Is he gay or European?

I got a lot of unpacking done in my office today... I almost feel like I'm making good progress!

I also built a bookshelf and managed to wedge it into my closet... and now it looks like it was meant to be there.

See!

I put shelves in it, later.

I also put out all my books, so I've got a ton of empty boxes in my hallway.

And I realized that I have a poster that is perfect to hang over my breaker box.

Yes, that's probably going to be a pain if I have to flip a breaker, but... it's so ugly!

I also have all my nail polish up... Did I mention my dad made me 2 more spice racks for my polish?

Which basically only means they aren't all squished together now.

Yep.. I also have a ridiculous amount of stuffed animals.

Lord help me, I'm so girly sometimes it's scary.

Of course, I can also carry a bookshelf upstairs, assemble it, and finagle it into my office closet all on my own.... so I guess I can hold my own.

Tomorrow is Easter... well, today, actually I suppose. Happy Easter!

I can't decide if I want to get dressed up or wear my favorite flannel shirt...

I am apparently struggling quite a bit with my gender associations today.

So today I went through the McDonalds drive-through, and the adorable young man in the drive-through window (who I'm almost sure is gay) oohed and awwed over my car. Then he said, "Next time you come through I'm not going to give you your food until you give me your car."

I said, "That's gonna be a problem. I don't think I can do that."

So then he looked really sad and said, "So you won't come back through?"

I said, "I guess not."

He responded, "Well, how about you come through and you can keep your car, but if you never come through again, then I hunt you down and take your car?"

I said, "I think I can work with that."

He said, "Ok, then, I'll see you next time. Have a good day!"

I said, "Thanks, you too."

It was, all in all, a highly enjoyable exchange.... in the McDonalds drive-through.

You can argue that he was probably 12, he was most likely gay, or he's just a super chatty guy, but I choose to believe he fell in love with me.. (or possibly my car) at first sight. Maybe he finds my adoption of all the gender stereotypes at once attractive.

A friend of mine recently said, "I think everyone should assume that people are secretly in love with them. The world would be a better place."

I think he's right.

Coffee has ruined hot chocolate for me

It's true

I will never again be able to experience hot chocolate and be satisfied. I will always and forever want it to have some coffee in it.

In other news the peppermint Hot Chocolate at Mc Donalds should be delicious to any one who doesn't love coffee as much or more than me.

When is Mc Donalds going to have the custard pies again? I love those pies. I always think it's the pumpkin pies that I love, it's not. The pumpkin ones are gross to me... it's the custard ones... with their rainbow sprinkles.

Also if you live in Springfield, hie thee to the Aviary and have the "Is it Fall?" dessert crepe. They say that it's dusted with magic on the menu and they are NOT lying.

Why don't more of my friends want to go to the Aviary every day??

I love being a part of a group of people who love something to the point of obsession.

For instance... well... Jesus.

But ALSO

Macs

Priuses (Or as I like to call them, Pree-eye)

Starbucks

and as I've recently discovered: Chik-Fil-A

Ohhh but that's not the only song--- oh no! There is  another one!

I love it.

It was a great day. I smelled like Christmas, I baked weird cookies, I went to Small Group, I got to see Kara AND get an e-mail from her, I spoke to another friend online, and I remembered something... God can provide... and He will... one way or another.

Where the wild things blog

I got my car back today!! Everyone at the collision center was *much* friendlier than they were on Monday morning. People get grumbly on Mondays. All the damage was cosmetic- no internal damage, and because it was repaired at the dealership there is a warranty on it. It's ridiculous how excited I was to see it... and how glad I am that it no longer makes that horrible popping noise when I open the door. It felt like an old friend had come back to me. I talked to it when I got inside it, like it was a child. I introduced it to my new tights. No, I seriously did.

I swear I don't need psychological help... but if you don't believe me, no need to worry, one of my good friends is a counselor so she'd tell me if I did... and least I think she would.

I also spent a good deal of the day looking for some cute, black, closed-toe, medium height heels. I went to 7 different stores before I found some. 7 stores!?! Ach. It was ridiculous. *everything* is peep toe right now.... or 10 inches tall and glittery. Don't get me wrong, I love peep toe shoes, but they aren't super awesome with tights, and I might have mentioned my love of tights lately??

I should have spent at least some of today cleaning my place. I live in the city, not the country. Someone could stop by my house at any moment, and what wreck they would find!

Unfortunately all my greatest cleaning binges hit me at 3:30 in the morning. I'm kinda like a meth addict that way... but unlike the meth addict my response to these urges are something akin to: It's too late to clean, I might wake someone up... I think I'll go sleep instead.

I think I'll go to sleep and make mischief of one kind

or another.

Good night, moon.

Yes, that writing for children and YA class is rubbing off on me, in a big way.

Getting used to not-a-Prius

1) Acceleration. I don't recall thinking that my hybrid didn't accelerate quickly... but I get into the rental car and drive and when I push the gas from a full stop I bout give myself whiplash.

