StrengthsFinder

So for a while I've been wanting to take the Strengths Finder Test again.

I thought that with how much different I feel since Nathan's death I'd probably come up with some answers that were different (while I assumed some would stay the same.) So today while I was in Barnes and Noble I went ahead and bought the book again so that I could take the test again. And I was right- it's different... and the same... and I think the ways in which it is different is telling.. and the ways in which it is the same is rather telling as well.

The first time I took the test I got: Empathy, Communication, Responsibility, Input, Woo

The second time I got: Empathy, Adaptability, Communication, Individualization, Woo

So Empathy, Communication, and Woo were the same, though Communication went down a notch.

So what does that mean? (all block quotes are taken from my StrengthsFinder 2.0 Report which is copyrighted by Gallup, Inc, and most have been edited down as designated by the [...])

Empathy:

Because of your strengths, you might be prompted by a natural impulse to answer questions, deal with perplexing issues, or overcome obstacles. This need to do something arises from deep within yourself. It’s very likely that you cause others to pay attention to their innermost thoughts and feelings. People are confident of your ability to exercise good judgment and common sense. Many people trust you to keep to yourself whatever they choose to share. Your capacity to imagine their situations and be sensitive to their needs allows individuals to unburden themselves. You listen. You customarily acknowledge their unique circumstances. Instinctively, you have a special gift for helping people realize that you truly value them and hold them in high regard. By nature, you feel honored when someone entrusts his/her innermost thoughts and feelings to you. Nonetheless, the person needs to initiate the conversation. Otherwise, it is unlikely to happen. You are reluctant to bring up sensitive topics and delicate questions. You tend to worry about leaving the impression that you are prying or being nosy — that is, unduly interested in the private affairs of the person. Chances are good that you take the time to discover each individual’s unique traits and truly understand them. These insights enable you to listen to people’s concerns. Making no judgments, you strive to comprehend their situations. Others sense that you know exactly how they are feeling.

Ummm, yes.

I once had a person tell me that I couldn't kick someone in the shin without making them feel like they were the person I most cared about in the entire world. Apparently that's my "Empathy." and even after everything, it's still my top strength. (and perhaps my top weakness?) And that bit about being concerned that I'll come across as prying or nosy... they got inside my head, there.

The things they put on my report are different than what they say in the book... The report is generally more customized, but I like some of the things they say in the book so much that I will share them with you. (all in-text quotes are from the book StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath)  "You are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You don't necessarily feel pity for each persons' predicament. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand." and "Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings to themselves as well as others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you."

Also please don't think I necessarily believe all these things of myself... but it feels like my ideal version of myself... who I'd be if I could choose and live it perfectly. It's certainly something I strive for.

So then for my fifth strength:

Woo:

By nature, you may handle yourself well in specific types of social situations. Occasionally you set aside your work or studies to enjoy of the company of friends, newcomers, or strangers. You might rearrange your schedule or priorities to accommodate the needs of a particular person or group. Instinctively, you might be lively enough to help make certain events exciting for other participants. Once people are engaged in the activities, you sometimes limit your socializing to specific individuals. Chances are good that you regale people with illuminating accounts of incidents in your life. You entertain them with your tales. You candidly share your personal observations and experiences. [...] It’s very likely that you gravitate to situations where you will be in the company of others. You are much less inclined to be solitary or a loner.

It should be noted that  the book tells me Woo stands for "Winning Others Over." The last time I took this test I was flummoxed by the inclusion of Woo as one of my strengths. I was a little irritated, too. 1) It sounded a lot more like Nathan than like me and 2) it sounded kinda mean. (Not saying Nathan was mean, just that he had a tendency to have a lot of shallower relationships and fewer really deep ones.) To be fair the description they have in the book looks very different than this description does... and this one seems to be a lot more like me. The book talks about how "you don't find strangers intimidating" (not true of me) and that you "don't shy away from starting conversations because you're afraid of running out of things to say" (I *totally* do that!) and that "once you make a connection you're happy to move on to find someone else to make a connection with." (*NOT* true!)

But looking at the online description makes me feel a lot better-- I *do* frequently rearrange my schedule to accommodate the needs of someone else, I always gravitate to situations where I will be in the company of others,  and someone recently really did tell me that they liked every social situation a little bit better when I was around... and then there is this great "poem" that Kara apparently stole from somewhere else, but illustrated all on her own.

 Plus Melissa pointed out that this might manifest for me via text rather than in person... and that made a lot of sense and also I remembered one important thing- I want everyone to like me. So even if I don't act like the book says "Woo"-ers act, if you combine it with my empathy it makes a lot of sense.

