I Blame the Creeper Clown

This week I painted with oils for the first time since High school... The only thing I remembered about oils in HS was that they were ridiculously difficult to clean up after and they took a long time to dry. So I made a painting (Techinically this was a painting I promised for my aunt last Christmas and never got the chance to do) and I like it, but I realized something... I like to paint fast. I don't like to spend hours and hours getting things right, and while I appreciate the transparency that oil can bring, the long dry time and extra mess factor just aren't worth it. But that's ok... maybe I'll have a oil, "blue period" someday and be really glad I have those paints around.

Nathan and I have decided on costumes and ordered a pattern for his. I can't tell you what the costumes are because I have enough of a theatre background that I think your character should remain a secret, but I'm quite excited... It's gonna be ambitious and there is a chance of failure, so I gotta get cracking on them now so just in case I can't pull it off, I will have time to re-imagine. And when I say "now" I mean after this weekend. Sorry to fill you with curiosity, but I had to say something!

Nathan's parents are coming up tomorrow to visit. It's a short trip because they need recouping time before heading into the work trenches on Mon, so they are gonna head out Sat. evening. But I think it will be fun. We are gonna do a corn maze! I have loved Corn mazes since I came to college and Nathan is the same...  It's odd that I left a place so rural only to discover corn mazes in the "big city." But I suppose it makes sense. Corn mazes aren't very practical... They tear up your field and you don't get your whole crop... But if you can get a bunch of people to come out, then it makes a lot more sense... I don't know that you could draw a big enough crowd to make up for the losses back home.

I've been kinda blubbery today. Nathan told me about a friend of a professor who has been praying for us since last year and I teared up. I saw a website today with a bunch of weekly pictures of a pregnant lady and notes to the baby from the father, and I shed a few tears, and then I watched Project Runway and the contestants' moms came to visit (and son, in one case) and I seriously went through 4 or 5 Kleenex. I mean yes the contestants were crying, but I don't know their moms! There is something about seeing other people cry that just gets me choked up... that and sympathy. I can be super strong and not shed a tear on my own but if someone looks at me with that face,

You know, This face... only without the hobo clown make-up that creeps it up.... or that other creeper clown who is staring at me as I type this caption...

 or says something to demonstrate that they understand... it's my undoing. Or talking to my family... If something happens and I have to talk to my mom or my sister about it I'm pretty much a basketcase for at least an hour or so afterward. Seriously. There were a couple of times last year when I made Nathan call my mom cause I just couldn't handle breaking down. Have I mentioned how my husband pretty much deserves sainthood? ...Except I sincerely hope to never see his image in toast, tea leaves, bread or any other edible.

 Seriously. You are Catholic and starving cause you missed lunch, and you use up the last of your bread and cheese to make a sandwich, and just as you sit down to a steaming grilled cheese you see the image of the Virgin Mary looking up from the golden brown center of your delectable toasty, melty, scrumdidliumptious sammich. What do you DO?!?

That's a problem I never want to face.

I went back and looked at that clown picture again.. and I can't get over creeper clown. He looks like someone you'd see looking in your window in a Halloween Horror film. And then the other two clowns that are in the background of the top of the picture... the one on the right looks like he is laughing about his evil plot to take over the world and the other one looks like he's hungry.. but that might be because it also looks like he has a window in his stomach and that can't be good for digestion. I think it's the white face paint... white face paint only looks good on Geishas... and even then it's still mildly creepy.

Ach, the things that Thursday nights bring you to ponder are things like no other night brings.

One Year

Today marks the first year of Nathan's fight against cancer, and today we got a call that not only is he 100% leukemia free, but he is also 100% donor cells and thus far there is no sign of mutation in the chromosomes that can cause leukemia. Now obviously things can change and "cure" isn't until 5 years after bone marrow transplant, but right now we are sitting in pretty much the best place that you can in regards to the cancer. We are still dealing with small symptoms of graft versus host, low platelets, and of course steroid side effects, but all of that pales in comparison with the fact that one year ago today I was facing my biggest fear and today Nathan is walking and climbing stairs and talking about work and school instead laying in a hospital bed talking about blood counts, chemotherapy, and anti-nausea medicine.

I can't even describe what this year has been like. I tried earlier today and all I could come up with was "unh." I'm not much of a introspect-er... but I can tell you what has gotten me through all of this. 1) Trusting that God can make it right, somehow. 2) Only dealing with the moment as it comes- theatre training, that one's for you! 3) An incredible husband who would still smile and tell me he loved me when going through the worst stuff the medical field can throw at ya. 4) A fantastic network of family and friends with large amounts of grace, love, and patience.