2) Locking and unlocking my doors. I keep putting the key in my pocket when I need it to do things with.

3) Which brings me to the key. How do you see where to put the key in the dark again?

4) Putting the car in park. I just push power in the Prius and it automatically puts it in park... I spent like 5 minutes at Wal-mart trying to figure out why I couldn't get the key out of the ignition even though the car was off... luckily the Prius has also trained me to not take my foot of the brake until I'm ready to exit the vehicle. Smart, Prius-designer-person, smart.

5) Whatever it's called when you take your foot off the brake but don't hit the gas... inching forward? the Prius doesn't really do it much... other cars do.

6) How short my arms are. Seriously? Do all car doors open this far?? How do you people reach the door without getting out, closing it halfway, and getting back in? Are you Inspector Gadget or Stretch Armstrong?

7) 26 mpg is good.

8) How the heck does anyone find a gold Corolla in a parking lot?? It looks like every car in the world.

9) Wait, there is a trunk? I can carry anything I want to in it and no one will know? Dude, you could totally transport dead bodies in the back of this thing.

10) Dang... it never gets quieter.... it's loud when I accelerate, but it's still loud when I'm sitting at a stoplight.

11) I've been spoiled.

Thoughts

I need to write for my class, but I don't have much motivation. I think I just need to sit down and go, and who cares if it doesn't make sense...figuring out a plot is just so daunting.

I have to be up early tomorrow to take in my car. Then I'll be rollin' in a rental. But at least my car will be getting fixed and I won't have to be sad every time I have to open my door.

At church today someone said I had "a Snow White thing going on." Now accepting Prince Charming applications.

Then I was talking to a friend at church and a girl who was standing nearby and I've never spoken to before says outta nowhere, "You're very pretty." I looked at her with surprise and said thank you. And then she said, "I have no idea where that came from, but..." And my friend said, "Well, it never hurts to hear!" and I said, "It's true, I'm not sad you said it."

Kinda felt like a follow-up from the conference last week when someone told me that God wanted me to know I'm beautiful, inside and out. Even if it wasn't, it felt good.

I've decided that I'm attracted to talent in the arts. If I think a guy is talented then my interest-meter shoots up... and if he can express himself in writing. Be still my heart. So perhaps I'd better off accepting Scribe Charming applications?

Today I rocked out tights with boots... I think I need to go shopping or find some skirt patterns because I am really digging the tights lately, only I don't have enough skirts to wear with them.... and I also need some closed toe heels. I might start classing it up to go to the office. I mean it's wonderful that I can wear jeans every day to work and it doesn't matter... but I don't have enough places to go and I have all these fun clothes to wear...

I engage in a lot more retail therapy without Nathan here to tell me no.

Cold sores= the suck. Abreeva= the awesome.

You know what I want? I want to hear someone's story. I want to hear about someone's family traditions. I want to hear about crazy things they did as a child. I want to get to know someone. I want to be immersed in someone else's culture with all the ways it's different from mine, and yet somehow eerily similar. Maybe I want to be in a show... or maybe I want to write a show... or at least a one-act/reader's theatre.

If anything worthy of praise

Wednesday evening I was sitting with some friends at game night, just talking/ chat packing, when another friend came in. She'd had a rough day and was not in the best of moods. After a while of her mentioning her bad day the cat went up and licked her toes and she giggled, and someone said (It might have been me- I don't really remember.) "See, the day isn't all bad!"

She frowned and said, that no, it was still a bad day and I told her that she needed to focus on the positive. She then said, "I can't really see any positive."

And suddenly I was impassioned. I said, "Did you kill anyone today?"

She said no.

I said, "No one died.... er... Did anyone you care about die today?" (How sad is it that I had to edit myself because the possibility of a loved one's death is so real to me?)

She said no.

And I said, "Well there are two huge positives. You didn't kill anyone and all of your loved ones are still with you."

And then I realized I was kinda being a jerk and stopped talking, and another friend said I was a motivational speaker.

I'm such a hypocrite sometimes. I complain all the time. I mean you all know that, because I post it on the internet for everyone to read. My friend was just complaining and then I forced my perspective down her throat. Not so cool, Renée... It's a good thing I still get some widow-grace. (I sent her an apology this morning.) But I just couldn't handle someone saying that they couldn't see anything positive to focus on. There has to be something... I mean it may be a small thing but if you don't choose something positive to focus on and choose to dwell on the negative for very long... It's a horrible slippery slope that ends in tears, depression, and sickness in your spirit.

So this morning I woke up a lot earlier than I wanted to and drove to the mechanic/dealership and tried not to say too obviously or too often, "It wasn't my fault!" And they were all very nice to me. I saw four men standing around a coffee maker trying to figure it out and I was highly amused... and then one of the men looked up at me and saw how amused I was and looked around and returned my amusement... and then he took 3 large steps back and said, "How many guys does it take to figure out a coffee maker?" So we had our own little public joke. And then the rental car man was very nice to me as well, and he's going to call insurance and talk to them and have me set up so that Monday morning when I bring my car in I will have a rental to drive around for the 7-10 days that it's going to take to fix my car. (7-10 days! Diggity dang!) And then I left and got an extremely well made and tasty Venti coffee. (Aside: Starbucks on Sunshine near Campbell= best Springfield Starbucks? votes?)

