The startle

Tonight I went and saw Jurassic Park at the Palace with a bunch of people... I understood it a lot better than I did when I was 10 (11? 12?) and my mom bought it because she went to the same high school as Jeff Goldblume.

It's still an enjoyable movie, though some of the crazy advanced "technology" is pretty funny now.

There were a few times where I jumped... not because I was scared, but because they are good at making you startle.... oooh movie makers, you so clever.

And when I jumped I kinda wished for a someone. A someone whose arm would be around me... or next to me. A someone who I could grab or "hide" in his shirt. Not because I was scared, but because it was a good excuse to be close to him and he smells good.

And I imagined that someone would tease me about being scared, while still enjoying the fact that I apparently expected him to protect me from the big bad dinosaurs.

Yes, that's right, I wanted a someone so that I could be teased.

But you it's those moments. Those "fun" moments that I think I miss the most often. It's kinda hard not to miss them most often... There are so many times when I want to share the joke.

Yeah it's nice and even important to have the someone for the big moments or for the hard moments or the scary moments... but usually those moments are far between and laughter happens every day, if you're doing it right. There is just *so much* fun to be had in this life. Teasing and laughter and talking about nothing and giggling about less than nothing.

I really wish they had cell phones in heaven. I mean I can call to Asia or Europe or Timbucktu. Heck, I can even video chat to all those places. But there aren't any satellite signals in heaven.  I wish there were. I miss his voice, and I miss the laughter that was never far away. I think the hardest thing about death to truly understand or accept for me is that there is nothing more. I won't ever hear another original thought from his brain.

So I can't stay in this phase of my life, and frankly I don't want to... but I seem to be having a hard time getting out of it, as well.

I keep asking God what I'm waiting for, but He doesn't give me an answer...

I think perhaps because once I get the answer I won't be waiting any more.