I write this to you from a couch in my uncle's basement- next to my cousins watching A Goofy Movie and singing "After Today" ... which we know all the words to cause thats just the kind of nerds... I mean ... awesome people that we are.
I asked if they wanted to say hello to you and they said no, maybe next time. Sorry. They are exclusive, apparently.
... (many hours later)
Ok, confession, I had to stop typing cause I got distracted by the movie and the cousins.
Gonna have to make this a super short blog post tonight cause it's already 3:30, and there is much driving and doing that has to be accomplished tomorrow... But yesterday was a pretty long post, so hopefully you will forgive me.
So I'll say goodnight.
But I wanted to make sure you know... I really love my family. Every single last one of them... and that's a lot of people!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Start Gettin' Excited!
I have a friend
Ok, ok, yes, I have lots of friends, but I'm going to be talking about one in particular. Sheesh, you are as bad as the German judge. (For those of you just tuning in, the German judge is a running guest star on my blog... along with my British GPS. His first appearance was April 27, 2011. If you want to read more references, just type "German" in that fancy little search bar up there... We now conclude this issue of pop-up blogging.)
Anyway, since this friend of mine doesn't know I'm talking about him in a blog, I'm changing his name lest he be upset that I've name-dropped him all over the internet. (You know, since my blog is picked up in so many places that it could be a huge hassel.) ;) Anyway, my friend henceforth shall be referred to as Declan, because (as we've previously discussed) this is my favorite nom du jour and because typing "my friend" could get both confusing and awkward in phrasing.
So anyway, Declan and I are friends but we don't know each other super well. There are a couple of reasons for that: 1) There just hasn't been that much time to get to know each other- We met during class this semester (he is one of the people in my writing group) and 2) It's kinda difficult to get him to talk about himself much.
But let me tell you the thing about Declan that has inspired me to write a blog tonight. He has the most genuine and boundless enthusiasm I've ever seen and he isn't afraid to show it. It's both charmingly winning and completely refreshing. And the thing is, he is not just enthusiastic about himself and his goals, he's enthusiastic about *others.* I've never met anyone who is so excited about other people's successes and achievements without a hint of jealousy or comparison to himself.
Let me give you a few examples of what I mean. After I showed him the commercial for the Moshi Monster game he not only asked to watch it a second time, but called over classmates to watch it, too. I've heard him refer to himself as "giddy" no fewer than three times when referencing his excitement about various things. And today- we were texting back and forth about an upcoming submission deadline to a journal the MSU English dept. puts out (The Moon City Review.) He asked me about cover letters and I sent him mine as an example with the caveat that I hadn't edited them yet, so they were still a little rough. He responded with a text saying, "Your cover letter is amazing. I would publish it in the Moon City Review. :p" -When homeboy gives a compliment he *gives a compliment.* There is no tempering it with concern about how it will make him look. And thus my blog this evening.
Somewhere in middle school or Jr. High they get us to drink this Kool-Aid. It's the Kool-Aid that tells us it isn't cool to exhibit excitement. That you should be low key to fit in, that people who get giddy are annoying, that "whatever" is an acceptable and preferred attitude, and that ebullience (especially for people outside of our immediate family circle) needs to be quashed. I don't know if Declan was absent the day they handed out the Kool-Aid, he thought it was that weird fluoride rinse and just swished it around his mouth and spit it out, or if he just somehow overcame it and found a way to make it work for him. But work for him it does.
There wasn't a person in the class who didn't have positive feelings for Declan by the time the semester ended. I saw over and over someone bask in the unexpected glow of Declan (who didn't have any stake at all in their life) being thrilled by some personal progress they'd made, writing idea they had, or great edit they'd done. And having been the recipient of some of those moments of exuberance myself, I can tell you it's heady stuff... and I'll be darned if it doesn't make me want Declan to succeed, too. I know that isn't his goal at all- in fact I have my doubts as to whether or not he's even aware of what he's doing. He's just being himself. He is genuinely excited and lets it be known.
I've had a lot of people ask me why I stopped teaching high school over the years. Always somewhere in my answer I mention that I don't deal well with apathy- which is just rampant in high schools. Declan is like an antidote for apathy- it turns out excitement actually is contagious! And pondering all this tonight made me realize some things:
1) I really don't like apathy. All of my closest friends are people who get excited about stuff. Sometimes that takes place in the form of passionate debate, sometimes it takes place in the form of great compliments and sudden busts of temper, sometimes it is more subtle and take form in the willingness to talk a subject into the ground without getting tired of it.
2) I drank the Kool-Aid and very rarely openly display my excitement about things, because I seem to lack the self confidence to be ok if I'm the only person in the world who feels this way- even though I rationally know that can't possibly be the case.
3) On the rare occasions when I do openly let it be known that I'm really excited about spending time with a person, or that I think they are just great, or that I miss them, I've never encountered a negative response. - Imagine that! When you tell someone you think they are the shizzle they like it!
So it all makes me think Declan is really on to something, and I want to be more like him. I want to catch some of his excitement. I'm surrounded by hundreds of amazing people everyday, and I really do care about them... it's time I started letting *them* know that I care.
I better start getting excited!
Ok, ok, yes, I have lots of friends, but I'm going to be talking about one in particular. Sheesh, you are as bad as the German judge. (For those of you just tuning in, the German judge is a running guest star on my blog... along with my British GPS. His first appearance was April 27, 2011. If you want to read more references, just type "German" in that fancy little search bar up there... We now conclude this issue of pop-up blogging.)
Anyway, since this friend of mine doesn't know I'm talking about him in a blog, I'm changing his name lest he be upset that I've name-dropped him all over the internet. (You know, since my blog is picked up in so many places that it could be a huge hassel.) ;) Anyway, my friend henceforth shall be referred to as Declan, because (as we've previously discussed) this is my favorite nom du jour and because typing "my friend" could get both confusing and awkward in phrasing.
So anyway, Declan and I are friends but we don't know each other super well. There are a couple of reasons for that: 1) There just hasn't been that much time to get to know each other- We met during class this semester (he is one of the people in my writing group) and 2) It's kinda difficult to get him to talk about himself much.
But let me tell you the thing about Declan that has inspired me to write a blog tonight. He has the most genuine and boundless enthusiasm I've ever seen and he isn't afraid to show it. It's both charmingly winning and completely refreshing. And the thing is, he is not just enthusiastic about himself and his goals, he's enthusiastic about *others.* I've never met anyone who is so excited about other people's successes and achievements without a hint of jealousy or comparison to himself.
Let me give you a few examples of what I mean. After I showed him the commercial for the Moshi Monster game he not only asked to watch it a second time, but called over classmates to watch it, too. I've heard him refer to himself as "giddy" no fewer than three times when referencing his excitement about various things. And today- we were texting back and forth about an upcoming submission deadline to a journal the MSU English dept. puts out (The Moon City Review.) He asked me about cover letters and I sent him mine as an example with the caveat that I hadn't edited them yet, so they were still a little rough. He responded with a text saying, "Your cover letter is amazing. I would publish it in the Moon City Review. :p" -When homeboy gives a compliment he *gives a compliment.* There is no tempering it with concern about how it will make him look. And thus my blog this evening.
Somewhere in middle school or Jr. High they get us to drink this Kool-Aid. It's the Kool-Aid that tells us it isn't cool to exhibit excitement. That you should be low key to fit in, that people who get giddy are annoying, that "whatever" is an acceptable and preferred attitude, and that ebullience (especially for people outside of our immediate family circle) needs to be quashed. I don't know if Declan was absent the day they handed out the Kool-Aid, he thought it was that weird fluoride rinse and just swished it around his mouth and spit it out, or if he just somehow overcame it and found a way to make it work for him. But work for him it does.
There wasn't a person in the class who didn't have positive feelings for Declan by the time the semester ended. I saw over and over someone bask in the unexpected glow of Declan (who didn't have any stake at all in their life) being thrilled by some personal progress they'd made, writing idea they had, or great edit they'd done. And having been the recipient of some of those moments of exuberance myself, I can tell you it's heady stuff... and I'll be darned if it doesn't make me want Declan to succeed, too. I know that isn't his goal at all- in fact I have my doubts as to whether or not he's even aware of what he's doing. He's just being himself. He is genuinely excited and lets it be known.
I've had a lot of people ask me why I stopped teaching high school over the years. Always somewhere in my answer I mention that I don't deal well with apathy- which is just rampant in high schools. Declan is like an antidote for apathy- it turns out excitement actually is contagious! And pondering all this tonight made me realize some things:
1) I really don't like apathy. All of my closest friends are people who get excited about stuff. Sometimes that takes place in the form of passionate debate, sometimes it takes place in the form of great compliments and sudden busts of temper, sometimes it is more subtle and take form in the willingness to talk a subject into the ground without getting tired of it.
2) I drank the Kool-Aid and very rarely openly display my excitement about things, because I seem to lack the self confidence to be ok if I'm the only person in the world who feels this way- even though I rationally know that can't possibly be the case.
3) On the rare occasions when I do openly let it be known that I'm really excited about spending time with a person, or that I think they are just great, or that I miss them, I've never encountered a negative response. - Imagine that! When you tell someone you think they are the shizzle they like it!
So it all makes me think Declan is really on to something, and I want to be more like him. I want to catch some of his excitement. I'm surrounded by hundreds of amazing people everyday, and I really do care about them... it's time I started letting *them* know that I care.
I better start getting excited!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Pictures of awesome
In case you were wondering, Pioneer Woman's brisket is awesome. We had it for dinner and it was soooo tasty.
Other awesome things:
Train sets - doesn't matter if you are 3 or 58 or somewhere in between.
iPads
Digital coloring pages sent to your e-mail from the ipad and your 6-year-old niece.
Pretty nail polish that you order online.
Netflix episodes
Christmas present movies
Family gatherings that last a week and extended family gatherings that start tomorrow.
(Ok, so that picture of a family gathering is like 17 cousins short or something.... and like 10 years ago.) I don't have a recent one available. The youngest one is the only one who's a different height now, so it pretty well counts.
No, really, Dovie (2nd on left) probably still is that tall.
Also awesome- Having someone in the family shorter than I am to tease.
Other awesome things:
Train sets - doesn't matter if you are 3 or 58 or somewhere in between.
iPads
Digital coloring pages sent to your e-mail from the ipad and your 6-year-old niece.
Pretty nail polish that you order online.
Netflix episodes
Christmas present movies
Family gatherings that last a week and extended family gatherings that start tomorrow.
(Ok, so that picture of a family gathering is like 17 cousins short or something.... and like 10 years ago.) I don't have a recent one available. The youngest one is the only one who's a different height now, so it pretty well counts.
No, really, Dovie (2nd on left) probably still is that tall.
Also awesome- Having someone in the family shorter than I am to tease.
