Stuff and Nonsense

Am I ridiculous?

Yeah, a bit.

But if being ridiculous is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Why?

Because I have pansies on my fingertips and people who aren't a bit ridiculous would never end up with pansies at their fingertips.

Tutorial on the pansies found here: http://blognailedit.blogspot.com/2012/01/such-pansy.html

I kinda wanna follow that up with a nonsense poem... or the Gettysburg Address, which is very much not nonsense.

I liked the last Batman movie- It felt less dark than "The Dark Knight," which I was glad to be watching with a large group of people, only half of whom were paying attention.

A super fun sinus headache made the IMAX slightly less enjoyable, but only because it looked like I was crying the whole time cause those headaches make my eye water- just one. Yes, that does happen to be incredibly annoying. Plus I didn't have any Kleenex in my purse. It was a rough day in Mudville.

But today I got my Blackbird Cathedral CD and poster. That's exciting in and of itself, but it also means that I can tell people something that I've been keeping quiet about.

Blackbird Cathedral made their album in Memoriam of Nathan. I didn't know about it until probably this time last year. (A long time after I wrote this blog post.) And I kept it quiet. I didn't even tell Kara.

But I was touched. I still am, honestly.

Nathan would have been so honored.

5 of 30

 The 30 things list

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1) Kadin and Jeriah (and baby Houf... and Bolt... and Gus)- I love being an aunt or an "aunt." I love that Kadin and Jeriah get super excited whenever I see them. I love that they tell their mom that I need to come and visit. I love that Jeriah said that he wants to marry me, but he can't reach my hands. I love that they have a whole bunch of songs about construction equipment memorized. I love that I am this super special person in their super special little lives. And I love my friends babies, too. I'm really afraid that Bolt won't remember me, but Kara says that won't happen... and Kadin and Jeriah remember me, so hopefully it's true.

2) Not to take a huge left turn, but my nails- I know, I know. So superficial. But I'm really proud of the fact that I can actually grow my nails out-- and I'm proud that they have become little extensions of my artistic leanings.

Today they are maps.

3) Making friends- I've been trying very hard to put all of my "Woo" talents to work and gather as many new friends as I can. Nathan's cancer made me insular, and since then I've been slowly letting people into my circle... It can be a little hard at times, because I am also trying to maintain the friendships I already have and a friendship is a very real/tangible thing to me... it takes work. Sometimes I wish that I could just go back to being the "maintainer" part of a duo, but I think I draw people Nathan wouldn't have, and I rather like some of the friend gems I've found.

4) Being needed- I've been working a lot this week for Pixelscopic. And it's made me really happy... I was a little confused about this because I've worked before, and it doesn't normally make me that happy. But then I realized it's because I am doing something for the guys that would be a huge waste of their time, but they needed done. I really like filling a hole, especially if it's a hole that full of minute details that would annoy the bejeepers out of most people. And sure, it didn't hurt at all that it made me feel super productive, *and* I actually got to interact with people everyday this week. But mainly I love feeling like I'm a functioning cog in the machine.

5) A (relatively) clean house. I enjoy it when my house is tidy. I do not enjoy making it so, so those times when I have to clean for company and then after company leaves it isn't trashed... well, it's simply lovely.

Am I blue?

Good flippin' grief. I've been eating today as though there was never going to be food again.

This is a problem because I just saw a bunch of pictures of myself in Melissa's wedding. Buh. It's really ridiculous how little the image in my mind matches up to the image that I see on the computer screen. I really thought I looked better than that... Maybe I did look better than that and it is in fact true that I am the least photogenic person on the face of the planet. It's a toss up. *sigh*

Learned an important life lesson last night. As a widow, never turn on your Pandora station as you are trying to go to sleep- even if you really really want to listen to music. Because every single song that comes on (even ones that you've listened to a million times before) will sound like it's coming directly from your deceased husband and you will cry and cry and cry.

It started out with this song called "Never Alone" I've never heard it anywhere but on Pandora, but is really a great song. (Follow the link if you want to listen to it.) But it started the waterworks and then Pandora proceeded through all sorts of other applicable songs. When Adele came on I had to turn it off...

Because on a scale of one to Adele, widowhood is Adele-squared.

In other news, my nails look super cool.

And also my stapler just fell off my desk, hit the top, and sailed right into the trashcan. Couldn't make that shot again if I tried.

But why would I try?

Yeah... so maybe this wasn't a top ten blog... They can't all be winners. Some have to just be a jumble of random crap. When I start grad school I may begin blogging less often... like only when I actually have something interesting to say... We'll see, but you should start preparing yourself now.

