Many forms of missing...

What a lovely day.

I worked, I went to the library, I went to the DMV and was only there for about 6 minutes before I got my new plates and was able to leave. I went on a walk with Kara, and then had dinner with Melissa and Lindsay. I went to Barnes and Noble and stayed until they closed. Then Kara came over and stayed up until 2 in the morning with me. A lovely day, full of lovely people and lovely experiences.

I'm such an extrovert. It's rather ridiculous.

Some days the missing is a sharp pain, sometimes the missing is a dull ache, sometimes it's just a longing to have someone to talk to about my lovely day and to kiss me on the head and tell me that I'm too sleepy to blog tonight, and to come to bed.

I miss the not-sick Nathan. Our life had turned into such a marathon of survival that I have a tendency to forget about when Nathan was hale and hearty and took care of himself. I'd get annoyed with him leaving me at home alone so often, and more often than not he would be taking care of me. I greatly miss being taken care of- having a champion. Really, I've lost Nathan in two ways. Losing the healthy Nathan was deal-able because I still had the core of Nathan, and I'm not so selfish to think that I'm the one who matters when one of us is fighting cancer, even though he still tried to make it about me sometimes, because he was so sweet. But then I lost the rest of Nathan, and now I find myself in mourning for both times of him. And it's a little easier to let sick Nathan go because he isn't hurting anymore... but letting go the healthy Nathan who would bound out of bed, and who had so much extra energy sometimes he just yelled and shook his head and hands like a crazy person... I'm finding it a little harder to understand why he had to go.

"Go to bed, sweetheart. You wouldn't be getting this emotional if you weren't overtired."

I still know what he'd say... I can hear him saying it, right now. I should probably listen to him. 

Please pray for a friend of mine who lost her mother this evening. Sometimes when one person is having a lovely day, another is having one of the worst on record. I really wish life was fair.