It's Not Just Men

So I've spoken to two guys in the past three days who, when describing a relationship that had just ended said, "You know I was there for her when she needed someone over and over and over, but when I needed someone, she wasn't willing to be there for me."

And I listen to this and I think: dubbya tee eff, ladies??? (side note, I know that wtf, omg, and btw stand for real words.... but those letters in succession have become words in their own right in my mind, which is convenient as it lets me escape any actual cursing!)

Ok, so obviously I'm someone that people are willing to talk to, and some people would argue I am too available to lay troubles/frustrations on... it does certainly land me in the friend zone more often than I would prefer. So maybe I have high expectations of what it means to be someone's friend, but I don't think my expectations for a friend should be more than my expectations for a significant other. There is something wrong here.

I hear a lot of complaints about the men of my generation. It's generally about how they are childish. How they sexualize and objectify women. How they are lazy and entitled. How they just want to fix things instead of *just* listen. How they couldn't find their emotions if emotions were those fuzzy yarn balls and located in a cardboard box labeled "Your Emotions."

And I'm not trying to say that's not true, at least in part. I am completely cognizant of the photo-shopped  pictures of girls with perfect bodies that get shared all over facebook. I know why they get shared and I know that even those girls don't actually look like that, and I feel deeply how sadly *lacking* I am in comparison.

But what I'm saying is that it's not just the men. Only they can't say this, because that would make them sexist jerks. Girls sexualize and objectify men, too. (I'm looking at you, Magic Mike and Ryan Gosling memes.) And we are childish, too.

When I was growing up we didn't have all the Disney Princess stuff that is so prevalently pink in stores today.... but that didn't mean we didn't have Disney Princesses... And that didn't mean we didn't want to become Disney princesses--- we did. I remember so much stuff in reference to girls being princesses, even in college. But have you ever really watched a Disney princess movie? The men are fake. That sounds weird, but especially in the early ones, the men are just cardboard cutouts. I think Eric from The Little Mermaid was the first one to have any personality, and even then he doesn't have much of one. If there is a male protagonist, then there is something to the girl, but if a female is the protagonist... well mainly the man is just there to cut down the brambles and throw a sword around.

And women have incorporated this into their modus operandi. Women act entitled too. We are entitled to have our breakdowns and our hormones and our changeable natures-- you know, if we want to. And the men better well be able to put up with that. They had better be strong and protective and thoughtful and reasonable and willing to fix it all. But they had better not expect a princess to get her hands dirty. They had better not expect a princess to get off her butt and lend strength or protectiveness or thoughtful reasonability or support.  Gah, I mean how selfish could men possibly get? Are they really saying they can't be strong all the time??

Turns out that both men and women are insecure. We all have moments of strength and weakness. We can all be pretty crappy to each other. I'm just frustrated. I expect better of us. I expect better of all of us. And I really don't think it's fair to just lay the blame on one side. There is plenty of blame to spread around.