July

I love taking a shower so cold that when you open the shower curtain the temperature doesn't change... well, I love it in the summer anyway. In the winter I like my showers slightly warmer.

Oh my goodness, who is in love with her polka dot nails? That would be this girl.

You know how I did it? The head of a straight pin that's been stabbed in a pencil eraser. Then you just dip it in a small puddle of nail polish and dot your nail. The internet is a genius.

I normally love the 4th of July, but this year it isn't as exciting... I think there are several reasons for this.

Kara is moving away this month and while I try not to think about it too hard... she is.

My family celebration is normally a reason I love it, but my family isn't celebrating even close to the actual day and I'm not going to it anyway.

... and I have a lot of really strong Nathan memories that go along with fireworks and the 4th of July. There is just something I find intensely romantic about fireworks. I'm not even sure why.

Plus, I distinctly remember Nathan and I discussing when to start trying to have a baby 3 years ago on our way home from the "I Love America" show. We decided September... which was the month he was diagnosed. (You know, just in case October wasn't full of enough extra fear and hope that year.)

I can't imagine what my life would have been like, being pregnant and caring for Nathan... or being the mother of an 8 month old when Nathan passed away. I don't know how I would have managed.... but I still long for the life that I thought I was going to have that July.

Eventful day

Viva La Revolución!

I am Renée, master of my own destiny! My nails can be whatever they darn well want to be and I don't need no stinking gel polish to tell me how to live my life!

Paula suggested that I just paint over the gel polish and I looked it up and apparently it might make this manicure last for longer than normal, too. So I went a little crazy,  and in celebration I put the whole galaxy on my nails.

Yeah, they look pretty sweet, don't they? Pinterest gave me the idea. And it's even better in person because they are so darn sparkly.

Oh, sparkles, I missed you!

Boy, it was a super eventful day- I have so much to say-- I may split this into two blogs and just talk about the mac and cheese tomorrow... so if you've read this far and haven't read anything about mac and cheese... well then you have something to look forward to tomorrow, don't cha??

Today I got on facebook and someone said they had extra tickets to Tent Theatre. Now this may come as a shock to you, but I'd never gone to Tent Theatre in all my years in Springfield. Nathan and I kept meaning to, but they sell out quickly and you just never know when the weather isn't going to be miserable. So I said I wanted to go and so I did. The weather was amazing for it, btw. (We saw 9 to 5 and it was good. I don't think I really cared for the *show* that much, but I really liked most of the actors' performances. Which probably sounds confusing to you but makes perfect sense to me.)

So in preparation for Tent Theatre, I just stayed at Starbucks all afternoon.... like from 2:30 to 7:45....ok that wasn't very eventful, I admit it. But at 7:30 it got really exciting.

Let's just say I learned a fun fact today: Electricity can run through wire that is ON FIRE.  Electricity = amazing.

What you don't want to leave it at that?? *sigh* Fine.

There was a fire across Glenstone, and there is suspicion that this caused some circuits/transformers to get overloaded. All I know is that at 7:30, the lights in Starbucks went off and everything shutting down at once sounded really cool. Then the lights came back up about 30 seconds later and then went down again about a minute later. Then came back up at half power with creepily flickering lights. Then someone said the "telephone pole" (Pretty sure it was an electric pole, not a telephone pole) outside was on fire.... I went outside, and sure enough it looked like a sparkler up there.... What was burning I have no idea, because pretty sure wire and metal aren't flammable and why do they have flammable things around electric currents anyway?

So the Starbucks people had to close the store down and go home, cause they kinda need electricity to do... well... everything. I'm concerned for their milk/cream supply tomorrow. I liked how the guy who is in the National Guard was all "We need to start shutting the store down now or else we are gonna lose the light." Yep, that dude's been trained in practicalities. Meanwhile one girl was texting her mom and her mother asked if her car was near the pole and she was like, "Oh yeah, guys, we should move our cars!"

Pretty sure she isn't in the military.

This was apparently a motherly concern because my mom was also concerned about the status of my car when I posted about this on facebook. I gave her a hard time about not understanding that just because a hybrid has an electric engine doesn't mean it breaks anytime it's near something else electric that breaks, but I'm pretty sure she was actually concerned about the pole falling on my car or something.

But don't worry, Mom. It was just the top of pole that was burning... you know, the metal part.

Hey, maybe someone put some napalm on the electric pole! That would explain a lot.

and also raise a lot of questions...

For instance: ""Blimey! 'Ow did you even get it up there? There's no' even a road there!" (My British GPS gets confused by elevations.)

Stream of consciousness

Greetings from beyond the void.

