On the occasion of August 31st...

There are 31 days in August and this is my 15th blog post. I say that is not too shabby for my first full month of blogging. One every other day? Good show, old chap! (I don't know why I just called myself old and a chap... I just like talking in a British accent in my head, ok!? That's totally normal and commonplace! Gosh, lighten up!)

Nathan's cousin just brought home a little girl from Ethiopia. Her name is Lily Workinesh. Lily was their name choice, Workinesh is her Ethiopian name- it means "you are gold." She is such a doll. So cute! AND one of my college roommates has also just announced via Facebook that in 7-16 weeks they will be bringing home a little boy from Korea. So many international adoptions = so many adorable international babies! This is all in addition to the 11 other people I know who are currently expecting... I swear I'm not that obsessed with babies- they just seem to be bustin' out all over! Ahahaha. I crack myself up, sometimes.

get it? Cause babies make tummies balloon (aka bust) out and then they actually bust out... but not in a gross "Aliens" kinda way.. cause they are humans not aliens. Humans have human babies. That movie was not a documentary.... *phew* Glad we cleared that up.

I made a pillowcase the other day for some adolescent girl who has cancer (Crafthope.com). It was so easy! I love French seaming, I've decided... I may change my mind when I make something more complicated than a pillowcase, but for now I love it... now I want to make lots of pillowcases. I'm getting into the crafty mood again. It's fun, and a good excuse to rewatch Gilmore Girls.... I wish someone would hire me to sit at home and make crafts all day. (No, I don't want to start an Etsy or my own business, I like dependable paychecks and relatively simple tax forms. Minus ambition, remember?) But if you want to start a crafting business I could be your first hire. I can sew, paint, sculpt, fiddle about in illustrator, decorate cakes, bake, and watch TV on DVD with the best of them. I'm also experienced with power tools and basic construction techniques. Just don't make me do the multiplication tables in my head or type with my fingers on home row.

So with the addition of Mario to my schedule, the reading has dropped off. I gotta get back on that bus before all my books are due... Do you know that somehow, yesterday I was able to read a book, play some Mario, watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion (don't judge!), mop my kitchen and vacuum the rest of my house, oh and wash and dry my pillowcase. I didn't cook dinner or blog... but I still think it is quite impressive. Someday when I have children I'm gonna have to put all this "fun" stuff aside to play and help with homework and go to sports (ugh) or play (yay!) practices... I plan to pick it all back up when the kids go away. I'm gonna be so into video games when I'm 50!

ok dat's all I got... my husband didn't eat today. (Oh, hello, pre-steroids Nathan!) so we gotta do an early din din. I definitely learned "din din" from an old movie called "Who's Minding the Mint" I think I should probably watch that again sometime... I imagine there is a lot I didn't get when I was 6.

Babies, Cars, and Videogames

In a minor miracle today, I cleaned up my kitchen without prodding, friends visiting, or assistance. I am quite proud of myself.

I get to see my sister today! And Isaac, Kadin, and Jeriah. I'm thrilled to pieces about this. Last Tuesday was Kadin's birthday. The only good thing about that day! So we got her some presents and while shopping picked up an adorable onesie for new baby Houf. Ach, baby clothes... I'm gonna spend so much money when I have a baby on adorable clothes.... Nathan is gonna get into the stroller/car seat/high tech baby stuff and I will be found in the clothing section going, "AWWWW!" over and over and over. By the way, Threadless has adorable baby clothes... and then on top of that they have "hoodsies." That is a onesie with a hood. *melts into a pile of goo* As Kara says, (quoteing something/one else?) Could you just die!?!        ...     ...sooo I'm not sure how well that phrase translates in text, so for context say it out loud to yourself in the same manner that one speaks about baby clothes or puppies and kittens or small Asian children. Does it make sense to you now? Ok, good!

I don't really have much to say about the state of the world today. We finally got Nathan's jeep fixed. We'd been putting it off for like a week and a half, being a one car family but we finally took it in and discovered it was just a bad battery- 82 dollars later and we were good to go! Now for my car, of which the brakes have been acting funky for months but every time we take it in they tell us that everything looks ok... If everything looks ok then while does it make a loud clicking noise and freak out when I try to stop first thing every morning? I can work around it to some extent but if it happens every time I start my car then there are going to be times when I'm out in public and need to stop and not continue for about a foot farther than I should. Parking lots and stopping before I pull into traffic come to mind. (I haven't been driving my car that much, needless to say.) But we are taking it to a different mechanic next week and I'm supremely happy about this.

