Tonight I watched a movie/British mini-series called "Lost in Austen." Basically a girl goes through a door and into Pride and Prejudice (Elizabeth Bennet switches time/places with her), the girl proceeds to makes a right mess of everything and then has to fix it all up again.
What is it about Mr. Darcy? How can he be so insufferable and yet we still love him? He's such a jerk, but in the end, he's standing there, just hoping to be loved, and he steals away our hearts... that and he uses phrases like "ardently admire and love you."
I wish to be told how ardently I'm admired and loved.... or if not told, to at least know how ardently I'm admired and loved.
I have really high expectations but no earthly idea of how they will be fulfilled. I don't expect some guy to be perfect, but I expect him to be my version of Mr. Darcy. It's a strange juxtaposition. Sometimes guys get angry when girls swoon over Mr. Darcy because they think they are being held to this fictional standard. But honestly, Darcy is a bit of an... well.. it rhymes with brass. Most guys who would get mad at the comparison would also come out ahead in the competition...
There is something in my head about expectations, though I'm not sure what it is, so I will just start typing and perhaps it will out.
There are all these qualities in my head that the right guy should and shouldn't have. Christian, smart, funny, handy, articulate, generous, kind, handsome, dark hair, light eyes, beardless, wants children, some kind of artistic leanings, doesn't smoke, drink, cuss or scowl, slow tempered, self-assured, quick to smile, willing to play along with my goofiness, holds open doors, packs vehicles well, helps elderly ladies across the street... the list could go on and on and on... But the thing is... the perfect guy for me isn't going to have all those things. Heavens knows Nathan didn't. The perfect guy for me is the one who makes me not care about the list... In the end that's what it comes down to. Do we resonate? Do we understand each other? Do we click on some level that's not even tangible? Because if we do, I won't care if his hair is blonde or he can't drive a nail to save his life or if he's as stubborn as a barrel of mules. Who he is will throw my expectations aside, and I'll discover all these other fabulous little things about him that I never would have thought to put on a list of desired characteristics, but I've discovered are completely swoon-worthy. And he'll have flaws that will probably drive me up a wall on a regular basis, but I expect those too. I couldn't live up to a perfect man, being as I'm imperfect, myself.
I have this man in my head. He's taken up residence in my heart. I don't know what he looks like or his gestures or his smile, yet I know him. I have these expectations and I just can't wait to see how he meets them and exceeds them and is greater than any construct that only lives in my mind could be, because he's *real.* And for my part I will love him and care for him and do my very best to make him the happiest man to grace this Earth.
I'm not looking for a perfect man... I'm looking for a man who is perfect for me... and the reason why I like Mr. Darcy is that Mr. Darcy reminds me of him. Heck the reason why I like every guy is that they remind me of him. And that shouldn't be scary... that should be comforting, because while it's a lot to live up to... it's also nothing to live up to.
Stubborn as a barrel of mules! I'm going to keep that one. It describes one of the male members of my household very well indeed.
ReplyDeleteMr. Darcy: It's the integrity. Mr. Darcy is just swarming with integrity, even when he is an ass. And the fact that he endeavors to learn to not be too prideful is just his integrity in action. So even though he is flawed, his strengths are such that they can overcome his flaws! He's like the self-cleaning oven of character development.
You have such extraordinary perspective on yourself. I ardently admire this. :) I think it's good to have high expectations when they are tempered with grace. It means you not only look to become better yourself, but you will also help your spouse in their journey to become a better person. Medieval thinkers thought this was one of the highest purposes of love-- that in striving to impress our partner, we would improve ourselves.