Schueduling Goodbye

I definitely cried watching Glee...

I'm not good with goodbyes.... even fake ones.

I broke my desk... well actually, my desk has been broken for a long time... several several years, actually.... but now it's actually broken to the point that it won't be super functional ... unless it's ok for a computer tower to sit slanted? Heck if I know.

ooooh it's raining up a storm outside...

Heh, I like it. "Raining up a storm."

I think I'm so clever sometimes.

I met with my writers group for the last time in person... We are going to try and do a Skype/google meeting but Mandi is going to be in Florida for at least 2 years. (Master's program) And at least one of the boys is going to be on a ranch for the summer.

It's too bad, actually. I love the four of us getting together. We have such a fun time/dynamic. We have group conversations and conversations with just two of us over top of a conversation the other two are having and we can seamlessly transition in and out of the group conversation and switch conversation partners without even thinking about it and it's great. We won't be able to do that with Skype...

So that's a goodbye.

Worked on video game stuff a bit tonight. I love working on the video game stuff. I always feel super productive, and Ryan always says thanks when I send him stuff. You wouldn't think that would be a big deal, but it kinda is. Affirmation and appreciation... pretty much the way to get me to do nearly anything.

I've got to nail down a schedule for my life or my summer is going to fly past me and I'm not going to have gotten anything done... including food. I ate today at 6PM and at 2AM... yep. Ridiculous.

And with that... it's 4AM. Seriously this is my natural sleep schedule. I keep wondering if I could manage to  keep going around and if I would settle into a "normal" pattern if I just went around the horn, if you will. Not pulling an all-nighter, but just pushing it a little further until I'm sleeping during the right time.

Maybe this means I'm supposed to live in Asia... or Europe somewhere... I don't know where... my understanding of time and time zones is shaky in the best of moments.

Sing

I thought about blogging about depressing stuff again, because there is this great song by DeathCab for Cutie that is super true... but it's also really depressing.

I mean, "Love is watching someone die" is a refrain.

Oh yeah Renee, why don't you keep this blog super upbeat and positive?

So I'm not going to blog about that, and if you really want to listen to the song I'm referring to you can go to this youtube video, which also has the lyrics for the song.

Instead I'm going to tell you about a message I got on facebook the other day that said, "Hey, I just wanted to message you and properly thank you for the two years teaching me, I learned a great deal from you and not just about acting, so thank you, keep being awesome."

Well if that isn't nice enough to make a girl wanna cry I don't know what is.

I'm so glad to know that even if teaching wasn't my calling, at least I was able to make a difference to some people while I was there.

I think that's good enough for me.

Ohhh and I just realized that the graduation Glee is online now. Oh it's a happy day for me... unfortunately I need to go to bed, not go watch it right now. But it's something to look forward to.

It really doesn't take much to make my day. I think that's a good thing. 

So I'll leave you with this song instead. It's one of my all time favorites

Tales of a 27 year old fan-girl

Ach, it's been a busy evening. My Christmas break has officially started and it's bustling already.

I'm really glad that I'll be spending enough time in one place this Christmas to sleep... and maybe, hopefully? write some, too.

I watched the Glee Christmas show this evening while doing laundry. I thought it was a lot of fun, with it's homage to the holiday specials of the 60's.

Seriously, how cute are these guys?!?

My favorite moment, though was Sue's address of Artie, Kurt and Blaine as, "Stumbles, Gelfling, and young Burt Reynolds" especially Blaine's thrilled reaction to being called young Burt Reynolds... that was hilarious. Then again, maybe that's just because of how dreamy I think Darren Criss is. I don't care how many bow ties you slap on that kid, or if you ban him from ever wearing socks again,  he's still totally swoonworthy.

It's all in the eyebrows

 I digress.

Oh great now, I'm totally distracted by the fact that I've got a picture of Darren staring at me. Why didn't they cast HIM as Edward??? So much cuter than Robert Pattinson.

The digression continues.

I think I might have to give up this blog post and just hope that tomorrow I don't go all fangirl on you, like I have this evening.

I call this one: Darren Crissmas

Oh look here's a blog of someone crazier than me... well, that makes me feel better.

This post brought to you by the looooong vowel

Look look! It's before 3AM, and I'm writing my blog post! Ok, it's just because I needed a break from working on video game stuff, but hey whatever works... Yes, I realize it's a bit strange that I'm taking a break from writing to write... but the *content* is so much different from each other that it still works.