All last year I would say, "But a year from now, things will be better." "In a year from now, we won't have to deal with this." "It's ok, babe, this is just our lost year. Next year we will pick back up where we left off." And it's so wonderful to hit the year mark and be, for most intents and purposes, correct. We are still dealing with some stuff that we didn't have in the beginning, so I think in a year from now we will be mostly- if not totally- past that, too. And someday this is all going to be a surreal memory that we can't believe happened to us. But right now, we are picking up where we left off.... physically weaker- for the moment, but stronger in all the places where it matters. Faith, hope, and love.

I don't like dwelling because it just makes me sad and I attempt to write a blog that is enjoyable. (No, I don't believe that reading sad things is enjoyable.. and I hate dystopias. *gasp* I know. I don't like peanut butter and chocolate, either. I'm a veritable heathen. Ya know, it's ok though. Some people are squirrel handed and no two people are not on fire....Here's the link if I just made you blink a few times and re-read that last sentence.) Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I don't want to focus on everything that made this the hardest year of my life. What I want to focus on is family, friends, weddings, Halloween costumes (I told you I love them that much), rainbows, baby shoes, romantic comedies, books, games, amusement parks, and waking up next to an amazing man whom I love with all my heart. Even if I had to repeat the whole year, another 70 times over, that last one would be worth it.

Ima Dork

Am I the only one who, when in the bathroom, will talk to myself in the mirror? I only do this when the door is closed and in a very quiet voice. Usually I give myself ultimatums or rant about something. "Give yourself ultimatums?" you ask. Yeah, it usually goes something like this.
While applying makeup, I lean over the sink, and make a face and say to myself,  "You. You need to stop it, Renée. If you put on another coat of mascara you are gonna look like a Sesame Street Muppet. You don't need felt eyelashes. This has got to stop."

OK, so it's never been about mascara, but I just got a new kind that I haven't broken into, yet, so I've got mascara on the brain. But it was a great for instance, and that is the level of inane-ness that I act out in private.

Ima Dork

I used to love those Family Circus cartoons that had the kids blaming ghost-like gremlins for misdeeds and the characters were named things like "Ida Know" and "Not Me"

Thanks Bil Keane. Yes Bil only has one l at the end of his first name. I looked him up.

The problem with blogging all the time is that you begin to think you've run out of things to say. I guess it's good to sit down anyway, though, cause I always manage to think of something... For example I've always called the above comic "The Family Circle" but when I wikipedia'd it, I discovered that it's name is actually "The Family Circus." However, back in 1960 when it was first released it *was* called "The Family Circle" but had to change it's name within 6 months because "The Family Circle" magazine was throwing a tizzy. Now, why have I been calling it an old name that it has never been in my lifetime? Is it just cause it is often in a circle? But I normally only saw it in the Sunday Paper when it's more in a strip format. Is it cause I'm too lazy to read the whole name, so I never make it to the "us?" Is it because I'm a comic strip psychic?? What a lame super-power. That's right! Criminals beware! It is I, Original Name Girl!

Nathan and I saw this adorable little boy (around age 3?) at a restaurant the other day. He got a (fabric) napkin off his plate and tried to throw it over his head, while still holding onto 2 corners of it. Then he got frustrated and kept throwing it over his head and going, "Unh! Unh!" until his mom looked up and said, "Mason, that's not going to work, honey, that's not a cape."
And then his Grandmother piped up and said, "Sweetie, your cape is in the car."

His cape was in the car.

I want to have children just so a cape can be a normal fashion accessory. Seriously. I know capes aren't very good at actually keeping a person warm, but they look so cool... and you can wear long sleeves under a cape... and they don't have to be made out a spandex lycra blend. It's just such a bummer that the only time I can wear a cape with a minimum of weird looks in during Halloween. We should bring them back into style, you guys. Who's with me?! If Snuggies, Chia Pets, and Pet Rocks can all be fads, why can't capes come back? We just gotta believe...and start wearing capes.

Que Triste!

Things that are muy triste, hoy:

• Facebook is was is was down.
• Nathan is sleeping in the living room, so I can't play Mario. 
• I kinda forgot about Mario so I haven't played it in about a week and a half. Mario es muy triste, I'm sure.
• I cut half of the Event cards at work this afternoon before realizing I hadn't printed their backs, so I worked late.
• I only remember 15 Spanish words and the numbers through 10 from high school. That's not even enough to fill up an episode of Blue's Clues. And I *never* grasped Spanish syntax.

And that's pretty much all the muy triste news that is news...

In other words, it's been a pretty good day.

No Leukemia!

I wanted to entitle this post "A Haunting in Missouri" but was afraid people would click on it to actually read about a haunting, and then would get mad at me cause it's not about a haunting... but I'm sure I don't care too much about what people think... noooo, not at all.