And all this morning what kept running through my head is this: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." I think the way that I confronted my friend last night wasn't right, but what I was trying to say... that was right. But I think perhaps Paul says it better than I.

      4Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
      8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
      10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. 11Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:4-13

 So I choose today to dwell on perfectly made coffee, unspoken camaraderie, nice mechanics, insurance, positive peer reviews, guys who wear newsie caps (otherwise known as old man golfing hats), and this absolutely adorable couple.  (I know I posted it on Facebook, but they are just so cute!)

I hate car accidents, they make me get up early.

I have an early morning, tomorrow, because I have to take my car to the collision center so they can check it out and order parts, so that I can (hopefully) take it in on Monday and they can fix it. Insurance agrees that it's the other girl's fault. I'm glad... though I wish this hadn't happened. Well, obviously. It's just annoying and sad. I'm getting Starbucks tomorrow morning to make my day a little brighter. I may even get the biggun'

My door pops when I open it and I wince and groan at it every single time I open up my door. I don't want to drive it anywhere... Basically all the things I did when I first got the car I now do in reverse. Oh Car why you so sad?

I read my picture book in class yesterday kind of impromptu-ly because we only had a few minutes and so the review had to be split, and everyone else's stories were too long to be read in 7 minutes. After I read it, I thought of a million things I wanted to alter about it, but you can't talk during the peer review. So I can't tell everyone that I've now noticed that it's not clear at first that they are talking about a little boy, or that I didn't mean to say moment in such quick succession and I'm cutting that out. Plus I've had to wait 2 days to hear what people have to say about it... and that's just nerve-wracking.

Oh peer review... I don't know how I can be so excited by you and so nervous about you at the same time.... oh wait, yes I do. I'm an extrovert and I want everyone to love me. Well that's solved.

Ok, enough chit chat.. have to be about quite early for me, so I must away to bed. Have a lovely bloomin' day!

Waiting and Hiding

I wrote this on facebook, but I think it bears repeating.  Every time I'm driving and someone is driving on a road to my right (approaching a stoplight, stop sign, or yield turn) I flinch. I want to jerk my wheel, even though that would have done me no good in the actual accident. I just... cringe on the inside... and driving down Campbell today was... difficult.

Talked to the insurance today... they basically told me I need to wait. Because it sounds like it was her fault (oh, because it was!) it will most likely be filed under her insurance and my policy won't have much to do with it. But if she tries to pass it off as not her fault... which... I don't know how it could have not been her fault as I had no stop signs or traffic signals of any sort, and she had a stop sign she failed to obey.... but there were no witnesses and I'm sure her version doesn't match up with mine. But anyway if it's under her policy I need to wait- cause better to *not* pay my deductible if I don't have to. Right? Of course, right.

So now I just have to sit around waiting for insurance to call me and driving around my busted car, which makes me nervous. I mean it's working, but a mechanic hasn't checked it out... How do I know I'm not doing something really bad to it?

Hi, my name is Renée and I worry about a lot of things.... still.

I call it thinking ahead.

I like to point my feet towards each other when I'm standing up... It makes me feel really cute for some reason... What's up with that?

Sometimes at parties I get so caught up in trying to surreptitiously watch how other people are interacting that I forget that I am also supposed to be interacting... and sometimes... I pretend like I'm off in my own world, just so other people don't notice that I'm sitting off to the side with no idea how to interact with anyone and desperately trying to keep cool and act like I have this deep rich inner world when actually all I'm trying to do is pretend I'm not ardently wishing I was better at small talk.

I think I might have more pride than is necessarily healthy.

Above all else, avoid the appearance of desperation. I think that's my motto half the time. I can *be* desperate, as long as I don't look like it... Keep the desperation on the inside. It's safer there.

Car Accident

So.... the 9:00PM to 12:30 AM nap... not among my most august of ideas.

But I have an excuse. Or at least I think that I do. I was in a car accident today. Yep. A car accident. In my lovely car. Now my lovely car's front bumper looks terrible... though I honestly think that may be the only thing that's seriously damaged. No air bags.

Basically a girl ran a stop sign and by the time that I saw she was running it, I didn't have time to stop, and I hit her driver's side door head on. I'm fine, she is fine, it could have been a *lot* worse. I was shaken up, but I stayed calm and relatively competent I think. The police officer was really nice. I think he knew it wasn't my fault. The EMT's arrived and asked if I was ok, and I waved them off and I said, "Oh, I'm fine."

They laughed, "That was easy!"

