Bomb Diggity List

So you may have noticed of late a distinct decrease in blogging.

This is for many reasons but the biggest of which is that I've started dating someone... in fact, I even call him my boyfriend from time to time...

And obviously new relationships take up a lot of time, which one might normally spend blogging.

But despite my lessened blogging time I'm having a fine old time and remembering all over again all the wonderful things that boys can/will do for you that you *could* do for yourself.. only you spend three times more effort than they seem to expend on the same activity.

So let me give a list to you of the many reasons why I have remembered that Boyfriends are the Bomb Diggity. (in no particular order)

1. Boyfriends can change your lightbulbs without a step ladder.
2. Boyfriends can hang that last picture in your stairwell that neither you nor any of your other friends could reach to hang.
3. Boyfriends will watch Dr. Who with you.
4. Boyfriends will make you breakfast for dinner. (Best pancakes evah!)
   4.5 Boyfriends will buy you dinner (different night... I don't have two dinners a day).
5. Boyfriends will play games with your friends.
6. Boyfriends will convince you to try Star Wars Risk, which you will like despite your initial misgivings.
7. Boyfriends will introduce you to yummy new foods like corned beef hash and horchata (not at the same time).
8. Boyfriends will tuck a blanket all around you so you won't be cold anymore.
9. Boyfriends have tiny tiny screwdrivers to fix your broken sunglasses.... and they will do the fixin for you, even though you totally just meant for them to bring over the tool so you could fix your own eyewear.
10. Boyfriends will take away the excess cookies so you are no longer haunted with the choice of either wasting the cookies or eating the cookies- neither of which you want to do.

Moving Day

Things that I have considered after driving away from Kara's empty apartment:

How painful the lump in my throat was.

How I would drive if I started crying.

How much I love Kara.

How much I love Josh.

How much I love Josh and Kara.

How much I love Bolt.

How much ice cream I have in my freezer.

How much ice cream a person can eat in a night.

How large the lack of "Warm Delights" in my pantry looms.

How I should go to the grocery store to buy out all the Warm Delights.

How to make my own Warm Delight cause who needs Betty Freaking Crocker?!?

***P.S. After one attempt at making a single serving "mug brownie," I can say who needs Betty Crocker. I do. Also, from here on out ice cream is living in the deep freeze. The defrost function is murder on ice cream when you don't eat it fast enough.

 In all seriousness, though.... Today was the day. Now some people might not know that Kara is coming back for the last weekend in August. You see they can't get their house in Philly until Sept. 5th, and also Kara and I have a 10 year friend-a-versary to celebrate. So, today wasn't the for-real goodbye... at least not for us....

but still... don't think that I didn't notice that the day my best friend moved away from Springfield is exactly one and a half years after my husband died. And in a strange way that put things into perspective for me.

Cause I know what a "permanent" goodbye feels like... and this isn't it. When I miss Kara, I won't be able to just drive over to her house... but I can call or e-mail or text or-- in a dire emergency-- drive to the airport and get on a plane.  Kara isn't gone from my life. I will visit her. She will come back for my wedding. (You know, to the guy I'm not even dating, yet. ;) )  She will know my children. I will know hers.

That's not to say that I'm not likely to sit down and have a good cry at some point.

But Kara's not gone from my life. Not even a little bit.

And she's doing what God's called her to do.

And I happen to think God knows what He's doing, even when it hurts.

Things of Excitement

We had a surprise party for Josh and Kara tonight... well, we surprised Josh. Kara was in on it.

Aaaand I'm pretty sure I will discuss this in more depth on Sunday evening... but not tonight.

Tonight I will tell you things of excitement.

1) My birthday is next week.  I'm turning 29... or 24, depending on how you look at it.

2) I'm finally registered for the Advanced Writing- Fiction class that I wanted!

3) The text for the AWF class that I just got into is the 2012 Moon City Review.... the one that I'm published in. *grin* That makes me feel so freaking cool! I'm sure it's just for reference, but still... makes a girl happy.

4) I found an 11x17 frame (Target was out when I went back. :-| I know! Right!?!) Walmart had my back, though.

5) My GA-ship is finally official!! I'm going to be the GA in the Training and Documentation Department of Computer Services. Huzzah for one more load off my mind!

6) I'm going to be speaking in church... on August 12th. Yeah, I know. So soon. Tim asked me to speak at the end of October... but then he reconsidered because he said that he wanted to be here for it and that's the Sunday right after his vacation, so now he doesn't have to prepare a sermon on vacation, he can be there, plus he thinks the timing is right for our church.... which I kinda feel, too.  I'm a little nervous... but excited... but nervous... this one isn't going to be like any other talk that I would give, because it's based so much out of my story. And I think you know how important it is to me. Hopefully my message can come across as clearly and as powerfully as I want it to. But I suppose that's more up to God than it is up to me. :) But feel free to come.... Feel free to invite your friends... feel free to invite people that you don't really even know that well, but think might be halfway interested. :)

And this is a bit random, but here is a song I found on a fellow young-widow blog...