Well I have great news. We got the results back from the crazy long day last Tuesday and Nathan is still 100% leukemia-free. Now we have planned a party to celebrate Sept 28. It is called "One Year of Kicking Cancer in the FACE" Party. Not that we in any way feel strongly about it.... :) You can come if you are in Spring-town on the 28! I have to admit, I didn't want to make any solid plans until we heard back from the biopsy results. Perhaps it's a little superstitious, but I'm just so aware of how quickly and easily the rug can get pulled out from under you, and it hurts to have your heart set on one thing and to not be able to do it. It's so hard to believe it's been a year... and I can't believe it's only been a year. Time ceased making any kind of sense a while back.  But it's slowly making it's way back... I can see bits of "normal" here and there. Nathan takes out the trash sometimes, and sometimes he gets me a drink, and I see the "I feel like crap but I'm putting on a brave face" face a lot less. (Granted they did just lower his prednisone dosage, so this has been a bit of a rougher week.) Having that port out... it means a lot to the both of us.... I think I'm nearly as excited as he is that he can now reach above his head with his right arm. Being able to just hop in the shower... You just don't know what it's like until you can't... I don't even know what it's like, I just have an idea. There are just lots and lots of little things that I'm treasuring in my heart everyday.

In the meantime I'm trying to enjoy fall as much as I can, as I missed it last year. I'm contemplating Pumpkin Harvest Cupcakes from "The Cup" (pumpkin cake and cinnamon butter cream....mmmmmmm). I'm admiring Nathan's newest fashion love (a dark brown jacket we got him last weekend). I'm planning a Corn Maze Trip for some point in the next month or so. I'm ready to see those leaves turn colors and to feel the bite in the air. Perhaps I will even begin thinking of fabulous costume ideas soon. You know how I love a good costume... well, perhaps you don't, but let me tell you. I *LOVE* costumes. Seriously. Things I love in life: Nathan, family and friends, costumes, reading, and rainbows. That pretty much sums it all up. One of the reasons I'm excited to have kids is all of the adorable costumes I can create... Plus then we can do FAMILY costumes! (I would like to reiterate how perfect my husband is for me. It's so nice that he loves me enough to let me dress him up every year.)

Last year on Halloween my aunt, Dawn, was visiting and we were in the hospital and we got on the elevator and there was a nurse dressed up in the old school nursing outfit... Like all white, hair bun, pointy hat with a red cross on it. old school... I wanted to ask if she was in costume or if that was normal attire, but I didn't want to insult her, like if she was about to get pinned (I think that's what they call it when you become an official nurse) and was paying homage to the long and venerable history of nursing. But seriously how great would it have been if she wasn't a nurse and just worked in billing or something... Anyway, Dawn  was having all the same thoughts as I was, so we couldn't look at each other as we rode the elevator and as soon as we got off and the doors closed we started talking about it... we decided we much preferred to think that she was not in fact a nurse... But the truth is still a mystery... was it a costume, a nod to tradition, or a time warp inside that elevator... it haunts me, still.

Today, I bought toilet paper just because it was Susan G Komen for the Cure, toilet paper. I figure there are worse reasons to buy things. And there were no stupid bears on the package. Then I bought Kleenexes in boxes that weren't those horrendous marble-y designs that they haven't changed for 10 years. And then I bought "marble loaf cake" and thought of you, Amber. So to sum up: Curing cancer is a good advertising slogan, and marblelization belongs in cake, not tissue box design.

Ok I guess I'm not really that haunted.

P.S. Gleeee! *squeal* *Muppet panic* *run into glass door and knock myself out* *wake up* *stand up and furtively look around* *fix hair and act like I meant to do that, while hoping no one noticed*

This blog post has been brought to you by the letters T and V!

I think blogging is addictive. The more often you write, the more often you want to write. Even when you don't have that much to say. Like tonight.

Does anyone have any requests for crafty things? I need a reason to watch more Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls is the perfect crafting accompaniment, cause you don't have to be watching the screen in order to enjoy it. I saw a couple of seasons of GG in Walmart the other day for 15 dollars... I was a little sad at how much money I could have saved if I would have just waited... but there was no way I could have waited this long to own them all... I would have splurged and bought the really fancy box set of the whole series if I hadn't been snatching them up one at a time... oh well, maybe someday I'll buy all the seasons of "How I Met Your Mother" for 15 dollars a piece.... but then I have to wonder... if I can wait until a show only costs 15 dollars before I'm willing to buy it, do I really even want it at all?

Ya know, I love reality television. I like (some of) the horrible VH1 dating shows and I like pretty much all of Bravo's reality line up (except a few Housewives), but I have to say. I do not understand the appeal of reality TV on DVD. First of all, so much reality tv is based on competition and once you know who wins, it's a lot less interesting. And of the stuff that isn't, most of the appeal is in the crazy things people say/do... and that sort of sensationalism stops being sensational with repeat exposure. Though it's still great fun to quote,  "Matriarch to Ma..tri...arch." The only exception to this rule might be "The Mole." (The show where one of the contestants is a saboteur and you don't find out till the end who it is. That might be fun to watch twice... but probably only twice.) Reality TV is the soda pop of television. You leave it sitting out too long or open the bottle too often and it loses all it's fizz.

