One time in college I was a terrible person.
Kara and I were roommates and if you know anything about us, you know that Kara is a morning person and I... am not.
Except for this one weekend morning when I woke up raring to go at like 8AM. Fluke thing. It happens sometimes.
It doesn't often happen when a fluke happens to Kara on the same morning, though.
So I was up and at 'em... and I got up. And I showered... and I got dressed... and I'm sure I looked at my homework... and I sat around waiting for Kara to wake up at any moment, but she didn't and I was bored.
So I wrote a short paper I had for a class.
And she still wasn't awake and by this time it was at *least* 10 AM (and it should probably be noted that I don't even think it's sleeping-in until it's 11. )
But I was soooooo bored.
So I printed my paper.
On the printer I had in our room.
Which happened to be very noisy... no annoying loud shrieking or anything, just noisy in that clunking printer way. I did this with the hope that it would wake up Kara so she would come out and play.
And it totally worked! The printer made noise and she made her cute yawn noise and woke up, surprised that I was already up.
The problem is that later that day I admitted my secret plan to her.
And to this day I've never been able to live down that time I printed something out just to wake her up.
But my friends, after a decade long grudge, the day has come when Kara and I once again stand on equal footing.
Guess who texted me at 7:00 AM this morning. (Sure, she offered up some malarky about getting the time change wrong.... but you know what? I *had* to print that paper, too.)
And once the text woke me up I couldn't go right back to sleep.... so I texted her back at 7:15 and we talked till 8:40.
There are very few people in this world whom I'd wake up for at 7:15 just to shoot the breeze with.
But at least now we are even.
Unfortunately I don't know how to print something at her place in Philly.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wintry
Well, I may or may not be going home tomorrow. It's in the plan, but it sorta depends on if I can leave my parent's house. This was what it looked like from the second floor this afternoon.
The road that I take to get back to Springfield (for the first 45 minutes or so) was "closed" today. It's not so much the snow (or so I'm told), it's the drifts.
In other news, I made a baby car-seat quilt in about 2 days. I'm pretty impressed with myself. Technically I still have to bind it, but I forgot to buy binding at Hobby Lobby last time when I was there, so I have to wait till I return home. It's not the most beautiful quilting job ever... I don't have a quilting sewing machine and I don't have much experience with quilting, but I think it will be serviceable for it's purpose. Luckily, Annika is young enough that she won't notice.
Anyway, it means that I finished everything that I was going to do while at home and I managed to do it with many hours to spare, and we made nut rolls which I wasn't planning on doing. And I feel very relaxed. It's good.
Oh and by the way, Kara is coming back to Missouri and I get to see her over the New Year!! It's a very very good winter break.
In other news, I made a baby car-seat quilt in about 2 days. I'm pretty impressed with myself. Technically I still have to bind it, but I forgot to buy binding at Hobby Lobby last time when I was there, so I have to wait till I return home. It's not the most beautiful quilting job ever... I don't have a quilting sewing machine and I don't have much experience with quilting, but I think it will be serviceable for it's purpose. Luckily, Annika is young enough that she won't notice.
Anyway, it means that I finished everything that I was going to do while at home and I managed to do it with many hours to spare, and we made nut rolls which I wasn't planning on doing. And I feel very relaxed. It's good.
Oh and by the way, Kara is coming back to Missouri and I get to see her over the New Year!! It's a very very good winter break.
Monday, October 15, 2012
The Compliment Huddle
Ok, stories that I promised- First off is the awkward one... though it's kinda hilarious.
So Bailey is one of the girls who I roomed with. I liked Bailey a lot. She was sitting between Patrick and I on Sat night at one point... and the subject of boyfriends and girlfriends came up and she asked Patrick about his girlfriend and then she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said "No." But she could tell there was more to it, and I wasn't sure what to tell her so I started. "I..." and then I trailed off because I didn't know how to bring up Nathan. And then I looked at Patrick... and back at Bailey... and then back at Patrick, trying to figure out what to say... and then back at Bailey. But this point Bailey was giving me a weird look and I suddenly realized that it looked like I was trying to say that there was something between Patrick and I. So then I freaked out and just blurted the first thing that came to my head.
"I have a dead husband."
(Renée shakes her head at herself and puts her forehead in her hand.)
Yep. I really blurted it out just like that. And Bailey looked at me and said... "Are you for real?"
And I was like, "Yeah... I'm serious. It was cancer."
Oh Lawsie. You'd think after 20 months I'd be better at this. Nope. If anything I've gotten worse.
To her credit, Bailey took it like a trooper, and didn't freak out with the full force of my awkwardness.
And now the story of the compliment huddle.
It was raining a lot and there was a porch just outside of our room. At one point Bailey and I along with two guys I have classes with and a guy and a girl whom I really didn't know at all were sitting on the porch, (everyone was rather intoxicated except me and the other girl, Ellen) and Bailey says, "Guys. shut up."
Drunk people speak loudly. So then she yelled again, "Guys, Shut up! I just had a great idea." (I dropped out some of the expletives that were used.)
Everyone shut up.
And then Bailey proclaimed her great idea. "We should all get in a huddle and compliment each other."
Now the thing is... if everyone had been sober they wouldn't have done it. Heck, I'm not sure that Bailey would have suggested it if she had been sober. But she was right, it was a great idea.
So Bailey suggested a compliment huddle and one guy jumped up and then everyone else on the porch stood up too and got in a huddle- all six of us. And then we went around the circle, giving each other compliments. Honestly.... I think it was one of the best ideas I've ever heard. People don't do that enough and they should.
The next morning everyone was kind of embarrassed, but bonded at the same time. Bailey kept disparaging it... I think because sometimes giving a compliment is embarrassing. What are the people going to think about you the next day, when there isn't alcohol coursing through their system? And it was her idea... but I tried to tell her not to do that. It was a really *good* thing.
One of those moments that you hold on to- A great story you tell- That time six strangers had a drunken compliment huddle on a porch during a rainstorm. You can't plan moments like that. They just happen and leave you better for it.
So Bailey is one of the girls who I roomed with. I liked Bailey a lot. She was sitting between Patrick and I on Sat night at one point... and the subject of boyfriends and girlfriends came up and she asked Patrick about his girlfriend and then she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said "No." But she could tell there was more to it, and I wasn't sure what to tell her so I started. "I..." and then I trailed off because I didn't know how to bring up Nathan. And then I looked at Patrick... and back at Bailey... and then back at Patrick, trying to figure out what to say... and then back at Bailey. But this point Bailey was giving me a weird look and I suddenly realized that it looked like I was trying to say that there was something between Patrick and I. So then I freaked out and just blurted the first thing that came to my head.
"I have a dead husband."
(Renée shakes her head at herself and puts her forehead in her hand.)
Yep. I really blurted it out just like that. And Bailey looked at me and said... "Are you for real?"
And I was like, "Yeah... I'm serious. It was cancer."
Oh Lawsie. You'd think after 20 months I'd be better at this. Nope. If anything I've gotten worse.
To her credit, Bailey took it like a trooper, and didn't freak out with the full force of my awkwardness.
And now the story of the compliment huddle.
It was raining a lot and there was a porch just outside of our room. At one point Bailey and I along with two guys I have classes with and a guy and a girl whom I really didn't know at all were sitting on the porch, (everyone was rather intoxicated except me and the other girl, Ellen) and Bailey says, "Guys. shut up."
Drunk people speak loudly. So then she yelled again, "Guys, Shut up! I just had a great idea." (I dropped out some of the expletives that were used.)
Everyone shut up.
And then Bailey proclaimed her great idea. "We should all get in a huddle and compliment each other."
Now the thing is... if everyone had been sober they wouldn't have done it. Heck, I'm not sure that Bailey would have suggested it if she had been sober. But she was right, it was a great idea.
So Bailey suggested a compliment huddle and one guy jumped up and then everyone else on the porch stood up too and got in a huddle- all six of us. And then we went around the circle, giving each other compliments. Honestly.... I think it was one of the best ideas I've ever heard. People don't do that enough and they should.
The next morning everyone was kind of embarrassed, but bonded at the same time. Bailey kept disparaging it... I think because sometimes giving a compliment is embarrassing. What are the people going to think about you the next day, when there isn't alcohol coursing through their system? And it was her idea... but I tried to tell her not to do that. It was a really *good* thing.
One of those moments that you hold on to- A great story you tell- That time six strangers had a drunken compliment huddle on a porch during a rainstorm. You can't plan moments like that. They just happen and leave you better for it.
I don't retreat, I advance
Home again, home again.
Ok, I think it's time to kill the word game. Two posts without guesses means people don't want to do it.
The final count was: Renée- 18, Dawn- 17, Paula- 13, Rhonda-12, Melissa-4, Katie-2, Michael- 2.