I've been constantly playing it since I first pushed play... It might make you cry- but in that good, healing kind of way.

4 of 30

Bed at 5 AM last night.

Up at 9AM this morning.

"going" from nine until this very moment.

I'm glad number 4 on the list is only 10 items long.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

1) When you get to college, instead of bemoaning that you aren't a size two, appreciate how thin you really are.

2) Don't get blonde highlights, only get red ones.

3) It's ok to be weird... eventually you will find friends who are just as wonderfully quirky as you are.

4) Appreciate your time with your family- especially your cousins.

5) Get someone to invest in Apple and Starbucks stock for you.

6) You get married at 23, but you don't know him yet. Stop being so emo.

7) There will come a time when people respect you for the same things that people now make fun of you for.

8) You are actually an extrovert.

9) One day you are gonna have a tattoo... I just blew your mind, didn't I?

10) Turns out, you are a lot cooler than you think you are.

1 of 30

I think it's going to be a busy week for me... So I'm starting it off right by not going to sleep when I should. Oh the silliness of me.

I don't really have a lot to say tonight, so I'm going to fall back on this list of things to write about that I found on pinterest: (It comes from this blog)

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

My plan is to use this list whenever I don't have anything much to say... I should go through it in about 32 days. :)

So without further ado,

20 Random facts (I feel like I've done this before, but hey, I bet I come up with some facts that are different.)

1. I think that Jareth in Labyrinth is one of the most romantic male leads ever... I mean listen to this quote- "Everything that you wanted I have done. [...] I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations." That said, I do not think that he's the most attractive male lead ever.

2. I have a heart shaped scar on my right pinkie.

3. I have a baby mobile hanging up in my office.

4. I have no baby, have never had a baby, and don't plan on having one, until at *least* 9 months after I remarry.

5. I'm not even dating anyone, so that's gonna be a while.

6. I kinda feel like I cheated on those last few facts.

7. I was accused of plagiarism twice in high school by English teachers. I didn't plagerize either time, I just wasn't interested in the subject we had to write on so I kinda checked out and threw together some fancy sounding bs. Apparently when I bs English papers I sound like cliff notes. (Which I've never read.)

8. Tonight I ate dinner at 1 AM. It was spaghetti.

9. I slept in jeans (or whatever pants I wore) from around the 2nd or 3rd grade until highschool, and didn't really understand why this was weird.

10. I would be perfectly content if every copy of my third grade picture vanished from the face of the Earth.

11. After my 3rd grade picture, my mom started taking us to a photo studio for our yearly portraits, rather than ordering them from the school, sight unseen. This was not a coincidence.

12. If someone in my family posts the picture in question online somewhere I will find the most unflattering AND embarrassing picture ever taken of you and then I will photoshop it to make it worse and then I will post it. If such a photo does not exist I will make one. Don't be a cyber bully.

13. I remember what I was wearing when I fell off the back of a farm truck when I was little. The shorts got caught and I hung for a second or two, suspended, before it ripped and I fell the rest of the way.

14. This is not the reason that I think of cars as deathtraps, but I do. (Even my beloved Prius is a deathtrap.)

15. I do not get cat calls, greeted by skeezy men from their cars, flirted with, or hit on very often (read: at all) and I'm not really sure why.

16. However, someone did yell, "No prostitution!" at me once. (Story here.) Jackal.

17. Of the things in my life I miss the most, Nathan is number 1 and performing in shows is number 2.

18. I love to bake, but my sweet tooth isn't actually that strong, just that opinionated.

19. I think texting someone in the same room/house as you is fun.

20. My dream is to someday buy and renovate a very old house and get 14 different craftsmen (or 1 super handy future husband) to install 14 secret passageways (1 per craftsmen) in my house. (One of them must contain a drinking fountain.) Then I would host murder mystery weekends and generally enjoy my chamber of secrets.

All Things Considered

Things that were frustrating about being married:

1) There comes a point when you realize that your spouse is not you, and sometimes will not agree with you about how something should be done and will, in fact, never agree with you. And there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.

2) You always have to make sure you are signed in as yourself on Facebook, lest you friend-request or comment as the wrong person.

3) You have to take turns with video games, computers, laptops, ect.

4) Going out to eat costs two times as much and ice cream lasts half as long.

5) Voluntelling. (Where your spouse volunteers you for something and then tells you about it after the fact.)

