Today has been a remembering day.
I found a note that I wrote to Nathan in May or June for him to find before he left to go on a St. Louis trip with his Mom- I shall transcribe it for you:
Nathan,
1) I *heart drawing* U!
2)Also- Don't forget to take your oil w/ you & to get more, or get them to change it to something more readily available, or take you off of it, entirely.
3) And don't forget to take Gatorade & snacks
4) And don't forget your pills- I will get your script refill today after work- I forgot!
5) And I *heart drawing* U.
6) And I will miss you
7) And I'm sorry I didn't get to see you very much yesterday. It was a bummer. (Drawing of a mildly detailed sad face with an arrow pointing to it and captioned, "me, bummed.")
8) And I *heart drawing* U, fuzzy-head
Renée
I was cleaning off the laptop that Nathan had during his illness (It's actually MSU's laptop, but he had it because he was still helping do web things and uploading things for the RLOW project) and I found the "Shatner of the Mount" audio file that he uploaded to his phone, so that he could hear it at his slightest whim... I can see him "grooving" to it in my mind.. I think he just grooved to show off because he knew I thought he was funny... and I found a 5 second video of him that he made when testing out our web cams... and watched it about 4 times.
Also because of several suggestions I'm compiling Caring Bridge, Nathan's blog and my blog and going to attempt to put it together into a memoir/book-thing...Yeah me and Justin Beiber are writing memoirs... I mean we are just cool like that. *tosses bangs* Obviously I will have to edit a lot and add things... like the last day... and while I think I need to write about it while it's still solid in my memory, I'm also terrified to go back to that day and re-live. Maybe I'll do that on a day when I know I have plans for that night, just so I don't get stuck there in my head.
Going through my old blog posts brought back a lot of memories of the last 16 months... and now I know the date that Nathan hurt his back... Oct 13th... That was the beginning of the end. I cannot say how incredibly grateful I am that I didn't know then what was coming... I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach during that last week in the hospital, and that was hard enough to deal with... I'm so glad we don't know the future.
Though I have to say I wouldn't mind knowing the future a little right now... Then I would know what to do instead of just muddling through each day as best I can.
I heart you. And I can't wait to read your book. :)
ReplyDeleteHow beautifully strong you are and what grace you are dealing with all of this with. You are truly an amazing woman. I know I don't know you....but I do know how hard what you are going through is and what it takes to make it. You definitely have what it takes. My only words to you are: It does get easier! :)
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