Now that the business is wrapped up, on to what I really want to talk about- the writer's retreat.
My goal going into the retreat was relatively simple. Learn a little bit about writing and make some connections. And I think that I accomplished those goals.
I got to drive up and back with my friend Patrick (the one who is in my critique group.) Patrick and I are eeriely similar in background and viewpoints. In fact our current novels have overlapping ideas behind them- but they were developed before we knew each other... Also I think Patrick is hilarious. Patrick says that most people don't think he's that funny, but I think being nearly identical people I get his humor. And seriously. Homeslice is hilarious. Emily Bronte has a great quote in Wuthering Heights, "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I think that could be said of Patrick and I-- as long as you take out the romantic context of Wuthering Heights- Patrick is firmly girlfriended and also seven years younger than I am. But that also means that we are free to just be friends without all the tension. So Patrick was great for my retreat experience. I had a friend I could sit with at meals and hang out with and who I could trust to like me and not think I was being clingy.
I'm always so afraid of being thought clingy.
Another thing that helps my experience is that writers drink... a lot. There were a few who didn't, but by and large if they didn't drink they also didn't hang around the people who did. Except, of course, for me. I didn't even have a sip of alcohol all weekend, but the great thing about everyone else being drunk when you are sober (and I put this on facebook, but it bears repeating) is that- at least for this shy girl- It's a lot easier to overcome your shy-ness because likely these people are not going to remember anything you said or did in the morning. Instead they will just have a generally positive impression of you with no real memory of why. And if you do say something stupid.. well.. so is everyone else. Also my chameleon-like abilities to mimic ensure that I don't stand out too badly as the sober one. :)
As far as writing goes, I think I learned several things, too. I think the most important thing was something one of the faculty said on Friday. "Don't be afraid to state the obvious." I am afraid to state the obvious sometimes. Most times even, especially if I'm writing for a literary audience. If it's for YA I think I'm less freaked, but for some reason I'm afraid of insulting adults... but then I got to thinking... Do you look at the Mona Lisa and are insulted because it's obviously the portrait of a woman? You look at Starry Night and are you angry that you know it's a landscape? No. It's about the style and the texture and the choices the artist makes that create the beauty. In fact, way more often people are angry if they look at some abstract piece and can't figure it out. So why am I afraid of being too obvious in my own writing? Dumb.
I read (something I'd written) today at the last workshop before coming home. I was afraid to, but I did it anyway. I was scared because 1) It was non-fiction and referenced two people who were in the workshop with me-- not in a positive light and 2) I cursed in it... a lot. 3) I was angry in it and you know that's not how I normally roll.
But I read it... and my voice was all low and shaky cause I was so angry/emotional. (But the theatre kid in me was just a little pleased with that because it gave the piece even more verisimilitude.) And when I finished there was a pause and then everyone in the room sort of let out their breath heavily and started clapping. (The clapping was normal... the pause and the breath were not.) But the breath let me know. It let me know that I'd gotten them. Somehow I'd managed to *get* the whole room in half a page. One dude even spontaneously cried out, "How are you not published already?!" Oh, and the guy whom I'd called out via words very generously announced to everyone in the room who he was in the story and then complimented me on my work.
I'm glad that I read it... though I sorta still can't believe that I was brave enough to do it... But in a way it feels like one more victory. A woman (who was also named Renee!) came up to me later and thanked me for reading it. She lost a sister to cancer and she said- "That was truth." Wow. *Such* a compliment.
I sorta hate that I made the widow "announcement" in such big public way, but at the same time, it might have been a good thing... there was no awkward searching for something else to say, no guilt-ridden changing of the subject. People could just comment on something that I'd done within the writing, and then we could all move on to someone else's piece. Then everyone could emotionally process me and put me into a new little box in their head before they had to actually interact with me one on one again.
There are a few other stories to tell- the compliment huddle and the awkward way I still haven't figured out how to tell an individual that I'm a widow, but those will have to wait for another day and another blog post. Maybe if you are lucky I'll have time tomorrow.
Ok, I think it's time to kill the word game. Two posts without guesses means people don't want to do it.
The final count was: Renée- 18, Dawn- 17, Paula- 13, Rhonda-12, Melissa-4, Katie-2, Michael- 2.
Now that the business is wrapped up, on to what I really want to talk about- the writer's retreat.
My goal going into the retreat was relatively simple. Learn a little bit about writing and make some connections. And I think that I accomplished those goals.
I got to drive up and back with my friend Patrick (the one who is in my critique group.) Patrick and I are eeriely similar in background and viewpoints. In fact our current novels have overlapping ideas behind them- but they were developed before we knew each other... Also I think Patrick is hilarious. Patrick says that most people don't think he's that funny, but I think being nearly identical people I get his humor. And seriously. Homeslice is hilarious. Emily Bronte has a great quote in Wuthering Heights, "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I think that could be said of Patrick and I-- as long as you take out the romantic context of Wuthering Heights- Patrick is firmly girlfriended and also seven years younger than I am. But that also means that we are free to just be friends without all the tension. So Patrick was great for my retreat experience. I had a friend I could sit with at meals and hang out with and who I could trust to like me and not think I was being clingy.
I'm always so afraid of being thought clingy.
Another thing that helps my experience is that writers drink... a lot. There were a few who didn't, but by and large if they didn't drink they also didn't hang around the people who did. Except, of course, for me. I didn't even have a sip of alcohol all weekend, but the great thing about everyone else being drunk when you are sober (and I put this on facebook, but it bears repeating) is that- at least for this shy girl- It's a lot easier to overcome your shy-ness because likely these people are not going to remember anything you said or did in the morning. Instead they will just have a generally positive impression of you with no real memory of why. And if you do say something stupid.. well.. so is everyone else. Also my chameleon-like abilities to mimic ensure that I don't stand out too badly as the sober one. :)
As far as writing goes, I think I learned several things, too. I think the most important thing was something one of the faculty said on Friday. "Don't be afraid to state the obvious." I am afraid to state the obvious sometimes. Most times even, especially if I'm writing for a literary audience. If it's for YA I think I'm less freaked, but for some reason I'm afraid of insulting adults... but then I got to thinking... Do you look at the Mona Lisa and are insulted because it's obviously the portrait of a woman? You look at Starry Night and are you angry that you know it's a landscape? No. It's about the style and the texture and the choices the artist makes that create the beauty. In fact, way more often people are angry if they look at some abstract piece and can't figure it out. So why am I afraid of being too obvious in my own writing? Dumb.
I read (something I'd written) today at the last workshop before coming home. I was afraid to, but I did it anyway. I was scared because 1) It was non-fiction and referenced two people who were in the workshop with me-- not in a positive light and 2) I cursed in it... a lot. 3) I was angry in it and you know that's not how I normally roll.
But I read it... and my voice was all low and shaky cause I was so angry/emotional. (But the theatre kid in me was just a little pleased with that because it gave the piece even more verisimilitude.) And when I finished there was a pause and then everyone in the room sort of let out their breath heavily and started clapping. (The clapping was normal... the pause and the breath were not.) But the breath let me know. It let me know that I'd gotten them. Somehow I'd managed to *get* the whole room in half a page. One dude even spontaneously cried out, "How are you not published already?!" Oh, and the guy whom I'd called out via words very generously announced to everyone in the room who he was in the story and then complimented me on my work.
I'm glad that I read it... though I sorta still can't believe that I was brave enough to do it... But in a way it feels like one more victory. A woman (who was also named Renee!) came up to me later and thanked me for reading it. She lost a sister to cancer and she said- "That was truth." Wow. *Such* a compliment.
I sorta hate that I made the widow "announcement" in such big public way, but at the same time, it might have been a good thing... there was no awkward searching for something else to say, no guilt-ridden changing of the subject. People could just comment on something that I'd done within the writing, and then we could all move on to someone else's piece. Then everyone could emotionally process me and put me into a new little box in their head before they had to actually interact with me one on one again.
There are a few other stories to tell- the compliment huddle and the awkward way I still haven't figured out how to tell an individual that I'm a widow, but those will have to wait for another day and another blog post. Maybe if you are lucky I'll have time tomorrow.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sad panda is sad
Another really great day- though I must say that I'm super tired from all the birthday extravaganza.
Also, those girls in Maurices know how to sell clothes.
... Don't want Kara to go 'way. :(
I might be sad panda in snow tomorrow....
... So the problem with friends who really like to quote internet memes, is that you start quoting them too, without actually knowing the reference...
... and then you try to figure out the reference by searching sad panda in snow...
but you don't even know what to use as a search term when "sad panda in snow" doesn't turn anything up...
Here's the "Sad panda" meme... which I also knew nothing about...
