Waiting and Hiding

I wrote this on facebook, but I think it bears repeating.  Every time I'm driving and someone is driving on a road to my right (approaching a stoplight, stop sign, or yield turn) I flinch. I want to jerk my wheel, even though that would have done me no good in the actual accident. I just... cringe on the inside... and driving down Campbell today was... difficult.

Talked to the insurance today... they basically told me I need to wait. Because it sounds like it was her fault (oh, because it was!) it will most likely be filed under her insurance and my policy won't have much to do with it. But if she tries to pass it off as not her fault... which... I don't know how it could have not been her fault as I had no stop signs or traffic signals of any sort, and she had a stop sign she failed to obey.... but there were no witnesses and I'm sure her version doesn't match up with mine. But anyway if it's under her policy I need to wait- cause better to *not* pay my deductible if I don't have to. Right? Of course, right.

So now I just have to sit around waiting for insurance to call me and driving around my busted car, which makes me nervous. I mean it's working, but a mechanic hasn't checked it out... How do I know I'm not doing something really bad to it?

Hi, my name is Renée and I worry about a lot of things.... still.

I call it thinking ahead.

I like to point my feet towards each other when I'm standing up... It makes me feel really cute for some reason... What's up with that?

Sometimes at parties I get so caught up in trying to surreptitiously watch how other people are interacting that I forget that I am also supposed to be interacting... and sometimes... I pretend like I'm off in my own world, just so other people don't notice that I'm sitting off to the side with no idea how to interact with anyone and desperately trying to keep cool and act like I have this deep rich inner world when actually all I'm trying to do is pretend I'm not ardently wishing I was better at small talk.

I think I might have more pride than is necessarily healthy.

Above all else, avoid the appearance of desperation. I think that's my motto half the time. I can *be* desperate, as long as I don't look like it... Keep the desperation on the inside. It's safer there.