Mental left
I hate it when my posts feel boring. But some days I'm just not inspired. I'm told that even when you don't have something earth-shattering to write that you should still write just because it's a good habit.... so I do. But don't think I don't know it when I've got a dud on my hands. When it's a good blog post it just seems to flow out of me and it's so easy to just write and write. When it's a not great one I just sit and stare at the screen and wonder what I should say.
Sometimes facts about my day come out. Sometimes random thoughts come out... sometimes I wax sentimental about attractive celebrities.
** abrupt mental turn**
Waiting on God is hard. I'm like Jeriah in some respects. When he wants something and doesn't get an answer he repeats himself. And when he still doesn't get an answer he repeats it louder. And louder and louder and louder until he gets an answer. That's what I do, too... I just repeat myself louder and louder and louder... I guess I want to be like the widow... Ha, that's kinda funny... but I mean the widow and the unjust judge in Luke 18
Sometimes facts about my day come out. Sometimes random thoughts come out... sometimes I wax sentimental about attractive celebrities.
** abrupt mental turn**
Waiting on God is hard. I'm like Jeriah in some respects. When he wants something and doesn't get an answer he repeats himself. And when he still doesn't get an answer he repeats it louder. And louder and louder and louder until he gets an answer. That's what I do, too... I just repeat myself louder and louder and louder... I guess I want to be like the widow... Ha, that's kinda funny... but I mean the widow and the unjust judge in Luke 18
1Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, 2saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man.3“There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent.’ 4“For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, 5yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.’” 6And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; 7now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? 8“I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?”
It takes a lot of perseverance to keep asking for something everyday until you wear the "opposing" party out. It seemed to be a lot easier when we were kids... why do you think that is? Are kids just used to not getting their way immediately? Or is that they have been working hard (and failing) at every accomplishment they've gotten (How often do toddlers fall down before they really master the whole walking thing?) Sometimes I wonder what Jesus would use as a parable if He were in the modern age. Would he talk about cell phone service and people who smoke and finding the perfect mechanic or would he still talk in farming stories and fishing stories.
**another abrupt mental turn**
The other day someone sent me an e-mail saying how much my blog helps them (and other people) cope with loss or grief... I'm always touched and amazed when I hear things like that. I'm so glad, to know it, too. I think that grief makes you selfish. It has to, in a way, because you have to take care of yourself to get through the pain, you have to be hyper vigilant of yourself and take care of yourself.... especially when it's your spouse, because no one else will be able to take care of you. So people finding some sort of help and comfort while I'm being totally self-centered... well it makes me feel a lot better about being self-centered for one thing.
** yet another abrupt mental turn**
I know that I have changed... I know that I have changed a lot from who I used to be... but I can't really tell how I've changed... But you don't go through a fire like that without having something burned away... I notice my own inconsistencies more, I suppose. For instance, I needed to stay home today and have some alone time. (I know, my introverted friends are sitting there with dropped jaws, right now.) And basically anything definitive that I say, I have to add a caveat to- usually within a few hours. I'm (strangely) more confident than I've ever been, and more willing to attempt to change the things about myself that I don't like. I might even have the smallest hint of ambition about me. I'm not sure that I'm better or worse than who I used to be... I certainly have far different things that I struggle with than I ever had before...
Tell me something, with all these mental right turns have I ended up where I started? Or did I just take the extra long way to take a mental left?
Monday, December 26, 2011
A conundrum wrapped in a mystery and covered in cuteness
I knew what was on my list... why didn't I bring my Wii with me?
Oh yeah... because I didn't want to mess with unplugging and unhooking and then hooking everything back up again.
But now I have 3 video games and no Wii to play them on.
However, I also have a sweet new laptop bag (my other one was falling apart and had some hard memories associated with it), Season 2 of Glee, the last HP movie, and sundry other things.
I also have this fantastic picture of Jeriah
Yeah, that kiddo is a HAM. A 3 year old firefighting ham.
I'm glad I'm going to be able to know him when he's in HS and college... he's gonna be fun.
Tomorrow I'm sleeping in for the first time in a while. It's kinda bad when it takes you until 6 days into your vacation to get to sleep in.
I'm also going to be by myself for at least part of the day and I'm hoping that with that I'll find some time to write... I keep putting it off because I'm coming to a part that's going to be harder to write, but the only way to get through it is to just dive right in, right?
riiight.
Maybe my new Zelda music will inspire me. Yep, I can't play Skyward Sword but at least I can listen to Zeldian soundtracks....
There is probably a nerd recovery program somewhere out there that's calling my name. I refuse to hear it though. I'm too much fun as I am... A conundrum wrapped in a mystery and covered in cuteness.
Oh yeah... because I didn't want to mess with unplugging and unhooking and then hooking everything back up again.
But now I have 3 video games and no Wii to play them on.
However, I also have a sweet new laptop bag (my other one was falling apart and had some hard memories associated with it), Season 2 of Glee, the last HP movie, and sundry other things.
I also have this fantastic picture of Jeriah
Yeah, that kiddo is a HAM. A 3 year old firefighting ham.
I'm glad I'm going to be able to know him when he's in HS and college... he's gonna be fun.
Tomorrow I'm sleeping in for the first time in a while. It's kinda bad when it takes you until 6 days into your vacation to get to sleep in.
I'm also going to be by myself for at least part of the day and I'm hoping that with that I'll find some time to write... I keep putting it off because I'm coming to a part that's going to be harder to write, but the only way to get through it is to just dive right in, right?
riiight.
Maybe my new Zelda music will inspire me. Yep, I can't play Skyward Sword but at least I can listen to Zeldian soundtracks....
There is probably a nerd recovery program somewhere out there that's calling my name. I refuse to hear it though. I'm too much fun as I am... A conundrum wrapped in a mystery and covered in cuteness.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Face-smushing
It's been a slow Christmas Day... Doesn't really feel much like Christmas actually. Went to church this morning and but didn't actually open up any presents today. Tomorrow is the beginning of Christmas for me... Really it's more a week of Christmas than a today of Christmas. Tomorrow is the main present day but I'll be seeing family all week. I'm excited for it. Rhonda has laid out a whole mess of menu ideas... most of the breakfasts derived from Pinterest.
How much fun is this? It's a gun that sucks up flys.... So you can go hunting for flies... but it doesn't kill them so you can take them outside and release them. OR, if you are insane you can let them go in your house and hunt them again.
And irobot makes a robot called Scooba that will mop your floors....
When I have my own house I think that will go onto my Christmas list asap... I hate mopping... a robot would make it a lot easier.
Can you tell that my mom is watching a show called "Cool Tools" in the same room as me? I can.
There are some movies that shouldn't be remade. "Yours, Mine, and Ours" is one of them. The old Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda movie is sooo good...
"Daddy, Daddy, sister's locked in a bathroom."I just don't think that the Dennis Quaid movie can do it any sort of justice.
"Which one?"
"I don't know her name yet, but she's locked in and it's my turn!"
I do love me some classic movies. I love when they talk to each other with their cheeks pressed together and when the big moment is one of those face-smushing kisses....
Face-smushing is the height of old timey romance.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Candlelit
So there is a completed bypass at Lake of the Ozarks. It's amazing. Between that and the completed bypass of Kirksville, my trip home now only takes 5 hours rather than the 6 that it used to take me to get home. I arrived in Jeff City in two hours and freaked out. What?! It's only 1 o'clock!?!
A-mazing.
I'm really glad that the Prius is so comfortable to drive for long trips.
Missing Nathan.... trying not to think about it, but... it's hard. He's supposed to be here. Holding my hand during the Christmas Eve service and raising his eyebrows and smiling at me when I look at him. With lots of overly enthusiastic excitement about the holidays (only some of it faked.)
When we started dating the first time, it happened at my house over Christmas break. We'd been hemming and hawing around- not actually committing to a relationship but understanding that we liked each other as more than just friends... and then I came home for the Christmas season, and he went to his house, but went back after Christmas to work the front desk. And I was still here... and we were talking on IM one night and he said he missed me and I said, "Well, come visit me!" And he did. He and two of our other friends just up and decided to visit me and arrived the next day. It was so spontaneous and fun... that night after watching a movie upstairs I went downstairs to grab some snacks and he came downstairs to "help." (Aka watch me make him a sandwich.) And there in my kitchen we talked and decided to make Renathan official.
He always was kinda into grand gestures.
Couldn't just wait the four days for me to get back to Springfield.
Of course a month later he broke up with me... but obviously that didn't take for long. :)
I thought I'd gone to my last Christmas Eve service alone.
Candles have a strange way of making everyone extra pretty... and me extra lonely and the grief extra hard.
A-mazing.
I'm really glad that the Prius is so comfortable to drive for long trips.
Missing Nathan.... trying not to think about it, but... it's hard. He's supposed to be here. Holding my hand during the Christmas Eve service and raising his eyebrows and smiling at me when I look at him. With lots of overly enthusiastic excitement about the holidays (only some of it faked.)
When we started dating the first time, it happened at my house over Christmas break. We'd been hemming and hawing around- not actually committing to a relationship but understanding that we liked each other as more than just friends... and then I came home for the Christmas season, and he went to his house, but went back after Christmas to work the front desk. And I was still here... and we were talking on IM one night and he said he missed me and I said, "Well, come visit me!" And he did. He and two of our other friends just up and decided to visit me and arrived the next day. It was so spontaneous and fun... that night after watching a movie upstairs I went downstairs to grab some snacks and he came downstairs to "help." (Aka watch me make him a sandwich.) And there in my kitchen we talked and decided to make Renathan official.
He always was kinda into grand gestures.
Couldn't just wait the four days for me to get back to Springfield.
Of course a month later he broke up with me... but obviously that didn't take for long. :)
I thought I'd gone to my last Christmas Eve service alone.
Candles have a strange way of making everyone extra pretty... and me extra lonely and the grief extra hard.
A late post written early.
I'm writing this at 2:15 in the afternoon because I know that I'm going to be a bit busy this evening... I have to pack. However, I have managed to keep my apartment clean(ish) until now, so when I come home I'm actually going to be coming home to a clean apartment... hopefully a mirror won't have fallen off the wall in the meantime. :)
No, really, that happened after a vacation one time. It was no fun. Welcome home to shattered glass!
I've been pinteresting like there is no tomorrow. Found some amazing things like this:
And this:
No, really, that happened after a vacation one time. It was no fun. Welcome home to shattered glass!
I've been pinteresting like there is no tomorrow. Found some amazing things like this:
And this:
By the way, if ever I say "this" and then give an illustration that means that the "this" is, in all likelihood, a link. You can't tell on my blog unless you hover over it.. should probably change that. Haven't yet. I think you will notice when I do.
I watched "Leap Year" this evening... Determined that the Irish accent is indeed my favorite of accents... I mean pretty well they are all great over in Great Britain, but the Irish... ach, be still me beatin' 'art.
I think they should make an Irish GPS.