.. and I guess anyone's sadder when they are in snow?
or maybe "in snow" is another meme that is colliding with the sad panda meme??
I have no idea, but I know what a sad panda is.
in snow
Also, those girls in Maurices know how to sell clothes.
... Don't want Kara to go 'way. :(
I might be sad panda in snow tomorrow....
... So the problem with friends who really like to quote internet memes, is that you start quoting them too, without actually knowing the reference...
... and then you try to figure out the reference by searching sad panda in snow...
but you don't even know what to use as a search term when "sad panda in snow" doesn't turn anything up...
Here's the "Sad panda" meme... which I also knew nothing about...
.. and I guess anyone's sadder when they are in snow?
or maybe "in snow" is another meme that is colliding with the sad panda meme??
I have no idea, but I know what a sad panda is.
in snow
Monday, July 30, 2012
Moving Day
Things that I have considered after driving away from Kara's empty apartment:
How painful the lump in my throat was.
How I would drive if I started crying.
How much I love Kara.
How much I love Josh.
How much I love Josh and Kara.
How much I love Bolt.
How much ice cream I have in my freezer.
How much ice cream a person can eat in a night.
How large the lack of "Warm Delights" in my pantry looms.
How I should go to the grocery store to buy out all the Warm Delights.
How to make my own Warm Delight cause who needs Betty Freaking Crocker?!?
***P.S. After one attempt at making a single serving "mug brownie," I can say who needs Betty Crocker. I do. Also, from here on out ice cream is living in the deep freeze. The defrost function is murder on ice cream when you don't eat it fast enough.
In all seriousness, though.... Today was the day. Now some people might not know that Kara is coming back for the last weekend in August. You see they can't get their house in Philly until Sept. 5th, and also Kara and I have a 10 year friend-a-versary to celebrate. So, today wasn't the for-real goodbye... at least not for us....
but still... don't think that I didn't notice that the day my best friend moved away from Springfield is exactly one and a half years after my husband died. And in a strange way that put things into perspective for me.
Cause I know what a "permanent" goodbye feels like... and this isn't it. When I miss Kara, I won't be able to just drive over to her house... but I can call or e-mail or text or-- in a dire emergency-- drive to the airport and get on a plane. Kara isn't gone from my life. I will visit her. She will come back for my wedding. (You know, to the guy I'm not even dating, yet. ;) ) She will know my children. I will know hers.
That's not to say that I'm not likely to sit down and have a good cry at some point.
But Kara's not gone from my life. Not even a little bit.
And she's doing what God's called her to do.
And I happen to think God knows what He's doing, even when it hurts.
How painful the lump in my throat was.
How I would drive if I started crying.
How much I love Kara.
How much I love Josh.
How much I love Josh and Kara.
How much I love Bolt.
How much ice cream I have in my freezer.
How much ice cream a person can eat in a night.
How large the lack of "Warm Delights" in my pantry looms.
How I should go to the grocery store to buy out all the Warm Delights.
How to make my own Warm Delight cause who needs Betty Freaking Crocker?!?
***P.S. After one attempt at making a single serving "mug brownie," I can say who needs Betty Crocker. I do. Also, from here on out ice cream is living in the deep freeze. The defrost function is murder on ice cream when you don't eat it fast enough.
In all seriousness, though.... Today was the day. Now some people might not know that Kara is coming back for the last weekend in August. You see they can't get their house in Philly until Sept. 5th, and also Kara and I have a 10 year friend-a-versary to celebrate. So, today wasn't the for-real goodbye... at least not for us....
but still... don't think that I didn't notice that the day my best friend moved away from Springfield is exactly one and a half years after my husband died. And in a strange way that put things into perspective for me.
Cause I know what a "permanent" goodbye feels like... and this isn't it. When I miss Kara, I won't be able to just drive over to her house... but I can call or e-mail or text or-- in a dire emergency-- drive to the airport and get on a plane. Kara isn't gone from my life. I will visit her. She will come back for my wedding. (You know, to the guy I'm not even dating, yet. ;) ) She will know my children. I will know hers.
That's not to say that I'm not likely to sit down and have a good cry at some point.
But Kara's not gone from my life. Not even a little bit.
And she's doing what God's called her to do.
And I happen to think God knows what He's doing, even when it hurts.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
7 of 30
All I've done today is talk to people... and it's been completely fabulous.
I talked to Kara from like noon to 5
Then I talked to my new friend, Brenda, from 5:30- 8
Then I talked to Kara again from 9-11:30 (She was in Philly for like a week and a half! We had a lot to catch up on!)
Then I talked to Ryan from 1-3:30.
I love my friends! I love that they are super clever and make me laugh and distract me from painful things and seem to enjoy my company so much. So lucky and blessed.
So how do I turn talking to my friends into a job?
Become Oprah's friend?
This leads me into # 7 of the 30 things list.
What is your dream job, and why?
Like I said, my dream job would be talking to my friends all day. But since it's rather hard to get paid for that, my *other* dream job is to be an author.
Why?
I love writing, and I think I'm good at it.
I like talking to people and I think I would enjoy book tours.
I could generally keep my own hours and spend my time in a coffee shop for the rest of my life.
I have stuff I want to say and stories I want people to hear.
They might someday want to make a movie out of one of my books and that would be totally sweet.
Right?
Of course, right!
Seriously... even if it's an indy movie... I was just watching a movie called "Ten Inch Hero" (on Netflix) last week and I loved one of the conversations so much that I went and found it (sorry in advance for the cursing.)
I talked to Kara from like noon to 5
Then I talked to my new friend, Brenda, from 5:30- 8
Then I talked to Kara again from 9-11:30 (She was in Philly for like a week and a half! We had a lot to catch up on!)
Then I talked to Ryan from 1-3:30.
I love my friends! I love that they are super clever and make me laugh and distract me from painful things and seem to enjoy my company so much. So lucky and blessed.
So how do I turn talking to my friends into a job?
Become Oprah's friend?
This leads me into # 7 of the 30 things list.
What is your dream job, and why?
Like I said, my dream job would be talking to my friends all day. But since it's rather hard to get paid for that, my *other* dream job is to be an author.
Why?
I love writing, and I think I'm good at it.
I like talking to people and I think I would enjoy book tours.
I could generally keep my own hours and spend my time in a coffee shop for the rest of my life.
I have stuff I want to say and stories I want people to hear.
They might someday want to make a movie out of one of my books and that would be totally sweet.
Right?
Of course, right!
Seriously... even if it's an indy movie... I was just watching a movie called "Ten Inch Hero" (on Netflix) last week and I loved one of the conversations so much that I went and found it (sorry in advance for the cursing.)
Jen: Girls that look like you don't understand. Y'know, I always think, like, if I lost ten pounds, or wore better clothes, or got new boobs that it would make a difference but, I know the truth.
Tish: I'm sorry but that's bullshit. You're the smartest person that I know. And I see you helping those homeless guys that no one can even look at. You make everyone around you happy. You have so much to offer. To say you don't because of how you look is just... is just total bullshit.I really want people to be affected enough by something that I've written that they search for a reason to quote me on their blogs. (btw the writer was Betsy Morris)
Jen: I didn't say I don't have a lot to offer, I said that people will never know because they don't SEE me. How many proms did you miss because no one asked you? How many times have your friends left you sitting alone at a club while they went and danced with guys? Or how many times has a customer completely ignored you to get a better look at me? So until that happens, until you're told time and time again that your place in life is in the background, don't tell me it's bullshit, because you don't know.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Highly Illogical
So a weird thing happened to me the other day.
I went over to Jonny and Katie's house to hang out and play games.
That's not the weird thing-- that's pretty common, actually.
But I walked in and was caught very off guard. Unbeknownst to me, Jonny (and another friend) had shaved their heads.
I saw it and I'm not sure what expression crossed my face.
I know it was shock. It might have been horror.
I think Jonny was the only person to see it, because he was looking at me and I think he's gotten to know me well enough that he can spot my micro-expressions. (If that's the case- Jonny, I'm really sorry.)
I didn't know why, but I hated it... like I hated it *a lot.*
I later asked Kara, "Why would they do that? It doesn't make any sense. Why? Did they do it together? Why did they do that?"
She said that she didn't know but gave me a kinda weird look that I seemed to care so much.
And that's when I figured it out.
I hated their shaved heads because the last time I saw someone suddenly go from hair to a shaved head it was Nathan and it was cancer. I hated Jonny's shaved head so much because I was emotionally processing his hair cut as though it was cancer.
And it didn't matter that it was two people, because people shave their heads in solidarity of friends all the time.
I didn't actually recognize any of this in the moment. It took two days.