I've been playing Paper Mario this week and I like it muchly. It was a present from my dear husband for my birthday. He also got me the first video game I ever owned (Kingdom Hearts) for my birthday when I turned like 23 or 22 or something. I was a late bloomer, what can I say?

Public Service Announcement

I have something to say.

I think it is something everyone needs to hear.

Perhaps you should sit down....Wait, you are reading this on a computer and are in all likelihood already sitting.

Way to be prepared.

Are you ready?  Here goes:

No Sugar Added Mint Chip Ice Cream sweetened with Splenda does *not* taste like regular ice cream.

NOR are the "chocolatey chips" in anyway reminiscent of chocolate except in general dark brown color. Do not be fooled.

...

In other news,
Adding peppermint oil and chocolate chips to regular vanilla ice cream is not a good idea, and it doesn't taste like Mint Chip Ice Cream either.

Life is full of disappointments... some small and some so very great.

not gonna write you a blog post...

We go to get a long plastic tube out of Nathan tomorrow... Port removal is a big milestone for cancer patients (all of them, I assume.)  Because it means that you no longer need daily (or even weekly) infusions of something to keep you going. It means that the awful lifesaving treatment is over and you are well on your way to recovery. It means that that health is approaching. It means that normal is coming... it's just around that river bend, Pocahontas!

I'm thrilled... and a little nervous, because last time we had to deal with the radiology it was with Nathan going in and it was not smooth. I think this time it will be though... Because all they have to do is pull it out. Removal is easy, insertion is the tricky part.

Gosh I feel like I have too many thoughts running about in my head. Perhaps I will take a page from the Pioneer Woman and just make a list to clear out my brain.

1) The left side of my head and neck hurt, but the right side is fine. I think this is because my right side got tired of holding up my ginormous cranium and made my left side do it and my left side is a pansy.

2) Pansies are in my top 3 favorite flowers. Pansies, Tulips, and most Lilies (I've never been a fan of calla lilies).

3) A random thought struck me today at work-- I hate dissection. both literally and metaphorically. Analyzation, fine. Dissection, no.

4) I refuse to buy Charmin toliet paper because of it's stupid bear commercials, even though I think it would probably be my favorite brand.

5)The only time I ever get the urge to clean up my kitchen is when I have friends over hanging out... And no one goes into my kitchen so it isn't because of shame. I think this is what defines me as an extrovert.

6) I think I am minorly talented at a lot of things but not majorly talented in anything... I can't decide if I think I prefer that or not.

7) Nathan and I will randomly get into a loop where he says something and then I respond  (or vice versa) and then he says the same thing again and then I respond with the same thing again and this will go on for as long as we can stand it before we start busting up. We think this is a hilarious couple thing that we do. Anyone looking in from the outside would either think they were in the matrix or that we needed to be committed.

8) Sometimes the loop is non-verbal.

9) I hate driving so much. I totally blame this on nightmares I used to have as a child that my parents were both too sick to drive and I had to get them to the hospital but I was too short to reach the pedals and then the brakes didn't work. I blame these nightmares on the Little House Books... in particular the one where Mary looses her eyesight from the fever that hits everyone but Laura.

10) When I was in kindergarten I was very confused as to how one became a princess. Then my teacher told me I needed to marry a prince, so that became my goal. "Great!" I thought, as I laid down for nap time, "Now all I need to do is find a prince!"

11) I had a complex when I was in elementary school. I thought you couldn't wear your book bag on just one shoulder until you got to be old enough...the third grade. *nods sagely* Every once in a while I would wear it on one shoulder and I always felt like such a rebel.

OK that's all for now-- need to go sleep. Love you all!

All the Songs About September Are So Melancholy!