6) Sometimes you want to stay up later or go to bed earlier than he/she does... but you can't.

7) Almost all decisions require you to "check in" with your spouse... and it really sucks when he/she vetoes something you really wanted to do.


Things that are frustrating about being single:

1) You never have a reliable backup plan when everyone else is busy or out of town.

2) If you are thirsty you always have to get your own dang drink.

3) There is a constant undertone of insecurity and wondering how you are coming across to complete strangers.

4) It's hard to get a second opinion on fashion risks, someone else's thoughts on personal matters, the lid off the pickle jar, and something off the top shelf.

5) The girl always has to drive, take out the trash, and change the lightbulbs. The guy always has to bake, do laundry and dishes, and pay attention to how things smell.

6) There are lot fewer "inside jokes" and a lot less laughter.

7) There is no one to talk about your day with or fall asleep next to.

Things that were frustrating about being a caregiver for a loved one with cancer:

1) Everything that frustrated him

2) And pretty well everything else, too, except how much I loved him.

Conclusion:

I guess what I'm saying is there are good and bad things about where my life is, now. Yeah, I have a preference as to what I'd like it to be- but, all things considered, I can enjoy where I am, too.

-ly

It's going to be a short post- utterly by necessity.

Henceforth are the necessities:

1) My mom and my aunt, Dawn, are in town, staying with me for a few days, which means that I woke up a lot earlier today than I usually do, after going to bed at a time that was even later than normal. *is not a super genius*

2) The "early" rising pattern will likely continue for several days. (Namely, as long as they are with me.)

3) I have a presentation tomorrow evening that I haven't worked on for practically two weeks.

4) My hair needs to be curly for tomorrow.

5) I have an interview I totally need to prep for (tomorrow at 2, for the GA position- pray for me!)

6) Because I'm running on 4-5 hours of sleep, I'm completely exhausted and it's not even 10. Seriously considering taking a nap, and waking up in a few hours so I can actually get some work done.

Dang it! My time management skills are normally a lot better than this!






Also, I like adverbs.

Things are happening

I was writing an e-mail to a friend today, and started listing off all the things that happened in April.

It's a large list.

• I was laid off. 
• I applied for grad school
• I studied for the GRE
• I took the GRE
• I aced the GRE (Ok not really, still waiting for the confirmed scores.)
• I got a tattoo
• I threw a bridal shower
• I went home to see family one weekend 
• I went to KC another.

Oh  and I started playing "Draw Something." That's noteworthy, right?

You know what I didn't do in April? Eat mint choc chip ice cream.

A tragedy I'm currently preventing for the month of May.

Everyone has to do their part, you know?

But seriously I could do with May having a few less major happenings. I mean, obviously there is Bill and Melissa's wedding, but other than that how about we settle for being accepted to grad school, getting a GA-ship and of course I'm always open to princes appearing on white horses... or limos if that's how he rolls.

Get it? I'm so punny.

So at long last I've been given permission to let the world know. (And by "the world" I mean you , because you are reading my blog.)

My sister is having another baby!

These children are almost adults. We need an infusion of baby!

Baby Houf is due in Nov. And Rhonda and Isaac don't find out gender cause they are old school like that. Sadly this just means I have to wait until November to buy adorable gender-specific baby clothes.

There is a little twinge of the bitter mixed in with the sweet. Nathan loved being an uncle. I'm sad he won't be here to be terrified of holding the baby.... But I like to think that maybe he'll get to meet the baby before I do, this way.

50 Things Every Woman Should Be Able To Do

Alright, I said I'd do it, even though there were some people who didn't like the man's list, I still made a woman's list

Though, I admit, I did take some liberties in the interpretation of the word "able." Sometimes it means "capable" and sometimes it means "allowed." You are just going to have to deal with that little idiosyncrasy... or not read it... I suppose that is always an option.

1. Own your own hammer and screwdriver- and know how to use them

2. Iron

3. Have the wedding that you want

4. Compliment a man on his ability to provide/survive/drive

5. Create your child's Halloween costumes

6. Change a flat

7. Call your father "daddy"

8. Make a dish that people ask the recipe for

9. Sew a button back on a shirt

10. Pretend like those heels aren't giving you a huge blister.

11. Braid and french braid

12. Call a mechanic/plumber/electrician

13. Know the general rules for each major sport- even if you don't like sports

14. Make a pity laugh that doesn't sound like a pity laugh

15. Cook ground beef well enough so that no one gets salmonella

16. Hang out with your girlfriends until really late at night without ever doing the thing you got together for.

17. Mini-golf like a pro

18. Make yourself look amazing for a party/gala/black tie event

19. Scream like a little girl when viciously attacked by(aka- "you see") a mouse, snake, and/or spider

20. Support your spouse's dreams

21. Believe in your own dreams.

22. Laugh until you cry

23. Marry someone who makes you laugh until you cry

24. Be a mom, if you want to... or a cool aunt if you don't... or a crazy cat lady... or stay far far away from children of any type if that's what floats your boat.

25. Eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting.

26. Own exercise videos that you never use.

27. Hook up a computer

28. Follow simple instructions

29. Enjoy at least one reality TV show you know you shouldn't

30. Be able to sing all the words to one (or more) of the following:  "It's Raining Men," "True Colors," "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (yep, two Cyndi Lauper songs), "I Will Survive," "Love is a Battlefield," "Single Ladies," or "Somebody to Love"

31. Have an entire conversation with your spouse or best friend without words. (alternatively, have an entire conversation with only the words, "You know?!" "I know!" and "Right!?")

32. Bat your eyelashes coquettishly

33. Be angry without blaming it on hormones somehow

34. Be angry without someone else blaming it on hormones somehow

35. Self defense

36. Recognize when it's not about you... and when it is.

37. Tie a man's tie for them.Yes, they can probably do it themselves but there is just something about a girl doing it.

38. Refer to yourself as a girl no matter how old you are.

39. Give the "mom-look" (even if not a mom.)

40. Love someone with everything you've got.

41. Have a "secret admirer" (*not* a stalker.)

42. Cry when you need to

43. Take criticism with grace

44. Host a party

45. Be a homemaker or a career woman without having to justify your choices

46. Have someone who will remind you that you are beautiful on days when you forget

47. Make a friendship bracelet

48. Be able to recognize sarcasm/teasing so as to not get your feelings hurt by it

49. Listen

50. Make a list like this that is probably somehow deeply offensive to someone and be forgiven, because I didn't mean to offend you.

Thoughts du jour

I love my best friend, and hanging out with her and justifying getting Andy's because we are going to go on a walk where we will burn off 100 of the 400 calories that we will consume.

If I ever have a baby girl I hope that I can decorate her nursery in little pink ninjas. For my son I wish to decorate in a "Brave Knight" motif with tiny adorable overstuffed dragon friends and stick horses. Yes, those are pretty gender specific.. I wonder if I will be finding out the sex of my babies before they are born.... sure does sound like it!

What's that you say? The father of my children might want to have a say, you say?

Naaaaaaah.

I sometimes wear the "suddenly skinny" tanks tops because I believe oftentimes you gotta fake it till you make it.

What is the point of cooking everything before you put it in a crock pot? Seems repetitive ... and redundant... and repetitive... and redundant.

All the books that have been on hold for months at the library are coming in. They know that I'm supposed to be packing.

I love hashbrown cassarole with an all consuming love.

But I'm cheating on it with biscuits.

Oh carbs, I cannot resist your siren call.

I've decided to change the expression, "serious as a heart attack" to "serious as a hawk."  Hawks are very serious. They don't smile.

You want proof?

That is a serious eye.

He doesn't joke around or find you funny.

You should be ashamed of laughing. ever.

This one even takes judging you seriously. And he thinks you're smirk-worthy.

You have been weighed measured and found wanting. Move along. I'm serious as a hawk.

Today I:

• Woke up at 10:14... for my hair appointment at 10:15.
  
• Said a bad word.
  
• Got to my hair appointment at 10:23.
  
• Got my hair done.. and my bangs now go straight across my head for the first time since high school.
  
• Decided that I'm not totally sold on the bangs, but it's easy to swoosh them if I decide I can't handle it.

What say you?

• Came home to change because I didn't like what I threw on in my mad scramble out the door and get a coat because the temperature dropped 15-20 degrees while I was getting my hair done.
  
• Went to a furniture store (number 4.) Went to another furniture store (number 5.) Finally found a couch that I liked.
  
• Stole pillows from a bunch of other couches in the store to make sure that the color went well with my current scheme. I felt rather bold walking around with all my pilfered pillows and ignoring salesmen left and right.

Seen here: a pilfered pillow.. and the brown swatch is what my recliners are covered in

• Got pretty excited cause I'd wanted a grey couch, but I didn't think I could do it because of my brown recliners, but this couch convinced me otherwise... that pillow helped, too.
  
• Got 40% off the couch making it average priced.
  
• Bought a couch! The "clean" lines of that couch are a thing hard to find in Springfield.

Two! Two pilfered pillows! Ah ah ah!

•  Came home and took a nap.
  
• Got up and went downtown.
  
• Had to park at the top of the parking garage (dang ArtWalk!)
  
• Played games with friends and was spectacularly average at it.
  
