When Vampires Attack

It's 8 o'clock and I'm sitting in a camping chair in my former living room--- See old apartment still has internet. It will till the 25th or 26th when I give up possession...

So my camping chair is going to stay here and I'm going to visit it to blog from time to time... but be prepared, it will not be the usual morning blog (aka late night blog) you are used to, cause I don't want to be over here at midnight. I want to be at home at midnight. Just like that, it changes. Home is where my bed is. :)

I'm blogging and also thinking about all the stuff I have to do. Remind me again why I didn't take any time off on the weekend I moved?? Oh, cause I'm insane? Right.

If I'd been thinking I would have taken some pictures of the new place... but I wasn't thinking... and also there is no art up, which is important... So instead I'll give you this:

I know- This is nothing close to art.
Please don't comment on my abnormally fat fingers. I cannae help it!

What the heck, Renée?

What does that have to do with moving or your new place? I can obviously see the camping chair that your hand is on!

Ok, yes, but look at my hand in the middle of the bottom of the picture. See the two red spots and the bruising??

You see, sometime in the process of moving I was obviously attacked by a vampire with exceedingly dull teeth.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well,

1) Those two red marks are consistent with incisor spacing.

2) There are no puncture points, but it looks like something sure did it's darndest to break the skin.

3) I have no memory of acquiring these marks/bruises.  Which is odd, considering I don't normally bruise so it should have hurt enough to leave a memory.

Therefore dull-toothed vampire is the only logical conclusion.

And I think you agree with me. Look into my eyes. You agree with me, don't you?

Lonliness and vampires

Went to the store tonight and bought gray nail polish.... well actually gray, black, and white nail polish. (3 colors, not one epic polish of wonder.)

The gray will make it's debut in the real world tomorrow at church. It's pretty.

I hate being alone. I hate not having someone around all the time... I found myself angry today. Perhaps I'm finally coming across the anger stage of grief... I was angry. Angry that I have to go to the store by myself. Angry that I don't have anyone to talk to when I'm in a checkout line in Wal-mart that is taking 400 years. Angry that I come home to an empty apartment and that there is only one pillow on my bed and that I don't have anyone to put my arm around their waist when I just want to lay in bed and think and accidentally fall asleep.

I so miss that. I so miss the companionship. Someone who would know if I'd eaten dinner yet... someone to worry about if they hadn't eaten dinner yet. Someone to hold me when I cry and to kiss my forehead and to tell me it's going to be ok. Of all the horrible things about death and cancer, for me the loneliness is the hardest... and the most impossible to fill... cause there just isn't anyone around at 1:15 AM when you desperately need a friend. And there are so few people who I can let see me cry... My pain feels so personal... So much of my life I live out on display. I'm willing to tell anyone just about anything.... things that others can't believe I would share, I have no compunction against... but the tears... to just sit and cry for completely selfish reasons... That's the stuff I keep inside.... until it's 3 in the morning and I can't blame it on lack of sleep or hunger or not getting enough vitamins or anything else in my huge repertoire of excuses... Until I have to admit that the reason why I'm crying is because I'm alone when I don't want to be, and I've been alone for longer than I ever thought I would have to be again, and I will be for as much of the future as I can foresee (which I admit isn't very far because I'm afraid to look farther into the future than a month or two.)

I know people make fun of it, but I know why Bella just laid down in the woods, and then went into a walking coma for months after Edward left... I'm not a Bella-type, but every once in a while the urge is still there, and I do *understand.* Maybe if I went into a walking coma I could wake back up around the time when someone started caring enough to pull me out of it, instead of having to be my own blasted rescue all the time.

Then again I think the girl who fights her way out is probably far more deserving of someone caring enough to want to protect her... and honestly werewolves aren't really my type. I've always been more a vampire girl.

You might be a vampire if....