So between getting nostalgic for the Scholars days earlier this week,  move-in weekend, and baking about 16.5 dozen cookies (some of which I will keep for us but most of them going to the New Student Festival on Sunday) I've been thinking about college a lot. I really loved college. It's where I met my best friends/ husband, where I learned to trust people outside of my family with the "real" me, and got a better idea of who the "real" me actually is... oh yeah and I got a degree I don't use. But that's ok... it was worth it anyway. There were some rough times, but I don't really remember them that well...mainly I just remember staying up late and a lot of laughter and cookie baking.  Oh and flirting... we were young and mainly single after all.

How did you guys "crush" on people? I think I was weird in this respect. Basically what I did throughout high school is that I would pine away for one guy for a whole year. Then over the summer I would get over him and then when I went back to school I would like someone else and moon over him for a year. I never wanted the guy to know (how embarrassing!) and I always tried to seem as though I wasn't affected by any of that silly stuff. This led to three things: 1) not having a boyfriend in HS, 2) being the good friend (aka the one people went to to talk about their relationship woes... ironic considering I had never been in a relationship), and 3) not having a CLUE how to flirt or recognize flirting when it was directed at me. This "pretending-to-be-above-it-while-secretly-crushing-on-someone" thing continued into college, until I discovered a couple of things. 1) The whole unattainable love thing is *miserable.* 2) If I actually knew that the guy wasn't interested then I was no longer interested. The thing is I had to be sure that he wasn't interested, and just telling myself, "he isn't interested" didn't work cause I've always been a hopeless romantic and heroines in many a Jane Austen book tell themselves a man is not interested when the reader knows he actually is. So since life is so very similar to Jane Austen books, normally, I came up with a really weird system. I would develop a crush on a guy. I would get to be better friends and pay attention when he was around for several months and see if I was still interested. I would do all the fun squealing and over-analyzing every sentence with my girlfriends. And then when it started to get to the part where it's not fun anymore- you know, when it's just angsty and melancholy -here's the crazy part- I'd tell him. It sounds crazy but if you will note the 3rd result from high school you will see that I didn't have a clue how to flirt or to tell if someone is flirting back or just being a genuinely nice guy. (And *goodness*  knows I only ever fell for the really nice ones!) So what was a girl to do? The thing is I'm totally shy so I'd never have the guts to tell him to his face, so normally this came in the form of an e-mail or letter. Not IM because that's kinda a big thing to broadside someone with and then expect them to have some sort of immediate response (I reasoned to myself.) Plus, I think the suspense might have been something I enjoyed... the last few hours/days of hope while waiting for a response... who knows.  Kara was always very much against me telling the guy each time I would discuss it with her... she felt I was not guarding my heart by telling the guy.. that I wasn't making him fight for me. And that's true and good advice that followed the words of the Christian relationship counselors of the day- I read Elisabeth Elliot, too! But I did not take this advice. I'm kinda a one guy girl, so when I would find out for sure that the guy wasn't interested in me... well I'd mope about for about a week and then I'd be ok and start noticing other guys. It honestly got to a point where I would say something to the effect of "I'm pretty sure you aren't interested, but I have to tell you that I like you so I can get over you."  I probably sounded a little desperate and like a big whopper, but it really was the truth! Ok, granted, I only did this with 3 or 4 guys that I can recall, and my real relationship did not start because I told Nathan I had a crush on him... but honestly it was really effective for me and I wasn't wasting my time being all star eyed over someone who had no interest in me... plus I never have to worry about might have beens.  I do feel a bit sorry for the guys, cause most of them were totally scared off by this approach. If they could handle it, though, I was fine being around them and didn't "relapse" (though the poor things were probably terrified and over-analyzing their own every move this time around.) What can I say? When it comes to relationships, I've always been a bit intense.

You know... you think you know where a blog post is gonna go and then it just takes a left turn at Albuquerque and suddenly you find yourself rambling on about how you handled crushes in the far distant past.... You know, like 5 years ago. I think this is the problem with titling blogs before you write them. Perhaps something to try to remember for the future....

