Lucky

Today I left my house to go buy Starbucks... hot Starbucks, because it had just rained and I was feeling weird, apparently. I got my Starbucks and was then randomly inspired to go to the mall and buy shoes...

I told you I was feeling weird.

They didn't have the shoes I wanted to buy- navy blue wedges that I saw a couple of weeks ago. (Well, technically they had them in 8 1/2 but they felt small and I'd never wear them if they weren't comfortable.) But they had the same shoes only in white in a 9.

So I have white wedge sandal/heels sitting on my bed now. I've seriously considered if it would be possible to take some dye and a paintbrush to them, but I'll probably wear them for a bit, before I go all craft-Rambo on them.

Then I came home and wrote for a few hours

Then I took a Pinterest break... but it wasn't good enough so I took a Netflix break... and then a Drop Dead Diva break...

Do you remember that I love Drop Dead Diva? yeeeeep.

And then as I was bouncing downstairs (No, really. When I'm alone I bounce down my stairs one step at a time.... and by "bounce" I mean I kind hop off the step, thump (one foot), thump (other foot), slight pause,  hop off again.)

Anyway, as I going to change my laundry and playing this little step game with myself, I thought, "You know, I really like myself. Thank you, God, for my self confidence. I could be a lot more unhappy than I am."

It's weird. I want my life to be different than it is. I'm not ok with it stalling out here forever. But that said, I'm not desperate. I'm happy with who I am as a person and I think I that I look really good these days. (As long as I'm not confronted with photographic evidence that disproves me!) I was just thinking the other day how proud Nathan would be of me. I mean he thought I was beautiful when I didn't. But now that I think I'm beautiful, too? He'd never take that adorable goofy grin off his face.

Even with all that I've gone through, I still think that I've been so lucky.

I know that sounds weird to say, but I always thought that I was lucky to have Nathan and that doesn't really change after his death. I'm still lucky to have had him for the short time I did.

And I'm lucky to have all sorts of wonderful friends and family who love me.

And I'm lucky that I can see how lucky I am.