Creepy but Comforting

I found some "spiritual journals" of Nathan's... and I skimmed them for my name, cause I'm shallow like that... and I found this:

"April, 2005

During a late night conversation with Renée, several times she spoke exactly the words I was thinking as if I had spoken them. As we discussed the increasing commonness of the occurrence, I saw white wings in the reflection in her eyes. She said that God was offering her a gift, but with consequences-- a loss of normalcy, and the risk of extreme emotional pain."

I didn't see any wing reflections... and I'm sure that I didn't state things as matter-of-factly and succinctly in the moment as Nathan did, writing it down, and I'm positive that I put a whole bunch of disclaimers on that statement, such as starting it with "I feel like, maybe...." But the phrases "loss of normalcy" and "risk of extreme emotional pain" ...those are my words... I can tell because I've used them a lot since cancer and especially since Nathan died. I probably even used them on this blog a few times.

But here, I was using them during the 6 month break when Nathan and I weren't even dating.

That's a bit freaky cause it's hard to argue with that kind of recording.

But in another way it's really comforting.

Nathan was certainly a gift. And even knowing what I do now, I'd still choose him... but it's nice to think that maybe God let me in on something, even if I didn't understand it.

By the way, Kara pointed this out to me and I feel like I should pass it along-

So here is a helpful tip from a widow: If you are married and you have ever ever ever written anything negative about your spouse somewhere, get up *right now* and go destroy it completely. I'm really lucky, because Nathan loved me more than I deserve and I've never found anything disparaging about me, but once you die everything is fair game, and I can't even imagine how crushing it would be to read something mean/bad written by the person who means the most to you when he/she isn't even there to apologize and make it up to you.If you are dating/engaged to someone never ever write something negative about your significant other down. Then there is nothing to destroy.

This has been your widow public service announcement!