta... not really. kinda outside of Hannibal. Playing the phase 10 with the fam... being too loud, probably. Singing RENT and jamming to Glee songs. Arguing (for play, not for real) and not using our inside voices.
I thought for a while there that I was without internet... and I worried. I worried that you would all be highly concerned about me and that I might have dropped off the face of the planet.. or at least off a cliff and into the muddy Mississippi. But then I found the internet... outside under a tent. Where all good internet is. At least that's what I've been told.
Everyone is making a big deal about how late it is and I was going along with it... and then I realized. It's 1:15. PSHHHHHHHH! It's not late at all!
So, now, here I am on a couch in a lodge compound... the only one still awake, in the whole joint. Or at least the only one actively seeking to be awake in the whole joint... but lemme tell you the reception area looks great. Dark, but great. an also my phone is dying. Not that it matters as the only people calling me are here... they just don't know where I am.
This evening my cousin Dylan ate like 40 fruit roll-ups on his own... I'm not even joking about the 40... might even have been 50. It was frightening and impressive at the same time.
I've got a river of life flowing out of me and the joy joy joy joy down in my heart... but that may just be left over happiness from getting to spend quality time with people I love and nearly winning an interminable game of Phase 10. 2nd place ain't bad!
OK I'm gonna go to bed at this early hour so that I have plenty of time tomorrow to get gussied and to share nail polish with all my family who didn't bring any and to find more ways to sit inside and not go outside where you swim through the air. I'll see you all upon the morrow!
Also, my ipod came in so handy today. Any road trip goes faster when you use the time to belt your favorite tunes... though sometimes I wonder what the people sitting in the car must be thinking cause when I'm belting I've also normally forgotten that my car is mainly comprised of windows.
I'm adorable!
I thought for a while there that I was without internet... and I worried. I worried that you would all be highly concerned about me and that I might have dropped off the face of the planet.. or at least off a cliff and into the muddy Mississippi. But then I found the internet... outside under a tent. Where all good internet is. At least that's what I've been told.
Everyone is making a big deal about how late it is and I was going along with it... and then I realized. It's 1:15. PSHHHHHHHH! It's not late at all!
So, now, here I am on a couch in a lodge compound... the only one still awake, in the whole joint. Or at least the only one actively seeking to be awake in the whole joint... but lemme tell you the reception area looks great. Dark, but great. an also my phone is dying. Not that it matters as the only people calling me are here... they just don't know where I am.
This evening my cousin Dylan ate like 40 fruit roll-ups on his own... I'm not even joking about the 40... might even have been 50. It was frightening and impressive at the same time.
I've got a river of life flowing out of me and the joy joy joy joy down in my heart... but that may just be left over happiness from getting to spend quality time with people I love and nearly winning an interminable game of Phase 10. 2nd place ain't bad!
OK I'm gonna go to bed at this early hour so that I have plenty of time tomorrow to get gussied and to share nail polish with all my family who didn't bring any and to find more ways to sit inside and not go outside where you swim through the air. I'll see you all upon the morrow!
Also, my ipod came in so handy today. Any road trip goes faster when you use the time to belt your favorite tunes... though sometimes I wonder what the people sitting in the car must be thinking cause when I'm belting I've also normally forgotten that my car is mainly comprised of windows.
I'm adorable!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Busy little bee!
Short blog as I've been up packing (sorta) and cleaning (sorta) and wasting valuable blogging time. (yep)
Tomorrow I leave for my cousin Wyatt's wedding... Wyatt is the first person I remember being a baby... therefore he's always been my baby cousin, even though I now have loads and loads of cousins who are younger than him. My baby cousin is all grown up and getting married! *sniff*
But don't you worry, none, I'll have my laptop with me and I can give you up to the minute Miller Clan updates!... well, hopefully at least. I suppose it will depend on if there will be internet where I'm going. (I'm nigh on positive there will be, but there is always that .001 percent chance!)
It's been an insanely busy week... Like whoa. You know it's bad when work is the calmest thing you do. (and trust me not everything about this week and work was calm!!)
But things will slow down after the wedding... I think at least.
You know what I like? Fresh perspective. It's... refreshing. :)
I also enjoy giggling and my entire clan staying in one location. Fun times are gonna be happening!
Oh and if you are part of my graduating class or just traveling back to Memphis for the OLB, please drive safe! You are important!
K, I'm outie 5000.
Oh yeah, I said that.