I don't really know what void I'm referring to, I just wanted to say that.

Dude. I went to bed at 1 AM last night. No foolin'!

That isn't happening tonight. Tonight I have to curl my hair and paint my nails.... and cut them- (my nails, not my hairs) - They are at the too-long stage.... that and I have one super short one that will seem less short if I cut the rest of them.

Is it weird that I keep my curling iron and a mirror by my computer chair so that I can watch a TV show while I curl my hair?? It takes 45 minutes to curl if I'm watching a tv show and about 25 if I'm not. But if I'm not there is a lot of standing around staring at myself in the mirror, so really I'm being efficient with my time. You gotta respect that, even if you do think I spend too much time on my hair.

RESPECT IT!

Ok fine whatever, do what you want.

I'm a terrible disciplinarian.

I want a snack.

OK really I want a bowl of cereal...

Ok *Really* I want a bowl of frosted Rice Krispies.  But I'm out.

I was going to make a comment about sugary cereal, but actually, as cereals go it's not that bad. I looked it up.

Oh Noooes! I left my Mini Snickers in Jon and Katie's freezer.

Seriously. Mini Snickers, plus freezer equals my favorite... or at least my top 5 favorite.

I don't think I understand what favorite means.

Man, my stream of consciousness is more like one of those zig-zaggy sluices they have at the tourist trap gold/gem mining places.

Céad Mile Fáilte

Moooving.

I'm tired.. and today was just boxes.. really only like three trips of boxes, too.

And Kara and Katie came over to say goodbye to old apartment, tonight... but then I didn't do the packing that I meant to because I was hanging out... so my kitchen looks like a tornado hit it... and things are just not as they should be for this moving.

I'm really really glad I have a weekend  between now and when I need to be out so that I can come back and get all the little stuff that I'm not going to move tomorrow because my place isn't ready.

I'm also glad that Bill and Paula love me and will forgive me that I'm not as prepared as I wanted to be

By the by, I want to ask people on facebook to come help out "Old Widow Dunn" because I think it's kinda funny and sounds like a frontier thing to say... do you think people can handle it? I think I might do it anyway. I think it's funny!

Jonny came and helped The Widda Dunn tonight... It was really great... I kinda forgot what it was like to have someone else do something at the same time as you, therefore meaning that you do it in half the time.

Dang, partnership is nice.

Also I have St. Patrick's Day nails that I'm almost sure I'm going to break at least one of by the time this move is over.

I love that I am always wearing green because my eyes are green, but green plaid nails are kinda awesome too. 

And to close I leave with that traditional Irish blessing... I know it's kinda cliche and hackneyed now, but I still quite like it.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

"And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight."

Justification

Here's the thing.

I know that my nail-painting-love is silly. I know it's frivolous and pointless and completely boring to most people.

But I really like painting my nails.

I like making them into little at canvases that I am just walking around, wearing.

I like changing them up all the time.

I like random girls in the McDonalds drive through stopping me to ask to see my nails.

When/if a special someone comes into my life I'm sure my nail painting will ease up a bit... I'll start looking for the longer-lasting less-detailed manicures.

And when/if I get married again and have kids I'm pretty sure my nails will be a lot shorter and I won't do anything with them at all.

But for right now, my nails are a tribute to Nathan and a way to express myself that is wholly my own.

So forgive me if I post about them a lot, but I think they are cool. If I did this many real paintings I'd probably post them, too.

I think I'm going to do this with a green base for St Patrick's Day.

Also I went to read a book at 10 PM last night and promptly fell asleep and slept till 9:30 this morning.

That's why this blog is being written during my lunch hour. I'll probably write another tonight... 

maybe... 

...if you are lucky.

Birds on a Wire

Packing in the office tonight-- Gleefully getting rid of a lot of things that I wasn't comfortable getting rid of before... (Teaching manuals and the like)

And it only took me a year, but getting rid of all of Nathan's Masters class notes and research and papers that are all just mumbo jumbo to me.

Lots of paper to get rid of, but lots of progress made, too.

But tearing up because I unearthed our two favorite wedding photos that I took down and sorta hid because I couldn't look at them. No actual tears shed... yet, anyway. I am missing him like crazy today, though.

I was alone a lot today. I even went to Starbucks just to be less alone. I don't know why but it's harder on a Sunday... maybe because Sunday is the day you are supposed to be hunkering down and getting ready for the week.... which means it's the day that you are supposed to be spending with family.

Oh by the way I think my nails are kinda awesome right now.

Check it, yo.

 

They make nail polish that is called "striping" polish.. I basically turned my nails into mini-canvases and painted with the striping brush.

