Speaker for the Dead

Oh my heavens, I haven't worn my hair curly in days and days and I've missed it so!

Yeah, I know that has nothing to do with the title of this post... but I just wanted to say it.

Now to the title. You may or may not be aware that Speaker for the Dead is the sequel to Ender's Game. Well, if you aren't that's fine. All you need to know it that in the books, "Speakers research [a] dead person's life and give a speech that attempts to speak for them, describing the person's life as he or she tried to live it. This speech is not given in order to persuade the audience to condemn or forgive the deceased, but rather a way to understand the person as a whole, including any flaws or misdeeds." (quote directly pulled from the wikipedia article)

I spoke at preaching mentoring tonight. Last sermon. It went over pretty well, but it was definitely the one I was most nervous about, because it was my "Nathan-talk." I wouldn't quite say that I was really a "Speaker for the Dead," but everything that I said is so wrapped up, in, and around Nathan's death that it  sorta feels that way... and I do think that I am sharing what he would want others to know.

For a long time now I've had a version of this talk on my laptop and I decided that if the whole point of going through preaching mentoring was to figure out how to talk about God to a crowd of people so that I could talk about Nathan, well, then I probably needed to do so.

So I took it out and brushed it off. I worked on it's flow and changed quite a bit of it- taking things out and putting things in, until I was ok with it. And then tonight I gave it. Everyone responded really positively, which was nice... I just... I just feel like it's something that I have to say.

And now I know that I can do it. I've wondered a bit if I would be able to get through a talk like that, but I did just fine, despite Kara being there and getting all red-eyed. (Ok, fine, I had to ignore her so I wouldn't cry, too, but I ignored her like a champ!)

One of the people tonight asked me if this is a sermon that I would really want to preach to a whole church. (Because I mentioned in the talk that I don't want (or like) pity, and because it is such a personal topic.)

And oh gracious, the answer is yes.

If there was a way that I could tell my story to every church in Springfield I would. If I could speak at a conference I would. If I could give a TED talk I would. I have this *amazing* story of love and joy and God bringing beauty from the ashes, and I've been trying to find a way to share it with more than just my innermost circle of friends for such a long time.

All I need is an audience of people willing to listen.