It's 5 AM, so this is gonna be a short blog post.
I napped from 4:30 to around 8- No, I don't know why I was that tired, but when Kara couldn't sleep and came over at midnight it was totally fine. And then it turned into 3AM and we didn't even realize it, but she left and I still had video game stuff to work on... Working on bugs now, soon I will have nothing left to do with it.
But then I worked on the game for 2 hours... and now it's five and I wish I had someone to go get pancakes with cause I'm starving, but instead I'm going to go to sleep for 3.5 hours and then get up and be miserable cause I only slept 3.5 hours.
Someday I will figure myself out, but today is not that day.
I miss having someone to joke around with, and to hug when I'm think about things I shouldn't and I scare myself. I miss having someone to just *look* at and know they understand. I miss cuddling and bickering and just *sharing* my life with someone... I feel like I'm less than I was with him... Together we were greater than the sum of our individualities... Apart.... well I've lost him and I lost "us."
I feel like if I'd never been married people would try and tell me, "Oh, it's not as great as you think it is." or that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. But I have, and I know that it *is* that great... or at least it can be. I have the proof that you can have the marriage that hopeless romantics dream about. We aren't so starry eyed as we first appear, you know. Don't bring your realism bubble-busting my way. I believe in fairy tales and I am being practical.
Someday I will have my cake and I'm gonna eat it, too. So, there.
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