But I am fine... just makes me miss Nathan. It's time like these that we have husbands and boyfriends for... so that when something scary happens you don't have to be the strong one. I'm tired of being strong. I can't even say "the strong one," cause that implies there are more of me than myself.

Basically, I feel like everyone deserves to have a hug after getting in a car accident, and I didn't get one. And so now I'm feeling whiney. I should have just hugged the police officer. Poor guy wouldn't have known where that came from. Why are men infinitely more comforting to me than women? I think I might have a complex.

But the thing I have to focus on is that I'm ok. I'm not in a hospital... that girl isn't in a hospital. Praise the the Lord, I didn't have to go to a hospital. Praise the Lord that I was able to brake as much as I did... just Praise God, anyhow.

P.S. Did you know that Job named his daughters Dove, Cinnamon, and Darkeyes? At least that's what the Message tells me... in other words, Jemimah, Keziah, and Keren-Happuch. I kinda like it.

This post brought to you by the looooong vowel

Look look! It's before 3AM, and I'm writing my blog post! Ok, it's just because I needed a break from working on video game stuff, but hey whatever works... Yes, I realize it's a bit strange that I'm taking a break from writing to write... but the *content* is so much different from each other that it still works.

I'm slightly hungry but I can't actually figure out what I want. I hate it when that happens. Seriously I can't even tell you if I'd rather have salty, sweet, or a mixture. Maybe I want a steak. Yeah, I'm not cooking a steak at 12:50 AM... but that does sound kinda good-- what taste is that? Umami? I think so.

By the way, yesterday, May 24th, I had to get gas. For the first time. Yes, you read that correctly. I went for 25 days without needing gas in my tank. I looooove my car. So much. Maybe I'll go even longer on this tank, considering there will be less driving to the other side of town just because I want to drive around in my car. It's amazing how many Prius's I see now that I have one. I know it's just cause I'm aware of it, but dag. It's a popular car.

Melissa and I have discovered an interesting personality test/type indicator. It's called, "Which Glee boy do you think is the most attractive?" It's really interesting, because there is such a wide range of boys on the show and (at least in the 3 people I've discussed this with) the answers vary a great deal. In fact, in every conversation both people have said, "Reaaaaally?!?" when the other person said who they thought was the most attractive. I for instance, cannot fathom a worldview in which Finn and Mr Schue are the most attractive men... I mean seriously?! And yet apparently no one else understands that Darren Criss is a dream boat. I'm not really sure if this game works as well for the girls on the show... possibly because I'm a girl and therefore don't pay as much attention to the attractiveness of the girls- I just think they are all pretty.... well ok, none of the guys are unfortunate looking... that's why the game is called "most attractive" not just "attractive." Then it would be a really boring game, cause there aren't a lot of tv stars that aren't attractive... well, except Tom Hanks but that man can act so well that it doesn't matter what he looks like. Seriously. his costar was once a deflated volleyball. And he pulled it off. That is some mad skillz, yo.

I think I need another laughing night. Let's have one...Or get a group of people to go karaoke-ing with. Seriously, people. Go karaoke-ing with me?! Or Rock Band, as long as I don't have to play instruments, cause I suuuuuck at that.

Pinteresting

Today, I had a "business" meeting and then I worked on a video game for a few hours. And when I say "worked on a video game" I mean that I literally worked on one, not played one. I think this is incredibly awesome sauce.

Several people have mentioned lately that I didn't have any plates on my new car (though I have a temporary dealer's permit, so don't you worry about me being illegal.) Enough people (read: both a mom and a dad) mentioned it to me that I started to get paranoid that I had misunderstood what I needed to do, and I was just frittering away my 30 days trusting to the universe to work everything out, when I needed to be taking action. So today I took action, and e-mailed the lady who I originally spoke to about the new plates and all. :Side note: Yes, I do love the world in which I live, where I can send a digital letter rather than calling someone on the phone. Hooray for e-mails bringing written correspondence back into vogue. :End side note: Anyway the lady e-mailed me back and reassured me that I would be getting everything in the mail that I would need other than my updated insurance card (got that last week!) and my personal property tax receipt from last year. Check! So my mind was put back at ease. And then when I came home, lo and behold, there it all was in the mail. My e-mail trumped the universe attempting to reassure me.

Also, my dear friend Melissa has introduced me to this website called "Pinterest." It's ridiculously addicting to me. It's basically an online "idea book" or bulletin board. If you come across something you really like you "pin" it to your wall(s) You can have several categories, including fashion, food, decoration, ect. Also you can see what other people are pinning, and browse the most  popular things to re-pin to your wall. My problem is that there is a waiting list to join, so while I wait I have a browser that is just full of pages I want to pin, but can't because I don't have a wall to pin it to.  I will be wasting hours and hours and hours... and hours. Why you ask? Because you can find pictures like this:

Which I find both stunning as an image and desirous as a future architectural detail/inspiration. Yes, Please!

Then you scroll down the page about an inch and find

Do I really need to explain any further why I heart this website? It's used by my people... my kindred... my heart mates.