A Tale of Two Labels: Vampires and Inherent Good

So I think I've gotten addicted to the equivalent of a soap opera... only it's a series of books. To back up, let me say that I've always enjoyed vampire books, even before they were cool. I was close to the beginning of the train on the Twilight books, and while I've never really been all that thrilled with the "traditional" vampire (Aka Evil Incarnate, Bat Dude) I do really love the character of the misunderstood bad guy/girl who is reformed by goodness of some sort. It's not that I don't respect history, it's that I can only relate to evil incarnate on one level-fear/disgust.... ok maybe that is two levels. Whereas temptation, (a *huge* theme in vampire books)  now that I can relate to on just about every level. So I started reading the House of Night books because 1) I like Vampire books 2) vampire books are insanely popular these days so they are easy to come by 3) it is a much different form of vampirism than normal (it's a genetic mutation/disease) so that's always interesting. And there is a lot in the books I don't really like, and I do *not* recommend them for anyone younger than high school, and even then there are things I'm not totally comfortable with. One thing I do really like is that the main character fights very much for the side of good in this fictional world, but at the same time it's "real." And what I mean by "real" is that she messes up sometimes and hurts her friends. She makes bad decisions and has to face the consequences, and even when she makes the right decisions not all of the consequences are good. Everything is messy, nothing is clear-cut, and choosing the right option isn't easy.  But there is still a right option and at the end of the day/book series I know that evil good is going to triumph, though I am usually surprised at the plot twist that gets thrown at the end. Oh and the part that makes it a teenage soap opera is the death/reincarnation, amnesia, love triangles (...squares... pentagons), trapping people in towers, final showdowns (that aren't final at all) and too much focus on sex. Though at least there are no pregnancy plot lines!

I think what all this points out to me, though, is my firm belief in the possibility of good inside everyone. Some people call this being naive but it's the only way I can live. I think it's really easy to see people in categories. It's what our minds naturally do to cope with all the millions of individuals who inhabit the same planet that we do. Where I think we run into problems is when the categories turn into enemies, or even just faceless "masses." It is easy to hate someone you think already hates you. It's easy to hurt someone else if they are just part of "them."  But I think that if people were to look at each other and see the human being on the other end that crime/war/hate would start to end. I don't think that everyone on this planet is going to like each other, by any means and I don't think that the world can be changed if we just start blindly trusting everyone. I guess it all comes back to choice. People can choose good or evil (and yes I know that some choices are not that clear cut!) but the individual chooses and then has to live with the consequences of that choice (hopefully), but I (perhaps naively) think that if a person could see exactly what the people on the receiving end are experiencing/will experience because of their choice then they would choose for the good.

But you know, I'm not really that good at introspection, so it's hard to know which came first- rooting for the bad guy to find humanity and make a noble sacrifice at the last moment or the belief that the bad guys still hold on to a silver of humanity... or perhaps this is just my favorite of all soap boxes and it's late so I'm not properly editing myself. Ahhhh blogging, thy name is Written Babbling. And that's kinda an odd name. For reals, yo.

As I've mentioned. It's late and I am tired. Adieu, until the morrow.

Ok, I just wrote in two labels for this post- Vampires and inherent good.... I'm such a weird kinda nerd!

Babies Backwards-R Post

So I have permission to announce that my little sister is expecting, again!! I'm very excited about new Baby Houf. 1) Because I love new nieces and nephews and 2) Because I love buying baby clothes and having a reason to roam about the baby shoe sections. Mainly I just love babies- especially ones that are related to me and since we do not know about our current/future fertility it's nice to have a few adorable babies around so that I can remember that it's also good to be an aunt who can give the baby back when it needs a diaper change or starts crying.

I love picking out/ discussing baby names, as well. People who don't know me well always get this big eyed expression when I say I have a baby naming book. First off, I'm not very secretive so admitting to having a baby naming book pretty much means as much as not having one. But I just like the book. I think it's a great past time to sit around and come up with favorite names. Plus, if you've never looked at it, the Baby Name Wizard really is a fun book. It's got all sorts of interesting information in it, like when a name was most popular. It also has categories of names- things like "Old Testament" or "Nick-name proof" or my personal favorite, "Porch Sitters." Thanks, Amber, good gift!