I'm slightly hungry but I can't actually figure out what I want. I hate it when that happens. Seriously I can't even tell you if I'd rather have salty, sweet, or a mixture. Maybe I want a steak. Yeah, I'm not cooking a steak at 12:50 AM... but that does sound kinda good-- what taste is that? Umami? I think so.

By the way, yesterday, May 24th, I had to get gas. For the first time. Yes, you read that correctly. I went for 25 days without needing gas in my tank. I looooove my car. So much. Maybe I'll go even longer on this tank, considering there will be less driving to the other side of town just because I want to drive around in my car. It's amazing how many Prius's I see now that I have one. I know it's just cause I'm aware of it, but dag. It's a popular car.

Melissa and I have discovered an interesting personality test/type indicator. It's called, "Which Glee boy do you think is the most attractive?" It's really interesting, because there is such a wide range of boys on the show and (at least in the 3 people I've discussed this with) the answers vary a great deal. In fact, in every conversation both people have said, "Reaaaaally?!?" when the other person said who they thought was the most attractive. I for instance, cannot fathom a worldview in which Finn and Mr Schue are the most attractive men... I mean seriously?! And yet apparently no one else understands that Darren Criss is a dream boat. I'm not really sure if this game works as well for the girls on the show... possibly because I'm a girl and therefore don't pay as much attention to the attractiveness of the girls- I just think they are all pretty.... well ok, none of the guys are unfortunate looking... that's why the game is called "most attractive" not just "attractive." Then it would be a really boring game, cause there aren't a lot of tv stars that aren't attractive... well, except Tom Hanks but that man can act so well that it doesn't matter what he looks like. Seriously. his costar was once a deflated volleyball. And he pulled it off. That is some mad skillz, yo.

I think I need another laughing night. Let's have one...Or get a group of people to go karaoke-ing with. Seriously, people. Go karaoke-ing with me?! Or Rock Band, as long as I don't have to play instruments, cause I suuuuuck at that.

Being a flake

Oh my goodness, did you see Glee tonight? Blackbird might be my favorite song, ever.... I'm not going to admit how long it took me to learn that it was originally a Beatles tune.  And the rest of the show was pretty good, too. :) I wish I had an instant re-play, because I would definitely just watch it all again. The only problem with watching Glee when it airs is that you can't just go immediately on to the next episode.

I used to be on top of my life... I could handle it... I responded to my e-mails. I remembered to call people back. My office didn't look like a train hit it. Ok... that last one might be an exaggeration. I'm a creative, ok? We aren't required to be neat... in fact we might be required to be kinda messy. That's what creatives do... we creatively make huge messes. Sides, you should see my apartment... I look like I'm a neat freak.... at least in comparison to my normal standards... and if you don't open the office door.

ANYWAY, my point was that I'm so not on top of things right now... I'm a downright flake. I can't even count how many e-mails I've failed to respond to... or phone calls... or facebook messages. And I haven't even begun to think of what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, job-wise. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I'm going to have to make enough to support myself, eventually. Unfortunately all the things I would want to do for a career are creative- Write, interior design, craft, ect. And I'm too pragmatic to trust that kind of income... and I certainly don't want to go back to teaching. To "my" kids who are reading this, I love you all, still... but it was not the profession for me. Too much ridiculous red tape and mindless hoop jumping, miserable hours, and I couldn't take the general apathy of many of your peers without burning out- brightly and quickly. If I'm going to have to take my work home every night it has to be something that I *love* -not grading homework.

Wow... do you see how fast I can leave my original point behind and pick up a minorly related topic?

And now Firefox is telling me that "minorly" is not a word. Am I a crazy person? I'm pretty sure that's a word. Am I misspelling it? Firefox doesn't give me any alternative spellings.... Whoa... World is tilting off it's axis. How can I trust anything that I thought I knew, if minorly isn't even a word?!?

This is what happens when you become a flake... even your vocabulary suffers.

Keep Holding On

So my cable was scheduled to be turned off Friday, but here I sit on "Saturday night" (aka 1AM Sunday morning) with my cable still intact. I'm hoping this means that I will retain my cable for the long weekend. I've got my AT&T DSL connected so once I get a modem I won't be without internet... (That's kinda my plan for tomorrow, besides church.... buying a modem... Thrilling, eh?) But I'm sure the cable internet is faster, so I'm sticking with it until I have to say goodbye.