• Had fun, regardless.
  
• Came home and started blogging.
  
• Took a picture for a demonstration of my bangs that looks almost nothing like me. This is why I don't get down if I don't like how I look in pictures... cause I like how I look in real life and the camera is a liar.

How did that girl manage to photobomb me in my own apartment?

• Actually got in the mood to pack! I must hie away while the feeling is strong. Huzzah for naps!

What I've learned

Ok, here we go. It's the day.

I can do this... I have a special outfit picked out, I have my alarm clock set, I have a full, and likely exhausting day of plans set. I can do this.

In honor of the day, I'm going to list the things I have learned over the last year.

1) I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I ever knew.

2) Everyone's grief is different. I know lots of people say this, but it's so hard to really grasp until you are in it.

3) I like Apple products.  Yeah, so this one isn't deep... I still didn't know it at this time last year.

4) I have the most incredible set of friends anyone could ever ask for.

5) It sucks to have the illusion of immortality stripped away from you.... and from your friends.

6) Looking beautiful is a very important weapon in my arsenal of coping mechanisms.

7) I hate the phrase "move on." I am/will move forward, but you don't "move on" from your spouse dying, as if it's just a hurdle you have to get over.

8) Likewise I hate hearing that Nathan "lost his battle" with cancer. Eff that. Nathan's in heaven. That's winning. That's the ultimate winning. And besides that, cancer never broke him. Never. Heck it barely even got him down. He kicked cancer in the face and then he went to go tell God about it in person. He "lost," my patootie.

9) I'm a writer. I wouldn't have called myself that a year ago.

10) Joy is a choice and it's not always an easy one, but it is usually the right one.

11) I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Phil 4:13)

I'm blank because...

Saw this on someone else's blog and I liked it so I thought I would share my version of it:

I'm weird because:
I like to leave change lying around my house because it makes me feel rich.
I hate driving, but love my car.
I don't like pets all that much.
I feel like I have to always follow the rules, but I don't like being told what to do or how I'm going to react to something.
I love anything and everything about amusement parks.
I hate talking on the phone, but love chatting on the internet.
I really like oranges, but I don't like the pulp so after I "eat" an orange I have the peel and a bunch of orange slices that have been sucked dry.
That makes me feel guilty so I don't eat oranges very often.
I prefer to take cool showers (not cold, but *not* hot) around 90 degrees or so (average human is 98.6 degrees as you may recall)

I'm a bad friend because:
I'm an enabler- I will encourage you to do what you want, including buy the thing, eat the calories and  stay up past your bedtime.
I don't want to call you. (see why I'm weird)
I don't like making decisions about things that will effect both of us. (Like what restaurant to go to or where to go next)
I can need a lot of reassurance at the beginning of a friendship.

I'm a good friend because:
I'm supportive, I will try to help, or at least be sensitive to, anything you have decided whether I agree with it or not.
I want to listen to your thoughts/feelings/childhood stories, ect.
I'm always up for grabbing lunch somewhere.
I'm very loyal, and I'll do almost anything for my friends if they ask me.
I will help you paint your house.
I don't mind being the "pursue-er" in the friendship if I think we hit it off.
I don't get mad very often and when I do I'm pretty good at letting it go and moving on.
I'm not really a judger for anyone but myself, so if you've made mistakes or don't think the same way as I do, we can still be friends.

I'm sad because: 
I found the cutest house for rent in the entirety of Springfield. It's in a great neighborhood (once Melissa is married she'd be like 4 blocks away,) it's 1500 sq ft, it has a gas stove, and it's just charming. However, it's also at the top of my price range and availiable now, which means there is no way it will be when I'm ready to move out here (afterall, it's the cutest house in Springfield!) If it were only one of those things I'd probably try to see if arrangements could be made.. but with both I think I just have to be sad.
I'm lonely.
I have a friend who went to England and Ireland and he keeps posting pictures and status updates on fb and making me *crazy jealous.*
Teleportation hasn't been invented yet.

I'm happy because:
I got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.
It's snowing outside.
I'm very blessed.
I feel pretty.
I am loved.

I'm excited for:
Using the "Starbucks technique" to get a lot of writing done.
Getting to have a second wedding someday. (There are *very* few positives about being a widow. That is one.)
Seeing family/ Chicago in February.
My grandfather's 80th birthday party in March.
Melissa's wedding in May

Sometimes I worry that I have no secrets left... That anyone who wants to get to know me could just read it all on my blog and never have to bother with actually having a conversation with me.

Then I remember that I don't actually know myself all that well, so reading my blog wouldn't give someone the whole picture and I feel better.

Then I remember that I don't tell my blog *everything* and I feel much better.