I recently discovered a new form of adoption that Nathan and I are considering if fertility does not come back (this is a ways away, not at all in the immediate plans and *no* actual plans have been or are being made) It's called embryo adoption. Basically there are lots of couples who have done in-vitro fertilization and not needed all of the embryos that they froze to complete their family, and so they have a chance to donate these embryos to couples who can't have children on their own. I really like the idea because there is no possibility of the biological parents backing out.  I can't even imagine that heartache. Plus, I would really like to experience pregnancy (though it also scares me to death!) and I really want to be there when every "big moment" happens in those first few months. Plus, you can have siblings that are related to each other, and one of the biggest things to me is that it gives all those poor little frozen babies a chance to be born. Like I said, nothing is actually decided, and obviously we are big fans of "regular" adoption, too.  But this was an option I'd never heard or even thought of, so I thought I would share. First choice, of course, is to not have to worry about it at all, but barring that I also love to ponder adorable little Asian babies, so obviously nothing is set in stone. I just have to keep reminding myself that 27 is not that old, and God's got it under control.

In other news, Smith's Resteraunt on Glenstone??? OMG SOOOOO GOOOOOD!
Hope I didn't just oversell.

A Lot on Reading and a Little on a TV Show

So yesterday I went to the library and picked up 7 books and a CD. I do not think this is notable, especially as I had turned in 10 the day before. Basically what I do is I request a whole bunch of books from the library. (My hold list is usually somewhere in the 20's) They all have different amounts of other people's holds, which means that I get the holds at different times (I freeze the ones that are later in the series if the 1st one has a bunch of holds, so that I move up the queue*, but do not actually get the book till I tell them to unfreeze it.)  So usually I get 3-4 books every 3-4 days, and it works out nicely. However sometimes I hit a streak where I get a LOT of books all at once, it's usually followed by a lull, so it's fine by me, and honestly reading a book a day is not at all unusual for me. I read books and cook/watch tv/do stuff on the computer and just read by itself. It does mean that I don't pay a whole lot of attention to poor Nathan- sometimes he just comes and sits next to me and that's how I know I need to put the book down and pay attention to him. I couldn't really do it in college cause there was so much else going on, but this has always been the way with me and books. I love them so. What I like to read and why is a whole other subject matter, but not really the point of this here ramblin' paragraph. What IS the point is that yesterday when I was checking out the librarian asked me if I wanted to keep my little hold slips of paper in the books. I shrugged and said I didn't care. This apparently threw her for a loop because she didn't know if I was an "any old scrap of paper will do" bookmarker or a "I have a fancy-pants bookmark" bookmarker. Apparently I *really* boggled her mind when I told her that I actually just remember the page number. I didn't think this was that big of a deal. I only read one book at a time, normally, and sometimes I use a bookmark, but it's not that hard to figure out where you were in a book, even if you don't remember the page number. Granted it's not that unusual for me to not need a bookmark, because I read the whole book in one sitting, but from this lady's reaction you would have thought I had just transformed into a demigod. "Oh you just REMEMBER the number? I don't hear that very often. You just *remember* it?" *flabbergasted flabbergasted flabbergasted* This has led me to believe that either my whole life I have lived the lie that you do not need a bookmark, or that this lady is a little nuts. Now while the first would explain the fact that they *sell* fancy bookmarks, (which does shock/confuse me a bit) I think the latter is probably the case. What say you?

Also Nathan and I have been watching "How I Met Your Mother" and I love it. I love it so much that I've been wondering how much it would cost to just go out and get the next disc from the video store so that I don't have to wait so long for net flix to deliver it... or how much just purchasing it would cost. Honestly I probably *shouldn't* delve into how much purchasing it would cost... cause then it will always be there in the back of my brain. Tempting.... tempting... tempting....   But seriously, TV on DVD? Possibly one of the greatest inventions of this century... Though I doubt Hoo-lan would agree. Ok I need to go and eat something... and probably start reading, again.

* I would like to thank Roller Coaster Tycoon for teaching me the word queue, but I still don't understand why it is not pronounced K-yoo-ee. The extra ue are like que's trophy wife.

Fine, I'll move on

This hat envy is not healthy and so I have decided to move on. But not before I vowed that our children would have lots of adorable ear-ed hats when they are still young enough to have little say on what I put on them. And if they are big-headed then they will just wear the adult hats.... And after my vow with one hand in the air and Tara burning behind me, Nathan just said "ok." He's so anti-climatic.

Nathan cooked last night. That man can order Papa Johns with the best of 'em.