Did you know that "Glee" comes back on Tuesday?? I'm thrilled. Now I just need to save my pennies to buy the first season on DVD... yeah, I'm so not waiting for that one to go down to 15 dollars.

... Sorry, I told you I didn't have much to discuss. Seen any good movies, lately?

Semi Random Thoughts by Anae Duuuh.

My sister has a blog, too, now! You can check it out here. She explains what I vaguely referenced last Saturday.

Have I fully explained how much I love a TV show called "Gilmore Girls?" Cause I love it. I just watched several episodes, concluding the 3rd season, and I love it.  Love love love. There is something about witty banter that I just can't get enough of. It is an aspect in which I am totally and completely girly. Unlike earlier tonight when I chided someone for not knowing exactly and immediately who Carrie Fisher is and then realized that while my husband may consider himself quite lucky that he got a girl who is aware of her Star Wars, only guys should rib their buddies if they aren't up on their SW knowledge. I'm so gauche.... and geeky... I'm a gauche geek....

and suddenly I wonder if there are any other kinds.

So I want to lose weight and not change anything about my current lifestyle. When someone figures out how to do that will you let me know? I have a sneaking suspicion most plans would not let me have pie for breakfast and after having taken 27 years to discover this wonder, I'm not quite sure I can give it up just yet.

On a related note, I have concluded that there is not a food in the world that everyone can agree is good for you. I have not actually done any research but I hear a lot of different people talking about food at different times and they all seem to disagree on what is good or bad. Milk is good for you- no it's bad. Meat is bad for you- no it's good. Iceberg lettuce is a great option- oh actually, it has no nutritional value- but it does have phytochemicals (sp?) so it's actually good for you. Ok, so I've never heard anyone badmouth kale... but I still think dieters are the bravest people I know, because how the heck do you know what you should or shouldn't eat... diets are the old wives tales of a new millennium. *Please note I do not think diets or dieters are wrong or bad, just highly contradictory.

Something else that I was pondering today-- and please note this has some obvious exceptions... I only mean it as a general trend. Ok, disclaimer finished. I think that my generation might feel about fixing things like cars and houses and practical knowledge like my parents (or possibly my grandparents generation) feel about computers. For example, when my Dad goes to fix something he has a skill set to draw on... but where did he get this skill set? Pretty much from jumping in and tinkering about till it worked. He might have had some coaching or instruction along the way but mainly he just wasn't afraid to make a mistake. This is what my generation does with computers... we just jump in and aren't afraid to screw up cause we know we can always undo it.... But cars and electrical wiring and plumbing? That stuff is expensive and scary. That requires professionals. People who are trained. I used to say that my grandma was afraid that if she pushed the wrong button on the computer it might explode, and that was why she didn't use it... but I'm not that different. Cars can explode... or crash.... or make funny clunking noises and not run. It's all the same fears just recycling themselves in new ways. Kinda like fashion. Did ya hear? The 80's are back and they brought their love of neon, their slap bracelets, and yes, even their acid washed jeans.... but if the shoulder pads ever return I'm making a break for it.... but not in a linebacker kind of way.

When I was little my favorite book was "Are You My Mother?" by P.D Eastman. Apparently it was such a favorite that I decided to read it on a tape that was being sent to my grandparents in PA. I believe this might have been the tape that was played so often it broke. (My grandparents moved to MO when I was 4.... possibly because they could bear to be separated from my adorableness no longer.) Anyway, on this tape I announce the book before I read it as such: " 'Are You My Mudda' by Anae Moohr." Anae Moohr of course being how I pronounced my own name at the ripe old age of 3. I think if I asked my 3 year old self to say my name today it would be Anae Duuuh. Oh and please don't get me a copy of the book- I already have 2. One to read to my children and one to keep in pristine condition- but I appreciate your generous heart.

As I re-read this to edit I realize that I use a lot of disclaimers... but it's just cause I don't want you to think I'm judging you... I'm not. Who am I to judge? I eat pie for breakfast and call cars "necessary death traps."

The Theory of Equivalency and other matters

People ask Nathan how he is doing all the time... and some really nice people then turn to me and ask me how I'm doing and I never quite know what to say to them.... Because I pretty much am as Nathan is... I don't know if it's because of cancer, codependency, or the theory of equivalency. Which is a theory I just made up which states: a spouse must remain within a two degree radius of emotion from their spouse, unless one of them is crying. In the event of tears on the behalf of one party, the party of the second party will either leap to the role of comforter or become "emotionless," depending on the amount of blame for the cause of said tears the second party is liable for.      ...Yeah, it's probably the cancer.

