So many familiar faces, in such familiar spaces...

I went to Foster's visitation tonight... I don't think that I will go to the funeral tomorrow... I don't think I could handle it... not without backup. Seeing him in the coffin was so hard. I hate that color.. I *hate* that color.  I don't know why it effects me so much, but more than anything else associated with death it is the color that bodies turn. It really gets to me... and it's not right. Not right at all.

Something else I was thinking about at the visitation. Memphis is (for all intents and purposes) my hometown. It's where I went to school and it's where all the community shows were, and it's the gathering place. Arbela and Granger are just names to direct mail or people to get to my house, but Memphis is the hometown. I saw a lot of people there tonight that I knew, or recognized, or grew up with in one way or another. And a great many of those people I hadn't seen in 10 years. Whenever I come home I see my family and whomever is at church that week, but I don't see the people from my home town. I mean I keep up with some of them (you) via facebook and several people have told me that they read my blog, which is so sweet... but we don't hang out face to face and I don't really know who they are anymore.

I think that's the strange thing for me. I grew up with these people. We saw each other nearly every weekday for 13 years. I knew them... and then 10 years went by, and now... I recognize them. I recognize their faces and expressions and their hand gestures and their voices... but I don't know who they are anymore.. and they don't know who I am... It makes me kinda sad actually. I want to catch up with them. I want to get a glimpse into who they turned into... But I'm missing the reunion and as I've discovered I'm just as awkward with people who I knew as I am with people who I don't know. I think I've determined that my new line is going to be something akin to, "Ok here's the thing. I'm extremely interested in your life and what you are doing now, but I'm horrible at asking the right questions, so feel free to share anything you want to. Stories welcome, personal revelations encouraged, feel free to ask any questions that you have if you are better than me at it. I care about you, I just don't know how to show it unless you want me to bake you something."

I've been ruminating on something for a while... It comes from a couple of different places, mainly from blogs. A friend from high school started a blog and the first post was about who he is. And then Blogger Idol's first challenge was to introduce yourself, and then a couple of other people who really only know me from my blog mentioned that, and I realized that I've never done an introduction of myself on here. I just assume that the people who are reading it mainly know me, but I don't think this is always the case... and then tonight I realized that maybe the people who I thought knew me don't really know who I am now...  And then I thought, "Heck I'm so non-self aware that maybe even the people who really do know me don't know what I would say about myself." Then again I'm also predictable (or as I like to call it- steady) so maybe they'd be able to guess.  Regardless I think that I'm going to get to work on a introduction of myself blog... you know, nearly a year in seems like a good time to write one. :) So maybe you'll get a bonus blog tonight.. we'll see.

The knows and the know nots

I dunnae know how to set up a wireless connection, with a wireless router that already has a name and password... So this is coming to you live from my parent's ridiculously wide monitor. I will take a picture of it and show you how wide it is, but not now, as I forgot my cable that hooks my camera up to the computer.

Things I know:

I don't think you can see stars anywhere in the world like you can from my yard.
The country smells like dirt and peas fresh from the garden.
I heart my car-- It's easy to drive in and the gas mileage is outasight!
The Prius has been officially baptised in the mud.
My parents got new rock for the driveway so it's far less muddy than it was.
Austin Animal crackers are vastly superior to other animal crackers.

Austin, ftw (That means for the win, Mom.)

Things I don't know:
How hot it is upstairs where I will be sleeping.
The password on the wireless network.
The square root of 349532.
When any of my family is getting into town.
What to write next.

Yee-haw!

I know ya'll have thought this for a while now, but I'm actually going to admit to it now... My sleep schedule is janked up. Last night I slept from 4-8... and then this afternoon I slept from 4-8. Now if you add all that up it's the proper amount of sleep. However, it's *supposed* to all be slept at once, not in 4 hour shifts.

Janked.

Up.

Work is crazy this week. It's a short week, there is much to be accomplished, and oh yeah the air conditioner in the office is broken.

I think I'll be wearing shorts a lot more this week than I normally would.

I've had a strange desire to listen to country music lately. Now don't get me wrong, I never went through the "I hate country" phase that many of my comrades from small town-land did. I'm not really sure why. That said I don't listen to it all that often anymore. Certainly not enough to meet my cousin Wyatt's standards, who will mention about 3 songs/artist of country music and look at me with disappointment when I only recognize 1 of them. But I grew up on the rhythm of a steel guitar, you could say.. though I can't for the life of me place that lyric, now. I appreciate the story-telling of country music, and though the scooping can get a little old, I appreciate the heartfelt-ness of it.

Plus it's just charming.

I blame the cowboy hats. Any grin is more charming under a cowboy hat.

Really cowboys have decades of charm that they are relying on. Charm, calling ladies, "Ma'm" and dimples.

Gosh cowboys, start pulling your own weight! Quit resting on your laurels!

I suddenly have a strong desire to go find a gingham shirt to wear with my shorts... and to put my hair in braids... and wear my boots about... Seriously, where is this all coming from? I'm not normally country crazy. Mayhaps it's just my penchant for costumes? Wear what you feel, right?

I was in drama, not FFA, and I don't actually want to raise cows, just look at their cute babies from a distance. Green Acres is not the place for me. It's the place for me to visit and feel nostalgic about.

I want to go on vacation. But I don't know where I would go (someplace exciting/fun?), or who I would go with, cause I sure shootin' ain't gonna go by myself. Worst. idea. ever.