I'm only showing you the left hand because I'm right handed so these look better. I think I'm so freaking cool.

And yes, I do have too much time on my hands.

We can't all be Janis

Feeling better tonight. Went and worked at Starbucks for a few hours and was around some people... yep, still an extrovert.

Plus I was super helpful by writing a large portion of a game document for Ryan cause he was in the weeds and let's face it, being super helpful makes me really happy. Oh, btw I'm kinda helping out with a game again... in addition to packing, moving, cleaning, writing a book, and painting my nails.

Yes, painting my nails does count as it's own large thing that I'm doing.

Actually, believe it or not I've not painted my nails for almost a week. Remember the glitter tips I had last week? Well, I loved that glitter so much that I just painted my whole nails in it... and I'm still wearing it-- because you don't really notice chips or wear on the edges when it's glitter and they are so flipping pretty-- especially in the sun.

Trust me when I say this doesn't do them justice.

Seriously the only thing I want to do is put another coat of the same color on them. Who knew that the act of painting your nails could be addictive? I thought it was just the ever changing colors, but no, apparently I just find something soothing about doing the mundane task. Though my cuticles are a lot happier with their prolonged separation from acetone.

Someone linked to an article on facebook today that I thought might be healthy for me. It's called the Rejection Game and the goal is to get rejected by someone once every day. It apparently gets you over your fear of rejection. Huh. Makes sense, but I don't know that it's something I really want to do every day... now on the other hand if I can just view every rejection I do receive as a victory, or a point... seems like there might be something to that. Cause rejection means you are taking chances... and that doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

I've given myself until March 1st before I start packing. That's Thursday and I'll probably be pretty busy until then anyway... but also I feel like I can buckle down then. It's the beginning of the weekend- and I've got 2 weekends until I move. Plus it's hard to get motivated when I think that it's February and I don't move until the middle of March. Yeah, I know that's a bit silly but I don't want to have to live around boxes for a super long time, either... it's gonna be bad enough in the two weeks before I have the keys to the new place.

I don't watch the Academy Awards, but apparently The Artist was a big deal last night? I'd never heard of it until tonight, when a friend told me about it...but now I kinda want to see it, and not just because it makes me think of Singing in the Rain. But also because of these insane reviews.

Also the next time I'm with a group of people I want to play this game that my friend Janis talked about a long time ago on her blog (but linked to today on fb)

You can see her blog here... but don't stop reading mine because you discover how freaking hilarious she is.

We can't all be Janis.

Dreamboat

I have amazing nail polish. It's pink... but it's also a rainbow. I'm not even joking. I bought it because I saw pictures, but when I got it, I thought it wouldn't be cause the bottle just makes it look like glittery pink, but then you put it on your nails and this is what it looks like:

http://theposhpolish.blogspot.com/2011/08/nfu-oh-62.html

 Hot diggity dog!!

Seriously I use the slang of my grandmother's generation. *and I don't even mean to.* I referred to someone as a dreamboat the other day.... only it was in my head, which means that it wasn't ironic cause you aren't normally ironic when you are just thinking to yourself. No, I just actually think he's a dreamboat.

Dreamboat... how is that even supposed to be a good thing. Like dreamy I get, but dreamboat? Apparently it's from a song "When My Dream Boat Comes Home" -a 1936 song credited to Guy Lombardo.

Thanks youtube:

I kinda like music from the 30's...and not just because I was in a WWII musical review show once upon a time.

I also like Michael Buble dancing on top of refrigerator units and shelves...

This music video revives this song for me. Someone pointed out how well it actually works to talk about an unborn baby, and that's all I've been able to associate with it, since. But now I can also associate awesome supermarket shenanigans with it.

Michael Bublé is a dreamboat.

Frivolous things

I'm trying to write a blog post, but it's very difficult, because Rhonda and I are having a conversation on my facebook status update... currently at 20 posts. If that doesn't make "top news" I don't know what will.

PS I've changed my mind and decided my nails look like a peacock feather... Decide for yourself:

The camera doesn't do the purple glitter justice. Seriously? Is my blog going to devolve into an exhibition of what I do to my nails when I get bored? I hope not.


Yet here I sit... leaving up pictures of my peacock nails.

Today I put on a pair of pants that were too small this time last year... and now they are too big and I have to use the hair-tie method to make them fit.... and even then they are a little too big. The hair-tie method is this: Take a hairtie, double it over your belt loop and attach to button... Melissa taught it to me.

I also wore a shirt/dress that I bought on the 4th of July... at that time the undershirt didn't fit... It does now.