... at least visually speaking.

Surprisingly, not completely about a Prius.

Midnight Ramen? Sources say: Yes!

so... if you are facebook friends with me you may have noticed that I might have accidentally gotten a new car today. And it is sweeeet! I'm supposed to get my oil changed and tires rotated at 5,000 miles... that is 8.5 tanks of gas. 8.5. Holy smokes. I have decided I need more guys to look at it and tell me it's so cool, because guys seem to be a lot more vocal on noticing all the details that are cool, where as girls are just like, "It's so nice! It's so cool!" Not that I don't like it either way, it's just that in noticing all of the details, the guys gush for a longer time. I think it's really pretty, too... Blizzard Pearl is secretly (and very subtly and only in sunlight) iridescent... which is pretty well my favorite color, ever. (Yes, I love opals the most out of all the gemstones, too... darn, that they are so soft!) So, let me get this straight... three months to the day after my husband died my car arrived (after being delayed about a week by strikes and then inexplicably delayed another 4 days.) Not only that, but I got a car that I've been talking about wanting for around 5 years (even though initially I wasn't looking or thinking about this car, at all) and is nearly impossible to get (at least not without waiting at least 6 months-1 year) in my favorite color (that I had no control over and thought I wanted a different color). And I even just happened to get the perfect CD from the library (that I reserved about a month ago) at exactly the right time to play it in my new car? That is far too many coincidences for me to overlook... and so appropriate, as Nathan knew me a lot better than I did myself.

I think that words of affirmation might be my main love language... I've noticed that I really like to be reassured... I like to get a lot of opinions and I get really excited when people talk about things that they notice about me. I also really like compliments (though I suppose most people do)... This probably shouldn't be that big of a surprise to me, considering I was married to a man who was king of the spontaneous compliment, but I swear it's like a new thought is dawning on me. It's funny, because I'm pretty sure Nathan could have told you in about 5 seconds of thought what my main love language is, but I was asked this question about 2 or 3 weeks ago and just now came up with the answer.... I think. There are only 5 options!

A while back Melissa explained "introvert" and "extrovert" to me as defined by Carl Jung. She said that basically an extrovert is a person who sees self through a lens of the outside, first, and an introvert is a person who sees the outside through a lens of self, first. Why I tell you this is because, though I am shy, I am actually a strong extrovert- and here is some proof. It took me so long to figure out what my love language is because I was attempting to diagnose myself in relation to other people- aka what love language I use on others the most often. Oh extroversion! How am I supposed to get to know myself, but to have others tell me! (In my defense I think many times the languages you use the most are the ones that you like the most.)  But I couldn't figure out what my love language is, because I'm most likely to give gifts or acts of service... but those two options just didn't feel right. (I'm also told I'm intuitive.)

I actually don't give out that many compliments unless someone is down on themselves, (or like Kara, prompts me with the compliment she wants :) ) But I think that's the language that speaks the most for me. I remember compliments for a really long time. As in once- in the 8th grade- my English teacher wrote on a paper that I "have a flair for using just the right words most of the time." And in college an acting professor told me that I took things seriously and brought out the best in people- that I was "golden" and I turned everything and everyone I touched golden too. And the good compliments like those? I repeat them in my head to myself pretty often... like once every two weeks or so, at least. Go figure, words mean a lot to me. Me, the girl who, when confronted with tragedy, started writing down every stray thought in her head. The girl whose idea of sharing grief is sharing stories... Seriously, I'm beginning to feel like a moron for not noticing this earlier.

It's kinda weird when I think about it... because my immediate family is not really a group of compliment-ers... My dad gives acts of service (see coconut cream pies) and my mom is usually a gift-er and I think Rhonda is quality time... or at least our gingerbread church would seem to say so! :) ...and don't get me wrong I love all of those things! But we aren't really talkers... and getting opinions out of my parents is sometimes akin to pulling teeth with a pair of jello pliers*, so it would seem strange that I would like words of affirmation so much... and then I think back to all those parent-teacher conferences that my mom took me to as a kid. She normally brought me in the room with the teacher and basically the teacher just sang my praises to my mom for a few minutes. Mom also has a tendency to brag on her kids to others... or at least she does when said kid is in the room with her... I assume she also does it when we aren't, as well... and my extended family is pretty free with the praise, too, so perhaps it's not as strange as it first seemed to me. Interestingly enough, Paula (aka 2nd Mom) also brags on me in my vicinity (it always gives me warm fuzzies...) and she is generous with compliments, too. Considering she is one half of the dynamic duo who raised Nathan, it makes sense. Apple, tree, and all that.