I'm sure you will all be happy to know that my pie crust did not burn... I think it must have taken so long to cook because it was a deep dish pie. I think I'm gonna take it to a party I'm going to tomorrow... cause I do not need to eat a whole pie and Nathan isn't much help... I've been feeling rather boring lately... perhaps why I've not been writing much... but I'm going to keep soldiering on and you shall either read it or throw this muck in the garbage... but I'm not gonna know... unless you write a comment saying that you threw my muck in the garbage and then I'd doubt you because after all, you took the time to comment about it!

Do you mind getting weird little glimpses of my wonderful relationship with my husband?  Oh good, cause here's another little slice. This kind of thing happens at least 4 times a day... probably more often than that. I see a sign or words somewhere and I read them... Only I read them (to Nathan) like this. (Let's say I see a package of Post-it Notes.) Renée: You're a Post-it Note.  And then Nathan responds, "I'll Post-it your note." Seriously, at least 4 times a day... and random things... "You're a Veterinary Emergency" or "I'll extra strength your Tylenol"  We only do this while alone, though because it can easily sound like a double entendre.. in fact sometimes it goes like this, Me: "You're a blank blank." Him: "I'll blank your.... uhhh, nevermind."

I firmly believe that we were made for each other, and that the best relationships come from being friends with someone first.... but I also admit a large amount of bias.

So someone called the church asking for money to go back to Wyoming and sited his wife having lung cancer and almost being out of her "chemo medication" as part of the reason why they need the money. Now I know that lung cancer and leukemia are very different cancers, but I don't think that chemo is a medication that the doctors would just prescribe to you and then let you gallivant off to Missouri with. In my experience chemo is administered under medical supervision, so basically it sounded a lot like this guy was just trying to fleece the church and using cancer as a sucker punch card. It made me rather angry. This in conjunction with a story that Nathan told me the other day makes me glad that I do not immediately process and respond with my emotions in a given situation... because I think if I did I would say a lot of things that would not be very kind and definitely not Godly. Instead I just ask God to smite them, and know that He will transmute that request with His superior knowledge and grace.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate a good smiting.

Smite, smite, smite. It's a great word.

Fall- when a young girl's mind turns to thoughts of pie.

Tonight I decided to make a pie. I blame this on my new candle.. It smells of  "Fireside Evening," otherwise known as "fall in wax form." So pie it is-- a pumpkin one, to be precise... and because I really don't like burnt crusts I put foil around the edges...ok, so maybe it looked more like a foil smokestack as I was trying to still be able to pour the filling into the shell without getting it all over the foil.... However either due to said foil, or the fact that it was a "deep dish" pie, it took 2 times as long to bake as it should have. I finally removed the foil and that's when it started baking better... I put the pie in at around 9:30 and just removed it at 11:30.... I'm probably gonna have to deal with some burnt crust after all. Bummer.

Not a bummer: Nathan no longer has tubes coming out of his chest! I was trying really hard to *not* get excited this go round cause last time was so hard. But they got it out... and honestly it was a really good thing that they waited because they had to do a *lot* more than they expected to have to do, and if he hadn't already had platelets it would have been really really bad. They ended up having to slice into his chest around his collarbone to get everything out. It took a long time, and I was a nervous wreck** by the time that he actually came out... But he came out with a super glued wound (It still amazes me that someone thought, "Hey let's put some superglue on this gaping wound!" and then it worked.) and a hole where the tubes came out. No, really, I saw it tonight as I put on a bandage and it still is a hole... Freaky looking... I'm so not cut out for the medical profession. Apparently the nurse told him as they were slicing him open to remember that "Chicks dig scars." He said that since he'd already found his chick he wasn't worried about it one way or the other. Awww.

**Yes, I do get gut feelings that are accurate about 90-95% of the time. Apparently someone in my family had "the sight." And while my Dad is not a believer in the paranormal he does tell stories about uncanny things this grandparent knew. Coincidence?!?! I think . . .  probably. I'm not actually much of a believer in the paranormal either, except to say that God is God, which means that He can and has the power to do any blamed thing He wants.

It's getting back to normal around here... last week was one of the worst weeks of my life. No comparison to *the* worst week but in the running for the number two slot. Several stressful situations at work, including a flood, interspersed with a some really bad news on Friday night, and then on Sunday I woke up dizzy. I didn't feel like the room was spinning, just like I couldn't catch my balance... walking was really interesting, (like I don't run into wall enough, normally!) and I couldn't even stay standing for all of the worship time in church. I ate some salty foods and drank a lot of water (and took a vitamin) but mainly I read that afternoon cause even sitting up was making me dizzy (I normally read laying down on my stomach with a pillow underneath my chest. What can I say, I'm quirky!) Around 4:30 I fell asleep and napped til around 6 and when I woke up the dizziness was mainly gone, and it hasn't reared it's face again, thank goodness.