I've gotten used to it and I'm ok now, and I feel bad that it was my initial reaction... but it's like the first time I saw an ambulance after Nathan died... You just never know what's going to be a trigger, and apparently I don't even know that I've been triggered until days later when I can't get it out of my head.
The illogical-ness of it all can be so frustrating sometimes.
I went over to Jonny and Katie's house to hang out and play games.
That's not the weird thing-- that's pretty common, actually.
But I walked in and was caught very off guard. Unbeknownst to me, Jonny (and another friend) had shaved their heads.
I saw it and I'm not sure what expression crossed my face.
I know it was shock. It might have been horror.
I think Jonny was the only person to see it, because he was looking at me and I think he's gotten to know me well enough that he can spot my micro-expressions. (If that's the case- Jonny, I'm really sorry.)
I didn't know why, but I hated it... like I hated it *a lot.*
I later asked Kara, "Why would they do that? It doesn't make any sense. Why? Did they do it together? Why did they do that?"
She said that she didn't know but gave me a kinda weird look that I seemed to care so much.
And that's when I figured it out.
I hated their shaved heads because the last time I saw someone suddenly go from hair to a shaved head it was Nathan and it was cancer. I hated Jonny's shaved head so much because I was emotionally processing his hair cut as though it was cancer.
And it didn't matter that it was two people, because people shave their heads in solidarity of friends all the time.
I didn't actually recognize any of this in the moment. It took two days.
I've gotten used to it and I'm ok now, and I feel bad that it was my initial reaction... but it's like the first time I saw an ambulance after Nathan died... You just never know what's going to be a trigger, and apparently I don't even know that I've been triggered until days later when I can't get it out of my head.
The illogical-ness of it all can be so frustrating sometimes.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Kara-rah-rah
Tonight I blew Kara's mind by informing her that black and green olives are the same thing, just the black olives are left on the tree longer.
Blew.
Her.
Mind.
I love my best friend. I love that she doesn't get insulted when I say that I'm going to describe her "like a hurricane.... but a good hurricane." (You know you use all these words to describe the force and power of a hurricane, but she's not destructive, just...intense.)
I also love that she has actually already thought of the dilemma that I will have describing her to people who don't know her, and so she has crafted a highly adaptable script for me to explain to them the glory and wonder and terror that is my best friend.
And I love that she is so good at accents... all accents, not just a few, like me.
And I love that she thinks I'm so funny and great.
And I love that she will listen and take me seriously when I explain why I'm not as shallow as I sound.
And pin pictures on pinterest that make her cry for 20 minutes.
And how she apologizes/checks in to make sure that I'm ok that she's the fox and I'm the hound dog, even though I'm the one who started the analogy.
And that she has back up plans for *every* possible contingency known to man.
And a few that no man would ever think to make a back-up plan for.
And that she believes and trusts me enough that she *almost* believed me when I said that kiwis and strawberries are actually the same fruit at different stages too, even though she totally knows they aren't.
Philadelphia better darn well appreciate what they are getting, lest I go up there and kick them all into the second Tuesday of next week.
Blew.
Her.
Mind.
I love my best friend. I love that she doesn't get insulted when I say that I'm going to describe her "like a hurricane.... but a good hurricane." (You know you use all these words to describe the force and power of a hurricane, but she's not destructive, just...intense.)
I also love that she has actually already thought of the dilemma that I will have describing her to people who don't know her, and so she has crafted a highly adaptable script for me to explain to them the glory and wonder and terror that is my best friend.
And I love that she is so good at accents... all accents, not just a few, like me.
And I love that she thinks I'm so funny and great.
And I love that she will listen and take me seriously when I explain why I'm not as shallow as I sound.
And pin pictures on pinterest that make her cry for 20 minutes.
And how she apologizes/checks in to make sure that I'm ok that she's the fox and I'm the hound dog, even though I'm the one who started the analogy.
And that she has back up plans for *every* possible contingency known to man.
And a few that no man would ever think to make a back-up plan for.
And that she believes and trusts me enough that she *almost* believed me when I said that kiwis and strawberries are actually the same fruit at different stages too, even though she totally knows they aren't.
Philadelphia better darn well appreciate what they are getting, lest I go up there and kick them all into the second Tuesday of next week.
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Kindest People in the Whole of Humanity
Here's the thing.
I think the people who read my blog are probably the kindest people in the whole of humanity.
And it's pretty safe to say this, because you are reading this blog, so I think you are one of the kindest people in the whole of humanity. (It's kinda a win-win thing for me to say, because it's both true and virtually impossible to disprove.)
Anyway I say this because of how you respond to me.
Whenever I write a blog post about being sad or lonely or upset, I always get this outpouring of compassion, encouragement, prayer, and love via comments on the post or facebook.
Nothing is forcing you to write me a note, and yet so many of you do-- and often times you are thanking me for being honest or open.... or telling me to hang in there... or that you think I'm beautiful
Really, it's me who should be thanking you. You make it safe for me to say exactly what I'm feeling, because you don't judge me.
You don't judge me for being happy, or shallow, or pensive, or upset.
You don't judge me for being inconsistent or contradictory.
Those of you who see me in person on a semi-regular basis don't assume that just because I blogged with one emotion that I'm still feeling that way when you see me, but you do check in- just to make sure that I'm doing ok.
I know I haven't gone at this grief process in a "typical" way... But I've never felt like someone thought I was too happy or was judging me for "getting over it" too quickly. And in the same vein, I never feel judged for those moments (like yesterday) when it still hurts as much as it did at 8:31AM that day almost a year and 5 months ago.
You all just accept me as I am and you don't judge me for my weaknesses. You love me for them.
You genuinely love this girl who I sometimes think is being whiney and indulgent and selfish.
It's all just really reassuring to a non-emotional girl wading through this emotional tempest.
Thank you for helping me create this safe space, thank you for loving me through the hard spots, and thank you for your prayers.
My life could be so much harder than it is, but every single one of you help lighten the load, and I'm eternally grateful.
I think the people who read my blog are probably the kindest people in the whole of humanity.
And it's pretty safe to say this, because you are reading this blog, so I think you are one of the kindest people in the whole of humanity. (It's kinda a win-win thing for me to say, because it's both true and virtually impossible to disprove.)
Anyway I say this because of how you respond to me.
Whenever I write a blog post about being sad or lonely or upset, I always get this outpouring of compassion, encouragement, prayer, and love via comments on the post or facebook.
Nothing is forcing you to write me a note, and yet so many of you do-- and often times you are thanking me for being honest or open.... or telling me to hang in there... or that you think I'm beautiful
Really, it's me who should be thanking you. You make it safe for me to say exactly what I'm feeling, because you don't judge me.
You don't judge me for being happy, or shallow, or pensive, or upset.
You don't judge me for being inconsistent or contradictory.
Those of you who see me in person on a semi-regular basis don't assume that just because I blogged with one emotion that I'm still feeling that way when you see me, but you do check in- just to make sure that I'm doing ok.
I know I haven't gone at this grief process in a "typical" way... But I've never felt like someone thought I was too happy or was judging me for "getting over it" too quickly. And in the same vein, I never feel judged for those moments (like yesterday) when it still hurts as much as it did at 8:31AM that day almost a year and 5 months ago.
You all just accept me as I am and you don't judge me for my weaknesses. You love me for them.
You genuinely love this girl who I sometimes think is being whiney and indulgent and selfish.
It's all just really reassuring to a non-emotional girl wading through this emotional tempest.
Thank you for helping me create this safe space, thank you for loving me through the hard spots, and thank you for your prayers.
My life could be so much harder than it is, but every single one of you help lighten the load, and I'm eternally grateful.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
E-mails and Mac and Cheese
You know it's a good manicure when, the only human interaction you had all day included a girl complimenting you on your nails.
I don't paint my nails for guys. Most of them don't notice and fewer of them care. I paint my nails for myself and for other girls.
I've been super prolific as far as blogging goes lately. I actually have 2 blogs on the back burner, that are just waiting to be published on a day that I don't have anything to say... which hasn't happened yet.
But for today I promised mac and cheese, which I will get to in a moment. First, though, I would like for you to join me in a perusal of my e-mail inbox. Within the past few days I have received e-mails with the following subject lines:
"Pollen Bees & Upgrades"
"I Have My Cake and I Will Eat It Too!"
"Moon City"
"Why Early Readers are going the way of the Dodo." (This is actually one I sent. Yes, my capitalization in that sentence is CraZy random. No, I don't know why.)
"why you can write books and make millions too"
Thank you for joining me on my e-mail tour. I hope you enjoy randomness as much as I do... if not we might be in trouble.
The funny part is that none of those were junk mail. They were all real e-mails and the e-mails actually made sense with those subject lines. Boy, alien anthropologists are gonna have a field day with me... is it weird that I often think of how to make my life the most interesting for aliens who are studying people in 10,000 years?
