Disconnected

Wednesday I'm gonna throw a party. It's gonna be me and my computer, an online game, Skype, a youtube video, my blog, Netflix, e-mail, facebook, and sundry other internetty things. You are all invited from the privacy of your own homes.

Yesterday I left my old apartment for the last time... I looked around the empty walls that had contained so many good memories and so many hard memories and so many precious memories... and it was hard.

I'm now at the point where there are a lot of people who don't know that I'm a widow... cause it's not like it's something that I want to bring up.. but even the fact that they might not know... That's strange to me... it's amazing how much of a person's life you can't tell just by looking at them. Especially for me, because I place so much value on knowing and being known by people.

I'm really missing deep meaningful conversations... the soul bearing kind. I mean the kind that last for hours longer than you expected and you walk away from with the feeling that you have a small little piece of that person that you carry with you, now.

I like my new place but I'm feeling super detached... I don't see people during the day when I work, and I've been going home at night to unpack... and I park in my garage, so I don't even see people by chance parking... and I don't know my neighbors and I am just craving people. I really want to just sit around and talk and not do anything but just to talk.

Maybe I'm hitting my mid-life crisis... I feel like I'm not doing anything that matters, and I'm craving meaning... Maybe this just means it's been too long since I've had a chance to write.

And they say the internet doesn't actually make people feel connected.

Man, I've got to stop with the melancholy introspection. It's so not my mo.