Hard Thanksgiving

Oh boy... Prayer requested

Been having a hard time saying "Happy Thanksgiving"...

I'm just gonna miss him so much tomorrow. I miss him so much, right now.

This was *our* holiday... we had cute stories about it, we had traditions... we had this whole Thanksgiving lore for our relationship.

Last year on the night before Thanksgiving I think I got 2 hours of sleep interspersed with a lot of attempting to find him a place he could sit for 30 minutes without being in agony... mostly unsuccessful.

Last year we knew exactly when and how many pain meds he was allowed to take and we were maxing him out.

Last year, before we went to lunch, we got into a fight because his jeans didn't fit and he was upset about it and I told him to wear PJ's cause no one would care and he yelled at me cause he was not going to look bad for pictures. (He was on steroids and he was so vain.)

Last year he tried every food at lunch and didn't just have a plate of the same color like every other year. Paula couldn't believe how much he ate.

Last year I remember falling asleep on the couch and being so grateful for family being around because they could take care of him if he needed something.

Last year was *so* hard... I didn't think it could get any harder... but last year he was here.

I miss his stupid vanity and I'd give up my extra sleep...

but I'm thankful he's not hurting like that anymore.

God is merciful... but I want to hold his hand, tonight.