Productivity Scam

Well, I got five pages written today, as well as nailing down my application for the English Dept. (They require a bit more than the general Master's Application.) So, that's something.

Feeling productive is such a scam. It's a hard to feel like I'm productive, even when I really am, because I don't have that set schedule. I actually do rather well with someone else giving me deadlines.

I love procrastination. It makes me feel like I'm taking chances that I'm not really. It gives my life a sense of urgency and immediacy that isn't technically true. The problem is that you can't procrastinate if no one else is counting on you/ expecting you to do something.

You know, I miss being a part of a team. Not in the sports sense of the word, but just a group of people working towards something. It's one of the reasons why I loved theatre so much. Everyone working together for a common goal. Heck, I think that might be why I like working on the video game stuff so much, too. I'm using my small skills for a larger goal.

Now that my One-Act is going to be published, I'm really hoping that someone will want to use it... It's shorter than the typical 30 min that a One-Act for MSHSAA competition is supposed to be. But it could be a DI, or used as part of a One-Act showcase. I would just really love to see it performed... to be a (small) part of a theatre crew again, and see how someone else interprets it and brings my words to life. That's living the dream.

Eventually I'm gonna get that second bookshelf built in my upstairs closet and I'll hang art on the staircase wall and I'll figure out where in the heck my little bird hooks went to. I'll take the rest of my shoes that I don't wear out of the box and I'll hang up my mirror so that it doesn't need the shoes' box to hold it up. Maybe then I'll feel like I've made some progress, though it's hard to tell. It's such an easy trap to fall into. If I actually got all of these things done, *then* I will have made progress. *Then* I'll know my life is moving forward. *Then* I'll know that I'm getting it all together.

I don't have to have it all together, right? I keep thinking I do, but it's not true. I keep thinking I have to be perfect to be attractive. I keep trying to be the very very best person in all the land in hopes that someone will notice and love me for it. But I think that's probably a bad motivation. Probably I should try to be the very very best person I can be because that's what everyone one should do, not in hopes that someday some unknown will notice and propose to me right on the spot. I mean, if I don't know him I'd have to turn him down anyway, right?

Well, maybe not if it was Darren Criss.

Do you know what Darren Criss pointed to as the highlight of the past year of his career? Singing a duet with Kermit.

I think we are soulmates... or at the very least, kindred spirits.

My British GPS is muttering under his breath about how often I "blather on about that bloomin' fellow, when you've never even met the bloke."

Little does he know that my novel is going to be one of those break-out fads and they are going to make a movie of it and Darren Criss will be cast in it and then I will visit the set one day and be oh so chic and artist-y and he's gonna be completely flummoxed, and that's when he'll propose.

That will be a productive day.

British GPS says I'm "out of your bloomin' mind, you are!"

I beg to differ.

Anyway what does he know? You can't map the mysterious ways of the heart.