Oh heavens. Can you imagine Darren Criss with an Irish accent? I think God didn't let Darren grow up in Ireland on purpose so that I wouldn't just lose consciousness every time his name was mentioned.
Also I've determined that you can't go wrong with the name Declan. I've liked every Declan character I've run into... I've never run into an actual Declan but I imagine that I would like him too.
OK I should go. I'll talk to you upon the morrow. Until then, I bid you adieu.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A steady supply of contradiction
Useta could
This is a phrase that comes from Arkansas... either that or from Southern MO. We do not say "useta could" in Northern, MO. Nope, not at all. We do put things "on top of the refrigerator." Which I think sounds totally normal but I hear tell that it's not actually correct. (By the by we don't actually say "hear tell" or "by the by" in northern MO. I just like to pick up antiquated slang and throw it around like it's normal.) I love dialects... They fascinate me.
In case you were concerned, my ability to generate body heat is still in full force. I went to Silver Dollar City tonight, and while the rest of the family were lamenting their frozen fingers and toes, I was offering my hand heating services.
With great heat retention powers comes great heat sharing responsibilities.
But only to family members. I didn't offer to any one else... though there were some pretty cute guys out... but if they were at SDC at Christmas I feel like there is a far greater chance than normal that they are "with" someone. Too bad, too, because I think I've really got down the whole looking totally adorable/attractive in my winter coat and crocheted hat.
This is why I need a boy in my life. So I can tell him, "I'm cute!" and get an "Oh brother" face while he still agrees with me wholeheartedly.
I crave a steady supply of contradiction in my life. It's good for my soul. And my large head.
Bill, Paula and I did our gift exchange today- I got a cool retro owl necklace, a game, a movie and a video game. Yesssssss.
I find myself more exhausted than I have a right to be. I think the large amount of sugar I've been ingesting this holiday season is to blame... Have there always been this many sweet things around and I just didn't notice or is this a banner year for the Christmas sugar crop?
I'd say I'm not eating any more sugar this season, but I know it's not even close to true... hopefully I don't gain back all the weight I've lost in the past year over the next 2 weeks. That would be annoying.
This is a phrase that comes from Arkansas... either that or from Southern MO. We do not say "useta could" in Northern, MO. Nope, not at all. We do put things "on top of the refrigerator." Which I think sounds totally normal but I hear tell that it's not actually correct. (By the by we don't actually say "hear tell" or "by the by" in northern MO. I just like to pick up antiquated slang and throw it around like it's normal.) I love dialects... They fascinate me.
In case you were concerned, my ability to generate body heat is still in full force. I went to Silver Dollar City tonight, and while the rest of the family were lamenting their frozen fingers and toes, I was offering my hand heating services.
With great heat retention powers comes great heat sharing responsibilities.
But only to family members. I didn't offer to any one else... though there were some pretty cute guys out... but if they were at SDC at Christmas I feel like there is a far greater chance than normal that they are "with" someone. Too bad, too, because I think I've really got down the whole looking totally adorable/attractive in my winter coat and crocheted hat.
This is why I need a boy in my life. So I can tell him, "I'm cute!" and get an "Oh brother" face while he still agrees with me wholeheartedly.
I crave a steady supply of contradiction in my life. It's good for my soul. And my large head.
Bill, Paula and I did our gift exchange today- I got a cool retro owl necklace, a game, a movie and a video game. Yesssssss.
 |
| Told you it was cool. |
I'd say I'm not eating any more sugar this season, but I know it's not even close to true... hopefully I don't gain back all the weight I've lost in the past year over the next 2 weeks. That would be annoying.
Tales of a 27 year old fan-girl
Ach, it's been a busy evening. My Christmas break has officially started and it's bustling already.
I'm really glad that I'll be spending enough time in one place this Christmas to sleep... and maybe, hopefully? write some, too.
I watched the Glee Christmas show this evening while doing laundry. I thought it was a lot of fun, with it's homage to the holiday specials of the 60's.
My favorite moment, though was Sue's address of Artie, Kurt and Blaine as, "Stumbles, Gelfling, and young Burt Reynolds" especially Blaine's thrilled reaction to being called young Burt Reynolds... that was hilarious. Then again, maybe that's just because of how dreamy I think Darren Criss is. I don't care how many bow ties you slap on that kid, or if you ban him from ever wearing socks again, he's still totally swoonworthy.
I digress.
Oh great now, I'm totally distracted by the fact that I've got a picture of Darren staring at me. Why didn't they cast HIM as Edward??? So much cuter than Robert Pattinson.
The digression continues.
I think I might have to give up this blog post and just hope that tomorrow I don't go all fangirl on you, like I have this evening.
Oh look here's a blog of someone crazier than me... well, that makes me feel better.
I'm really glad that I'll be spending enough time in one place this Christmas to sleep... and maybe, hopefully? write some, too.
I watched the Glee Christmas show this evening while doing laundry. I thought it was a lot of fun, with it's homage to the holiday specials of the 60's.
 |
| Seriously, how cute are these guys?!? |
 |
| It's all in the eyebrows |
Oh great now, I'm totally distracted by the fact that I've got a picture of Darren staring at me. Why didn't they cast HIM as Edward??? So much cuter than Robert Pattinson.
The digression continues.
I think I might have to give up this blog post and just hope that tomorrow I don't go all fangirl on you, like I have this evening.
 |
| I call this one: Darren Crissmas |
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Handling the Holidays
So... I actually wonder to myself how I'm getting through this... this season. I'm not even sure I know... Holidays are hard. Holidays alone are really hard. Holidays alone when you thought you would never have to have a holiday alone again are really really hard.
I think the way I'm getting through it is by making things as different as possible. For the first time in ....maybe ever? I haven't put up a tree. There will be one at Mom & Dad's but I didn't put mine up here... because..that was one of our things... Nathan thought he couldn't decorate a tree very well for some reason, but every year I got him to help me a little bit more... and then we wouldn't take it down forever... literally one year we took it down on Valentines... not because we were just that full of Christmas spirit, but because we moved it out of the way and we just didn't really feel like putting it away. So I don't want to put up my tree alone... and I definitely don't want to take it down alone.
And I'm avoiding holiday parties... I really did have a headache the other day, but I was ok with the excuse to not be by myself at a holiday party full of couples... People try, but you can't help that when something funny happens you have a person you look at first to share the joke... only not if you are an odd (wo)man out. Someone commented recently that I was laughing really hard... It's actually a defense mechanism. Because if you are laughing really hard and throwing back your head then you don't see all the quick exchanges that people don't even know they do.
We are coming up on a year and it's looming in my head.
Christmas, a year, his 27th birthday...
But in some ways it's good... getting rid of one of the worst years of my life. 2011 was spent in agony.. his physical and my emotional... and saying goodbye to some of that pain... even symbolically... it's a good thing.
Just wish it wasn't so lonely.
I think the way I'm getting through it is by making things as different as possible. For the first time in ....maybe ever? I haven't put up a tree. There will be one at Mom & Dad's but I didn't put mine up here... because..that was one of our things... Nathan thought he couldn't decorate a tree very well for some reason, but every year I got him to help me a little bit more... and then we wouldn't take it down forever... literally one year we took it down on Valentines... not because we were just that full of Christmas spirit, but because we moved it out of the way and we just didn't really feel like putting it away. So I don't want to put up my tree alone... and I definitely don't want to take it down alone.
And I'm avoiding holiday parties... I really did have a headache the other day, but I was ok with the excuse to not be by myself at a holiday party full of couples... People try, but you can't help that when something funny happens you have a person you look at first to share the joke... only not if you are an odd (wo)man out. Someone commented recently that I was laughing really hard... It's actually a defense mechanism. Because if you are laughing really hard and throwing back your head then you don't see all the quick exchanges that people don't even know they do.
We are coming up on a year and it's looming in my head.
Christmas, a year, his 27th birthday...
But in some ways it's good... getting rid of one of the worst years of my life. 2011 was spent in agony.. his physical and my emotional... and saying goodbye to some of that pain... even symbolically... it's a good thing.
Just wish it wasn't so lonely.
Power outage
Sorry kiddos,
Power (and subsequently internet) went out last night.
but a new day dawns bright and fair... at least inside my house.
Power (and subsequently internet) went out last night.
but a new day dawns bright and fair... at least inside my house.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Not about knee highs
It's strange.
You spend an entire day sitting around watching TV show episodes with your spouse and you have this cute funny story about that one time you nerded out together.
You spend the same day by yourself and you just feel kinda pathetic.
The knee high socks are probably not helping my self image, but my feet and legs sure have stayed toasty.
What happened to my life? It's like a piece of fabric that got caught in a vacuum and I can't get it out... and even if I do turn off the vacuum, the fabric is going to be grease-coated and dirty and all stretched out. Nothing like what it was supposed to be.
Yeah, I think this has turned into one of those pity party blogs. Sorry. That's not cool.
In other news- recognizing a fake anti-virus before it hacks your whole system and then using a system restore to make sure the problem is eradicated without the help of a single tech genius?
Awesome.
And so is finally coming up with a name for the One Act you wrote months ago.
You spend an entire day sitting around watching TV show episodes with your spouse and you have this cute funny story about that one time you nerded out together.
You spend the same day by yourself and you just feel kinda pathetic.
The knee high socks are probably not helping my self image, but my feet and legs sure have stayed toasty.
What happened to my life? It's like a piece of fabric that got caught in a vacuum and I can't get it out... and even if I do turn off the vacuum, the fabric is going to be grease-coated and dirty and all stretched out. Nothing like what it was supposed to be.
Yeah, I think this has turned into one of those pity party blogs. Sorry. That's not cool.
In other news- recognizing a fake anti-virus before it hacks your whole system and then using a system restore to make sure the problem is eradicated without the help of a single tech genius?
Awesome.
And so is finally coming up with a name for the One Act you wrote months ago.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Awesome
I've checked out the Book of Awesome from the library... well technically this one is "the Book of Even More Awesome"... but the first one is on hold, too. I really love these books in no small part because they remind me of the small things in life that really are quite wonderful.
and because the author, Neil Pasricha says this in his forward,
There will be times in your life you’re tossed down the well, too. There will be times you’ll cry yourself to sleep, with twists in your stomach, with holes in your heart. You may wonder if it’s all worth it and you may think that it ain’t. You may wonder if you can handle it or you may beg for restraint.
But when bad news washes over you and when the pain sponges and soaks in, I really hope you feel like you’ve always got two big choices:
1. You can swish and swirl in gloom and doom forever, or
2. You can grieve and face the future with newly sober eyes
Sure, life has dealt me some blows in the couple years I’ve been writing about awesome things. There was the mindnumbing loneliness of moving to a brand new nowhere town, the broken heart of a broken marriage, and the searing waves of regret when a friend took his own life.