*if you liked this analogy, you might really enjoy this list. I'm not sure that I believe the "from high schoolers" creation story... seems a bit fishy, but either way the list is still hilarious. Some of them I'd heard before, but... some of the analogies I'd never met... you could say the analogies and I were like John and Mary who had never met, who were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Prius, Anne, and Photography in Disaster

I got a call this morning from the car man! My Prius is in Springfield... of course he had to make sure they had the title and it has to have a "pre delivery inspection" but it's in town!! This is progress! They didn't get it all spiffed up yet, so I won't get it until tomorrow. He said around noon, but I'm anxious, and hoping it's before then... Also... tomorrow is 3 months. As if I didn't already think of this car as a last big surprise gift from Nathan, it being delayed so much only to be given to me on the 3 month mark, exactly? That's not the kind of stuff that can be planned... but it is the kind of stuff that makes me feel like I've got someone looking out for me. Also, I have the Glee Warblers album waiting for me at the library... so the first CD my Prius plays is going to be the Warblers. And I know that it probably seems really trivial to you, but I *love* the Warblers.. and Nathan was *very* into acapella music, from growing up Church of Christ. God allows the universe to be arranged in strange and mysterious and heart-warming ways.

I called our car insurance place to tell them about the new car, and to finally have Nathan removed from the policy... I was kinda dreading it, because I thought I was going to have to go in to talk to them, and I'm just not a big "talk to our representative" kind of person... I hate that stuff, actually. But Michelle... or Melissa, was super nice and did everything over the phone easily and quickly. No one wants to stay on the phone with you for very long after you tell them your husband died... it kills the "upsell" faster than anything I've ever seen... a fact for which I'm very grateful. I also had to call and talk to the credit card company and have them remove Nathan from the account, and they wanted to get off the phone with me just as quickly.  I'm sooo not complaining.

I want to watch Anne of Green Gables again. (There is only one version of Anne to me, the Megan Follows Anne.. all other versions are mere shadows of Anne.) The only problem is finding the time to watch it... Like everything else in my life what I really need is someone else to watch it with me. That's right I don't even like to watch TV by myself. Oh, I will, I just don't like it. Of course for the next few days I may just live in my car... maybe I should borrow someone's laptop and watch Anne in my car... Brings new meaning to the words "drive-in theatre." No blackberry cordial in the car, though.

So I'm currently going through Quantum Leap via Netflix, and I've gotta say I enjoy it... It's one of those shows that I wasn't old enough to watch when it actually aired, but thought was really cool when my parents would randomly watch an episode, or I was accidentally allowed to stay up late. In case you don't remember, Quantum Leap is a show which makes a mockery out of quantum physics, but basically this guy is in the midst of an experiment gone awry (in 1995!) and time travels ("leaps") into the bodies of different people who lived during his life span, with the theory that he will leap out again, after fixing something in this person's life. He saves lives, causes Watergate, and  brushes up against people from his own life and celebrities lives (Elvis, Donald Trump, Michael Jackson, ect). All the while trying to leap back into his own body.  Oh and he also has a sidekick who appears as a holographic projection from the future (aka 1995). It's a bit cheesy at times and the special effects are definitely not the caliber that we expect these days, but it's really *fun.* And much easier on the emotions that watching the nightly news. (God bless everyone hit by those tornadoes... I know what having your life turned upside down is like. Ach, my heart goes out to them.)


Also, props to NBC news crews who went to London (some people are getting married... you may have heard? There are coats of arms and crowns involved?) and then when they heard about the devastation at home, came back to the US and to the south. I really don't like looking at pictures, though. I don't mind the interviews, but the photos feel like such an invasion of privacy to me... I know that people want to know what's happening and the only way to know the scope is through images... but... something in me really revolts when confronted with people who (appear to) have no knowledge they are being photographed, and who are so openly grieving... I think I may be more sensitive to this than most, given the experiences of my life over the past year or so. I just feel like that person's obvious pain coupled with the text displaying this natural disaster's "theme" (Path of Destruction) cheapens it all... But maybe I'm the only one who feels this way and there are some vehement supporters of photography capturing the faces of disaster? Sound off!

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly

Today I e-mailed the car place... and I called my salesman, too... and all I can say is that I hope he was off of work because he works on Saturdays or something, because homeboy never got back to me. I mean it's one thing to not call someone because you have no new information... it's something else to never respond to the customer who is contacting you. I mean he does work on commission, pretty sure.

I noticed that I have a bit of a farmer's tan from being outside the Sat before Easter. Apparently, I needed to be wearing in a tank top... (Not to rub it in, Springfieldians, but it was really nice on Sat and Sunday in NE MO... sorry, dudes.) Don't feel bad, though, cause I made an attempt at a home spray tan, without my patent pending method to make sure that I got an even coat... and so my legs are quite splotchy. I bought shorts when we went shopping at home... I haven't really worn shorts since HS... and not often then, but I figure if the long shorts are in style, and I'm losing weight anyway, why not, eh? (ok, I gained two pounds over Easter week, but you should have seen how many rolls I ate... so I still count it as losing weight, generally.) Anyway, all that to say I'm glad the weather has been kinda awful so that I'm not tempted to wear my new shorts and look like the crazy splotchy lady. Children will stop and stare...

