I went to Foster's visitation tonight... I don't think that I will go to the funeral tomorrow... I don't think I could handle it... not without backup. Seeing him in the coffin was so hard. I hate that color.. I *hate* that color. I don't know why it effects me so much, but more than anything else associated with death it is the color that bodies turn. It really gets to me... and it's not right. Not right at all.
Something else I was thinking about at the visitation. Memphis is (for all intents and purposes) my hometown. It's where I went to school and it's where all the community shows were, and it's the gathering place. Arbela and Granger are just names to direct mail or people to get to my house, but Memphis is the hometown. I saw a lot of people there tonight that I knew, or recognized, or grew up with in one way or another. And a great many of those people I hadn't seen in 10 years. Whenever I come home I see my family and whomever is at church that week, but I don't see the people from my home town. I mean I keep up with some of them (you) via facebook and several people have told me that they read my blog, which is so sweet... but we don't hang out face to face and I don't really know who they are anymore.
I think that's the strange thing for me. I grew up with these people. We saw each other nearly every weekday for 13 years. I knew them... and then 10 years went by, and now... I recognize them. I recognize their faces and expressions and their hand gestures and their voices... but I don't know who they are anymore.. and they don't know who I am... It makes me kinda sad actually. I want to catch up with them. I want to get a glimpse into who they turned into... But I'm missing the reunion and as I've discovered I'm just as awkward with people who I knew as I am with people who I don't know. I think I've determined that my new line is going to be something akin to, "Ok here's the thing. I'm extremely interested in your life and what you are doing now, but I'm horrible at asking the right questions, so feel free to share anything you want to. Stories welcome, personal revelations encouraged, feel free to ask any questions that you have if you are better than me at it. I care about you, I just don't know how to show it unless you want me to bake you something."
I've been ruminating on something for a while... It comes from a couple of different places, mainly from blogs. A friend from high school started a blog and the first post was about who he is. And then Blogger Idol's first challenge was to introduce yourself, and then a couple of other people who really only know me from my blog mentioned that, and I realized that I've never done an introduction of myself on here. I just assume that the people who are reading it mainly know me, but I don't think this is always the case... and then tonight I realized that maybe the people who I thought knew me don't really know who I am now... And then I thought, "Heck I'm so non-self aware that maybe even the people who really do know me don't know what I would say about myself." Then again I'm also predictable (or as I like to call it- steady) so maybe they'd be able to guess. Regardless I think that I'm going to get to work on a introduction of myself blog... you know, nearly a year in seems like a good time to write one. :) So maybe you'll get a bonus blog tonight.. we'll see.
Okay - here's the solution.
ReplyDeleteStep 1: Bake cookies.
Step 2: Package them in little baggies.
Step 3: Attach tags that say, "Ok here's the thing. I'm extremely interested in your life and what you are doing now, but I'm horrible at asking the right questions, so feel free to share anything you want to. Stories welcome, personal revelations encouraged, feel free to ask any questions that you have if you are better than me at it. I care about you, I just don't know how to show it unless you want me to bake you something."
It's a lot to write on a card - but then, the person is eating a cookie while they read, so who could complain? AND it's like the golden ticket for narcissists like me (talk about yourself: go!).
In fact, you should make this into a business. A bakery/introduction card shop. People could personalize the cards if they want - and it could be like a funny thing to hand out that they don't really have to commit to if it goes badly (i.e. after 4th hour of hearing about nose hair removal technicians job, with full descriptions of "obstacles" he's encountered, the giver of the cookie + tag says, "hehe - funny card I handed you with that cookie, eh? no one is actually so into themselves that it would work or anything. oh - I see Phyllis. want to show her a card. bye!"
Genius.
This is your brass ring Renee! Grab it!