But I’m lucky because I’ve had a way out for the past two years. I’ve had a secret pill to swallow, a magic potion to swirl, and a bubbly cauldron to sip from every time I felt down or felt black or felt blue. And I hope you know that remedy and I hope you feel it too.And then he goes and lists awesome things... like peeling the glue off the back of a credit card... or a baby falling asleep on you... or watching cream go into coffee... seriously that one really is awesome.
Or today when I put in a new pair of contacts and suddenly because of this little flimsy piece of plastic *that I put in my EYES* I have 20/20 vision. Seriously. Contacts are *awesome.*
Side note, how did anyone do anything before there were glasses??? Are there even still people who don't need glasses to see? (and who haven't had Lasik?) I wonder.
It all comes back to looking at things again... changing your perspective. It's really hard to see the awesome in life when you are looking through your jaded eyes... but if you can remove the filter and look at someone with fresh eyes- like it's the first time... What would you see if you hadn't seen it before? ...What new thing could you uncover if you didn't have any preconceived notions? In the fantasy books the time when a magic user has the greatest potential is when they don't know what the rules are, so they don't know what "can't" be done. But if we can do that in our own lives, after we already know the rules.... If we can train our eyes to look at something as though it was the first time... if we can look not through the lens of ourselves but through the lens of a stranger... there is a lot in this world to be amazed by. There is a lot of awesome.
I know, I know it's becoming a bit of a mantra with me but I have to say it again...
“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”- Roald Dahl
I wish I could explain, but even with all my words I lack the ability to really pin it down, but this is why I believe in God. Because just as sure as there are so many things in this world that are awesome, there is a God who created them and is so much more awesome that it's beyond comprehension... and so we only get little moments... like staring into a coffee cup with cream in it... or being loved by another human being... or discovering a secret hidden in that most unlikely place.
There is a God because there is hope
because there is "magic"
because there is love.
It's awesome.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Touch-Starved... but not too starved.
I've been reading some books lately on how to stop being shy-- and how to connect with people. Pinterest started me on a quest to break this whole "horrible first impression" thing I've got going on. So I'm reading books and some of the stuff is helpful and some of it seems rather useless, but I did find this mention which I thought to be hilarious.
"Most of us have been hugged by people we loathe and left unhugged by people we love. At this very moment, serial huggers are attacking hug haters, while hug haters are hurting hug cravers by not hugging them.I love it. Being attacked by a serial hugger... I've been there. In fact I often leave people I love unhugged because I don't want serial huggers to start thinking that it's cool for them to just hug me all the time.
In short, “to hug or not to hug” has become something of a national dilemma, one that can turn otherwise genial greetings into social disaster. "- Leil Lowndes
There are so many special circumstances that designate whether or not I want to be touched by someone. Because the secret is... It's not that I don't like being touched... I just reserve touching as a very high level of affection. I loved holding hands with Nathan or putting my head on his shoulder or having his arm around me... But that's because he was special. I don't want Joe Schmoe from down the street doing the same thing until he and I are good friends.... and I don't want Josephine Schmoe (his sister) doing it anything like it at all because she's a girl and I don't derive much comfort from her... now my sister is a different story... but even then, we don't touch all that much.
Yes, some of my walls weaken when I know that this person is just touchy, because I know it doesn't mean the same thing to them, and they weaken even further if we develop a good friendship, but the base rules still apply.
Problem is that I'm a bit touch-starved by this point.
I think that girls who flirt with boys by touching are cheating...
But it's possible I might become a flirting cheat.
When Kara and I went to Coldstone the other night the guy offered to make me the oatmeal flavored kind if I would buy 3 pans of it. I said "Thanks, but I don't have the freezer space." I have a deep freeze but who needs 3 pans of ice cream?? Afterwards, Kara said that she thought he was nice... but perhaps that was just because if I dated someone at the ice cream place we'd have a reason to go all the time.
(She had commented on a totally different guy the last time we went to Coldstone, so it's a possibility.)
However, I caught Kara's sidelong glance from the corner of my eye as I laughed at Mr. Coldstone's offer to make me my favorite ice cream, and I realized that this guy might well have been flirting with me. I wasn't really interested so I was just treating him as a normal person... but could he have told that? I don't know. I think I have my wires crossed somewhere... Because when I'm interested in someone I look like I'm not interested. (I get shy and kinda shut down) But if I'm not interested then I laugh at their jokes, and can maintain eye contact and smile.
There have been a few exceptions to this, but it does make sense why nearly all my romantic interests have come from my friend pool.
But I may be getting confident enough to stop this trend... I'm working on it... working on being confident enough that I assume that people want to talk to me and that they aren't going to read subtext into a text... I'm working on treating the people that I'm interested in like the people that I'm friends with...
Of course that might just make the waters muddier for the guys who are wanting me to like them...
But to you I say, 1) Just ask me or 2) Talk to Kara, Melissa, or my sister. (Ha! Yeah, right, like you know Rhonda!) If they don't know they will find out in short order and quite possibly without me ever knowing why they asked.
Sometimes I wonder to myself if I really am as direct as I seem to be on my blog.
and then I think... yeah. Pretty much.
Friday, December 16, 2011
I'm so Disney it hurts.
Some days I sit down with a blog brewin' in my head...
Some days I sit down and I just want to go to bed...
But I keep on blogging no matter what.
You can call it self discipline- or you could call it a rut.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, folks.
Do you think that people have "go-to" messages/attitudes they show the world/themselves?
I think that I get disappointed a lot. I mean really, I very rarely get exactly what I want, be it an opportunity, a job, a relationship, a life... and many times when I do get what I want it's only for a brief moment.
Sometimes I think the reason why I am "minus ambition" is that it's much safer not to get your hopes up...
I've gotten my hopes up about a lot of things I shouldn't have.
But despite a lot of things not going my way... my go-to message is still one of hope. It's still that what I dream of is "just around the river bend." That people aren't so bad, that God can somehow make the worst of the worst into something good. That "things will turn out all right in the end," if you "dig a little deeper," "just keep swimming" or "think happy thoughts."
Have you noticed how many Disney quotes I've made? Maybe that's why I still enjoy Disney movies... because in my heart of hearts I don't find them cliche or trite.. I find them true.
There might be a reason I identify so strongly with Pollyanna.
A dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you're fast asleep,
In dreams you lose your heartaches,
Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday,
Your rainbow will come smiling through,
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.
A dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you’re feeling small,
Alone, In the night you whisper,
Thinking no one can hear you at all.
You wake with the morning sunlight,
To find fortune that is smiling on you,
Don't let your heart be filled with sorrow,
For all you know tomorrow,
The dream that you wish will come true.
Some days I sit down and I just want to go to bed...
But I keep on blogging no matter what.
You can call it self discipline- or you could call it a rut.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, folks.
Do you think that people have "go-to" messages/attitudes they show the world/themselves?
I think that I get disappointed a lot. I mean really, I very rarely get exactly what I want, be it an opportunity, a job, a relationship, a life... and many times when I do get what I want it's only for a brief moment.
Sometimes I think the reason why I am "minus ambition" is that it's much safer not to get your hopes up...
I've gotten my hopes up about a lot of things I shouldn't have.
But despite a lot of things not going my way... my go-to message is still one of hope. It's still that what I dream of is "just around the river bend." That people aren't so bad, that God can somehow make the worst of the worst into something good. That "things will turn out all right in the end," if you "dig a little deeper," "just keep swimming" or "think happy thoughts."
Have you noticed how many Disney quotes I've made? Maybe that's why I still enjoy Disney movies... because in my heart of hearts I don't find them cliche or trite.. I find them true.
There might be a reason I identify so strongly with Pollyanna.
A dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you're fast asleep,
In dreams you lose your heartaches,
Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday,
Your rainbow will come smiling through,
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.
A dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you’re feeling small,
Alone, In the night you whisper,
Thinking no one can hear you at all.
You wake with the morning sunlight,
To find fortune that is smiling on you,
Don't let your heart be filled with sorrow,
For all you know tomorrow,
The dream that you wish will come true.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
How to be best friends
I got to see the lovely Kara a bit more today than I usually do. I saw her (and the darling Bolt) over my lunch break and then I went running errands with her - which turned into running errands, getting supper, and then getting ice cream. What can I say? Kara and I like to up the ante. It was really nice. Babies need a lot of time, so I've not gotten to hang out with my bestest friend for a while, so tonight was just fabulous.
Kara has decided to take the idea of guest blogging seriously- which is fine, I don't mind letting her have my soap box every once in a while. She has come up with two ideas, one of which I am unqualified to share and the other of which she has graciously told me that I can use... and I think I shall because it's very much along the lines of where my mind is going of late.
Kara and I are best friends... I wrote a blog post all about her once upon a simpler time. I was a different person then, but our friendship was/is the same. Well, this evening Kara was talking about her blog ideas and she said, "I think we need to share with the world one of the secrets to being best friends."
Naturally I asked, "And what is that?"
And she said, "We enjoy our relationship... and we enjoy talking about it. Like we talk about how great of friends we are, and how much we love that we are best friends and how such and such is why we are best friends. I don't see many other people do that."
And I said, "You are absolutely right." (In fact I'm pretty sure Kara has hit on one of the theories of communication, but unfortunately I can't remember at all which theory it is. It's akin to group think and has something to do with positive regard...)
**btw Communication Theory might be right under an art history class as something that I think all people should have to take. It's stupid to make every college graduate take a public speaking course when not all people need to speak publicly- but everyone has to communicate effectively.**
Anyway, what Kara said is true and as soon as she said that I realized it's something that Nathan and I used to do, too. I'm not really a compare-er, but when it comes to relationships... especially my close relationships I firmly believe that they are special and I say so. With Kara it comes out after she's said exactly the right thing to validate my feelings or she's made a joke that only the two of us would really find funny. And it sounds something like, "See, that's why your my best friend." or "Thank you for knowing that upset me." or even just, "You're my best friend, Copper." Kara says things like "That's why we are besties!" too. (I've yet to come to terms with "besties") Though, oftentimes she expresses it a bit more dramatically (aka more fun-ly) by making bold statements about how we could be a sitcom or start the "Real Housewives of Springfield", or by writing beautiful book inscriptions or touching e-mailed sentiments. But both of us recognize our friendship and affirm it to the other and in the process that cements our relationship that much tighter.
Nathan and I did something similar. We both thought the other person was great, and having a relationship that was rooted in a strong friendship, we talked about it. We talked about how strong our marriage was. I told him how happy I was to be married to him. He asked me to marry him about once every week or two from the moment we got engaged. I would always respond either "You already asked me that" or just "yes", while we were engaged and once we were married I would say, "I already did, silly!"
He would reply somewhere along the lines of, "Oh yeah! That was the best idea I ever had." and I would agree. We talked at length about how special we thought our relationship was. Not because no one had ever had a relationship like ours, (many have!) but because that type of relationship is something to be cherished no matter how many exist in the world. And I think that made us stronger.