Now, to totally change the subject, I'm pretty sure I should be taking a multi-vitamin... Yesterday I had a venti Iced Chai, a piece of pumpkin bread, a meal from Wendy's and a lemon bar. Today I had two lemon bars, (they are gone now, thank heavens) a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, 10 Bagel Bites and a pack of Gushers. You will notice a distinct lack of vegetables in that line-up.
Yeah, it's really terrible.
However, I can say one thing. I have now officially tried all of the new macaroni and cheeses that have been popping up all over the bloody place and here is my review (cause I know my feelings on macaroni are really important to you):
McAlisters- Maybe they've had mac and cheese for a while and I just missed the train, being too distracted by their lovely sweet tea buckets. (To be fair they call them, "cups," but I know a bucket when I see one!) Regardless this mac and cheese is... fine. Better than your average buffet restaurant mac and cheese, but... your mom's is probably better... well.... maybe not if your "mom's" comes in a tall skinny blue box.
Wendy's- Or as I like to think of it, "'It's ok, you tryyyyy!' mac and cheese." This pretty well is standard-buffet-line mac and cheese.. The noodles were pretty mushy and that cheese was scary orange. However they do put some shredded cheddar cheese on top when you order it so that there is a little variation in texture and taste... but that's about all they have going for them. Survey says: Stick with the baked potato... or the chili... or the salad as a side... Heck, I didn't need another side option that I like at Wendy's anyway.
Panera- They have somehow achieved mac and cheese perfection at Panera, I think they might have gotten in on Pioneer Woman's "soul to the devil for amazing recipes" deal... either that or they just hired her to make their mac and cheese recipe.. The noodles aren't mushy and gross like pasta normally is in a resteraunt that doesn't only serve pasta and the cheese sauce, while white (which actually makes it seem more like real cheese not scary neon orange goo) is amazing. For the rest of my life when I partake in mac and cheese I'll secretly be craving this mac and cheese. Perhaps I oversell, but if you go, get bread as your side so you can use it to eat every last droplet of that leftover cheese sauce like the crack-laced fondue happiness that it is.
I don't paint my nails for guys. Most of them don't notice and fewer of them care. I paint my nails for myself and for other girls.
I've been super prolific as far as blogging goes lately. I actually have 2 blogs on the back burner, that are just waiting to be published on a day that I don't have anything to say... which hasn't happened yet.
But for today I promised mac and cheese, which I will get to in a moment. First, though, I would like for you to join me in a perusal of my e-mail inbox. Within the past few days I have received e-mails with the following subject lines:
"Pollen Bees & Upgrades"
"I Have My Cake and I Will Eat It Too!"
"Moon City"
"Why Early Readers are going the way of the Dodo." (This is actually one I sent. Yes, my capitalization in that sentence is CraZy random. No, I don't know why.)
"why you can write books and make millions too"
Thank you for joining me on my e-mail tour. I hope you enjoy randomness as much as I do... if not we might be in trouble.
The funny part is that none of those were junk mail. They were all real e-mails and the e-mails actually made sense with those subject lines. Boy, alien anthropologists are gonna have a field day with me... is it weird that I often think of how to make my life the most interesting for aliens who are studying people in 10,000 years?
Now, to totally change the subject, I'm pretty sure I should be taking a multi-vitamin... Yesterday I had a venti Iced Chai, a piece of pumpkin bread, a meal from Wendy's and a lemon bar. Today I had two lemon bars, (they are gone now, thank heavens) a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, 10 Bagel Bites and a pack of Gushers. You will notice a distinct lack of vegetables in that line-up.
Yeah, it's really terrible.
However, I can say one thing. I have now officially tried all of the new macaroni and cheeses that have been popping up all over the bloody place and here is my review (cause I know my feelings on macaroni are really important to you):
McAlisters- Maybe they've had mac and cheese for a while and I just missed the train, being too distracted by their lovely sweet tea buckets. (To be fair they call them, "cups," but I know a bucket when I see one!) Regardless this mac and cheese is... fine. Better than your average buffet restaurant mac and cheese, but... your mom's is probably better... well.... maybe not if your "mom's" comes in a tall skinny blue box.
Wendy's- Or as I like to think of it, "'It's ok, you tryyyyy!' mac and cheese." This pretty well is standard-buffet-line mac and cheese.. The noodles were pretty mushy and that cheese was scary orange. However they do put some shredded cheddar cheese on top when you order it so that there is a little variation in texture and taste... but that's about all they have going for them. Survey says: Stick with the baked potato... or the chili... or the salad as a side... Heck, I didn't need another side option that I like at Wendy's anyway.
Panera- They have somehow achieved mac and cheese perfection at Panera, I think they might have gotten in on Pioneer Woman's "soul to the devil for amazing recipes" deal... either that or they just hired her to make their mac and cheese recipe.. The noodles aren't mushy and gross like pasta normally is in a resteraunt that doesn't only serve pasta and the cheese sauce, while white (which actually makes it seem more like real cheese not scary neon orange goo) is amazing. For the rest of my life when I partake in mac and cheese I'll secretly be craving this mac and cheese. Perhaps I oversell, but if you go, get bread as your side so you can use it to eat every last droplet of that leftover cheese sauce like the crack-laced fondue happiness that it is.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Stiff Upper Lip
Today I was driving to Celito Lindo to have lunch with Kara. And out of nowhere I almost started to cry.
I may have mentioned before that I'm not exactly thrilled that Kara is moving halfway across the country?
In case I didn't, I'm not exactly thrilled.
Yes, they did move the timeline up a month earlier than I was expecting... but I knew this was coming. How does one form a stiffer upper lip?
(By the way, a "stiff upper lip" is called such because at some point it was determined that it's your upper lip that trembles when you are upset? Does your upper lip tremble? It's my lower lip that trembles. Crazy Brits.)
But here's the thing I was thinking about today as I held back the tears: As sucky as it is for me.... it's worse for Josh and Kara.
Ok, yes, it is technically their decision, but they really and truly believe that it's what God wants them to do. And believing that, it's what they have to do.
And they are making a lot of sacrifices to do what they think God wants.
They aren't just leaving Kara's best friend.
(Though that's a big deal, to be perfectly clear.)
They are also leaving all of their other friends.
They are leaving people they've known for more than 10 years.
They are leaving people that they trust to take care of their child.
They are leaving all their favorite restaurants, and stores, and shortcuts and neighborhoods and general familiarity with the city.
Not only that but they are leaving their parents.
"Mom and Dad" aren't going to just be a 4 hour car trip away anymore.
Kara's sister just moved closer to her and now Kara's about to move to Philadelphia.
That's a lot. That's a whole lot to give up to uncertainty and prayer.
As hard as this is on me, it's got nothing on how hard it must be on them.
So I'm going to try and do everything I can to help... perhaps I should have started by not listing off all the things they are going to miss, but I think it needs to stay, because I need to remember that I'm losing three very important people from my "everyday" but they are losing almost every important person.
So I'm going to be around when they need help with packing. And I'm going to be moral support. And I'm going to love them as much as I can while they are here, and I kinda think you should, too if you know them.
I won't stop being awesome so that it's easier to leave me.
After all, I still want to feature prominently in Kara's sermons!
But short of changing my personality, I want to be there for them as much as I can, because though it effects me tremendously, it's just not about me.
It's their adventure and I want to be the best support I can be.
I may have mentioned before that I'm not exactly thrilled that Kara is moving halfway across the country?
In case I didn't, I'm not exactly thrilled.
Yes, they did move the timeline up a month earlier than I was expecting... but I knew this was coming. How does one form a stiffer upper lip?
(By the way, a "stiff upper lip" is called such because at some point it was determined that it's your upper lip that trembles when you are upset? Does your upper lip tremble? It's my lower lip that trembles. Crazy Brits.)
But here's the thing I was thinking about today as I held back the tears: As sucky as it is for me.... it's worse for Josh and Kara.
Ok, yes, it is technically their decision, but they really and truly believe that it's what God wants them to do. And believing that, it's what they have to do.
And they are making a lot of sacrifices to do what they think God wants.
They aren't just leaving Kara's best friend.
(Though that's a big deal, to be perfectly clear.)
They are also leaving all of their other friends.
They are leaving people they've known for more than 10 years.
They are leaving people that they trust to take care of their child.
They are leaving all their favorite restaurants, and stores, and shortcuts and neighborhoods and general familiarity with the city.
Not only that but they are leaving their parents.
"Mom and Dad" aren't going to just be a 4 hour car trip away anymore.
Kara's sister just moved closer to her and now Kara's about to move to Philadelphia.
That's a lot. That's a whole lot to give up to uncertainty and prayer.