Perhaps I exaggerate, but hey, that's part of my charm, right?

Oh! Wanna see something cool??... Dang it, I just realized I can't show you.... because it *might* be illegal, and this is the internet... Tell ya what, I will put it in my wallet and next time you see me, ask me to see "something cool." This shall be our secret code word. No spies will ever be able to figure it out! ...right guys?

Sometimes I'm so sneaky and devious I think I need to make up a new word for it...Sneavious? Deveaky? Sneakious? Deviousky?... That last one sounds like a Russian author... Tolstoy, Chekhov, Pushkin, and Deviousky... you, know, all the greats.

Have I ever told you about my dead toe? The toe next to my big toe (usually on my right foot) will go totally white and numb if my foot gets too cold...  As soon as my foot gets warm again my toe goes back to normal. So to sum up, the circulatory system is WEIRD.

Speaking of slightly medical things, if you have any unused prescriptions that you want to get rid of safely, go to this website to find a nearby drop off point for the National Drug Take Back Initiative. I'm so glad this exists... there aren't a lot of good ways to dispose of prescriptions that you have no need of anymore. :(

I'm a bit all over the place tonight, sorry bout that.

You know what's silly? There are lots of things that I could be doing in my free time, but I'm so focused on waiting for my car that I'm putting them off... Like I could put all my laundry away while I wait for a call... but I don't, because I'm so involve in waiting. I could be planning things to do this weekend... but instead I'm waiting, and I can't seem to think about anything else... the waiting... it's so consuming! Also, please note that the theme of my week is patience. Wait for the rain to clear, wait for the car, wait for the fun... It's worth it, but I feel like a school house rock episode. Get your adverbs here!

Phenomonal Cosmic Powers!

Itty bitty blog, tonight.

Me thinks labeling my blog as mildly-epic in proportion might have scared off some people from reading it yesterday. Go ahead, it's ok. It's not really that long... and I think I'm rather funny in it, so that's a plus.

Sad news of the day: No car. It was supposed to show up yesterday and when it hadn't come in when the lot closed down the salesman told me he thought it would probably come in later that night... but it didn't, and it didn't come in today, either, as far as I know. Toyota! You LIE! Le Sad!  So, I don't know when I'm going to get it.

However, because it didn't come in today I did get a chance to clean out the car and the Jeep of everything that was personal property, so I suppose that's good. There was a bit of a mad scramble for me this morning when I realized I'd probably need to clean out the vehicles before giving them away... It's so easy to focus on the gain of a car and forget the loss of the others... pretty much exactly the opposite of life.

Today has been a bit of a disappointment as days go...such plans I had... and they were foiled, pretty well at every turn. I guess that should be a lesson in patience... or not relying too heavily on my own timing... though I think I got that one loud and clear a few months ago. Basically on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the holy grail of amazing days and 0 being Jan 29, 2011, I give today a 2.5. And the German judge only gives it a 2. He didn't think it stuck the landing very well.

I really like the word abscond. As in, "I think someone has absconded with my Prius."

But really, though... I do.

Blog of Mildly-Epic Proportions!

I really like watering down hefty words-- Mildly-Epic... Tremendous-ish... Somewhat Awe-inspiring... I think it's funny.

So apparently it rained in Springfield the whole time I was gone. Kara says Springfield missed me. I will accept this, as it makes me feel loved. :) Especially since it stopped raining about an hour after I got back into town.

BTW, I noticed that yesterday I had 75 blog views from the hour of 11-midnight! Did everyone decide to take a late evening blog ramble, or is there one person out there just refreshing his/her page over and over to make me feel good about myself and how interesting I am?

I have noticed a lot of people are blogging lately. I don't think I have anything to do with it... but I think that I'm more likely to notice the blogging, since I started myself. Isn't that normally the way of it? Maybe everyone gave up blogging for Lent, so they are all back with a vengeance.. Or perhaps not. I've noticed that blogging really falls into 3 categories. 1) Themed blogging-- I'm going to write a blog and it's going to be all about aardvarks and the crazy stuff aardvarks do! Here is a  picture of an aardvark! Here is another! Here is a picture of an aardvark with a hilarious caption! This blog will be awesome! 2) Slice of life/anything that pops into my head blogging-- I'm gonna write a blog: It is rainy.... I heart rhinos.... Did you know that Pandora spelled backwards is Arodnap? I think that means something... This blog will be awesome, right guys? 3) Deep meaningful insight blogging-- I'm going to attempt to compose an online log of my thoughts. A treatise, if you will, on how I view the universe, society, and the motivation behind individual actions. I wish it to be inspiring and thought provoking or, failing that, awesome.

My blog is the second type in case you couldn't tell by my prolific use of ellipses.

So driving back in the rain today was... *insert accent of non-native English speaker here* how you say? ... the suck?  Especially when I hit Lebanon and it really started coming down and I couldnae drive the speed limit, Cap'an! I hate not being able to drive the speed limit. I feel peer pressured by all the other cars. No, I really do. They want me to drive faster than is actually safe and risk getting in an accident. I can tell by the way they pass me. They are all like "whooooshhhhhhh." And I'm all like, "Oh yeah? Well, whoosh to you, too, buddy!"

