Bittersweet

So I've been watching this show on TV called Go On. It's a Matthew Perry show about this guy whose wife died, and now he's in a grief group.  And after that is a show called The New Normal which I'm really enjoying. And then after that is a show called Parenthood. And every Tuesday I think that I should stop watching after The New Normal... and every Tuesday I watch it anyway. Lorelai Gilmore (otherwise known as Lauren Graham) is on Parenthood, and a husband and wife are dealing with her cancer diagnosis.

And it hurts to watch but I do it anyway, because it feels like someone else understands.

For an example: the husband had a mini rant about how someone came up to him and said "God only gives you what you can handle" and how angry that made him.

I literally gasped.

And then when the wife went in to have her first chemo treatment I cried. They get it right on that show-- it really looked like a hospital room.

I want so badly to have a place to go when I'm sad.

I mean, it's tomorrow now and I'm fine, but I really wish I had a shoulder to cry on when I need to cry. Crying alone is the pits.

I've healed up really well, but there are always going to be moments that hurt, and as it stands now I just have to soldier on...

Yesterday I seriously considered posting on fb that I would make baked goods for the next single guy to give me a hug... and then I realized how few single men I knew and got bummed out all over again.

Also, since it's fb official now, I can announce that I have a new niece!

Annika (ah-nik-a) Joy was born yesterday... which may have contributed to my sadness as well... not because I'm sad for a new baby, of course, but because Nathan should be here for this.. he was always so excited about a new niece or nephew.

I'm really ready for things to not be so bittersweet.

Just sweet, please.