It's a fine line to walk. I've tried the same relationship admiration with other people and only succeeded in freaking them out or making them think that I am needy, which isn't actually even all that true. And I've had people come on too strong with me and assume a closeness that I wasn't quite feeling... and to be honest there have been times when I ran from it as hard as I could. You have to be honest, sincere, and (especially at first) vulnerable.... but if you can manage to sync up and sincerely begin to point out the places and moments in your relationships where you and the other person just hit it off... and if they can reciprocate. I think it's one of the keys to having a friendship that passes the test of time. Even if it takes a while to get there... I think it's important. (And if it's the right person, it might even accelerate the friendship.)
Maybe it's all just me... Maybe the reason why Kara and I and Nathan and I hit it off so well is that we all come from the same positive regard boat... but I don't think so. I think it runs more deeply than that. People want to be special. And they want to be a part of something beyond the ordinary to make them feel special... and I think sometimes just putting a spotlight on the small things starts to make the big picture shine as well.
So Kara... did I do it justice? Were you gonna talk about some other aspect of relationship admiration? I feel like this is a huge well that I only pulled one bucket of water from and there is so much more, but it's getting onto 1:30 and my laptop battery is dying a slow death and this blog is already getting rather epic. So for now I leave it at that... perhaps I'll pull some more buckets at a later date.
Kara has decided to take the idea of guest blogging seriously- which is fine, I don't mind letting her have my soap box every once in a while. She has come up with two ideas, one of which I am unqualified to share and the other of which she has graciously told me that I can use... and I think I shall because it's very much along the lines of where my mind is going of late.
Kara and I are best friends... I wrote a blog post all about her once upon a simpler time. I was a different person then, but our friendship was/is the same. Well, this evening Kara was talking about her blog ideas and she said, "I think we need to share with the world one of the secrets to being best friends."
Naturally I asked, "And what is that?"
And she said, "We enjoy our relationship... and we enjoy talking about it. Like we talk about how great of friends we are, and how much we love that we are best friends and how such and such is why we are best friends. I don't see many other people do that."
And I said, "You are absolutely right." (In fact I'm pretty sure Kara has hit on one of the theories of communication, but unfortunately I can't remember at all which theory it is. It's akin to group think and has something to do with positive regard...)
**btw Communication Theory might be right under an art history class as something that I think all people should have to take. It's stupid to make every college graduate take a public speaking course when not all people need to speak publicly- but everyone has to communicate effectively.**
Anyway, what Kara said is true and as soon as she said that I realized it's something that Nathan and I used to do, too. I'm not really a compare-er, but when it comes to relationships... especially my close relationships I firmly believe that they are special and I say so. With Kara it comes out after she's said exactly the right thing to validate my feelings or she's made a joke that only the two of us would really find funny. And it sounds something like, "See, that's why your my best friend." or "Thank you for knowing that upset me." or even just, "You're my best friend, Copper." Kara says things like "That's why we are besties!" too. (I've yet to come to terms with "besties") Though, oftentimes she expresses it a bit more dramatically (aka more fun-ly) by making bold statements about how we could be a sitcom or start the "Real Housewives of Springfield", or by writing beautiful book inscriptions or touching e-mailed sentiments. But both of us recognize our friendship and affirm it to the other and in the process that cements our relationship that much tighter.
Nathan and I did something similar. We both thought the other person was great, and having a relationship that was rooted in a strong friendship, we talked about it. We talked about how strong our marriage was. I told him how happy I was to be married to him. He asked me to marry him about once every week or two from the moment we got engaged. I would always respond either "You already asked me that" or just "yes", while we were engaged and once we were married I would say, "I already did, silly!"
He would reply somewhere along the lines of, "Oh yeah! That was the best idea I ever had." and I would agree. We talked at length about how special we thought our relationship was. Not because no one had ever had a relationship like ours, (many have!) but because that type of relationship is something to be cherished no matter how many exist in the world. And I think that made us stronger.
It's a fine line to walk. I've tried the same relationship admiration with other people and only succeeded in freaking them out or making them think that I am needy, which isn't actually even all that true. And I've had people come on too strong with me and assume a closeness that I wasn't quite feeling... and to be honest there have been times when I ran from it as hard as I could. You have to be honest, sincere, and (especially at first) vulnerable.... but if you can manage to sync up and sincerely begin to point out the places and moments in your relationships where you and the other person just hit it off... and if they can reciprocate. I think it's one of the keys to having a friendship that passes the test of time. Even if it takes a while to get there... I think it's important. (And if it's the right person, it might even accelerate the friendship.)
Maybe it's all just me... Maybe the reason why Kara and I and Nathan and I hit it off so well is that we all come from the same positive regard boat... but I don't think so. I think it runs more deeply than that. People want to be special. And they want to be a part of something beyond the ordinary to make them feel special... and I think sometimes just putting a spotlight on the small things starts to make the big picture shine as well.
So Kara... did I do it justice? Were you gonna talk about some other aspect of relationship admiration? I feel like this is a huge well that I only pulled one bucket of water from and there is so much more, but it's getting onto 1:30 and my laptop battery is dying a slow death and this blog is already getting rather epic. So for now I leave it at that... perhaps I'll pull some more buckets at a later date.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Frivolous things
I'm trying to write a blog post, but it's very difficult, because Rhonda and I are having a conversation on my facebook status update... currently at 20 posts. If that doesn't make "top news" I don't know what will.
PS I've changed my mind and decided my nails look like a peacock feather... Decide for yourself:
The camera doesn't do the purple glitter justice. Seriously? Is my blog going to devolve into an exhibition of what I do to my nails when I get bored? I hope not.
Yet here I sit... leaving up pictures of my peacock nails.
Today I put on a pair of pants that were too small this time last year... and now they are too big and I have to use the hair-tie method to make them fit.... and even then they are a little too big. The hair-tie method is this: Take a hairtie, double it over your belt loop and attach to button... Melissa taught it to me.
I also wore a shirt/dress that I bought on the 4th of July... at that time the undershirt didn't fit... It does now.
Am I the only person who thinks weight-loss feels like magic?
I don't think I look that much different from 6 months ago, but my clothes are telling a different story.
The other day I fit into a dress that I hadn't worn for like 8 years...
But I still feel the same.... I think I still look the same.
It's magic I tell ya.
The semester is over... I think I freaked a girl out today by saying that I hadn't taught school for 4 years.... I'm pretty sure I don't look my age, and most of the people in my class don't know my story. All I know is I said, "I don't know that was... (I looked at my former student who was in the class with me and was sitting next to me) 4 years?"
and she said, "I was a sophomore..." And other girl was suddenly leaning over to her friends, asking something. I've discovered the fountain of youth and it is college.
Here's the main problem with working and going to school at the same time.... I feel like I should get a break from work too... but I gotta go in tomorrow just like always.
When do I get to quit my job and support myself as an author?
After I get an agent and a multi-million dollar book deal?
That's like... 2012, right?
PS I've changed my mind and decided my nails look like a peacock feather... Decide for yourself:
The camera doesn't do the purple glitter justice. Seriously? Is my blog going to devolve into an exhibition of what I do to my nails when I get bored? I hope not.
Yet here I sit... leaving up pictures of my peacock nails.
Today I put on a pair of pants that were too small this time last year... and now they are too big and I have to use the hair-tie method to make them fit.... and even then they are a little too big. The hair-tie method is this: Take a hairtie, double it over your belt loop and attach to button... Melissa taught it to me.
I also wore a shirt/dress that I bought on the 4th of July... at that time the undershirt didn't fit... It does now.
Am I the only person who thinks weight-loss feels like magic?
I don't think I look that much different from 6 months ago, but my clothes are telling a different story.
The other day I fit into a dress that I hadn't worn for like 8 years...
But I still feel the same.... I think I still look the same.
It's magic I tell ya.
The semester is over... I think I freaked a girl out today by saying that I hadn't taught school for 4 years.... I'm pretty sure I don't look my age, and most of the people in my class don't know my story. All I know is I said, "I don't know that was... (I looked at my former student who was in the class with me and was sitting next to me) 4 years?"
and she said, "I was a sophomore..." And other girl was suddenly leaning over to her friends, asking something. I've discovered the fountain of youth and it is college.
Here's the main problem with working and going to school at the same time.... I feel like I should get a break from work too... but I gotta go in tomorrow just like always.
When do I get to quit my job and support myself as an author?
After I get an agent and a multi-million dollar book deal?
That's like... 2012, right?
15 years!?!
I've made chocolate chip cookies for my final tomorrow. It's a meet and discuss/read some of the work we've done over the semester type final, so I don't think adding cookies to the mix will go over badly.
People don't normally get upset when you give them cookies.
At least in my experience.
The tips of my nails are sparkly purple. The base is a dark teal.
Basically it looks like the Little Mermaid gave up her voice for my nails.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Now I have Ariel's no-word song stuck in my head... I'd "sing" it for you but "Ahhhh ah ah ah" just doesn't have quite the same feel.
Besides the aliens who have uncovered this archive of my blog aren't going to know what I'm talking about.
You know, because my blog is still around but no where on the entirety of their alien network can they find a clip of Ariel singing her no-word song.
speaking of which... definitely a Men in Black III movie being made
and Emma Thompson is in it? Interesting.
Also interesting is that Will Smith might be an alien... he does not age, apparently.
Here he is looking just the same over 10 years later-- maybe even 15.... just looked it up-- 1997... this one is being released in 2012... 15 years... Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones look exactly the same... I on the other hand look vastly different.
How is it possible for people who are older than me to make me feel old??
People don't normally get upset when you give them cookies.
At least in my experience.
The tips of my nails are sparkly purple. The base is a dark teal.
Basically it looks like the Little Mermaid gave up her voice for my nails.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Now I have Ariel's no-word song stuck in my head... I'd "sing" it for you but "Ahhhh ah ah ah" just doesn't have quite the same feel.
Besides the aliens who have uncovered this archive of my blog aren't going to know what I'm talking about.
You know, because my blog is still around but no where on the entirety of their alien network can they find a clip of Ariel singing her no-word song.
speaking of which... definitely a Men in Black III movie being made
and Emma Thompson is in it? Interesting.
Also interesting is that Will Smith might be an alien... he does not age, apparently.
Here he is looking just the same over 10 years later-- maybe even 15.... just looked it up-- 1997... this one is being released in 2012... 15 years... Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones look exactly the same... I on the other hand look vastly different.
How is it possible for people who are older than me to make me feel old??
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Christmas
Worst part of the Christmas season thus far:
Signing just my name on a gift.
I've only done it once and I'm not doing it again.
I read somewhere that grief starts out as a flood and slowly becomes a stream that overflows it's banks every so often.
It's true.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Signing just my name on a gift.
I've only done it once and I'm not doing it again.
I read somewhere that grief starts out as a flood and slowly becomes a stream that overflows it's banks every so often.