I'm not actually like that... I'm more like, "Ahhh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Ahhhh! The rain! The raaaaaaiiiin!"

I'm not very eloquent under pressure. Perhaps you noticed?

The salesman called me today at 8PM to tell me he hadn't seen my car yet, but he'd been looking all day and that he was sure they would "drop" it on the lot tonight since today was the last day of the 5 day window. He said he would call as soon as it was ready. I have fed the Jeep the last tank of gas I shall ever give it! And tomorrow I should be driving around my new Prius! Ahhhhh! Prius!! (I'm not super eloquent when I'm excited, either.) Don't be surprised if I visit you tomorrow if you live in Springfield. For serious.

I had a really good day today, despite the driving/driving in the rain. It was pretty well gray and cloudy the whole time I was driving and along the way (probably around Kirksville, for those of you familiar with the drive) I prayed for a break in the clouds so I could see blue sky.... just for a little bit, cause the gray was depressing and making me think about things I didn't want to think about. But I didn't expect to get a break, because my parents like to watch the weather channel in their spare time, so I'd seen more than my fair share of weather discussion this weekend, and I knew it was supposed to be raining pretty well all day and the whole trip. And it did rain pretty well the whole trip. I didn't get a break in the clouds... until I hit Jeff City, when all of a sudden I could turn off the wipers and spot blue sky between the rain clouds. And I thought to myself. "Patience. You can have what you want, if you are just patient." Dunno if that was me or God or meterology failing, but I think it's good regardless.  I want to hurry my life along so much now... I feel so keenly how short life can be, and I just want to *go.* But my sense of urgency isn't necessarily what is best, and I probably do need to re-learn a little patience.

Once I got back in Springfield I sat around for almost 2 hours wanting to do something, without anything to do... and then suddenly in the space of 15 minutes an elaborate plan involving Kara, Chik-fil-a, Ice Cream, and Katie, Jonny, "How I Met Your Mother" and fun fell into my lap. It stopped raining and I saw the sunset, and both times tonight that I got into the Jeep I turned on the car just as some of my favorite songs started. It really is the little things in life. No foolin'.

Currently avoiding: Packing

That xanga flashback has been brought to you by the year 2004.

I've discovered I don't like packing. I used to. But then packing started to involve crying and hospitals. Every time Nathan had to go to the ER I would cry. He would always calm me down and tell me it was going to be ok... but every time it would just break me down.. at the time when I needed the most to keep it together I would lose it. And packing brings it all back... all the times I was just throwing things into a suitcase cause we were leaving in 30 minutes for St. Louis... or I needed to get back to the hospital to Nathan. It's time to start having positive associations with packing again. I need to go on many happy vacations. I'm actually really excited that Kara is having her baby at Cox, because 1) Hopefully when I go to visit her I will be able to visit the beauties of 5 West and 2) it's going to be a happy time in a hospital... I'm actually really glad that Nathan was at Barnes when he died... because I may never have to go there again, and if I do, it's very doubtful that it will be that ICU.

Guess what? My Prius will be in very soon! It's coming sometime from the 20th to the 25th... which is the time that I will be at home for, unfortunately...Darn missing the awesome gas mileage on this trip! But this will give the Jeep and I one last hurrah, before I have to clean it out... The salesman had previously told me I got the last Prius on the lot for 4 months, and he told me today that they'd heard from Toyota and Toyota is cutting back the numbers you can order and putting dealerships on backlog... (I'm sure it's because of all the horrible things that have happened in Japan lately :( Pray for Japan.) So he told me I actually got the last Prius on the lot for 6 months to a year (except for the used ones that might appear at any moment and be snatched up just as quickly). He said it was divine intervention that I was able to get one. I like to think it was, even if I know that God isn't overly concerned about my car. He's concerned about me and I was concerned about a car.

Just now I was cleaning off my desk and discovered a card with a donation to the Memorial Fund in it... I may have let the mail on my desk pile up a bit... and by a bit I mean a whole lot.... like this was mailed at the end of February... and it's late mid-April. Nathan would be going crazy if he had to put up with the state of the desk right now. When I get back you all have to tell me to clean up the office, cause it's getting bad.

Ok I need to go and finish packing.. I feel like I should say goodbye to you, but that's the wonderful thing about the internet... you aren't actually going to be away from me. You are coming, too!

BTW I will attempt to remember to take pictures so you can know where you are going... with me.

Ok, bye for now. Love you, bunches. Or as Nathan and I used to say, "Love you bunches and bunches of oats... all of them... All the bunches and all the oats.... Love you all the bunches." We had a tendency to create our own little scripts... and we had a thing about repeating the same thing over and over. It's a little hard to explain, but just go with it. I loved him all the bunches.