Yesterday was exhausting.. I didn't fall asleep until midnight-thirty (that's early for me!) and we got up at 5, and drove to St. Louis... well Nathan drove, I mainly slept. And then it was one appt after another. When he came out from his catheter removal we went to "lunch" (it was 2:15) at Applebee's next to the hospital and finally headed out around 3. Then he drove till we got out of crazy traffic and construction and I drove the rest of the way (about 1/2).  We got home, checked internet things, got some food, and watched a little bit of TV, but I went to bed by 11:15 (super early!) then I slept until 8:30, and still managed to take a 3.5 hour nap today. I'm a sleeping machine! I wish sleeping was an Olympic sport because I think I could be a contenda'.

I need to start wii-fitting again, but I'm afraid of the animated Wii board judging me....You don't see the way it looks at me! Judgment in every curve! Perhaps I'll just have pie for breakfast, instead. That is sure to help me lose weight.... sides the pie is not cool enough yet to have some for a midnight-fifty snack.

P.S. Have I mentioned the Target hat commercial on here? I'm so mad I could spit.  Here's a youtube of it someone one taped off of TV.

I totally *can't* wear hats and now Target is mocking me and saying I can't walk in an orchard or have perfect kids or a super cute plaid coat. Thanks a lot, Target. Kara tells me that Rachel Zoe has this problem as well. At least I'm in fashionable company. I think I'll go stroll through a corn maze now. Take that, Target!

Being Sad.

Taking a bit of a break from my normal mental randomness to address a topic slightly more serious.... I'll return to "normal" blogging pretty soon.

I got some really bad news yesterday. It has nothing to do with Nathan/cancer, and while I'm very close and affected by it, it's not my story to share the details of, so I will just leave it at that. I had a long time of prayer last night, just me and God and I'm feeling better about it, today, but I'm still heart sore. There are some things that are so hard to deal with, because there is no socially acceptable way to talk about them. I'm sure people felt this way about Nathan when he got cancer. People want to talk about it, but they also want to be sensitive to our feelings. You want to be there but you don't want us to think you are ignoring the situation, but you don't want to talk about it if we don't want to and so none of the conversation is about what is most important and all of the silences are awkward. And you just wish there was someway you could help bear the weight, but you don't know how.

Most of my life I have been a dreader. If I knew that something was going to happen that would change the status quo for the worse I would dread it. I distinctly remember getting really upset in college because I had had a great year and I knew next year things were going to change. I knew that I wasn't going to be as good of friends with some people and that our lives were going to lead us in different directions... and I knew that when that actually happened I would be ok, but in the moment I was really sad about how I wouldn't really care in the future.*Notably, that next year is the year I would meet my future husband.

Now when something bad happens it makes me start thinking about everything else bad that could happen.... and there is a lot, since I no longer believe that I (and my loved ones) are invincible. I started to let some of that go last night, I think. Because if the worst does happen... do I want to have spent the time that I do have mixed up with dread? There are enough horrible emotions when you are going through the awful. Why would you want to pull those emotions out beforehand and taint the good times? The Wed. before Nathan went into the hospital he was waiting for me when I got off work with a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, and then we went out to dinner and to a movie and had a wonderful time. That night he developed a rash and by Saturday morning he was being admitted to the hospital. But all the time he was in the hospital we kept looking back on that night as a really wonderful night together and we were so happy that we had done it. If we had known what was in store, we couldn't have had that night. We would never have been able to enjoy it.

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Doesn't mean the hurt doesn't hurt when it comes... just means there is nothing you can do to prepare for the pain, so you should enjoy your life while you can.

The Majesty of Elvis

 *this blog post is a reproduction of the lost blog post. How I mourn it's passing!

 So sorry dear ones! It's been days and days!

I went to Memphis, TN last weekend. I had a lovely time. I really enjoyed Graceland- not so much for all the pictures of Elvis or his many gold records, but for his over the top design style.  His mother's bathroom had wallpaper with poodles on it and purple tile, and that was possibly the least extravagant of all the rooms. But rather than just describe it I would like to give you a tour. (please note that none of the picture seen below are mine, I just found them by trolling the internet and finding the pictures that best capture the magnificence.)

First stop, the Living Room:

There is much I love about this room.Especially the stained glass peacocks and the 15 ft long sofa. 15ft long sofa!?!?! Two six foot tall dueling children could lay on each end of that thing and there would still be a 3 ft no man's land! Up Next Elvis' parent's aforementioned bathroom and the bedroom  .

I hope his Dad was ok with the pink and purple color scheme...
  On to the dining room...

What's that, Elvis? A marble "rug" in your dining room? Ok, whatever you say. (By the way the blue drapes in here and the living room were a lovely color.) Also note how the dining room table matches the mirrored wall panels. Elvis had a thing for mirrors, apparently.

More on that later, but first, the kitchen.

But that's not a kitchen, that's the set of Bonanza! Nathan's comment upon entering this room, "This is my grandparent's kitchen." No time for peanut butter and banana sandwiches, the tour must go on! Downstairs!