As hard as this is on me, it's got nothing on how hard it must be on them.
So I'm going to try and do everything I can to help... perhaps I should have started by not listing off all the things they are going to miss, but I think it needs to stay, because I need to remember that I'm losing three very important people from my "everyday" but they are losing almost every important person.
So I'm going to be around when they need help with packing. And I'm going to be moral support. And I'm going to love them as much as I can while they are here, and I kinda think you should, too if you know them.
I won't stop being awesome so that it's easier to leave me.
After all, I still want to feature prominently in Kara's sermons!
But short of changing my personality, I want to be there for them as much as I can, because though it effects me tremendously, it's just not about me.
It's their adventure and I want to be the best support I can be.
Friday, May 11, 2012
ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLLLLLANGE?!
Tomorrow I get my hair done, meet my graduate advisor, and have dinner with family. It's going to be a busy day.
So to prepare for this busy day I stayed up until 3 hanging out with Kara and Melissa, though Melissa left at like 12:30 or something.
Kara didn't leave at 12:30, but she did make fun of me a lot for being excited about chairs.
Darn skippy that's a non sequitur. It's late and non sequiturs are cool when it's late!
Yes, I will explain what I meant though, cause I think your face is cute.
The other day I linked to a "Cracked" article on facebook.
This "Cracked" article to be exact.
When I linked to the article I said that my favorite is #8 "France's Mission Impossible Fun Team." Melissa and Kara hadn't read it so I was trying to explain how amazing this group of people is.
And I may have said, "They broke into this government building a whole bunch of times and set up a super awesome workshop with a whole bunch of high tech tools... and chairs!"
(They were doing all this to fix a big old historic clock which I think is awesome. It's very Robin Hood of them...)
ANYWAY- Kara picked up on the fact that I said what made this workshop awesome was that they had chairs and she didn't let it go
Come to think of it, it really turned into a "money can't buy knives" Surf Ninja moment.
There was no way to shut the chattering monkey up.
I mean she probably would have if she could have just sat down, but my apartment just isn't that high tech and awesome.
Also-- the end of the story? Someone high up in the government got so mad that they broke in to restore/ fix this old clock that he/she broke it again by removing a crucial one-of-a-kind component, and locking it up.
Which begs two questions,
1) Who is that bitter that they chose to re-break a clock just because they didn't like how it was fixed
and 2) Aren't you just asking for them to pull off an Ocean's 11 style clock-part-heist??
So to prepare for this busy day I stayed up until 3 hanging out with Kara and Melissa, though Melissa left at like 12:30 or something.
Kara didn't leave at 12:30, but she did make fun of me a lot for being excited about chairs.
Darn skippy that's a non sequitur. It's late and non sequiturs are cool when it's late!
Yes, I will explain what I meant though, cause I think your face is cute.
The other day I linked to a "Cracked" article on facebook.
This "Cracked" article to be exact.
When I linked to the article I said that my favorite is #8 "France's Mission Impossible Fun Team." Melissa and Kara hadn't read it so I was trying to explain how amazing this group of people is.
And I may have said, "They broke into this government building a whole bunch of times and set up a super awesome workshop with a whole bunch of high tech tools... and chairs!"
(They were doing all this to fix a big old historic clock which I think is awesome. It's very Robin Hood of them...)
ANYWAY- Kara picked up on the fact that I said what made this workshop awesome was that they had chairs and she didn't let it go
Come to think of it, it really turned into a "money can't buy knives" Surf Ninja moment.
There was no way to shut the chattering monkey up.
I mean she probably would have if she could have just sat down, but my apartment just isn't that high tech and awesome.
Also-- the end of the story? Someone high up in the government got so mad that they broke in to restore/ fix this old clock that he/she broke it again by removing a crucial one-of-a-kind component, and locking it up.
Which begs two questions,
1) Who is that bitter that they chose to re-break a clock just because they didn't like how it was fixed
and 2) Aren't you just asking for them to pull off an Ocean's 11 style clock-part-heist??
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Coming out of denial
It may be the country music I'm listening to.
Or it may just be that my brain is trying to mentally prepare myself,
but I'm finally starting to come out of denial that my best friend is moving halfway across the country from me.
Don't get me wrong, I want them to do it because I know it's what's best for them, and they are following God's plan.
And I know it's not like it used to be in the pioneer days when the trip from Pennsylvania to Missouri was a once in a lifetime sojurn...
but it's not here in the very same town.
It's not even in the same state.
God's provided me with lots of friends... even lots of close friends, especially since Nathan has gone.
But there is only one Kara.
And I know this is the way that it has to be, because it's almost impossible for anyone to break into the Karanae fortress. (including our poor husbands)
But I don't want her to leave.
Who am I supposed to stay up late with and act like we're drunk but never touch alcohol?
Who am I supposed to call crying in the middle of the night and she will rush over with ice cream? (I've never actually done this, but if it was an emergency I know I could.)
Who am I supposed to make white cakes with white icing for and buy Pepsi for?
I know, I know, she's not dying. She'll still be my friend. We'll be able to skype and phone and text... and when the time comes we'll both suck it up and deal because we know it's for the best.
But that doesn't mean that there won't be a huge hole in my life.
Or that I'm ready for it.
Or it may just be that my brain is trying to mentally prepare myself,
but I'm finally starting to come out of denial that my best friend is moving halfway across the country from me.
Don't get me wrong, I want them to do it because I know it's what's best for them, and they are following God's plan.
And I know it's not like it used to be in the pioneer days when the trip from Pennsylvania to Missouri was a once in a lifetime sojurn...
but it's not here in the very same town.
It's not even in the same state.
God's provided me with lots of friends... even lots of close friends, especially since Nathan has gone.
But there is only one Kara.
And I know this is the way that it has to be, because it's almost impossible for anyone to break into the Karanae fortress. (including our poor husbands)
But I don't want her to leave.
Who am I supposed to stay up late with and act like we're drunk but never touch alcohol?
Who am I supposed to call crying in the middle of the night and she will rush over with ice cream? (I've never actually done this, but if it was an emergency I know I could.)
Who am I supposed to make white cakes with white icing for and buy Pepsi for?
I know, I know, she's not dying. She'll still be my friend. We'll be able to skype and phone and text... and when the time comes we'll both suck it up and deal because we know it's for the best.
But that doesn't mean that there won't be a huge hole in my life.
Or that I'm ready for it.
"Ten minutes isn't very long to say an eternal farewell in," said Anne tearfully. "Oh, Diana, will you promise faithfully never to forget me, the friend of your youth, no matter what dearer friends may caress thee?"(excerpt from Chapter XVII of Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery)
"Indeed I will," sobbed Diana, "and I'll never have another bosom friend--I don't want to have. I couldn't love anybody as I love you."
"Oh, Diana," cried Anne, clasping her hands, "do you love me?"
"Why, of course I do. Didn't you know that?"
"No." Anne drew a long breath. "I thought you liked me of course but I never hoped you loved me. Why, Diana, I didn't think anybody could love me. Nobody ever has loved me since I can remember. Oh, this is wonderful! It's a ray of light which will forever shine on the darkness of a path severed from thee, Diana. Oh, just say it once again."
"I love you devotedly, Anne," said Diana stanchly, "and I always will, you may be sure of that."
"And I will always love thee, Diana," said Anne, solemnly extending her hand. "In the years to come thy memory will shine like a star over my lonely life, as that last story we read together says. Diana, wilt thou give me a lock of thy jet-black tresses in parting to treasure forevermore?"
"Have you got anything to cut it with?" queried Diana, wiping away the tears which Anne's affecting accents had caused to flow afresh, and returning to practicalities.
"Yes. I've got my patchwork scissors in my apron pocket fortunately," said Anne. She solemnly clipped one of Diana's curls. "Fare thee well, my beloved friend. Henceforth we must be as strangers though living side by side. But my heart will ever be faithful to thee."
Anne stood and watched Diana out of sight, mournfully waving her hand to the latter whenever she turned to look back. Then she returned to the house, not a little consoled for the time being by this romantic parting.
"It is all over," she informed Marilla. "I shall never have another friend. I'm really worse off than ever before, for I haven't Katie Maurice and Violetta now. And even if I had it wouldn't be the same. Somehow, little dream girls are not satisfying after a real friend. Diana and I had such an affecting farewell down by the spring. It will be sacred in my memory forever. I used the most pathetic language I could think of and said `thou' and `thee.' `Thou' and `thee' seem so much more romantic than `you.' Diana gave me a lock of her hair and I'm going to sew it up in a little bag and wear it around my neck all my life. Please see that it is buried with me, for I don't believe I'll live very long. Perhaps when she sees me lying cold and dead before her Mrs. Barry may feel remorse for what she has done and will let Diana come to my funeral."