Then I remember that about 85% of my brain is used in remembering ridiculously detailed things from my childhood and song lyrics and I worry less about people being concerned that they don't know me well enough. Perhaps they know me just well enough to think I'm interesting and not well enough to find out that I'm actually highly repetitive and I use 85% of my brain on the storage of useless knowledge.

*sigh of relief*

Pro/Con

Ought to write something. Yes, yes indeed, I ought.

I'm going to the Chicago area sometime next month... Not going to say when for security purposes... I've got family up that way that I'll be visiting. I'm looking forward to it... I don't often get to see them unless it's in a big group of family, so it should be fun.

Currently facing a dilemma: I'm going to move out of this apartment when my lease is up. I will need to move *in* somewhere. I can't decide if I should be thinking about renting a house or staying in an apartment. I *really* want a place where I can host more than 3 people without it feeling overly crowded. This would mean a pretty big upgrade in apartments. (I am very drawn to TLC Properties.) I also want to be in a better part of town. It was one thing when I was married, but now without Nathan and since Josh and Kara have moved "away" (it's 125 paces now, rather than 6. Kara counted.) I'm just not as comfortable.

So now I'm facing a dilemma, and when faced with a dilemma I am Rory Gilmore. So I start making a pro/con list.

So here is the pro lists:

House: Lots of space, no noisy neighbors, possibility of painting walls/ general character, same parking spot everyday, can keep relatively low rent, could have a lot of small perks I would love... like a gas stove.

Apt: Low utilities, free cable and internet, no groundkeeping, probably built within the last few years. Always people around even if I don't know them.

Con lists:

House: Very high utilities, plus cable and internet, possibility of yard work to maintain, less reliable landlords

Apt: Not as much space, much higher rent for a 2 bedroom, neighbors can be annoying, questionable quality of internet strength, pay for things I don't want/need like a pool or a gym.

Is it just me or does that list come out basically even to you?? I need a second opinion. Where is Luke or Lorelai??? Heck I'd settle for Emily, Richard, or Michele at this point. oooh or Sookie. Love me some Sookie.

I statements

Short Blog: I'm super sleepy

I had a critique today that was almost all good, and yet left me feeling like "Hey wait... all critiques are just opinion."

I don't like it when people just gush about my work... it feels inauthentic. And I don't want to have to live up to the pedestal a person puts me on by not finding flaws.

I'm really excited about some new friendships I'm forming.

I'm really excited about how great my other friendships are

I'm thinking about not taking a class in the Spring Semester, and just working on my novel/ other projects.

I've decided nothing.

I bake some darn fine cupcakes.

I'm super sleepy. Did I mention that?

G'night.

Life's a Happy Song

I got a lot done today.

I wrote several pages on my story and posted it to Blackboard... K, that was at like 3 AM but that's technically today!

I made all my Christmas shopping purchases.

I worked.

I discovered that sugar free Peppermint syrup isn't as good as regular peppermint syrup but it will do if you have no other alternative.

Learned how to make Peppermint syrup. Yeah, that's happening as soon as I empty a bottle of Vanilla syrup I have.

I watched an episode of Eli Stone. I both love and hate watching shows that are already ended... It means I can watch all of them at once.... but it means that I get sad that shows I didn't watch when they were on weren't renewed.

I made soup.

I burned soup.  Whoops! Rookie mistake.

I made some sweet magnets out of vintage clip on earrings and some flat beads.

I came up with ideas for a game... don't get excited, no clue if this game will actually use any of my ideas.

I watched the Sing-Off Finale and was quite happy with the results. This gives nothing away cause I would have been quite happy with any of the top 3 groups winning.

I sent multiple e-mails.

I convinced my dad to make rolls for the Carney Christmas celebration with the line, "It's a proven fact that widows need yummy cornmeal rolls to make it through the holidays."

... ok so technically I think he'd already decided to make them anyway but I think the widow plea would have worked. Parents are susceptible to widow pleas.

Bought this song for free

Now I'm going to do one of several things: Write more, read a book, bake cupcakes, or make a fabulous thing for the Carney Family gift exchange. I want it to be so awesome it gets stolen 3 times. Considering the divergent tastes of my family this might be a tall order.

P.S.
I wish I were Amy Adams for many reasons... but this is a big one:

Smelling of onions is not attractive

Been a good day. 

Did announcements in church and didn't seem to flub anything up too badly.

Got lunch (Thai) with friends.

Chose to get my leftovers put in a bag and thus *did not!* have Thai spilled all over my car when the box leaked.

Helped Kara move for the briefest of moments.

Had my first writer's group meeting, which I think went really well, despite the fact that there is no way for me to talk about my last few years and not 1)surprise the bejeepers out of people and 2) fear that I've just freaked them out completely.

