Touch-Starved... but not too starved.

I've been reading some books lately on how to stop being shy-- and how to connect with people. Pinterest started me on a quest to break this whole "horrible first impression" thing I've got going on. So I'm reading books and some of the stuff is helpful and some of it seems rather useless, but I did find this mention which I thought to be hilarious.

"Most of us have been hugged by people we loathe and left unhugged by people we love. At this very moment, serial huggers are attacking hug haters, while hug haters are hurting hug cravers by not hugging them.
In short, “to hug or not to hug” has become something of a national dilemma, one that can turn otherwise genial greetings into social disaster. "-  Leil Lowndes

I love it. Being attacked by a serial hugger... I've been there. In fact I often leave people I love unhugged because I don't want serial huggers to start thinking that it's cool for them to just hug me all the time.

There are so many special circumstances that designate whether or not I want to be touched by someone. Because the secret is... It's not that I don't like being touched... I just reserve touching as a very high level of affection. I loved holding hands with Nathan or putting my head on his shoulder or having his arm around me... But that's because he was special. I don't want Joe Schmoe from down the street doing the same thing until he and I are good friends.... and I don't want Josephine Schmoe (his sister) doing it anything like it at all because she's a girl and I don't derive much comfort from her... now my sister is a different story... but even then, we don't touch all that much.

Yes, some of my walls weaken when I know that this person is just touchy, because I know it doesn't mean the same thing to them, and they weaken even further if we develop a good friendship, but the base rules still apply.

Problem is that I'm a bit touch-starved by this point.

I think that girls who flirt with boys by touching are cheating...

But it's possible I might become a flirting cheat.

When Kara and I went to Coldstone the other night the guy offered to make me the oatmeal flavored kind if I would buy 3 pans of it. I said "Thanks, but I don't have the freezer space." I have a deep freeze but who needs 3 pans of ice cream?? Afterwards, Kara said that she thought he was nice... but perhaps that was just because if I dated someone at the ice cream place we'd have a reason to go all the time.

(She had commented on a totally different guy the last time we went to Coldstone, so it's a possibility.)

However, I caught Kara's sidelong glance from the corner of my eye as I laughed at Mr. Coldstone's offer to make me my favorite ice cream, and I realized that this guy might well have been flirting with me. I wasn't really interested so I was just treating him as a normal person... but could he have told that? I don't know. I think I have my wires crossed somewhere... Because when I'm interested in someone I look like I'm not interested. (I get shy and kinda shut down) But if I'm not interested then I laugh at their jokes, and can maintain eye contact and smile.

There have been a few exceptions to this, but it does make sense why nearly all my romantic interests have come from my friend pool.

But I may be getting confident enough to stop this trend... I'm working on it... working on being confident enough that I assume that people want to talk to me and that they aren't going to read subtext into a text... I'm working on treating the people that I'm interested in like the people that I'm friends with...

Of course that might just make the waters muddier for the guys who are wanting me to like them...

But to you I say, 1) Just ask me or 2) Talk to Kara, Melissa, or my sister. (Ha! Yeah, right, like you know Rhonda!) If they don't know they will find out in short order and quite possibly without me ever knowing why they asked.

Sometimes I wonder to myself if I really am as direct as I seem to be on my blog.

and then I think... yeah. Pretty much.