I'm on my own tonight. He's got "game" so he'll be gone from 7-9:30ish... I might watch me some "Christy". Yeah, that's right, I said it! That old tv show/miniseries from the early 90's about a school teacher in Appalachia? I got it from Netflix. I know I'm a wild and crazy gal. Sooo basically if you've got any better ideas on things to do you should probably give me a call.

So has anyone actually had ginger water as described by Laura Ingalls Wilder in "The Long Winter"? Today is ridiculously hot out and it always makes me think of Laura tramping down the hay and Carrie bringing out the surprise ginger water that you can drink and drink without it making you sick. I'm both intrigued and grossed out by ginger water and I want to hear about someone who's had it and lived to tell the tale. Ginger water... those crazy pioneers!

I measured

My head is 24 inches in circumference. The average size is about 22.4, though I saw one stat that said for women it was 21.4.... Nathan has a nice average sized head. He can wear hats. His is about 21.5. I envy his head size.

The Lemon Bars Are Delicious.

The title of my post is dedicated to Sadie, who says I've made her crave lemon bar 4 times in 2 days. Here's to 6 times in 3!

Nathan got his first post-cancer haircut today. It's all shaped and looks like an actual haircut, rather than, "This is all I got."

We also got a letter in the mail today from the insurance that says they received our disputes and should have it resolved by September. On top of that Nathan called them and the lady he spoke to said it looked obvious to her that we should not have been charged so resolving everything should go smoothly. Collections has not called us since the last time a few weeks ago, and we want to keep it this way. Collection people sure do know how to ruin a good day, so if'n ya wouldn't mind praying that everything gets resolved easily, speedily, and without delay that would be great.

In other news, we have officially reserved hotel rooms for our mini-break. Jonny, Katie, Nathan and I are all headed to Memphis, TN on holiday. We were gonna do LA, but Nathan can't actually fly quite yet (Platelet count isn't high enough if he were to develop a nosebleed in high altitudes) and budget is always a consideration. But I think Memphis will be fun, and it will be cool to visit the "famous" one, rather than my home town. We'll see Graceland and the Peabody ducks and maybe even play some Laser Tag. Katie doesn't seem as jazzed about the Laser Tag, and I just don't get it.... it is one of the only kinds of exercise that is fun! Plus it's not messy and it doesn't hurt... I cannot see the flaws.

I'm still quite bitter about my head being ginormous, and therefore not being able to buy/wear the adorable owl hat I found at JC Penney's yesterday.  "One Size" does not fit all!!! They need to make a Big Head Hat Store, and sell hats to those of us who can never buy normal people hats. It's just not fair, cause I *love* hats...  Maybe I should start an online business.Or maybe you should and I will be a great customer... hmmmm maybe this already exists... Ok, I'm off to go search the internet.

I forgot to title this post

So I wrote this long post about my biggest pet peeve, and now I have taken it away and saved it in my e-mail. Why, you ask? Cause the very subject of pet peeves dwells a lot more in the negative than I really want to. Suffice it to say this: Can't we all just get along? I don't like combativeness. I don't enjoy an argument for the sake of an argument and I'd rather view everyone in the world as my friend rather than someone I need to defend against. There ya go... a complete paraphrasing of my late post.

For those of you concerned I think I did very badly at not being shy. I felt like a socially awkward mumbling fool.  Nathan says I am paranoid and he thought I handled myself well, and he was proud of me... What a difference it makes being inside my skin!

I bought a lemon bar mix from the store. I plan on making it, but adding lemon extract to make it more lemon-y....I've made them before and my only complaint is that they are a little too sweet... I like a kick! I have no idea why, but this summer I have developed a *deep* and apparently abiding love for lemon bars. Not lemon anything else. You can keep the ade, cake, muffins, icing, whatever, just give me all the lemon bars and we will be fine. The thing I love about the box mix of lemon bars is that it is small. Diabetics don't really need a lot of baked goods lying about, so this way there isn't a 9x13 pan of brownies that have to get eaten up before they get stale/crunchy. Sometimes I quite miss living with my father, aka the baked good vacuum. Though I suppose even before this foray into diabetes land Nathan never could eat 4/5 of a pan of brownies in a day and a half like Daddy. Oh well, he has other good points. ;)

Seriously I hate the word vacuum. It's just wrong that there are 2 u's in it. It goes against every phonetical tenet there is. Plus we always called it a "sweeper" growing up, so I have a latent distrust of the word anyway.