Monday, April 23, 2012
Squirrel
Today Tim was talking about how God should be your best friend... and about how spending time with Him should ideally fly by in the same way that it does with your human best friend...
So Kara and I put that into practice tonight and it was accidentally 2AM when she left... She came over at...umm... 6:30?
A friend told us, "You two need to stop staying up late and acting like you're drunk when I know you're totally not."
It's true. Not drunk. Just high on life.
But every moment I think, "I have to make this last, I have to enjoy this. Who knows when it will happen again?"
Soon she will be far away from me and unable to sit at my computer and "hack" into my e-mail account and impersonate me. (Does it count as "hacking" if I just left my e-mail open and she didn't even have to try to get into it?)
Soon I will long for the days when I could bake her a cake because she asked me to. (Oh you laugh but I totally did it the other day. One of the ways I know that people love me is if they let me do things for them/take care of them. Strange but true fact about Renée)
I have to be drunk now. That's part of living without regrets- Embracing the moment. Go with what you feel.
What do I feel?
I feel cold
Man, I'm so cold!
It was cold today.
I'm going to bed.
I may have taken this whole "embracing the moment" thing a bit far... I'm beginning to sound like a squirrel with ADD.
and a boring ADD squirrel to boot!
So Kara and I put that into practice tonight and it was accidentally 2AM when she left... She came over at...umm... 6:30?
A friend told us, "You two need to stop staying up late and acting like you're drunk when I know you're totally not."
It's true. Not drunk. Just high on life.
But every moment I think, "I have to make this last, I have to enjoy this. Who knows when it will happen again?"
Soon she will be far away from me and unable to sit at my computer and "hack" into my e-mail account and impersonate me. (Does it count as "hacking" if I just left my e-mail open and she didn't even have to try to get into it?)
Soon I will long for the days when I could bake her a cake because she asked me to. (Oh you laugh but I totally did it the other day. One of the ways I know that people love me is if they let me do things for them/take care of them. Strange but true fact about Renée)
I have to be drunk now. That's part of living without regrets- Embracing the moment. Go with what you feel.
What do I feel?
I feel cold
Man, I'm so cold!
It was cold today.
I'm going to bed.
I may have taken this whole "embracing the moment" thing a bit far... I'm beginning to sound like a squirrel with ADD.
and a boring ADD squirrel to boot!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Céad Mile Fáilte
Moooving.
I'm tired.. and today was just boxes.. really only like three trips of boxes, too.
And Kara and Katie came over to say goodbye to old apartment, tonight... but then I didn't do the packing that I meant to because I was hanging out... so my kitchen looks like a tornado hit it... and things are just not as they should be for this moving.
I'm really really glad I have a weekend between now and when I need to be out so that I can come back and get all the little stuff that I'm not going to move tomorrow because my place isn't ready.
I'm also glad that Bill and Paula love me and will forgive me that I'm not as prepared as I wanted to be
By the by, I want to ask people on facebook to come help out "Old Widow Dunn" because I think it's kinda funny and sounds like a frontier thing to say... do you think people can handle it? I think I might do it anyway. I think it's funny!
Jonny came and helped The Widda Dunn tonight... It was really great... I kinda forgot what it was like to have someone else do something at the same time as you, therefore meaning that you do it in half the time.
Dang, partnership is nice.
Also I have St. Patrick's Day nails that I'm almost sure I'm going to break at least one of by the time this move is over.
I'm tired.. and today was just boxes.. really only like three trips of boxes, too.
And Kara and Katie came over to say goodbye to old apartment, tonight... but then I didn't do the packing that I meant to because I was hanging out... so my kitchen looks like a tornado hit it... and things are just not as they should be for this moving.
I'm really really glad I have a weekend between now and when I need to be out so that I can come back and get all the little stuff that I'm not going to move tomorrow because my place isn't ready.
I'm also glad that Bill and Paula love me and will forgive me that I'm not as prepared as I wanted to be
By the by, I want to ask people on facebook to come help out "Old Widow Dunn" because I think it's kinda funny and sounds like a frontier thing to say... do you think people can handle it? I think I might do it anyway. I think it's funny!
Jonny came and helped The Widda Dunn tonight... It was really great... I kinda forgot what it was like to have someone else do something at the same time as you, therefore meaning that you do it in half the time.
Dang, partnership is nice.
Also I have St. Patrick's Day nails that I'm almost sure I'm going to break at least one of by the time this move is over.
I love that I am always wearing green because my eyes are green, but green plaid nails are kinda awesome too.
And to close I leave with that traditional Irish blessing... I know it's kinda cliche and hackneyed now, but I still quite like it.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
"And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight."
Friday, March 16, 2012
I'd like to propose a toast.
Well I wrote an annoyed blog. It was kinda long.... and totally obscure... and kinda passive-aggressive.
I think we all have a streak of the passive aggressive in us... but it's important to quash it when we can.
So this is me attempting to quash it.
So instead I'm going to give you some non-passive, non-aggressive statements... Things that I think, but I don't think you can say often enough. So, *raises a glass* here's to you guys.
Kara is hilarious. And she always knows exactly what to say to me- even when she doesn't know what to say. She's always honest with me and she has great hair.
Melissa is totally gorgeous. She giggles at really random things which I love and she's really great at listening to a problem before making any judgements. (She chose her profession wisely.)
Katie is an incredible hostess. She likes making people feel welcome and she's good at it. Also she does surprise random things for others, just because she knows that they will like them.
Jonny is so humble. He's willing to take the blame in situations that aren't his fault and when he is in the wrong his apologies are sincere. He'd also do just about anything for a friend if they asked him.
Josh is so incredibly friendly. I wish I had the ease and comfort with strangers that Josh has. He's fearless and he, too, would do anything he could to help someone.
The best word to describe Bill is congenial. Bill is not one you will catch unhappy for long. He just has a buoyancy of spirit that pulls him up-- and in turn the people around him. He also knows every song lyric ever written...and every internet meme.
And these are just a few of the amazing people I know (and it doesn't even begin to touch on the ones I'm related to.) There are lots more... far more than I can even attempt to name... because I would invariably leave someone off who was important and deserves to be mentioned.
So here's to you. I think you're great.
I think we all have a streak of the passive aggressive in us... but it's important to quash it when we can.
So this is me attempting to quash it.
So instead I'm going to give you some non-passive, non-aggressive statements... Things that I think, but I don't think you can say often enough. So, *raises a glass* here's to you guys.
Kara is hilarious. And she always knows exactly what to say to me- even when she doesn't know what to say. She's always honest with me and she has great hair.
Melissa is totally gorgeous. She giggles at really random things which I love and she's really great at listening to a problem before making any judgements. (She chose her profession wisely.)
Katie is an incredible hostess. She likes making people feel welcome and she's good at it. Also she does surprise random things for others, just because she knows that they will like them.
Jonny is so humble. He's willing to take the blame in situations that aren't his fault and when he is in the wrong his apologies are sincere. He'd also do just about anything for a friend if they asked him.
Josh is so incredibly friendly. I wish I had the ease and comfort with strangers that Josh has. He's fearless and he, too, would do anything he could to help someone.
The best word to describe Bill is congenial. Bill is not one you will catch unhappy for long. He just has a buoyancy of spirit that pulls him up-- and in turn the people around him. He also knows every song lyric ever written...and every internet meme.
And these are just a few of the amazing people I know (and it doesn't even begin to touch on the ones I'm related to.) There are lots more... far more than I can even attempt to name... because I would invariably leave someone off who was important and deserves to be mentioned.
So here's to you. I think you're great.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Annoying
Kara and I were discussing something tonight and she told me I should blog about it... so I am.
Last Sunday, the sermon was about being a community- being the type of community God tells us to be. How we are to interact with with other. The main scripture reference was Ephesians, 4:1-6. The part of it that I'm going to focus on is just a small part of Tim's message so if you want to actually listen to the sermon it's at this link -And if you want to hear him talk about what I'm referring to, it's at 20:26. What I'm focusing on is 4:2- "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." In other words, "Be nice and lovingly put up with one another." We are supposed to do that because we are supposed to be an example to the world of what God wants for us all.
Tim told us that the word patience there can also be translated as "long suffering." In the sermon, he makes reference to how if you've ever been a part of a marriage, a family, or even a group of friends you know that there is a certain amount of "long suffering" and patience that has to be employed. It's not because we don't love the others, it's just because they are not us. I got annoyed with Nathan often. I got embarrassed by Nathan often. There were many times where I just wanted to throw my hand across his mouth to stop him from saying something that I felt was horribly wrong or offensive.