Got coffee with friends and caught up on life a bit.

Had dinner and watched a movie with Bill and Melissa... or as I like to call them, Billissa.

Came home and pondered the meaning of life.

Ok so I didn't really ponder the meaning of life... more like I pondered the fact that my nails smell like onion from helping prepare dinner this evening, and how that's really not attractive.

Seriously, you just don't ever hear, "What? Your hands smell like onion? That's so hot!"

It's kinda sad. I parked my car tonight and Josh and Kara's cars weren't in the parking lot. Cause they don't live right next door to me, anymore. I guess I didn't realize how much of a security blanket that was to me, having my best friend right next door. I mean, ok, yes, she's still less than a block away but...it's not the same.

Slowly and surely everything is changing from the way it used to be. And that's good and healthy.

...but also lonely, despite my general plethora of friends and people who love me.

Am I the only person who can no longer hear the song "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne without seeing the dog worrying about his bone from that insurance commercial?

A list of thoughts that does not number 13

1) I'm thrilled because my teefury t-shirt came in the mail today and it looks great! ...I want to wear it tomorrow but I'm a bit afraid to, because what if I don't leave my house all day and no one sees it!?!

2) I'm thinking I might make a roast tomorrow... It's not like I'm gonna be doing anything but writing all day long and I got a lot of roast in my freezer... Wanna come over for meat and carbs???

3) I posed this philosophical question to a friend today but I think I should query the larger world, too...
The Starbucks guy: Which came first- my coffee or his cuteness?

4) I listened to my new Michael Bublé Christmas Album just to hear it. Now I will refrain until after Thanksgiving but I had to give in just once. Least annoying version of "Feliz Navidad" I've ever heard.

5) Did I tell you I ordered a whole bunch of fruit butters? Well I did. I plan on having a "Better Buttered Biscuits" party with my friends. Here are the flavors I ordered: Plum, Plum no sugar (sweetened w/ white grape juice), Pumpkin, Pumpkin no sugar (sweetened w/ white grape juice), Sweet Tomato, Peach, Strawberry, and Apple.

6) I'm quirky.

7) We went over my play in class today.... and it was weird. Someone wanted to keep reading and the teacher offered to let us....but I really wanted the discussion... but then the discussion was a bit of a dud. People didn't really say much about it. I mean it was generally positive, but they didn't really say a lot... I wonder if it was because it was so heavy they didn't know what to say. It's hard to critique a piece on grief and not feel like a jerk. I kinda wish I could ask questions about my work and people's reactions and have them answered... maybe that's what the writing group is for?

7.5) I'm really excited to have a writing group. Makes me feel legit.

8) Also it's weird to hear someone else read your work out loud, cause they never seem to understand the emphasis as you intended it.

9) Cleaning my desk/office didn't take very long at all. I was expecting it to be this big deal and it was a bit of a dud.

10) They have the red cups at Starbucks again.

11) My cup says, "When we're together I know I'll never fall." Starbucks might just be a hopeless romantic. No wonder I love it.

12) I nearly forgot I had jury duty. I want to call and have my group canceled. That would be great.

Through-out the day...

Random thoughts that were almost made into facebook statusi today: (yes, there are a lot... I have a tendency to think in facebook statuses.)

I'm 28 and have recently decided I don't really like caramel flavored things... What took me so long? (ok, this one actually made it as a status.)

I think I could give up chocolate forever if I could have an unlimited supply of cinnamon and vanilla.

Has anyone ever heard of "Seabird" the band? I think I like them-- Huzzah for Pandora.

Huzzah for the library having the CDs I want to listen to, so I can decide if I like Seabird.

I'm excited for Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword to be released in November, but do not want to buy it for 50 dollars... the hem and the haw of it all.

I think I might request Glee Karaoke Revolution for Christmas this year... I've held out for long enough.

Letting go of your own plans for your life and letting God have them does not get any easier with practice.

Renée Dunn, Efficiency Rockstar- Getting stuff done since 9 AM.

Eternal dilemma: Pick up things from the library today so you have something to do tonight, or wait till tomorrow because you have lots of things "in transit."

You know what sounds good? Some Rutledge beef jerky. All you Memphis-ites know what I'm saying?

I'm experimenting with Ponzu as a marinade for tonight's supper..... I also have the very American peppercorn and garlic marinated chicken as a backup.

God bless George Foreman, or whomever actually invented George Foreman grills.

Someone please tell me that foxes are going to be the next owls.

I miss Christmas, but I'm scared of Christmas. I'm afraid of the snow and the songs and the sentimentality.

