I like boys.

The problem with getting a new book from the library is that I want to be reading the book, not writing on my blog... so I make very short blog posts.

Tonight I was at a friend's birthday party. There was a fire pit outside and some people were hanging out inside. At one point all the girls migrated inside and all of the boys were outside-- except for me, who remained by the firepit. Then a girl came outside and said to me, "In case you didn't notice, all the females are inside."

I just looked up at her and said, "I know. I like boys."

Some of the boys chuckled, and the girl looked really confused, and said, "Oh, ok."

But seriously. I can hang out with girls all the time. It's never weird or awkward for me and a girl to go grab dinner or lunch together... but I can't do that with a guy. I'm starved for the company of men. I used to spend pretty much all my free time with a dude and now... well, it's just not the way it is anymore. And especially mellow, hanging out around a fire pit, sometimes talking, sometimes just watching the flames, sometimes playing a videogame boys. It's like guys are an endangered species in my life... especially ones at lesuire-- I don't see a lot of relaxed dudes anymore, so I'm darn sure going to take the opportunity to be around them when I can get it.

I've never been super clingy, but when I need comfort it's normally a guy I run to first... has been ever since I was little. My dad is the "strong silent" type but I would always go hang on his arm when I wasn't feeling good. And now... well maybe it has something to do with what I lost, but more than ever I just really like guys. Calm, low key, they can take care of themselves men.

It's probably not very PC of me, but in my brain, guys take care of girls. It's like the inevitable truth of life. So if I'm with a whole passel of men I don't feel like I have to be so strong or tough or self-sufficent. I can let them carry the tv to the car... I can let them talk to the waitress... I can let them eat cookies.

It's like for a small moment in time my life isn't so broken.