Level 51

**disclaimer** This post wasn't written as a cry for affirmation and it wasn't even written out of an emotional place... It's more just my observation. I'm not asking for a bunch of reassurances, so please don't feel obligated to make them. :) **end disclaimer**

One of my friends texted me tonight to see if something I had mentioned in passing was actually a date.

It wasn't, but it felt so good to think that was the first thing she thought of.

It was like, for a second, I could be one of those single girls in all the books and the movies... someone who goes on dates.

What? You mean that you think someone would *want* to go on a date with me?

I've only ever been on a date with Nathan... and only after he was already my "boyfriend." I can't even imagine what it would be like to go on a date with someone who I was just trying to get to know... but it sounds interesting.

I've come to realize in the past few days that don't see myself the way others see me... I've changed so much about who I am on the outside, but on the inside I still think like the girl I was in high school. No one was interested in her...

Somewhere inside I still think the only way that someone would be interested in me is if they got to know me well, first.

I'm really really used to guys not being interested.... and I can't say that I understand why... I just sorta expect it.

You'll have to excuse me... I've been reading Post Secret books and I think that I'm being far more honest than I normally am. Now perhaps you understand my desire to disclaim.

Just when you thought I couldn't get any more real.

Bam. Level 51.