Oh heavens save us from the sentimentality.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

I want to smell like fall. So much so that I will wear apple scented perfume... or apple/cinnamon/leaves perfume... or a blend of autumnal notes of golden nectar, juicy mandarin and red delicious apple paired with toasted cinnamon stick, mulled cider spices and freshly harvested red berries.

OMG Jane Lynch is Pacey's mom on Dawson's Creek!!!

And that's pretty much all I got...

The Hug Array

It's 5:47.

I just finished a book and then realized I'd not blogged. Whoops! I thought about a blog in my head, but didn't actually write it... So I will now, I suppose.

So I've been thinking and I realize the other day, that for a non-touchy person I'm becoming an expert on hugs as of late, so I thought I would give you a list of them as I've experienced them. I do so for no real reason other than the idea that you might find it mildly entertaining.. or barring that at least true.

1) The confused hug: This hug happens when one of the parties doesn't know that a hug is imminent, when one hugger is seated while the other is standing, when they are both seated side by side, or when circumstances somehow otherwise collide to make the hugging ungainly. This is what happens in your head when that happens, "Ah? Wha? Where do I put my hand? No! That's her forehead! Ahh, can't put it there! What do I do, what do I do? Ummmmm curl it up upon itself and wish for detachable limbs? Good enough. Oh, it's over, thank heavens."

2) The awkward side hug: This hug is given when one or both of the parties don't really want to hug, but the situation compels them to. It's a hug given out of some sort of social obligation. A variant of this is when one person goes for a regular hug and the other person only wants a side hug... then it's an awkward, confused side hug. This is what is going through your head when that happens, "How long does this have to last? One... two... Ok, good enough, Trixie."

3) The genuine side hug: This is for people who it is inappropriate to give a real hug to, but you still like: Students to teachers... opposite gender marrieds... people you are about to go skipping down a yellow brick road with, people who have plates of food in their hands but you want to greet anyway. Here is your vein of thoughts on that one: "I like you! .... but a real hug would be kinda weird... Plus I might get a plate of food down my back so I'll just hug you from the side and stay far away from that marinara sauce."

4) The soft hug: Oh you know this hug... it's often given by people who have dead fish handshakes. It's a hug in the fact that arms are wrapped around each other but that's about it. Usually given by someone who is timid, shy, or unsure of the best way to handle the situation, but still wants to display some token of affection. Here is what is going on in your head when that happens, "A hug! Wait, are his/her arms around me at all? Was that a squeeze or just a strong breeze? Am I hugging a person or a hologram?"

5) The real deal: This is a good one. The huggers arms go in the right directions, the hug is solid and you are actually held by the other person for a moment. Neither is afraid of anything and it comes out of a place of genuine affection. It breaks off just before that moment where it's been too long and just makes you feel good. Here is what you think with this hug, "Wow, This is a good hug. Seriously, He/She should join the Olympic hugging team. They'd get the gold!"

6) The twitter-pated hug: This is the hug you have with someone you like, but haven't actually admitted to liking yet. It happens because one or both parties are flirts, or there is some nonsensical pathetic excuse that you can come up with to hug him/her. It lasts the right amount of time, mainly because everything in your brain is focused on making sure it doesn't become hug 1 or 2. Here is what you are thinking when you experience that hug: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't believe that worked! Oh, no, do I still have my hand on his/her back? Crap! Move, hand, move! Why won't you move?! Whew, finally. Do you think he/she noticed that? Do I want him/her to have noticed that? Is there any way to hug them again?"

7) The clinging hug: There are a few reasons for this hug. One is that someone is in desperate need of comfort, two is that someone is engaged in a twitter-pated hug that their brain didn't back them out of in time, three is that one of the parties is under the age of 7, four is that one of the huggers isn't responding to the universal hug-tighter-for-a-second release cues or thinks the other person needs more comfort than they do, and five is that one of the people is just clingy. Here is what your thoughts are with this hug, "Oh, that's nice, a hug!  ...and hug tight for a count and release... and release... release. Good Golly, man, let go! What the heck? Why can't I escape? Oh no, please don't tell me I'm going to have to go about my day trapped in a hug. I got things to do today, I can't be locked up in arm jail! Why won't they let me go? Let go, let go, let go! You cannae take my Freedom!!        Ah, at long last I'm free! Praise the Lord!"

And there you have it. Hugs in the full spectrum... Same number as the colors of a rainbow if you count indigo, which I, of course, do not.

Indigo is just blue-purple. Red-orange doesn't claim a spot in the rainbow and neither does yellow-green so I don't think Indigo should get such a pimp spot when it's only claim to fame is that it provides an i for that clever rainbow acronymn, ROY G. BIV

Indigo=usurper.

Ok that's enough. g'night!