It's true.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Cleaning and doing without
I cleaned my entire apartment today. Yay! Laundry is put away, dishes are done, floors are vacuumed/swept... (I still don't know how to spell vacuumed, because we called it a sweeper when I was growing up.) Tables are wiped down, trash is taken out, bed is even made. Now to just keep it this way until I come home from Christmas...
I always think I should clean my house before I go on vacation so that when I come home it's really nice and feels really relaxing... but I put off packing till the last minute and don't clean and come home to a mess.
Maybe this year things will be different.
Probably not.
How does one not sleep in their bed so as to preserve the "made-ness" What? Just remake it every morning? You think I have that kinda time just laying around or something!?!
I found Nathan and my pre-marital counseling books today (we each had one to write in). I read through his, and rather enjoyed it. One of the lists was a "who do you think will take care of this chore" thing... and of course he couldn't just say, "me" or "her" because he had to keep contingency plans open, so nearly everything was "both (mainly me)" or "both but Renee is more skilled at this." except for bed-making and the person he wrote down for that chore was, "neither :)"
He was so right. The only time we made our bed was when we put new sheets on it... or when he was so frustrated with the giant knot that I had made the covers because I can somehow manage to twist blankets sideways in my sleep.. and even then it was less "making" and more "straightening."
He also had made brackets in sections of the books commenting that he disagreed with how they worded it and he wouldn't say it like that. Yes, he was arguing with a book... a pre-marital counseling book at that. I laughed.... That's just so classic Nathan, marking up the parts that he doesn't agree with.
Anyway I found the books while cleaning... Whole lot of religious studies books are headed to Good Will or the Salvation Army... I have no need of them and no desire to hold on to them... I have so much that was his, taking up space it no longer needs to take up. When I move out of here it's gonna be crazy.
But that's what has to happen... If the situations were reversed I wouldn't want him hanging on to my crafting supplies or all my knick-nacks.
I was thinking the other day, "How in the world did all of Nathan *and* my clothes fit in this closet?" I seriously don't know. I've taken over his dresser and I still have my dresser and the closet is completely full... just of my clothes... How did we manage when we had all of his clothes (a Rubbermaid tote and 2 huge boxes, I think) PLUS my clothes.
Next time I get married we are gonna have to have a ginormous closet.
I was thinking about it today... and you know how engaged couples are with each other all the time? That's why we get married... cause no one thinks it's odd if you are with your spouse all the time... That's what I miss. Someone who wants to spend all his time with me. Someone who's decided I'm the one person he can't do without.
I want to be not done without.
I always think I should clean my house before I go on vacation so that when I come home it's really nice and feels really relaxing... but I put off packing till the last minute and don't clean and come home to a mess.
Maybe this year things will be different.
Probably not.
How does one not sleep in their bed so as to preserve the "made-ness" What? Just remake it every morning? You think I have that kinda time just laying around or something!?!
I found Nathan and my pre-marital counseling books today (we each had one to write in). I read through his, and rather enjoyed it. One of the lists was a "who do you think will take care of this chore" thing... and of course he couldn't just say, "me" or "her" because he had to keep contingency plans open, so nearly everything was "both (mainly me)" or "both but Renee is more skilled at this." except for bed-making and the person he wrote down for that chore was, "neither :)"
He was so right. The only time we made our bed was when we put new sheets on it... or when he was so frustrated with the giant knot that I had made the covers because I can somehow manage to twist blankets sideways in my sleep.. and even then it was less "making" and more "straightening."
He also had made brackets in sections of the books commenting that he disagreed with how they worded it and he wouldn't say it like that. Yes, he was arguing with a book... a pre-marital counseling book at that. I laughed.... That's just so classic Nathan, marking up the parts that he doesn't agree with.
Anyway I found the books while cleaning... Whole lot of religious studies books are headed to Good Will or the Salvation Army... I have no need of them and no desire to hold on to them... I have so much that was his, taking up space it no longer needs to take up. When I move out of here it's gonna be crazy.
But that's what has to happen... If the situations were reversed I wouldn't want him hanging on to my crafting supplies or all my knick-nacks.
I was thinking the other day, "How in the world did all of Nathan *and* my clothes fit in this closet?" I seriously don't know. I've taken over his dresser and I still have my dresser and the closet is completely full... just of my clothes... How did we manage when we had all of his clothes (a Rubbermaid tote and 2 huge boxes, I think) PLUS my clothes.
Next time I get married we are gonna have to have a ginormous closet.
I was thinking about it today... and you know how engaged couples are with each other all the time? That's why we get married... cause no one thinks it's odd if you are with your spouse all the time... That's what I miss. Someone who wants to spend all his time with me. Someone who's decided I'm the one person he can't do without.
I want to be not done without.
Level 51
**disclaimer** This post wasn't written as a cry for affirmation and it wasn't even written out of an emotional place... It's more just my observation. I'm not asking for a bunch of reassurances, so please don't feel obligated to make them. :) **end disclaimer**
One of my friends texted me tonight to see if something I had mentioned in passing was actually a date.
It wasn't, but it felt so good to think that was the first thing she thought of.
It was like, for a second, I could be one of those single girls in all the books and the movies... someone who goes on dates.
What? You mean that you think someone would *want* to go on a date with me?
I've only ever been on a date with Nathan... and only after he was already my "boyfriend." I can't even imagine what it would be like to go on a date with someone who I was just trying to get to know... but it sounds interesting.
I've come to realize in the past few days that don't see myself the way others see me... I've changed so much about who I am on the outside, but on the inside I still think like the girl I was in high school. No one was interested in her...
Somewhere inside I still think the only way that someone would be interested in me is if they got to know me well, first.
I'm really really used to guys not being interested.... and I can't say that I understand why... I just sorta expect it.
You'll have to excuse me... I've been reading Post Secret books and I think that I'm being far more honest than I normally am. Now perhaps you understand my desire to disclaim.
Just when you thought I couldn't get any more real.
Bam. Level 51.
One of my friends texted me tonight to see if something I had mentioned in passing was actually a date.
It wasn't, but it felt so good to think that was the first thing she thought of.
It was like, for a second, I could be one of those single girls in all the books and the movies... someone who goes on dates.
What? You mean that you think someone would *want* to go on a date with me?
I've only ever been on a date with Nathan... and only after he was already my "boyfriend." I can't even imagine what it would be like to go on a date with someone who I was just trying to get to know... but it sounds interesting.
I've come to realize in the past few days that don't see myself the way others see me... I've changed so much about who I am on the outside, but on the inside I still think like the girl I was in high school. No one was interested in her...
Somewhere inside I still think the only way that someone would be interested in me is if they got to know me well, first.
I'm really really used to guys not being interested.... and I can't say that I understand why... I just sorta expect it.
You'll have to excuse me... I've been reading Post Secret books and I think that I'm being far more honest than I normally am. Now perhaps you understand my desire to disclaim.
Just when you thought I couldn't get any more real.
Bam. Level 51.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Miracle
Ok, so ... I went to the last "real" class today, and I worked. Then I went out with a friend from the class for an early dinner, then I came home and accidentally took a 4 hour (or so) nap...then I got up and made myself second dinner, cause it had been like 6 hours since I'd eaten... then I watched some Netflix and then I caught myself up on facebook and facebook is where I found this:
It's a bit self-indulgent, but you are going to have to bear with me. This video is so Nathan. He would have been absolutely delighted with it and so much of it reminds me of him. Well, you all know by now that acapella music and Nathan are pretty well inseparable in my mind... this time last year we were watching episodes of The Sing-Off in Barnes-Jewish. Granted this is more intricate than the hymns and barbershop that he liked best, but it's still acapella... and it's a bunch of Jewish guys singing about Hanukkah. We were at Barnes-Jewish during Hanukkah last year. Paula and I got dreydlekh. (that's the plural of dreidel- I looked it up.) And if that weren't enough, the whole thing is a strange near-rap about a religious holiday... that alone would have been enough to give my religious studies beau a kick.
All of that on it's own makes this video throb of Nathan... and then you see the little pop-up ad at the very end that tells you to follow a link to "join the Maccabeats Miracle Match Campaign."
No. Way.
Way. <- That's a link to the website, by the by.
Sure enough. That whole video is encouraging people to get put on the National Bone Marrow Donor registry-- well, especially Jewish people, but everyone.
Ach, I miss him.
I miss his excitement about stuff, and I miss having someone to talk to and not being alone if I don't make plans, and not having to drive everywhere, and just having someone to love and someone who loved me.
I'm doing so well, and I'm dealing so well, but it still sucks.. and I really wish I had the right someone to come and fill some of this void.
Someone tell me why the times when the grief hits the hardest are the times when I'm the most well-rested? What's up with that???
Hey, do me a favor. Click here and register to be a possible bone marrow donor. It doesn't matter that you haven't done it yet. I *just* got on it... but you could be someone's match... someone's miracle. You could save someone's life and save someone who loves that person from feeling the "sharp knife of a short life."
Oh, yeah, bonus fun fact about the video... It's made by the Maccabeats- Nathan's best friends growing up and still some of Paula's close friends: The McAfees (prounounced "Maccafees") I keep thinking I've heard of this group before, but I'm pretty sure that's just because I've heard McAfee so many times.
Seriously, sometimes I live in the Twilight Zone.
It's a bit self-indulgent, but you are going to have to bear with me. This video is so Nathan. He would have been absolutely delighted with it and so much of it reminds me of him. Well, you all know by now that acapella music and Nathan are pretty well inseparable in my mind... this time last year we were watching episodes of The Sing-Off in Barnes-Jewish. Granted this is more intricate than the hymns and barbershop that he liked best, but it's still acapella... and it's a bunch of Jewish guys singing about Hanukkah. We were at Barnes-Jewish during Hanukkah last year. Paula and I got dreydlekh. (that's the plural of dreidel- I looked it up.) And if that weren't enough, the whole thing is a strange near-rap about a religious holiday... that alone would have been enough to give my religious studies beau a kick.
All of that on it's own makes this video throb of Nathan... and then you see the little pop-up ad at the very end that tells you to follow a link to "join the Maccabeats Miracle Match Campaign."
No. Way.
Way. <- That's a link to the website, by the by.
Sure enough. That whole video is encouraging people to get put on the National Bone Marrow Donor registry-- well, especially Jewish people, but everyone.
Ach, I miss him.
I miss his excitement about stuff, and I miss having someone to talk to and not being alone if I don't make plans, and not having to drive everywhere, and just having someone to love and someone who loved me.
I'm doing so well, and I'm dealing so well, but it still sucks.. and I really wish I had the right someone to come and fill some of this void.
Someone tell me why the times when the grief hits the hardest are the times when I'm the most well-rested? What's up with that???
Hey, do me a favor. Click here and register to be a possible bone marrow donor. It doesn't matter that you haven't done it yet. I *just* got on it... but you could be someone's match... someone's miracle. You could save someone's life and save someone who loves that person from feeling the "sharp knife of a short life."