Am I the only person who thinks weight-loss feels like magic?

I don't think I look that much different from 6 months ago, but my clothes are telling a different story.

The other day I fit into a dress that I hadn't worn for like 8 years...

But I still feel the same.... I think I still look the same.

It's magic I tell ya.

The semester is over... I think I freaked a girl out today by saying that I hadn't taught school for 4 years.... I'm pretty sure I don't look my age, and most of the people in my class don't know my story. All I know is I said, "I don't know that was... (I looked at my former student who was in the class with me and was sitting next to me) 4 years?"

and she said, "I was a sophomore..." And other girl was suddenly leaning over to her friends, asking something. I've discovered the fountain of youth and it is college.

Here's the main problem with working and going to school at the same time.... I feel like I should get a break from work too... but I gotta go in tomorrow just like always.

When do I get to quit my job and support myself as an author?

After I get an agent and a multi-million dollar book deal?

That's like... 2012, right?

Being a grownup with candy cane nails

I have definitely slept a lot more this weekend than I normally would have. I guess that's a good thing.

I talked to someone who was a dental hygienist for a while and she said that having straight roots, and being the upper wisdom teeth made a difference on my wisdom teeth removal. And it went really well, and I was lucky.

I'm not disagreeing.

I finally changed the lightbulbs that burnt out in my apartment... it only took like 2 weeks? a month?

Still, I'm like an adult. Genuine grown up, here.

Living on her own, making it.

Changing the light bulbs.

Painting her nails like a candy cane.

Proof I'm a grown up

What? You don't count that as a grown-up thing to do?  Well, riddle me this, Scrooge.

What kid has time/talent enough to paint their nails like a candy cane??

Yeah, that's what I thought. How bout you eat a big slice of humble pie, Ghost-of-Christmas-Present?

Yo diggity.

Seriously? Did I really just say that?

You are so weird, Renée.

But you have fun nails.

Even the German judge thinks so.

Even if you do talk to yourself in the third person... and may or may not make up German judges.

Nails, Confidence, and Family

Today I went to the manicurist for my last scheduled bi-weekly appointment. I love her, and I will definitely be returning for special occasions and recommending her to anyone who asks, but I've accomplished my goal. I have my own natural nails that have been decreed "beautiful" by my manicurist (who also told me to never put on "nasty acrylics" again.) And I went for 2 weeks with these natural nails of mine and didn't bite them off. I think that means my habit is broken... I just keep thinking how proud Nathan would have been... I mean I know that it's really banal, but he hated that I bit my nails, and he would have been so proud of me for deciding that I was going to stop, finding a way, and doing it. And now look at them! It's a small thing, really, but it's a goal that I've accomplished that makes me feel good and pretty and happy.

I'm trying out a new thing... It's called confidence. It's hard because the world is so confusing. One shouldn't be proud, one should be modest and self-deprecating humor is so funny. People don't like arrogance, but at the same time you should be confident. You should be comfortable with who you are. You should be proud to be the person you are... just not too proud.  How is a girl supposed to keep all that in her head at once especially when it all contradicts? But all my life I've worried about what people thought of me... and I don't know that it's going to go away anytime soon, but as a combat to the worry, what I'm trying to do now is remember one important thing. I like myself. I think I'm just darling. I think I'm attractive and funny and smart and clever. I think I'm something special. One in a billion, a gal of epic awesomeness. And if someone doesn't see that or disagrees then the fault doesn't lie in me... it lies in them. And the thing is I have to believe this about myself now, because I don't have my cheerleader anymore to tell me so everyday. So I have to tell myself, and remember that I'm not like a bad audition-er on American Idol. I'm one of the good 'uns. I can blow you away with who I am. I just gotta believe in myself... me and Xenia on the Voice... (Is it bad that I'd rather just save all of Blake's team and kick off Christina's? I think I hate Christina Aguilera's personality. I like her when she is acting, but when she is herself I really don't like her...)

I just got an e-mail from my cousin Wyatt, detailing the hotel/lodge accommodations for the Miller side of the family for his wedding. Apparently most of us are going to all be staying in one building. I'm really excited. These make for the best family gatherings ever. I have a lot of very fond memories of the entire Miller clan in one house for Christmas... all the cousins in the basement getting really hyper on juju frogs, cheap cola and my uncle Walter's spicy spicy beef jerky of amazing. Making up a band called, "I Spit" and laughing hysterically. I love my cousins so much! So while I'm sad I will miss my HS reunion, at least I'm not missing it for something that I'm not going to enjoy. My family... well I just can't say enough how lucky I am to be a part of it.