The Hug Array

It's 5:47.

I just finished a book and then realized I'd not blogged. Whoops! I thought about a blog in my head, but didn't actually write it... So I will now, I suppose.

So I've been thinking and I realize the other day, that for a non-touchy person I'm becoming an expert on hugs as of late, so I thought I would give you a list of them as I've experienced them. I do so for no real reason other than the idea that you might find it mildly entertaining.. or barring that at least true.

1) The confused hug: This hug happens when one of the parties doesn't know that a hug is imminent, when one hugger is seated while the other is standing, when they are both seated side by side, or when circumstances somehow otherwise collide to make the hugging ungainly. This is what happens in your head when that happens, "Ah? Wha? Where do I put my hand? No! That's her forehead! Ahh, can't put it there! What do I do, what do I do? Ummmmm curl it up upon itself and wish for detachable limbs? Good enough. Oh, it's over, thank heavens."

2) The awkward side hug: This hug is given when one or both of the parties don't really want to hug, but the situation compels them to. It's a hug given out of some sort of social obligation. A variant of this is when one person goes for a regular hug and the other person only wants a side hug... then it's an awkward, confused side hug. This is what is going through your head when that happens, "How long does this have to last? One... two... Ok, good enough, Trixie."

3) The genuine side hug: This is for people who it is inappropriate to give a real hug to, but you still like: Students to teachers... opposite gender marrieds... people you are about to go skipping down a yellow brick road with, people who have plates of food in their hands but you want to greet anyway. Here is your vein of thoughts on that one: "I like you! .... but a real hug would be kinda weird... Plus I might get a plate of food down my back so I'll just hug you from the side and stay far away from that marinara sauce."

4) The soft hug: Oh you know this hug... it's often given by people who have dead fish handshakes. It's a hug in the fact that arms are wrapped around each other but that's about it. Usually given by someone who is timid, shy, or unsure of the best way to handle the situation, but still wants to display some token of affection. Here is what is going on in your head when that happens, "A hug! Wait, are his/her arms around me at all? Was that a squeeze or just a strong breeze? Am I hugging a person or a hologram?"

5) The real deal: This is a good one. The huggers arms go in the right directions, the hug is solid and you are actually held by the other person for a moment. Neither is afraid of anything and it comes out of a place of genuine affection. It breaks off just before that moment where it's been too long and just makes you feel good. Here is what you think with this hug, "Wow, This is a good hug. Seriously, He/She should join the Olympic hugging team. They'd get the gold!"

6) The twitter-pated hug: This is the hug you have with someone you like, but haven't actually admitted to liking yet. It happens because one or both parties are flirts, or there is some nonsensical pathetic excuse that you can come up with to hug him/her. It lasts the right amount of time, mainly because everything in your brain is focused on making sure it doesn't become hug 1 or 2. Here is what you are thinking when you experience that hug: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't believe that worked! Oh, no, do I still have my hand on his/her back? Crap! Move, hand, move! Why won't you move?! Whew, finally. Do you think he/she noticed that? Do I want him/her to have noticed that? Is there any way to hug them again?"

7) The clinging hug: There are a few reasons for this hug. One is that someone is in desperate need of comfort, two is that someone is engaged in a twitter-pated hug that their brain didn't back them out of in time, three is that one of the parties is under the age of 7, four is that one of the huggers isn't responding to the universal hug-tighter-for-a-second release cues or thinks the other person needs more comfort than they do, and five is that one of the people is just clingy. Here is what your thoughts are with this hug, "Oh, that's nice, a hug!  ...and hug tight for a count and release... and release... release. Good Golly, man, let go! What the heck? Why can't I escape? Oh no, please don't tell me I'm going to have to go about my day trapped in a hug. I got things to do today, I can't be locked up in arm jail! Why won't they let me go? Let go, let go, let go! You cannae take my Freedom!!        Ah, at long last I'm free! Praise the Lord!"

And there you have it. Hugs in the full spectrum... Same number as the colors of a rainbow if you count indigo, which I, of course, do not.

Indigo is just blue-purple. Red-orange doesn't claim a spot in the rainbow and neither does yellow-green so I don't think Indigo should get such a pimp spot when it's only claim to fame is that it provides an i for that clever rainbow acronymn, ROY G. BIV

Indigo=usurper.

Ok that's enough. g'night!