When it's over

It's one of those melancholy evenings. When I just want someone around. Unfortunately for me, I'm picky about who I want around.

One of the things that I really loved about marriage was that it didn't end. I hate it when things end.  I always have.

I hate it when a show is done for the night, and even more when you strike set and it's done forever. I hate it when everyone goes home, when everyone gets tired, when everyone falls asleep.

When you are married, it doesn't end. You can literally fall asleep while laughing. Then you just wake up and start laughing again.

Ok, it's not quite like that... but a little, it is.

Only mine ended.

And pretty often I still get the feeling. The feeling that I used to get after a show... when there was nowhere to go and the world was shut down... but I wasn't done.

I'm not done.

I mean I could go downtown to where I'm sure there are still people who are insanely drunk wandering about, but that isn't what I want... I just want to have a conversation. I want to laugh until I fall asleep.

I want to have my head on someone's shoulder and talk about really personal things and really stupid things while tracing his hand with my finger. Not looking at each other- except for his hand. Except for my finger following each knuckle.