It's almost impossible to believe (or not so much) but I'm willing to wager there were things that Nathan also found annoying about me. I know he hated that I chewed my nails, but I'm sure there were a lot of other things that he just never told me, because I couldn't help it, or it would hurt my feelings... the same thing goes for my family. Rhonda used to hate that I would sing along to every song on the radio... and she'd yell at me for not singing in the same octave as the male musicians. I would get irritated with her over equally trivial things. But we put up with it, we get over it, and we ignore it- because we love this person. Because they are a part of our family.
Then I read an article the other day on Cracked, entitled "7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable" (Click for link, but beware of the language)
The article is based on the premise that people are more unhappy today and part of the reason why is that the number of close friends that people are reporting to have is dropping quickly and significantly. The article blames a lot of this on the internet, but I thought it was interesting that the first two reasons had a lot to do with the idea of "putting up with one another in love"
The first was: We don't have enough annoying strangers in our lives.
The author claims that annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to-- like Iocane powder.
So the author says that the more we remove annoyances/annoying people from our lives the less able we are to deal with it when it does arise.
Makes sense to me, but then he takes it a step further with the second reason: We don't have enough annoying friends, either. Apparently before we all had the ability to filter out those who we found pompous or annoying, Americans as a whole considered themselves to be "happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends."
When people were just stuck with the people who happened to be born in the same town as they were, when they just had to "put up with one another in love" because the others weren't just like them, they said they were happier... Honestly it makes sense. It's a lot more gratifying to feel like someone who has nothing in common with you enjoys your company than to feel like someone who is practically your clone likes you. Of course clone-you is a fan... if they weren't, they would dislike themselves... but to get Joe Schmoe to like you, when you and he have no similarities?? Well that must mean you are something special. There is almost a sense of accomplishment in your friendship.
I guess I just find it a good reminder that a bit of annoyance every now and again is healthy for me... If you can get past the initial annoyance that they listen to different music or read different books, then perhaps you will be the best of friends. It's like germs... in large quantities very bad, but in small doses, beneficial to your social skills.
Plus I just sorta think it's so neat/cool/of course that God wants us to do something for Him that is actually good for us, too. God can be so tricksy like that!
Last Sunday, the sermon was about being a community- being the type of community God tells us to be. How we are to interact with with other. The main scripture reference was Ephesians, 4:1-6. The part of it that I'm going to focus on is just a small part of Tim's message so if you want to actually listen to the sermon it's at this link -And if you want to hear him talk about what I'm referring to, it's at 20:26. What I'm focusing on is 4:2- "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." In other words, "Be nice and lovingly put up with one another." We are supposed to do that because we are supposed to be an example to the world of what God wants for us all.
Tim told us that the word patience there can also be translated as "long suffering." In the sermon, he makes reference to how if you've ever been a part of a marriage, a family, or even a group of friends you know that there is a certain amount of "long suffering" and patience that has to be employed. It's not because we don't love the others, it's just because they are not us. I got annoyed with Nathan often. I got embarrassed by Nathan often. There were many times where I just wanted to throw my hand across his mouth to stop him from saying something that I felt was horribly wrong or offensive.
It's almost impossible to believe (or not so much) but I'm willing to wager there were things that Nathan also found annoying about me. I know he hated that I chewed my nails, but I'm sure there were a lot of other things that he just never told me, because I couldn't help it, or it would hurt my feelings... the same thing goes for my family. Rhonda used to hate that I would sing along to every song on the radio... and she'd yell at me for not singing in the same octave as the male musicians. I would get irritated with her over equally trivial things. But we put up with it, we get over it, and we ignore it- because we love this person. Because they are a part of our family.
Then I read an article the other day on Cracked, entitled "7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable" (Click for link, but beware of the language)
The article is based on the premise that people are more unhappy today and part of the reason why is that the number of close friends that people are reporting to have is dropping quickly and significantly. The article blames a lot of this on the internet, but I thought it was interesting that the first two reasons had a lot to do with the idea of "putting up with one another in love"
The first was: We don't have enough annoying strangers in our lives.
The author claims that annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to-- like Iocane powder.
 |
| What you do not smell is Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is among the more deadly poisons known to man. http://www.redbubble.com/people/purplecactus/works/7602237-iocane |
Makes sense to me, but then he takes it a step further with the second reason: We don't have enough annoying friends, either. Apparently before we all had the ability to filter out those who we found pompous or annoying, Americans as a whole considered themselves to be "happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends."
When people were just stuck with the people who happened to be born in the same town as they were, when they just had to "put up with one another in love" because the others weren't just like them, they said they were happier... Honestly it makes sense. It's a lot more gratifying to feel like someone who has nothing in common with you enjoys your company than to feel like someone who is practically your clone likes you. Of course clone-you is a fan... if they weren't, they would dislike themselves... but to get Joe Schmoe to like you, when you and he have no similarities?? Well that must mean you are something special. There is almost a sense of accomplishment in your friendship.
I guess I just find it a good reminder that a bit of annoyance every now and again is healthy for me... If you can get past the initial annoyance that they listen to different music or read different books, then perhaps you will be the best of friends. It's like germs... in large quantities very bad, but in small doses, beneficial to your social skills.
Plus I just sorta think it's so neat/cool/of course that God wants us to do something for Him that is actually good for us, too. God can be so tricksy like that!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
V is for Victory!
I feel like a widow should have a lot to say about Valentine's Day, but I don't know that I do. I had a really happy day. I liked seeing all the flowers on facebook, I got a lot done at work, I wore pink and knew what day it was, but it's the happiest Valentine's Day as a single gal I think I've ever had, honestly.
I do like a day that celebrates love. Yes, this particular day is over-commercialized (Rhonda, I say that for you.) But the idea of this day is not a bad one... hey, lets everyone in the world celebrate love.
I had a great night. Natalie invited me and Kara over to her house (her husband was working late) and we hung out and talked... and talked... and talked. It was great. Everyone told their proposal story, cause we're girls and that's how we roll. But, my, we talked about so much else.
But it was just really great... and I didn't feel sad that I don't have a specific Valentine... I mean yes, of course I would like to have someone to hold hands with and be overly mushy with and swoon over... but I'm feeling pretty content with where I am... I mean I don't seem to have enough time to take out my trash as it is, so maybe this is just my time in life to be busy and God will bring someone along when He doesn't have so much for me to do.... Or maybe this is just what it is... either way, it's ok... I've got plenty going on, and I'm good with that.
Is this what it's like to be a grown up on Valentine's Day?
Something humorous I noticed about myself tonight?
I've heard people say that the way to get a parent to like you is to compliment their child.... and I know that the same holds true of family in general. Well, I don't have children, and my family lives far away... but I tell you what, if a person seems to like my best friend, I instantly like them more. And if I can see that you think she's as hilarious and smart and slightly insane (in a good way) as I do.... Well, then I know we've got something in common.
I do like a day that celebrates love. Yes, this particular day is over-commercialized (Rhonda, I say that for you.) But the idea of this day is not a bad one... hey, lets everyone in the world celebrate love.
I had a great night. Natalie invited me and Kara over to her house (her husband was working late) and we hung out and talked... and talked... and talked. It was great. Everyone told their proposal story, cause we're girls and that's how we roll. But, my, we talked about so much else.
But it was just really great... and I didn't feel sad that I don't have a specific Valentine... I mean yes, of course I would like to have someone to hold hands with and be overly mushy with and swoon over... but I'm feeling pretty content with where I am... I mean I don't seem to have enough time to take out my trash as it is, so maybe this is just my time in life to be busy and God will bring someone along when He doesn't have so much for me to do.... Or maybe this is just what it is... either way, it's ok... I've got plenty going on, and I'm good with that.
Is this what it's like to be a grown up on Valentine's Day?
Something humorous I noticed about myself tonight?
I've heard people say that the way to get a parent to like you is to compliment their child.... and I know that the same holds true of family in general. Well, I don't have children, and my family lives far away... but I tell you what, if a person seems to like my best friend, I instantly like them more. And if I can see that you think she's as hilarious and smart and slightly insane (in a good way) as I do.... Well, then I know we've got something in common.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Bashing photos
I started to go to bed, and then realized I'd not blogged yet, so this is going to be shorter that I was planning earlier today. So, instead I'll give you some photos from yesterday:
It was a blast... I knew it was going to be fun... I had no idea it would be that much fun. Josh made a video, too. I'll attempt to link to it when he gets a chance to post it.
Here's a link to the video... Hopefully you can see it!
 |
| The rage, the fury, the sunglasses |
 |
| It's like a bashing ballet |
 |
| Not pictured: The shower of keys when he bashed it. |
 |
| Pictured: attitude. |
 |
| A fun time was had by all. |
Here's a link to the video... Hopefully you can see it!
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