How to be best friends

I got to see the lovely Kara a bit more today than I usually do. I saw her (and the darling Bolt) over my lunch break and then I went running errands with her - which turned into running errands, getting supper, and then getting ice cream. What can I say? Kara and I like to up the ante. It was really nice. Babies need a lot of time, so I've not gotten to hang out with my bestest friend for a while, so tonight was just fabulous.

Kara has decided to take the idea of guest blogging seriously- which is fine, I don't mind letting her have my soap box every once in a while. She has come up with two ideas, one of which I am unqualified to share and the other of which she has graciously told me that I can use... and I think I shall because it's very much along the lines of where my mind is going of late.

Kara and I are best friends... I wrote a blog post all about her once upon a simpler time. I was a different person then, but our friendship was/is the same. Well, this evening Kara was talking about her blog ideas and she said, "I think we need to share with the world one of the secrets to being best friends."

Naturally I asked, "And what is that?"

And she said, "We enjoy our relationship... and we enjoy talking about it. Like we talk about how great of friends we are, and how much we love that we are best friends and how such and such is why we are best friends. I don't see many other people do that."

And I said, "You are absolutely right." (In fact I'm pretty sure Kara has hit on one of the theories of communication, but unfortunately I can't remember at all which theory it is. It's akin to group think and has something to do with positive regard...)

**btw Communication Theory might be right under an art history class as something that I think all people should have to take. It's stupid to make every college graduate take a public speaking course when not all people need to speak publicly- but everyone has to communicate effectively.**

Anyway, what Kara said is true and as soon as she said that I realized it's something that Nathan and I used to do, too. I'm not really a compare-er, but when it comes to relationships... especially my close relationships I firmly believe that they are special and I say so. With Kara it comes out after she's said exactly the right thing to validate my feelings or she's made a joke that only the two of us would really find funny. And it sounds something like, "See, that's why your my best friend." or "Thank you for knowing that upset me." or even just, "You're my best friend, Copper." Kara says things like "That's why we are besties!" too. (I've yet to come to terms with "besties") Though, oftentimes she expresses it a bit more dramatically (aka more fun-ly) by making bold statements about how we could be a sitcom or start the "Real Housewives of Springfield", or by writing beautiful book inscriptions or touching e-mailed sentiments. But both of us recognize our friendship and affirm it to the other and in the process that cements our relationship that much tighter.

Nathan and I did something similar. We both thought the other person was great, and having a relationship that was rooted in a strong friendship, we talked about it. We talked about how strong our marriage was. I told him how happy I was to be married to him. He asked me to marry him about once every week or two from the moment we got engaged. I would always respond either "You already asked me that" or just "yes", while we were engaged and once we were married I would say, "I already did, silly!"

He would reply somewhere along the lines of, "Oh yeah! That was the best idea I ever had." and I would agree. We talked at length about how special we thought our relationship was. Not because no one had ever had a relationship like ours, (many have!) but because that type of relationship is something to be cherished no matter how many exist in the world. And I think that made us stronger.

It's a fine line to walk. I've tried the same relationship admiration with other people and only succeeded in freaking them out or making them think that I am needy, which isn't actually even all that true. And I've had people come on too strong with me and assume a closeness that I wasn't quite feeling... and to be honest there have been times when I ran from it as hard as I could. You have to be honest, sincere, and (especially at first) vulnerable.... but if you can manage to sync up and sincerely begin to point out the places and moments in your relationships where you and the other person just hit it off... and if they can reciprocate. I think it's one of the keys to having a friendship that passes the test of time. Even if it takes a while to get there... I think it's important. (And if it's the right person, it might even accelerate the friendship.)

Maybe it's all just me... Maybe the reason why Kara and I and Nathan and I hit it off so well is that we all come from the same positive regard boat... but I don't think so. I think it runs more deeply than that. People want to be special. And they want to be a part of something beyond the ordinary to make them feel special... and I think sometimes just putting a spotlight on the small things starts to make the big picture shine as well.

So Kara... did I do it justice? Were you gonna talk about some other aspect of relationship admiration? I feel like this is a huge well that I only pulled one bucket of water from and there is so much more, but it's getting onto 1:30 and my laptop battery is dying a slow death and this blog is already getting rather epic. So for now I leave it at that... perhaps I'll pull some more buckets at a later date.