A tale of two loves...mainly pop.

The problem with having a "blogging dashboard" is that you click on all the blogs that you follow, and read them and then the 40 minutes that you had to write your own blog turns into 20 minutes and you think to yourself, is that even enough time to write anything, and then you think awwww suck it up and start writing and you will find out.

So we are in the land of Arkansas this morning- about to go get some kind of pizza named Geno's and eat it, with some of Nathan's friends from childhood/high school. (I'm not sure how far back they go, actually.) My role in all of this will be to eat Geno's pizza- which by the way I will never understand my husband's love of... it's ok at best, but he loves it with the abiding love of a 25 year marriage to the stuff, and it surpasses my understanding. My other job will be to attempt to be friendly and not my normal completely shy and self-concious self. I don't know how well I will do, but maybe I will check back in with you later and let you know.  Then we will go somewheres and do some stuff. Not sure where or what but I have a feeling that the purchase of full sugar soda will be a part of the plan. Nathan's parents don't drink full sugar pop and this is a source of much sadness for me. Let me tell you a story about it:

Last night I opened their pantry and spied on the very top shelf a 2 liter of Coke. It was like showing a dehydrated man a cold Gatorade. However, the Coke bottle had a Santa Claus on the outside of it... This could mean two things. One: Christmas was the last time they bought full sugar soda... or two, this is a very special Coke bottle, that is being saved. This was my fear. Especially because there was a lot of other Christmas type things around it. I had Nathan come look too, and he cried out, "Why are there Christmas things in the pantry?!?" I, too, had wondered. Alas his parents had been in bed for a long time and I just couldn't wake them up to feed my soda addiction, so there the Santa Coke bottle remains, unsullied by human hands... but not desire.

Ach 11:37. I's gotta go. Do you understand my love of the full sugar pop?  Do you understand Nathan's love of the Geno's??

Make-a a blog-a post-a

Today we leave to go to Arkansas for the weekend. Between my birthday and not finding out for sure we were leaving on Thursday till Wednesday, I'm woefully unprepared for this trip. This means I have not planned or  packed and that I'm in go-mode because of it. However, go-mode is actually a good place to be when you gotta get stuff done cause even when you are forced to sit around and wait for something you still can't just do nothing and so (in bad Italian accent) I make-a a blog-a post-a.

Unfortunately today has been a day from... as the Ancient Greeks would say, Hades. Ok, I know they wouldn't say it like that but hey it's cool to take Greek mythology and bring it into the current day. See the Percy Jackson book series. Anyway it's been a crappy day and so I think a run to the Cupcakery before leaving town is in order. Red Velvet, I hear your siren call... you sound a lot like Alannah Myles... or is that Black Velvet?

The internet was broken this morning at work, but fortunately I've learned the "turn it off and wait 30 sec" method of fixing problems and luckily it worked today. I'm a genius... or at least I like to pretend like I am.

Ok so I ordered some new cute crocs for me and some cool, hip crocs for Nathan (not to be confused with the classic ugly crocs) from the internet like 2 weeks ago.... and the post office has had them since July 31st. All the while saying that they would give them to me in one to two days-- it is August 5th so even if you don't count Sunday they are 3 days holding on to my crocs. I think they opened the package and were amazed that crocs is starting to make cute shoes and now there are people at the post office wearing my shoes! Give me back my shoes, you Hooligans!

So.... go-mode makes for some random  train of thought blog posts... ohs wells. Catch ya on the flip.

Birthday Surprise

So, Tuesday is the day of my birth, when I turn the ripe old age of 27. It doesn't sound that old when I say it out loud, or look that old when I write it down, but I've been feeling very old lately. I think that is something dealing with cancer does to you, unfortunately... I sometimes wonder if my eyes have changed or if all that "you can see the life she has lived" stuff you read in books is just poetic license for extra wrinkles. It feels like they have changed... but as I've mentioned before I am a romantic. (Romantic is kinda like emo, I think, but not quite the same.)

I digress.