Please hold on to the rails tightly, random little kid, cause this will feel like you are in a funhouse. But the mirrors don't stop there! Wait till you see the TV room!

Please forgive the Fishbowl lens, it was the only picture I could find where the blue looked like blue and not black, like in the previous picture. I actually really liked this room and someday if I ever have unlimited funds I might make a tribute tv room in my basement as well... But I probably won't have a mirror fireplace or ceiling. And I definitely won't have the *freakiest* monkey statue EVER!!! He's looking at you with his bottomless pits of eyes that want to devour your soul... Beware the monkey statue! *cough* ok, anyway next up is the Billiard room.

I think Hilde from Trading Spaces would be proud of this one. That's not wall paper. That's thousands of yards of fabric pleated and attached to the ceiling and walls.... and a big button in the middle that the light hangs from.... Now back upstairs to the famed Jungle Room.

So many things to love about this room... The waterfall, the faux fur, the elaborately carved furniture, the green shag carpeting.... on the ceiling!! Say what you will about Elvis, but he certainly had flair! He also had 24 carat gold flecked sinks on his airplane. Oh I also learned that Elvis had a variety of alcohol available for guests but that he himself did not care for the taste of alcohol. Just like me! Elvis and I are the same! You know, I may also be the only one to think this but Elvis did have a bit of a rainbow house... so it's no wonder that I loved it.

Other things that have been stirring around in my brain this week, include,
1) I have found my favorite Elvis. I refer to him as the "cableknit Elvis." There are colorized merchandise pictures of this Elvis all over Graceland, but apparently not all over the internet. The best example I could find was this coffee mug but I have included a black and white version so you can see the picture better.

I think it has something to do with his bouffant hairstyle.

2) I think this Elvis should have played Edward Cullen in the Twilight movies, not Robert Pattinson. Some people have mentioned that perhaps someone like James Franco would be better as he is an actual option, since young Elvis is, in fact, dead. The best response to this is: so is Edward Cullen.

3) I like Owls. I know, some of you are saying either A) What? How could you jump on board this bandwagon. Owls are just what's in right now and I don't understand why you can't be a little more original. or B) Really? That's ridiculously 70's. Sheesh, go find your own culture. My response to both of these is cocking my head to side glazing my eyes and saying, "Whoo, whoo." But seriously owl drawing are cute! I'm not gonna go out and get a stuffed one or anything (hello owl version of the creepy monkey statue!) but I like them as crafts.

4) It is amazing the strength you can muster to get through something when the alternative (to getting through it) is not an option.

5) I've been sleeping a ton lately... It's like I'm sleeping 15 hours a day or something. Next thing you know I'm gonna start calling Nathan, "Boo-Boo" and waxing sentimental about pic-a-nic baskets.

6)Yesterday I claimed there were 9 continents, but that two of them were secret. Then I sang a song about it, and I hope that you are up on your Rankin Bass Hobbit movies or you will never know the tune. My song went like this, "Frodooo of the 9 continents and the Riiing of Doooom. How does he know there are 9 continents? Wheeere is the Riiiing of DOOOOOM?" And yes, I may have pitched it a bit lower than the dude sings in the movie, for emphasis. Then Nathan laughed a lot and called me insane. I just can't figure why he would say that.

7) Every once in a while I think that we should upgrade our full size bed to a queen... but we had a king sized bed at the hotel last weekend and it was just ridiculous. I don't understand why you would need a bed that large unless your spouse kicked a whole lot or you wanted to sleep your entire family of 6 in a pinch. What pinch could come that would require 6 people sleeping in the same bed I do not know, but it's all I can come up with.

Ok Nathan and I need to get out o' the house and pick up some 'scripts so I'll leave you for now. Just know that I love you all, a bushel and a peck.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I made a really long post with pictures and everything and then it got lost cause I was signed out of g-mail for a while and blogger got confused. I am heart broken. I will have to re-write it tomorrow... I have taken notes, so hopefully I can remember decently well....


This is why Nathan always tells me to save when I play video games... Cause I forget, and then I get killed and have to start over from a long time ago... Blogging is a lot like video games, I guess.

Aviento (I don't know how that's spelled, but I think it's Russian.... either that or it's a word I made up because I thought it is what Anastasia said in the movie... I also might have made up it's meaning, but to me it means, "goodbye until tomorrow.")

Why do I climb the mountain? Because I'm in love.

Today Nathan had to get a dressing change, so we went to the South side of town. While there we went to the mall as well, cause I had 15 dollars in JC penny gift cards burning a hole in my pocket and when I say 15 dollars what I actually mean is 3 cards with 15 dollars each on them, because my (paternal) Grandma buys them in bulk for her very large family and sends them out for birthdays and anniversaries... only my mom hardly ever shops at JC Penny so I got their anniversary gift card for my birthday (Thanks, Mom!) and then I got one from grandma for my birthday (a week? late) and then I got *another* one for my birthday last week. Apparently Grandma just remembered the being late part and not that she actually mailed me something already, so I got a double portion of Birthday.... and I didn't tell her. This might make me a bad person, but I didn't want to say, "uhhhh Grandma, you already gave me one of these..." that just seems rude... and I *like* JC Penny!

