The White Elephant in the Elevator

So there's something that I've been avoiding talking about for a while now.

In part because I don't know how some of you will respond to it. And in part because I'm not sure how I feel about it.

But that said, I really don't like edging around subjects as though they don't exist. If there is an elephant in the elevator with us I'd like to address it, and make it feel less awkward about how big it is. Maybe you won't agree with me that the elephant is white. Maybe you think it's purple and pink polka dotted. That's fine, but at least we won't be blundering about as if there isn't an elephant and standing uncomfortably close to each other but refusing to make eye contact and pretending we don't notice.

After telling Kara over a year ago that I wanted to be able to tell my story somehow she decided that I needed to be a member of the preaching team. (Just to be clear, that isn't her decision to make, she just likes talking as though what she wants is a reality.)

So I'm taking this class thing called a "preaching mentoring." It's something Tim does every now and again to find new people for the preaching team at church. With both Kara and Josh leaving in July, he sorta needed some new people. Going through the class in no way guarantees that a person will actually ever speak on a Sunday morning much less join the "team," it's just one of the necessary steps.

I agreed to do it for a few reasons. One was that I thought I wouldn't be very good, and the best way to get Kara off of a tear is to go along until she decides it was a bad idea (or a good one.) The second is that she said she would go through it again as a refresher and so that we could spend more time together. (At this point I say yes to virtually anything that gives us more time together. Your best friend moving away can get you to do all sorts of things you'd normally pass on.)

Now I'm not going to get into the complementarian/egalitarian debate... I think that's a much longer blog than I'm prepared to write... and I think it would probably be far more divisive than useful to anyone. Suffice it to say that I don't think it's a salvation issue, I would not do something that I had not researched in the Bible and prayed about (and felt it was ok,) and the only way to speak on a Sunday morning is to be invited by Tim, who also wouldn't invite someone to do something that he had not researched and prayed about and felt it was ok. And any of this is a moot argument at this point because no one's asked me to do anything as yet.

I will admit that I wasn't super jazzed about it, though. I remember my college Public Speaking class... I was not very good.

And then Kara said something I think was really smart. She said, "You know, Renée- speaking is just saying something that you've written out-loud."

I did know that, but I'd never really thought about it like that before... that Kara is so wise.

So on Tuesday I gave my 2nd speech/sermon/whatever. (Well, technically it was a revamp of the first one, but with an additional 5-10 minutes added.) And it went over really well...

And I realized that Kara might be right... and if she's right and if I am actually asked to speak on a Sunday morning, I probably needed to blog about it at some point so you aren't completely taken by surprise.

I've decided that I'm a little quirky when it comes to speaking. I know that most people really frown on using a manuscript as "notes" for a talk, but it really works for me. The most well received speeches I ever gave were manuscript speeches. (Mainly my valedictorian speech and both versions of the speeches I've given thus far.) I think as a writer, letting my mind fully form my arguments is very important. If I didn't, my mouth would sometimes get ahead of my brain and I might say things I don't actually agree with. Plus my performance background lends itself to treating a speech like a monologue... only way easier, because I am the character I'm playing and I wrote the text so I can change it on the fly if I want to.

I really do miss performing, so this scratches a tiny little part of the itch without taking up the amount of time a full show would. I guess I'm a little bit more of a showy Leo than I thought. I don't know if I wasn't trying hard enough in college, or if my teaching experience really helped something click inside me, but it looks like I'm better than I thought... I can't help but wonder if Nathan ever would have guessed I'd be in this place. I think he'd be laughing either way.