Tonight Kara asked me if I was a vampire. My response was to take a long pause, look away and then say "....Maybe?" with a mischevious grin. Only apparently my grin was declared more a "you eat human flesh" grin and Kara told me it was freaky to be alone with me at 2 in the morning. I didn't even hit her with my actual creepy glazed-eye doll look. Or my other super creepy look, that I don't even know what to call, except creepy.  I have to admit, something inside me, thinks it's hilarious to freak out my good friends just by changing my facial expressions. I used to do it to Rhonda, too. Not gonna lie, I'm a little twisted.  But this time I wasn't even trying! ("It's true, man, I do, but not this time!")

I should go. This vampire is going to turn into a pumpkin and she has church in the morning... That's right, day-walker, church go-er, not afraid of toothpicks or garlic. Breaking vampire stereotypes since aught eight... and I'll just let you determine which '08 I mean.

Wha ha ha ha.

Mine is an evil laugh.

A Tale of Two Labels: Vampires and Inherent Good

So I think I've gotten addicted to the equivalent of a soap opera... only it's a series of books. To back up, let me say that I've always enjoyed vampire books, even before they were cool. I was close to the beginning of the train on the Twilight books, and while I've never really been all that thrilled with the "traditional" vampire (Aka Evil Incarnate, Bat Dude) I do really love the character of the misunderstood bad guy/girl who is reformed by goodness of some sort. It's not that I don't respect history, it's that I can only relate to evil incarnate on one level-fear/disgust.... ok maybe that is two levels. Whereas temptation, (a *huge* theme in vampire books)  now that I can relate to on just about every level. So I started reading the House of Night books because 1) I like Vampire books 2) vampire books are insanely popular these days so they are easy to come by 3) it is a much different form of vampirism than normal (it's a genetic mutation/disease) so that's always interesting. And there is a lot in the books I don't really like, and I do *not* recommend them for anyone younger than high school, and even then there are things I'm not totally comfortable with. One thing I do really like is that the main character fights very much for the side of good in this fictional world, but at the same time it's "real." And what I mean by "real" is that she messes up sometimes and hurts her friends. She makes bad decisions and has to face the consequences, and even when she makes the right decisions not all of the consequences are good. Everything is messy, nothing is clear-cut, and choosing the right option isn't easy.  But there is still a right option and at the end of the day/book series I know that evil good is going to triumph, though I am usually surprised at the plot twist that gets thrown at the end. Oh and the part that makes it a teenage soap opera is the death/reincarnation, amnesia, love triangles (...squares... pentagons), trapping people in towers, final showdowns (that aren't final at all) and too much focus on sex. Though at least there are no pregnancy plot lines!

I think what all this points out to me, though, is my firm belief in the possibility of good inside everyone. Some people call this being naive but it's the only way I can live. I think it's really easy to see people in categories. It's what our minds naturally do to cope with all the millions of individuals who inhabit the same planet that we do. Where I think we run into problems is when the categories turn into enemies, or even just faceless "masses." It is easy to hate someone you think already hates you. It's easy to hurt someone else if they are just part of "them."  But I think that if people were to look at each other and see the human being on the other end that crime/war/hate would start to end. I don't think that everyone on this planet is going to like each other, by any means and I don't think that the world can be changed if we just start blindly trusting everyone. I guess it all comes back to choice. People can choose good or evil (and yes I know that some choices are not that clear cut!) but the individual chooses and then has to live with the consequences of that choice (hopefully), but I (perhaps naively) think that if a person could see exactly what the people on the receiving end are experiencing/will experience because of their choice then they would choose for the good.

But you know, I'm not really that good at introspection, so it's hard to know which came first- rooting for the bad guy to find humanity and make a noble sacrifice at the last moment or the belief that the bad guys still hold on to a silver of humanity... or perhaps this is just my favorite of all soap boxes and it's late so I'm not properly editing myself. Ahhhh blogging, thy name is Written Babbling. And that's kinda an odd name. For reals, yo.

As I've mentioned. It's late and I am tired. Adieu, until the morrow.

Ok, I just wrote in two labels for this post- Vampires and inherent good.... I'm such a weird kinda nerd!