What do you think? Should I go out and slash some car tires cause I'm already an evil person, or do you think it's forgivable? Well, forgivable or not, I'm now the proud owner of 4 new tank camisoles (with lace!!) and a zip up sweater jacket hoodie. That's 5 articles of clothing for 10 dollars a piece plus tax. (Literally- pre tax it was 49.99.) Not as good as 4 for $30, but everything I bought was slightly more than 50% off so I think it's a great deal. Plus I can never find lace-edged tank tops that work for my body type, so this makes me super jazzed. Ya wanna know the problem? While it is September, it is not cold enough out there for my sweater jacket... meaning it's going to have to languish in my closet until that fall chill is in the air... Only I want to wear it now.. Do you think that I can convince Nathan to turn down the air conditioner just so I can wear my new clothes?? I love new clothes! It's finally raining, but it's been so long since I bought my rain boots that I keep forgetting about them. I don't want my sweater to be the new rain boot! (Plus imagine how soggy that would be. ewww.)

I bought a purple tank top... This makes me nervous because people who like the color purple are *very* devoted to it... and if you wear it they think you are a devotee as well. So they come up to you and gush about how much they love that color and isn't it the greatest color and about all the purple clothes they have ever owned and how it's their favorite color in the world and the whole time you are thinking... "I just own it cause I think it looks good on me... I don't even like purple that much." I almost didn't try it on, because I'm so paranoid about these people... but then I did, cause I tried on every color and darn it if it didn't look good on me... so I got it. But if you come up to me and tell me you like my purple tank top don't be surprised if I eye you suspiciously and then sidle away from you.

Also, Katie led me to this gem today.


The funny thing about it is that the source material is just as crazy as the song-- all they had to do was set it to music. Shatner wasn't actually edited or "re-mixed" all that much. How has this man had a career for this long!?! Don't get me wrong I love Captain Kirk.... but Shatner is looney tunes! Alright... I don't think anything can follow that, honestly. So I'll see you tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat channel.

In Response

Ok, so I must first address the comments I've gotten on my last post... You see, I get e-mail notifications whenever anyone comments on my posts.... but I'm pretty sure ya'll don't, so I don't want to respond to your comments in the comment section. Else wise you might never know the important things I have to say to you! And that would just be terrible.

firstly to Sadie: I love long rambling comments! Keep it up! Also I am awed by your car knowledge. My guess as to what is wrong with my car was some sort of braking fluid issue as well, but I didn't know any of the technical terms. It doesn't pull to one side when it freaks out, though, and the anti-lock brake light is on which makes me think it has something to do with that system... but I have no knowledge of how things are hooked up under there. A hood masks many complicated looking devices!

Jonny: I had to ask Nathan what a captcha was... Cause I was like, "I did not write Loushexo! I mean I know I can't spell but I'm not dyslexic enough to turn Sedexho into that... and besides I didn't even mention college dining!" (in case you are reading this and you don't know what a captcha is either, it's the random made up word you have to use to verify that you are not spamming my comment section.) *raises glass* Bollywoggs to you!

Staci: Yay! I'm glad you like my blog! I read yours, too. And I forgot you when I was counting up expecting people so makes the count 12! (actually 13 cause I remembered someone else, too!) Also I would like to tell you that Mini-Scott (or as you like to call him, Eli) is adorable, even with rug burn on his nose.

Amber: Keela is adopting a baby Korean. She was my roommate during your senior year of high school. I'm not sure if you ever knew her, or not... She was/is a beautiful ballerina/scientist who joined A D Pi 2nd semester and then went to live there her sophomore year. She was a good friend of Rob, and there are pics of her in my most recent Facebook pic album! Also, Etsy is an umbrella site for people to hand make crafts and sell them. It's set up a little like E-bay in that you can just generally search hundreds of crafts and then buy directly from a specific person--- but there isn't an auction function... I think... I don't know *that* much either. It's got lots of random handmade/vintage stuff...you know, in case you need a pair of wedding moccasins...

Katie: french seaming takes longer, but it's such a nice finished look on the inside... and I'm willing to wager much less prone to unraveling than even surged edges.

Now don't you wish that you had commented on my blog so that you would have a special section addressed just to you!  Mom, facebook commenting doesn't count, it just gets you a sentence addressed to you in the middle of a paragraph.

Actually I think I'm going to make this it's own post and then I will just write a post separately from this one that's just my thoughts o' the day. Don't be too shocked with a 2 for 1 blog post day!