Oh, yeah, bonus fun fact about the video... It's made by the Maccabeats- Nathan's best friends growing up and still some of Paula's close friends: The McAfees (prounounced "Maccafees") I keep thinking I've heard of this group before, but I'm pretty sure that's just because I've heard McAfee so many times.
Seriously, sometimes I live in the Twilight Zone.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Call and Response
I have a best friend. Her name is Kara, and she has a new baby which means that sometimes she's awake at 3 in the morning, and takes the time to read my blog while feeding said baby or doing other sundry mommy things. Once in a great while she comments on my blog and once in every 30,000 views or so she makes a comment so long and so funny that there is nothing for it, but to make it's own blog post.
That is what I bring to you today.
That is what I bring to you today.
And also my response to her... which will probably not be as funny, but hopefully will pique her enough to comment again, so that you all can get a glimpse inside the fabulous relationship that is enjoyed between my very passionate best friend and myself.
So without further ado I bring you Kara's comment on my blog post, "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a dentist!"
This is gross and scary! You are either very brave or very foolish. I can't decide which. BUT - and let me be totally clear here - despite the fact that we are best friends, I want it on record that we can never and will never be police partners. Like - if we both became police officers and the Chief was all, "Goeke, Dunn, new assignments are up and you two are partners," I wouldn't abide it. I would protest or move or quit or kick the Chief in the shins until s/he relented and assigned me someone else.
Actually - I would just sit the Chief down and show him/her this post - proof that you are one of those crazy-unpredictables and I'm sure you will get me shot or something. "Who cuts the stitches out of their own mouth!?!" I'll fume. "Crazy-unpredictables, that's who! Obviously this is a woman who doesn't know proper boundaries! She's going to get me shot! Who knows - she might shoot me herself!!!" The Chief will nod, understandingly, and yooooouuuuu my friend will be driving a desk for the rest of your career!
Aaaaaah! I seriously keep shivering in awe/revulsion/amazement/oh-my-goodness at the thought of you doing what you've said you've done.
You cut them out yourself?!? Aren't you afraid things won't heal right??? What kind of sound did it make? Aaaah! Did it make a sound? Like a click? Did you use a mirror and a light? You don't have enough hands!
I'm a completely freaked out.
Your blog might have to be added to the "places online that shouldn't be visited at 3am list" (so far, the list only includes episodes of Star Trek that Josh warns me ahead of time are scary and anything Janis Burton labels as "creeples", b/c I just don't take many risks while surfing - and then, out of the blue, it turns out a visit to Renee's blog IS a risk!)
AHHHHH!
Okay - I'm going to make sure my baby is breathing and hasn't turned into something and then I'm going to try to go back to sleep - but it's a long road ahead of me b/c I keep imagining the sound the stitches made.
Medical mavericks are not good kinds of mavericks! Next thing I know your going to be cutting off your own moles or or or piercing blisters with a pin or or - I don't even know what. I'm panicking beyond my ability to use commas and points of ellipses! All that's left are EXCLAMATION MARKS AND THE CAPS LOCK KEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Kara, first off, if I ever go on a European vacation without you (Though what the heck I'm doing, going to Europe without you, I do not know.) I'm appointing you as my blogger pro tempore. You will have to accept all the responsibilities and duties of blogging as I take a holiday. And then I'll come back home and be faced with a blogging coup as everyone likes you more and wants you to keep blogging and I'll be all like, "This 'ere is my bloody blog, ya blighters! Ya can't just go kickin' me out o' my own flippin' blog! 'ave ye gone daft?!"
And everyone will be all like, "We don't care. You are out. Kara is in, and also you didn't even go to England so why are you talking with that accent?"
and I shall respond, "Do you know who I am?!? I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought!" (Because after my European holiday I'll have developed a greater appreciation for Eddie Izzard.)
And everyone shall be so confused that they will just wander around in cyberland bumping into each other...errr bumping into each other cybernetically.... which is to say with their cyber selves.
So yeah... ummm... anyway... *second off*
I agree that we can never and will never be police partners. Couple of reasons for this:
1) I don't want to be a police officer because
1a) I wouldn't like having to wear the same thing everyday
1b) I'm pretty sure police officers can't have candy cane nails
1c) They have to work on holidays
1d) Oh yeah they might have to shoot someone and I couldn't take it. But more importantly...
2) I really wouldn't want to be your partner because you are the feisty spirited one, so according to all the cop movie/tv shows I'm pretty sure the *best* I could hope for as your partner is to be shot in the arm and forced into that desk job by my disability... I'm actually more likely to be killed since that would fuel your quest for justice a little bit better and heavens knows they won't kill you off because you have an infant son AND you are the feisty spirited one. Nope I'd be the one to go, so I'm refusing the partnership. I'm much better as the quirky non-dead-non-cop best friend. So I hate to break it to you, but I'm leaving the force.
In response to your questions though:
Yes, I cut them out myself and no I'm not afraid of things not healing right... The whole swollen gum irritation was actually far more annoying/concerning than cutting them out. Things seem to be healing just fine... I left them in for 5 days, when the assistant said they might fall out on their own in 1 day.
It didn't even really make a sound... Just the sound of scissors closing. Trust me the sound of my wisdom teeth being pulled was *far* worse than the sound of the single stitch being cut. I can describe that sound if you want me to.... but you don't.
I mean really we are only talking about one circle of "stitch"... It was just a glorified top knot on either side of my mouth. I cut out my right one in the morning cause it hurt, and then I waited to see what happened and then when it felt way better and the left side started hurting the same way I cut it out that night. Really my mouth was saying that the stitches had done their job and it was time for them to go
away.
I didn't need a mirror or a light and it really only took one hand. I have a pair of scissors that are really sharp even at the tip and I disinfected them and then just put them in my mouth and cut the stitch by feel (the stitch was semi loose already, except where my gums had swollen around it. Then I opened and closed my mouth like 3 times and the string bit came out and I looked at it and determined that it had stretched but wasn't even close to "dissolving" and I was really happy I did it.
If the nurse hadn't said that whenever my stitches fell out would be fine then I probably wouldn't have cut them out, but I wasn't going to go through getting my wisdom teeth out and have the worst part be the stitches that I just wouldn't take out so my body had to attack them.
Also: You had a natural home birth. How in the world is it that you can go through child-birth drug free but balk at me cutting out a few stitches? I was just listening to my body! You know what's holding me back from being a free-spirited hippie? ... well, yes, mainly my love of Infusium 23 and my disinclination for making all my household cleaning products out of some mixture of baking soda, vinegar, and coconut oil.
But ALSO your view that stitches are useful after your body decides it's done with them. My wisdom teeth "erupted" from my gumline because my mouth was not going to keep them hostage anymore. It would have done the same for my stitches, only I kicked them out before my mouth could get much more riled up it. My mouth thinks I'm a hero.
Viva la revolución!
Ohhh I've decided I want to be the detective/psychic/prophet. They are totally allowed, nay, even encouraged, to be the crazy-unpredictable. And from what I can tell they never have to carry a gun or work on holidays and non-standard dress is their hallmark. Plus a detective would be admired, not scorned when she told someone that she cut the stitches out of her own mouth. It's like a right of passage.
I'm a doctor, Jim, not a dentist!
I got me-self a new blanket the other day for 5 dollars. (And some store credit I had to spend or lose.) It's like a cable-knit sweater on one side and a really fluffy fleece on the other. It's just lovely.
And it keeps my feet toasty.
I lost my stitches today.
OK, confession? I cut out my stitches today.
They were starting to really irritate my gums ... for a few moments I thought the terror of the wisdom teeth had finally struck. The stitches were dissolvable so the nurse said they might fall out at anytime- from the next day to the next week. I just helped them along...
Seriously my gums were swelling and making my teeth hurt in the same way your gums do when that piece of popcorn kernel gets stuck and you don't know it and the next day your gums are all inflamed and angry, and eventually you discover it's the kernel piece and then in a few hours your mouth is back to normal.
That's pretty much exactly what happened with the stitches.... only these stitches were not vacating on their own volition... So me and a disinfected pair of scissors decided to help them along. and several hours later my gums are no longer angry with me
I'm a maverick.
I am annoyed by the sing-a-long/flirt fest that is loudly happening above my apartment at 1 in the morning. If Nathan were here he'd go yell at them... or at least find the broom. I'm anti-confrontational though... especially with strangers.
OK ok, I'm not a maverick. The only thing I can stand up to is inanimate stitches and even then I can't admit I actually stood up to them.
But seriously I looked at them. They were *never* going to dissolve.
I'm a dentist, I can tell these things.
wait....
And it keeps my feet toasty.
I lost my stitches today.
OK, confession? I cut out my stitches today.
They were starting to really irritate my gums ... for a few moments I thought the terror of the wisdom teeth had finally struck. The stitches were dissolvable so the nurse said they might fall out at anytime- from the next day to the next week. I just helped them along...
Seriously my gums were swelling and making my teeth hurt in the same way your gums do when that piece of popcorn kernel gets stuck and you don't know it and the next day your gums are all inflamed and angry, and eventually you discover it's the kernel piece and then in a few hours your mouth is back to normal.
That's pretty much exactly what happened with the stitches.... only these stitches were not vacating on their own volition... So me and a disinfected pair of scissors decided to help them along. and several hours later my gums are no longer angry with me
I'm a maverick.
I am annoyed by the sing-a-long/flirt fest that is loudly happening above my apartment at 1 in the morning. If Nathan were here he'd go yell at them... or at least find the broom. I'm anti-confrontational though... especially with strangers.
OK ok, I'm not a maverick. The only thing I can stand up to is inanimate stitches and even then I can't admit I actually stood up to them.
But seriously I looked at them. They were *never* going to dissolve.
I'm a dentist, I can tell these things.
wait....
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Just as you are
Printing off all the incarnations of your work and labeling them correctly and figuring out how to put it all in a portfolio is hard.... especially when your computer is being frustrating and not printing things with the comments included.
2 more classes and a "final." That's weird.
In some ways I'm really glad the class is ending.. and in some ways I'm sad. I've made a few friends that I hope I will be keeping.. but without seeing them 2-3 times a week it might be hard.
I'm officially in the bone marrow donor registry. Got that e-mail today.
I'm out of interesting things to say, unfortunately. It's all run it's course and it's over. It's been fun. I'm glad that I could regale you with stories of Gummi Bears, hats, lemon bars and my British GPS, but apparently it's all over.
At least until tomorrow when I think of something else to say.
Until then, enjoy this- One of my absolute favorite moments from the movies.
I like you very much. Just as you are.
2 more classes and a "final." That's weird.
In some ways I'm really glad the class is ending.. and in some ways I'm sad. I've made a few friends that I hope I will be keeping.. but without seeing them 2-3 times a week it might be hard.
