It occurs to me that I'm rather comfortable with waiting for some things. I'm comfortable with waiting to make decisions. I'm comfortable with not Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving is over. I'm comfortable with leaving characters/places/books unnamed until the right idea comes to me. I'm comfortable with waiting to eat food until I have someone to eat with. I'm even comfortable with waiting until Christmas/ my birthday to open presents (without peeking, shaking, or otherwise snooping.)
But there is a lot I'm not comfortable with waiting for. I'm not comfortable with waiting to go to the dentist. I'm not comfortable with waiting to find out the results of a medical procedure. I'm not comfortable with waiting to find out if I'm going to find someone to love this new girl that I am. I'm not comfortable with waiting to see if I'm right about a person or wrong.
Basically what it all boils down to is that I'm not comfortable waiting for the unknown. I'm ok with not having control. Control is an illusion that I gave up a long time ago. But to wait for something and to not know what will happen... It's so hard. I know I will make the decision, buy the presents, name the things, eat the food, and like my presents, so it's not hard to say, "All in it's proper time." But when the question is wrapped up in "Have I ruined my teeth for all eternity?" "Was the operation successful?" "Will I ever get this thing that I want?" "Is this person really as great as they seem?"
Uncertainty is my adversary. It scares me and it makes my stomach all high and flippy-floppy. If only I could know what would happen... then I could be so patient and good. Just like the first-born that I am.
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