You know I say "long weekend," but I technically don't know if I have Monday off... I think that I do, but my boss doesn't pay attention to things like holidays and I always forget to check until the weekend has already started and I've lost my home copy of the leave policy. Well ok, I'm sure it's filed somewhere... but I'll be blamed if I know where. I'll just check when I go in tomorrow. Sometimes working at your church is convenient.

I charged Nathan's phone today... he has 8 new voice mail messages... but I don't know his password... This seems to be a recurring problem... however I assume when I go to talk to Verizon about changing my plan they will be able to let me check them... I called his phone today to hear his voice... probably not my smartest move ever... I just miss him. His phone also automatically signed him on to Skype, and it was a miserable minute and a half as I tried to find Skype on his phone to turn it off.

In other news I have a ridiculous amount of religious studies texts of Nathan's that I don't need or want... What do I do with those if I'm too lazy to put them all on e-bay? So many things that need to be gone through... so little desire to do it.

Being "alone" was a lot easier in college... cause if you got lonely it wasn't a big deal to just walk to someone else's room and ask what they were doing and work on homework together... or watch a movie together... or let the person play video games while you read... now it's a bigger deal. We don't all live in the same building... phone calls and plans and driving and all sorts of things are required to find company. We all have lives and I can't just show up at your door and knock... it's rude, now.

This is a rather disjointed blog tonight, eh? Well in the spirit of disjointed, I'm gonna leave you with a Glee video... I saw it on the episode I was watching the other day and I identified with Quinn (the blonde one who the glee kids are singing "to.") It's not the same storyline (for her, news just got out that she's pregnant and for me it's because I lost my husband) but it's the same support that I feel... and yes, it's hokey, but it's better than the Avril Lavigne video with clips from Eragon. Lay aside that healthy layer of cynicism and just listen to what the people are saying.

Who Doesn't Love a Plaid Fedora?

Guess what.

I found a hat.

It's a knit hat... actually cable knit like a sweater and it has a little hat brim. I'm thrilled. I still can't wear any of the cute non-stretchy hats or berets and I'm still mad at Target's hat section for that mean commercial. But I can wear this hat! Basically it looks like this- only cream. See how "tall" it looks in the picture? That makes it look normal on my Gi-cranium. Now if only they would make a plaid fedora in size XL Noggin. Cause really who doesn't love a plaid fedora?

I just watched the Glee from last week that I missed because of Nathan's party... I like it so much better when the kids aren't re-enacting music videos... though I have to say Heather Morris can *dance.*  While we are on the subject of Glee, the new guy's mouth (Chord Overstreet) really is shockingly big.

When I was in highschool we learned about the proportions of the human face. The corner of a normal person's mouth lines up with the center of their eye (their pupil when they are looking straight on)... basically a normal human face reflects the golden rectangle and the closer you are to the golden ratio the more attractive people find you. Now look at this picture of our friend Chord.The corner of his mouth lines up with the outside of his eye!This makes me wonder if he has extra teeth or if he had a difficult time finding retainers to wear. Sure the other side looks more normal but that's either a trick of perspective or he's got a lopsided mouth... yikes. I feel for him. Us oversized-facial-characteristic people have to stick together. I'm sure he's glad to know I'm on his side... me and a million swooning pre-teens. Yep, I'm sure it's a weight off his mind. In other news, I love the name Chord.... course I'm also the girl who wants to name a child Lyric... or Aria... I don't understand why Melody is the only normally accepted musical name. I mean I get why you don't want to name your kid Drumstick or Accordion, but there are lots of pretty/cool musical names out there.

Do you ever have to give up being cute? See, cute is kinda my schtick, and I like to think I'm pretty good at it, but looking at myself from an outsider's perspective it seems like adorable is something I'm gonna have to give up once I'm past my 20's. I think I can reclaim it at like 70. But I like being cute. It means I can be slightly eccentric and still get away with it. Cute doesn't require constant maintenance like stunning does. It's a wash and wear attribute and it's endearing. I want to always be endearing. I want you to like me. I do! I do! People like babies... you know why? They are cute. Puppies, kittens, colts... all beloved. All cute. All of America's sweethearts- Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon. Cute, cute, cutie cute. If I have to give it up in a few years I'll just be lost... But I can't be cute, if cute on a 30 year old is actually ridiculously annoying and grating. That just won't do at all.