One Year

Today marks the first year of Nathan's fight against cancer, and today we got a call that not only is he 100% leukemia free, but he is also 100% donor cells and thus far there is no sign of mutation in the chromosomes that can cause leukemia. Now obviously things can change and "cure" isn't until 5 years after bone marrow transplant, but right now we are sitting in pretty much the best place that you can in regards to the cancer. We are still dealing with small symptoms of graft versus host, low platelets, and of course steroid side effects, but all of that pales in comparison with the fact that one year ago today I was facing my biggest fear and today Nathan is walking and climbing stairs and talking about work and school instead laying in a hospital bed talking about blood counts, chemotherapy, and anti-nausea medicine.

I can't even describe what this year has been like. I tried earlier today and all I could come up with was "unh." I'm not much of a introspect-er... but I can tell you what has gotten me through all of this. 1) Trusting that God can make it right, somehow. 2) Only dealing with the moment as it comes- theatre training, that one's for you! 3) An incredible husband who would still smile and tell me he loved me when going through the worst stuff the medical field can throw at ya. 4) A fantastic network of family and friends with large amounts of grace, love, and patience.

All last year I would say, "But a year from now, things will be better." "In a year from now, we won't have to deal with this." "It's ok, babe, this is just our lost year. Next year we will pick back up where we left off." And it's so wonderful to hit the year mark and be, for most intents and purposes, correct. We are still dealing with some stuff that we didn't have in the beginning, so I think in a year from now we will be mostly- if not totally- past that, too. And someday this is all going to be a surreal memory that we can't believe happened to us. But right now, we are picking up where we left off.... physically weaker- for the moment, but stronger in all the places where it matters. Faith, hope, and love.

I don't like dwelling because it just makes me sad and I attempt to write a blog that is enjoyable. (No, I don't believe that reading sad things is enjoyable.. and I hate dystopias. *gasp* I know. I don't like peanut butter and chocolate, either. I'm a veritable heathen. Ya know, it's ok though. Some people are squirrel handed and no two people are not on fire....Here's the link if I just made you blink a few times and re-read that last sentence.) Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I don't want to focus on everything that made this the hardest year of my life. What I want to focus on is family, friends, weddings, Halloween costumes (I told you I love them that much), rainbows, baby shoes, romantic comedies, books, games, amusement parks, and waking up next to an amazing man whom I love with all my heart. Even if I had to repeat the whole year, another 70 times over, that last one would be worth it.