Tomorrow I leave for my cousin Wyatt's wedding... Wyatt is the first person I remember being a baby... therefore he's always been my baby cousin, even though I now have loads and loads of cousins who are younger than him. My baby cousin is all grown up and getting married! *sniff*
But don't you worry, none, I'll have my laptop with me and I can give you up to the minute Miller Clan updates!... well, hopefully at least. I suppose it will depend on if there will be internet where I'm going. (I'm nigh on positive there will be, but there is always that .001 percent chance!)
It's been an insanely busy week... Like whoa. You know it's bad when work is the calmest thing you do. (and trust me not everything about this week and work was calm!!)
But things will slow down after the wedding... I think at least.
You know what I like? Fresh perspective. It's... refreshing. :)
I also enjoy giggling and my entire clan staying in one location. Fun times are gonna be happening!
Oh and if you are part of my graduating class or just traveling back to Memphis for the OLB, please drive safe! You are important!
K, I'm outie 5000.
Oh yeah, I said that.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Goodbye, birthday!
Well, it's been a lovely day. I didn't get a Venti Starbucks drink yet, but I will.. I have until the 18th, never you fear. I had so many birthday wishes on facebook and so many in person and some friends gave me a Pollyanna book AND colored hair extensions... so now I have 5 hair extensions. 5! Red, blue, green, fuschia, and lilac. It's fabulous. It's beyond fabulous.
Oh and I can tell you what Nathan bought me for my birthday (or at least what the money in his wallet bought me)- an ipod nano! It's so tiny and cute for being 16g of music space. Now I just have to get a cord that hooks up to my car, which shouldn't be a problem... then figure out how my car radio works with the Ipod... but that shouldn't be terribly difficult either.
Then I can jam out this weekend on my way to and fro my cousin's wedding.
Mainly I just wanted to tell you how much I love people... cause I really do. I love you. I appreciate you. I think you are great.
It was a really good day. Thank you all for the e-mails and facebooks and coming to game night to see me and a special shout out to Katie, for making me lemon bars ala Pioneer Woman. They were scrumptious!
ugh... late it is and sleepy am I. Talk to you lata, world. Love ya a bushel and a peck.
Nae
Oh and I can tell you what Nathan bought me for my birthday (or at least what the money in his wallet bought me)- an ipod nano! It's so tiny and cute for being 16g of music space. Now I just have to get a cord that hooks up to my car, which shouldn't be a problem... then figure out how my car radio works with the Ipod... but that shouldn't be terribly difficult either.
Then I can jam out this weekend on my way to and fro my cousin's wedding.
Mainly I just wanted to tell you how much I love people... cause I really do. I love you. I appreciate you. I think you are great.
It was a really good day. Thank you all for the e-mails and facebooks and coming to game night to see me and a special shout out to Katie, for making me lemon bars ala Pioneer Woman. They were scrumptious!
ugh... late it is and sleepy am I. Talk to you lata, world. Love ya a bushel and a peck.
Nae
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
They say it's my birthday!
It's 20 minutes to my birthday and to celebrate my day I will be attempting to go to bed by 12:30. That gives me a good 50 minutes to write this blog in. We'll see if I make it, or not.
I'd like to thank The Cup and Starbucks for sending me postcards for free things on my birthday. I'm excited about that red velvet cupcake and venti iced white chocolate peppermint mocha no whip. Yeah, I said venti-- it's my birthday and it's free! Time to get wired!
I have a few slogans for today that I would like to share with you:
I'd like to thank The Cup and Starbucks for sending me postcards for free things on my birthday. I'm excited about that red velvet cupcake and venti iced white chocolate peppermint mocha no whip. Yeah, I said venti-- it's my birthday and it's free! Time to get wired!
I have a few slogans for today that I would like to share with you:
 |
| Always a classic |
 |
| Me too! ... on the cheek, of course! :) |
And when in doubt
 |
| "Happy 6th Birthday Sarah"= greatest 28th birthday slogan ever. |
Ok so that last one is just because I wanted to call in the Darth Vader, light-saber-wielding, rainbow-jumping, My-Little-Pony-riding, sprinkle and flower bedecked, cavalry. I mean who doesn't wanna call in that cavalry? That cavalry rocks so hard they get pink trimmings.
I don't really have any deep thoughts on this, the early morning of my 28th birthday. I suppose it isn't late enough for my supposedly deep thoughts to arise... I'm happy to be 28 though. Happy to say goodbye to a year which pretty well completely sucked and happy to say hello to a new year bright with hope and promise and... well, hope. 28 is gonna be good. It's gotta be. There has been enough of the tears.
Bring on Darth Vader, and rainbows, and My Little Ponies, and flowers, and sprinkles, and light sabers!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Thoughts on art... and being come upon unawares.