Anyway, tonight (Sunday night) I had plans to go to the Carter's house for supper and the Goeke's were going to come, too. And honestly, I wasn't all that jazzed about it. I haven't been feeling exactly thrilled about my birthday this year. -Sidenote: This is not normal at all for me. I love my birthday. I am inordinately proud that I was born on 8-3-83 (as if I had any actual say in that!)- I love coming up with a fun idea of something to do, hanging out with friends, and using the whole "it's my birthday" power... (Hey, there are some boys out there who would never have known that "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" is actually kinda funny, if not for me! ...Sorry, guys.) Basically I just love feeling like there is something special about the day. But this year has been different... I couldn't come up with a plan, I couldn't figure out how to make the day special, and I couldn't muster up any will to care. In fact several times I said that I would rather it just be a day--that we go out to eat but just treat it like a normal day. So Katie IM's me and asks if I want to come over on Sunday to have dinner with them and Kara and Josh to celebrate my birthday and I'm like, "... uh... I guess so." And then the poor girl had to listen/read as I explained how I just wasn't into my birthday. I couldn't figure it out.

Then last night as I was driving home with Nathan I realized what it really was- I've always viewed birthdays as a chance to celebrate the past year of your life. I mean, yes there is the whole "pinch to grow an inch" but in my mind it's mainly a celebration of how much you have grown over the past year. A "look at how big you've gotten!" kind of mentality, and this year is not one that I will ever look back on fondly. It was just a little while after my birthday last year that Nathan first started experiencing the joint pain (aka the first symptoms of the leukemia). No wonder my birthday was not a time I wanted to celebrate... it's like the one time of year I introspect at all, and there has been a whole lot of pain and fear in my last year. The entire time I've been telling Nathan, "next year at this time...." and "in a year from now...." and talking about how we've just put our life "on pause" for a year.... And here we stand on the threshold of that year and while I'm incredibly grateful that it has only been a year of our lives that has been taken I couldn't help but think about being a year older and the "only" thing I have managed to accomplish in a list full of hopes for the coming year is just simply hanging in there. I know that is a big deal, and not at all an "only," but when your life has been paused and everyone around you has a life going at normal speed it doesn't really feel like it. My last birthday I fully expected that by this year I would have (or be expecting) a baby and own a home (or be close to it.) It all just made me sad and bummed out. (You know, like you are probably feeling right now, reading my flipping depressing post!)

But that's not where the story ends, because my husband, while supportive, was not going to let me back out of my birthday dinner, and I really didn't want to hurt Katie's feelings (I know, I'm such a martyr!), and Kara assured me that I would not have to wear one of those horrible cone party hats. So I had myself a little birthday pity party last night and pouted about the apartment for a while. This morning I felt better about it, and by the time we went over to Katie and Jonny's I was feeling, if not thrilled, at least generally happy. And then we walked in the door and about 20 people yelled "Surprise!" and walked out of the hallway singing "Happy Birthday" with big grins on their faces and twinkling eyes (ok I know it's cliche, but I totally saw twinkles!) And while I'm not really one to get emotional in the midst of the moment I can tell you that I'm remembering it now with tears coming to my eyes. Cause while this year has been (let's face it) one of the absolute suckiest on record for me, I have some truly wonderful people in my life, who have done all they could/knew how to make it clear that they love and support me and to let me know that I am not alone. They also reminded me of something I'd forgotten. This year I've learned how to rely on a strength that is not my own and to trust in God's plans when my own come crumbling down around me, and I think that's pretty huge.

I had a wonderful time at my party and I think everyone who came did, too. I laughed so much and talked so loudly that I'm probably gonna be hoarse in the morning. But, ya know what? From the moment that everyone started flooding out of the hallway it came back. I'm excited for my birthday on Tuesday. That (expletive) disease isn't gonna keep me down. For those of you that came, those of you that couldn't, but sent wishes through Kara, those of you who are reading my blog because you care about me and those of you who are just reading my blog because you are mildly interested in me, *thank you.* You have no idea how special you have made me feel.... a life on pause has given my relationships time to marinate- to grow stronger and develop new richness and complexity, in a really incredible way... even the ones I haven't been able to spend any time on.



So.... what do you think? Romantic different than emo, or pretty much the same thing?