Don't pat me on the head

I collect the strangest of pictures and bits of information for writing my book. For instance, the other day in class I told them that I googled "blonde 9-year-old boy," and someone in class said that I was probably on a list somewhere, now.

It's true.

I've also searched for "history professor" "soccer mom" and "house floor plans"... - I had a partial house layout in my head and finding one that matched was easier than attempting to draw one... I'm not exactly an architect... Now I just need to flipping write instead of research. It helps me to have pictures of my characters, and it helps me to know these things, but it's so much incidental research... and I haven't even gotten into the fantasy world, yet. Oy vey.

Michael Buble's Christmas album is just sitting there, tempting me.

I'm pondering not putting up my tree this year... It's not even that Nathan helped me *that* much with it... he actually always kinda fought against helping because for some reason he thought he couldn't do a good job.... But that's the thing... I have really strong associations of decorating with him and I feel like putting up a Christmas tree is a family thing... and I'm missing my family this year.. I mean not all of my family.. but my own little personal family. The one who I'd made traditions with.

So maybe this is the year to break traditions... maybe this is the year to find out who I am when I'm single on the holidays... *sigh*

confession?

I don't want to learn who I am when I'm single on the holidays. But it looks like I don't have a choice, so I'd "better start getting excited."

It's really amazing how much I chafe at being patronized/ told what I think. That's something from my college days that I remembered tonight. Every once in a while in college someone would pat me on the head. And it would *tick* me off... I don't like to be patted on the head. I hate it, in fact. I want to be respected for who I am and I can't stand it when someone acts like they are older/wiser/better than me. I want people to think I'm adorable... but I don't want them to think I'm adorable because I don't know any better. My adorableness is a choice, darn it!

Yeah, I know, it's a fine line.

Also if someone tells me how I'm going to react to something I suddenly bristle. *Especially* if they don't recant when I object. There are about 2 people on this planet that can tell me that I shouldn't do something that I've decided to do. Rhonda and Kara.... and I still wouldn't like it... but I think I'd at least listen and go away and think about it... but if you aren't one of those people... well most likely I'm going to do what you said I shouldn't do and gosh darn it, even if you would have been right I'll make it so you were wrong.... and I'm smart enough to tell when someone is just using this irritation to manipulate me so then I'll just get really mad.

It's strange... I'm normally so easy going but there are these special circumstances with these rules that I couldn't even articulate but are very determined in my mind and if you cross one of these lines I get mad.

I'm such a girl, sometimes.