I don't know that I actually like any of Tennessee William's plays, but golly gee if he isn't an incredible writer... I've only seen the Glass Menagerie once in my life but this last monologue of Tom's somehow manages to stick in my head and float to the surface from time to time for no apparent reason. To steal William's own line-- this monologue has a tendency to come "upon me unawares, taking me altogether by surprise."
I'd like to start more sentences with for.... though I think it would probably sound rather pretentious when not in the context of a play. For the real world is not made up of the supposings and dreamings that the imagination creates.
Yep. Pretentious.
Hello wistful. I've not seen you for at least a few hours. Welcome home.
At least it's not it's cousin, melancholy. That would really be a bummer.
It's interesting, isn't it? That we can recognize art and appreciate the beauty of something and know that it is good, all while still maintaining this distaste for it... Humans are strange creatures full of odd juxtapositions, aren't we?
And why do we disparage art that is created out of a desire for money... I mean is it less an expression of creativity if we work within parameters? Is it less of a creation if we do it to please someone else? I would say no-- the desperation for money is as great a muse as any other, I think.
And why are these the things I ponder at 4:30 in the morning?
Blow out your candles, Renée - and so good-bye.
I didn't go to the moon, I went much further - for time is the longest distance between places. Not long after that I was fired for writing a poem on the lid of a shoebox.
I left Saint Louis. I descended the step of this fire-escape for a last time and followed, from then on, in my father's footsteps, attempting to find in motion what was lost in space - I travelled around a great deal. The cities swept about me like dead leaves, leaves that were brightly coloured but torn away from the branches.
I would have stopped, but I was pursued by something.
It always came upon me unawares, taking me altogether by surprise. Perhaps it was a familiar bit of music. Perhaps it was only a piece of transparent glass. Perhaps I am walking along a street at night, in some strange city, before I have found companions. I pass the lighted window of a shop where perfume is sold. The window is filled with pieces of coloured glass, tiny transparent bottles in delicate colours, like bits of a shattered rainbow.
Then all at once my sister touches my shoulder. I turn around and look into her eyes ...
Oh, Laura, Laura, I tried to leave you behind me, but I am more faithful than I intended to be !
I reach for a cigarette, I cross the street, I run into the movies or a bar, I buy a drink, I speak to the nearest stranger -anything that can blow your candles out !
I left Saint Louis. I descended the step of this fire-escape for a last time and followed, from then on, in my father's footsteps, attempting to find in motion what was lost in space - I travelled around a great deal. The cities swept about me like dead leaves, leaves that were brightly coloured but torn away from the branches.
I would have stopped, but I was pursued by something.
It always came upon me unawares, taking me altogether by surprise. Perhaps it was a familiar bit of music. Perhaps it was only a piece of transparent glass. Perhaps I am walking along a street at night, in some strange city, before I have found companions. I pass the lighted window of a shop where perfume is sold. The window is filled with pieces of coloured glass, tiny transparent bottles in delicate colours, like bits of a shattered rainbow.
Then all at once my sister touches my shoulder. I turn around and look into her eyes ...
Oh, Laura, Laura, I tried to leave you behind me, but I am more faithful than I intended to be !
I reach for a cigarette, I cross the street, I run into the movies or a bar, I buy a drink, I speak to the nearest stranger -anything that can blow your candles out !
[LAURA bends over the candles.]
- for nowadays the world is lit by lightning ! Blow out your candles, Laura - and so good-bye.
Yep. Pretentious.
Hello wistful. I've not seen you for at least a few hours. Welcome home.
At least it's not it's cousin, melancholy. That would really be a bummer.
It's interesting, isn't it? That we can recognize art and appreciate the beauty of something and know that it is good, all while still maintaining this distaste for it... Humans are strange creatures full of odd juxtapositions, aren't we?
And why do we disparage art that is created out of a desire for money... I mean is it less an expression of creativity if we work within parameters? Is it less of a creation if we do it to please someone else? I would say no-- the desperation for money is as great a muse as any other, I think.
And why are these the things I ponder at 4:30 in the morning?
Blow out your candles, Renée - and so good-bye.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Maybe maybe maybe
Seriously considering at this point just staying up and not sleeping at all. Maybe that will help me to reset back to a normal setting? Probably doubtful, eh?
I feel strange. Maybe it's that I've not slept enough... Maybe it's because I went back and read some old blogs of mine tonight. Maybe it's just that I've spent too much time alone today. Maybe it's that the mess that my apartment is in is affecting my brain. Maybe it's my new sheets. Maybe it's that we are now 2 days away from my birthday.