And then Communication:

You occasionally like to be part of a team. Perhaps certain kinds of groups provide you with opportunities to voice your ideas or express your feelings. By nature, you are quite comfortable talking about yourself. You also enjoy listening to people describe their talents, limitations, goals, worries, or successes. These insights often help you discover what someone thinks or feels. You probably acquire valuable information about the individual’s style of thinking, learning, working, playing, problem solving, or studying.  [...] It’s very likely that you very much enjoy the animated give-and-take of a lively discussion. Driven by your talents, you may feel comfortable speaking to a variety of individuals or audiences.

This is one that I read and thought, "Meh, kinda" on this go-round... but then I looked in the book and read the following statements: "You feel a need to bring them [events] to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid." and then, "You want to divert their [people's] attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act."

ooooh yes please... I'd love to think that my words could do all that.... I'd *love* that.

also... I write daily on my blog for heaven's sake, and pretty much nothing is off-limits but other people's stories. Yeah. Communication- I do that.

So then the things that are different: Adaptability (my second strength now)

Chances are good that you periodically exhibit the flexibility to adjust your day’s priorities as circumstances change. Because of your strengths, you might have an ability to accept and deal with each day as it unfolds. You may be flexible enough to handle unexpected discoveries and situations. [...]Sometimes outdated or inefficient processes frustrate you. [...] You are quite comfortable dealing with change, surprises, and unexpected problems. Why? While you appreciate schedules and plans, you recognize when it is wise to deviate — that is, turn away — from them.

 It's kinda interesting how my strengths seem to dovetail each other... for example, in Woo it was right when it said I often changed my schedule for others... and the adaptability is what allows me to do so. Here's the thing. This strength is so strong, I think, as a result of dealing with Nathan's cancer and death. I don't think that I was as adaptable before... or that I valued it as much in myself and in others. But now I think it's important. Have a plan, yes, but be flexible enough to be able to change. You have to roll with the punches or else you will break... It's not a life motto, but I do very much believe it to be true.

 and lastly, Individualization:

It’s very likely that you may enjoy helping people by performing tasks they dislike or do not have time to complete. Perhaps this is one way you keep yourself busy and make their lives less burdensome. Because of your strengths, you can stand in another person’s place and view what is going on from his or her unique perspective. Your have an ability to become well-acquainted with individuals. This magnifies your capacity to feel their joys and sorrows as well as their successes and failures. By nature, you may update certain individuals about current events. [...] Driven by your talents, you may derive some joy from coming to the aid of people. [...] Instinctively, you might identify situations where you can assist people by using your talents. To some degree, you want to concentrate on doing what you do well. Perhaps this is your pathway to success.

There is apparently quite a bit of my Empathy at work in my Individualization... Heck, to me they feel like the same strength! And this blurb also points out my "mom-ish" qualities... which dovetail into my communication tendencies- like making sure the absent-minded kid in our writing group actually remembered to check his e-mail, or checking in on certain friends when I haven't heard from them in a while, and not being a bit concerned if others don't talk to me for weeks. I do love helping people out- especially if I can use my talents to do so (aka I suck at helping a person move but I'll gladly give up a day to help you paint your house/room.)

So the things I lost?  Responsibility and Input.

Responsibility: I think this one went away because I've had to let go of some of the illusion that I have the power/ or ability to take care of everything... A friend made a really profound statement to me not long after Nathan died. He told me that it wasn't my responsibility to pick up all the pieces that Nathan left behind. I'm not sure if he knew what an impact that sentence made on me... (though my deluge of tears when he said it might have been a clue.) That was exactly what I'd been trying to do and it was *such* a relief for someone to tell me that it wasn't my responsibility and that it was impossible. So I think I had to let some of that go.. Don't get me wrong... I'm still pretty responsible... but I'm not surprised that it's not a top 5 strength any more.

And then Input. This one was weird the first time I got it... Input basically means that you collect things (material possessions, thoughts, trivia facts, sundry knickknacks or ideas that interest you.) My mom is really high on the input scale... I'm not. I think the internet + a smart phone might have cured me of this? Why save up information when it's all at your fingertips? Either that or it was a fluke last time.

Isn't it interesting how 4 of my 5 strengths are entirely about people and the 5th one is basically a skill that I use to interact with people??

Hmmmm... task-oriented or people-oriented? I wonder.

Nathan wrote a haiku about me once--

Her love for people
Is the center of her soul
She cares so deeply

For a while there, after his death, I wondered if this was as true as he believed it to be, but I think what I was experiencing was compassion fatigue combined with PTSD and coping mechanisms, and I think I'm only recently coming out of that.

Also, if you've never read it and want to oooh and aww about how freaking sweet Nathan was to me, you should go read this post.

So anyway I've just spent a *lot* of time talking about myself... but I'm really pleased with this result... it feels like it has really captured a bit of who I am, and I love it when I feel known, even if it's just by a book. :)