Something about my birthday feels really big and important this year. I'm not sure what it is, but maybe it's why I'm making it a big deal... Maybe I'm making it a big deal cause I don't have Nathan to make it a big deal to so I have to make a public big deal. Maybe something actually will change. Maybe something in me will change... maybe something in the world will change.
I don't want to let go.
I'm pondering life changes tonight... What causes them to happen.. Some, yes, are just outside the realm of human control... but there are a lot more life changes that we do have control over... and some of them are just in our own head. We just have to find the strength/determination/hutspah to decide and then, do.
Yeah it's 6AM. I'm not going to bed tonight.
I'm restless. I want to listen to New Age piano solos and be in a movie montage. No, you didn't read that last sentence wrong. That's how I feel. I want to be in a movie montage. All the good stuff and skip over all the boring parts. Not forever, just to show that time has passed and things have happened. I feel like my base emotion is wistful. I hate that. What kinda mamby-pamby emotion is wistful to always be? And yet that's what I feel like I default to. It could be worse though. That is for sure and for certain.
Pianos are beautiful... I know that the cool hip thing to play is guitar... but am I the only one who finds piano-ing far more attractive in a man than guitar-ing? Of course I don't like any of the loud pounding stuff, I like my New Age Piano Solos from Pandora... you know, the pianos that sound wistful.
I'm ready. I'm ready for something to happen. I'm ready to get swept away. I'm ready to celebrate. I'm ready to laugh all night. I'm ready to come into something special. Maybe I should find a Glee club to join, cause you know, being a part of something special makes you special.
Luckily, I have a birthday and then 3 days later I have a wedding. So the celebrating will be had in plenty. And I think that's a good thing. Celebrating is a very good thing.
Why does it feel like a snow day? Maybe it's because I'm doing something I know I shouldn't? maybe it's because of the way the early morning light is coming through the window? Maybe it's the feeling of anticipation and crackle that is hovering in the air.
Maybe it's just because I want to buy tights.
New Age piano solos might give me a trumped up idea of my own self importance. Things just feel a lot more epic with this as the background.
I feel strange. Maybe it's that I've not slept enough... Maybe it's because I went back and read some old blogs of mine tonight. Maybe it's just that I've spent too much time alone today. Maybe it's that the mess that my apartment is in is affecting my brain. Maybe it's my new sheets. Maybe it's that we are now 2 days away from my birthday.
Something about my birthday feels really big and important this year. I'm not sure what it is, but maybe it's why I'm making it a big deal... Maybe I'm making it a big deal cause I don't have Nathan to make it a big deal to so I have to make a public big deal. Maybe something actually will change. Maybe something in me will change... maybe something in the world will change.
I don't want to let go.
I'm pondering life changes tonight... What causes them to happen.. Some, yes, are just outside the realm of human control... but there are a lot more life changes that we do have control over... and some of them are just in our own head. We just have to find the strength/determination/hutspah to decide and then, do.
Yeah it's 6AM. I'm not going to bed tonight.
I'm restless. I want to listen to New Age piano solos and be in a movie montage. No, you didn't read that last sentence wrong. That's how I feel. I want to be in a movie montage. All the good stuff and skip over all the boring parts. Not forever, just to show that time has passed and things have happened. I feel like my base emotion is wistful. I hate that. What kinda mamby-pamby emotion is wistful to always be? And yet that's what I feel like I default to. It could be worse though. That is for sure and for certain.
Pianos are beautiful... I know that the cool hip thing to play is guitar... but am I the only one who finds piano-ing far more attractive in a man than guitar-ing? Of course I don't like any of the loud pounding stuff, I like my New Age Piano Solos from Pandora... you know, the pianos that sound wistful.
I'm ready. I'm ready for something to happen. I'm ready to get swept away. I'm ready to celebrate. I'm ready to laugh all night. I'm ready to come into something special. Maybe I should find a Glee club to join, cause you know, being a part of something special makes you special.
Luckily, I have a birthday and then 3 days later I have a wedding. So the celebrating will be had in plenty. And I think that's a good thing. Celebrating is a very good thing.
Why does it feel like a snow day? Maybe it's because I'm doing something I know I shouldn't? maybe it's because of the way the early morning light is coming through the window? Maybe it's the feeling of anticipation and crackle that is hovering in the air.
Maybe it's just because I want to buy tights.
New Age piano solos might give me a trumped up idea of my own self importance. Things just feel a lot more epic with this as the background.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