I'm officially in the bone marrow donor registry. Got that e-mail today.
I'm out of interesting things to say, unfortunately. It's all run it's course and it's over. It's been fun. I'm glad that I could regale you with stories of Gummi Bears, hats, lemon bars and my British GPS, but apparently it's all over.
At least until tomorrow when I think of something else to say.
Until then, enjoy this- One of my absolute favorite moments from the movies.
I like you very much. Just as you are.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Being a grownup with candy cane nails
I have definitely slept a lot more this weekend than I normally would have. I guess that's a good thing.
I talked to someone who was a dental hygienist for a while and she said that having straight roots, and being the upper wisdom teeth made a difference on my wisdom teeth removal. And it went really well, and I was lucky.
I'm not disagreeing.
I finally changed the lightbulbs that burnt out in my apartment... it only took like 2 weeks? a month?
Still, I'm like an adult. Genuine grown up, here.
Living on her own, making it.
Changing the light bulbs.
Painting her nails like a candy cane.
What? You don't count that as a grown-up thing to do? Well, riddle me this, Scrooge.
What kid has time/talent enough to paint their nails like a candy cane??
Yeah, that's what I thought. How bout you eat a big slice of humble pie, Ghost-of-Christmas-Present?
Yo diggity.
Seriously? Did I really just say that?
You are so weird, Renée.
But you have fun nails.
Even the German judge thinks so.
Even if you do talk to yourself in the third person... and may or may not make up German judges.
I talked to someone who was a dental hygienist for a while and she said that having straight roots, and being the upper wisdom teeth made a difference on my wisdom teeth removal. And it went really well, and I was lucky.
I'm not disagreeing.
I finally changed the lightbulbs that burnt out in my apartment... it only took like 2 weeks? a month?
Still, I'm like an adult. Genuine grown up, here.
Living on her own, making it.
Changing the light bulbs.
Painting her nails like a candy cane.
 |
| Proof I'm a grown up |
What kid has time/talent enough to paint their nails like a candy cane??
Yeah, that's what I thought. How bout you eat a big slice of humble pie, Ghost-of-Christmas-Present?
Yo diggity.
Seriously? Did I really just say that?
You are so weird, Renée.
But you have fun nails.
Even the German judge thinks so.
Even if you do talk to yourself in the third person... and may or may not make up German judges.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Hanukkah Bread and Watermelon Head
I have Hanukkah bread.
No really. It's old bread... I don't even know how old, but it should be moldy or at least all dry and hard... but it's not. It's still perfect and even though it's been weeks and weeks, I'm still not out of bread.
I hate buying bread, because I need it but I never use up a whole loaf by myself... except when I have Hanukkah bread.
I'm tired of tomato soup.
I think I have fewer nerves in the back of my mouth... or my wisdom teeth were exceptionally straight and that means they hurt fewer nerves... or God just healed my mouth, randomly. I took 2 Tylenol today- one at 10 AM and one at 10 PM. That was *it.* Normally just for a headache I take 2.... But my pain never passed a 2 (on the 1-10 pain scale)... and it only ever really hit that once. Mostly, it didn't hurt at all. Like just now I yawned... nothin.
I'm trying to still "eat nice."
I'm tired...that's the only thing wisdom tooth removal seems to have done... make me extra sleepy.
One of my friends said tonight, "I thought your head would be swollen like a watermelon." Such a sweet guy, that one. :p
It's not, btw. But the swelling is supposed to start tomorrow I think... so there is still a chance for me to be a watermelon head.
Then again maybe my body thinks I'm already swollen because my cranium is so large, so I won't have swelling.
This is Watermelon Head, signing off.
No really. It's old bread... I don't even know how old, but it should be moldy or at least all dry and hard... but it's not. It's still perfect and even though it's been weeks and weeks, I'm still not out of bread.
I hate buying bread, because I need it but I never use up a whole loaf by myself... except when I have Hanukkah bread.
I'm tired of tomato soup.
I think I have fewer nerves in the back of my mouth... or my wisdom teeth were exceptionally straight and that means they hurt fewer nerves... or God just healed my mouth, randomly. I took 2 Tylenol today- one at 10 AM and one at 10 PM. That was *it.* Normally just for a headache I take 2.... But my pain never passed a 2 (on the 1-10 pain scale)... and it only ever really hit that once. Mostly, it didn't hurt at all. Like just now I yawned... nothin.
I'm trying to still "eat nice."
I'm tired...that's the only thing wisdom tooth removal seems to have done... make me extra sleepy.
One of my friends said tonight, "I thought your head would be swollen like a watermelon." Such a sweet guy, that one. :p
It's not, btw. But the swelling is supposed to start tomorrow I think... so there is still a chance for me to be a watermelon head.
Then again maybe my body thinks I'm already swollen because my cranium is so large, so I won't have swelling.
This is Watermelon Head, signing off.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Wisdom-less
I don't want to jinx myself... but thus far all sources point to me being a wisdom teeth removal rockstar. It was so fast. They took me to the room at 12:30 and I was back in the lobby by 1:00. It was just under local anesthtic... and the numbing of the roof of my mouth hurt... but... that was all. It sounded really gross. But I was fine.
Got home, drank my soup, and took some pain meds and then I went to bed... and slept for 3 hours.
Then I got up and milled about and decided I was really hungry-- No breakfast for wisdom teeth removal morning. Then just some tomato soup for lunch. I started to make myself a grilled cheese but that didn't work out so well because I was lacking the cheese.... It was a real "My Drunk Kitchen" moment, that one... only without the drunk.
So then I stood around trying to figure out what I would eat instead... and then I got lightheaded... so I lay down with my feet higher than my head, and once I felt better I put some more tomato soup in the microwave... and then I laid down again cause I was light headed again.
Then I ate soup, 3 pieces of bread-with butter on two... (I'd gotten a ways on the sandwich idea before discovering the lack of cheese.) and a Pepsi... the Pepsi was just to get my bloodsugar up. I didn't have a diabetic girl in my class of grade/highschool and a diabetic husband for a while for nothing. I can recognize a possible low bloodsugar moment when it happens.... Or you know I get paranoid easily, and wanted an excuse to drink Pepsi. :)
Could have been from the codone, but when this was happening I was actually due for another, so I don't think so.
But I feel fine. I never really got loopy and I'm trying to be nice to my mouth... and definitely not drinking from a straw for a while. But... I feel totally normal. Even on the hydrocodone, I feel fine. Who knows maybe I'm just one of those people who *thinks* they are fine when they are actually loopy... To be on the safe side, I'm not driving anywhere tonight, but tomorrow I'm gonna try to switch to just Tylenol and see how I do. That way I can drive around my own bad self. :)
I did manage to slice my toe open tonight... and by that I mean I made a tiny nick on it and it bled and bled and bled. I guess it was mad that I was paying so much attention to my head and not enough to my feet.
Pandora played me this song tonight... just thought I would share.
Got home, drank my soup, and took some pain meds and then I went to bed... and slept for 3 hours.
Then I got up and milled about and decided I was really hungry-- No breakfast for wisdom teeth removal morning. Then just some tomato soup for lunch. I started to make myself a grilled cheese but that didn't work out so well because I was lacking the cheese.... It was a real "My Drunk Kitchen" moment, that one... only without the drunk.
So then I stood around trying to figure out what I would eat instead... and then I got lightheaded... so I lay down with my feet higher than my head, and once I felt better I put some more tomato soup in the microwave... and then I laid down again cause I was light headed again.
Then I ate soup, 3 pieces of bread-with butter on two... (I'd gotten a ways on the sandwich idea before discovering the lack of cheese.) and a Pepsi... the Pepsi was just to get my bloodsugar up. I didn't have a diabetic girl in my class of grade/highschool and a diabetic husband for a while for nothing. I can recognize a possible low bloodsugar moment when it happens.... Or you know I get paranoid easily, and wanted an excuse to drink Pepsi. :)
Could have been from the codone, but when this was happening I was actually due for another, so I don't think so.
But I feel fine. I never really got loopy and I'm trying to be nice to my mouth... and definitely not drinking from a straw for a while. But... I feel totally normal. Even on the hydrocodone, I feel fine. Who knows maybe I'm just one of those people who *thinks* they are fine when they are actually loopy... To be on the safe side, I'm not driving anywhere tonight, but tomorrow I'm gonna try to switch to just Tylenol and see how I do. That way I can drive around my own bad self. :)
I did manage to slice my toe open tonight... and by that I mean I made a tiny nick on it and it bled and bled and bled. I guess it was mad that I was paying so much attention to my head and not enough to my feet.
Pandora played me this song tonight... just thought I would share.
Dreading and dreaming
Tomorrow at this time I will be much less wise, but much more sore.
Why do some people want to tell you how bad something is going to be before you go into it?
I had two separate people tell me how bad getting their wisdom teeth was for them... and I think to myself... "I'm alone. My mom isn't going to be here to take care of me. I'm going to have to take care of myself, in a situation I would have been taken care of-- if my husband were still here. I really don't want to hear how miserable you were when you had the benefits of your family care-giver, thanks."
Even if he was here... why would I want to know how bad this thing that I'm going to have to go through anyway is? You are just making me dread it that much more.
The anticipation... I just hate it... it's the worst part for me... the dreading. I'm sooo much better with just dealing with whatever it is, rather than waiting for whatever it is... this has always been the case.
**change of topic!**
I dreamt again last week that Nathan just showed up, and I was mad at him cause 1) it didn't make sense and 2) now we were going to have to tell everyone that he was back.
So weird.
Then last night I dreamt that one of my favorite preachers came to my church with his family to help out at a VBS program. My church doesn't have a VBS program, I have never met any of his kids and his wife only once, and I haven't seen this preacher for over 10 years.
Can you imagine what I'm going to be dreaming when I'm on painkillers?
Maybe I should blog in that state... that could be interesting.
I make no promises.
I've been going to bed much earlier lately-- 1:30 tonight... midnight last night... and yet I always feel like I'm forgetting to do something when I go to sleep that early.
Maybe that something is clean my house... maybe I'll do that tomorrow while on drugs. That could be a fun time.
Why do some people want to tell you how bad something is going to be before you go into it?
I had two separate people tell me how bad getting their wisdom teeth was for them... and I think to myself... "I'm alone. My mom isn't going to be here to take care of me. I'm going to have to take care of myself, in a situation I would have been taken care of-- if my husband were still here. I really don't want to hear how miserable you were when you had the benefits of your family care-giver, thanks."
Even if he was here... why would I want to know how bad this thing that I'm going to have to go through anyway is? You are just making me dread it that much more.
The anticipation... I just hate it... it's the worst part for me... the dreading. I'm sooo much better with just dealing with whatever it is, rather than waiting for whatever it is... this has always been the case.
**change of topic!**
I dreamt again last week that Nathan just showed up, and I was mad at him cause 1) it didn't make sense and 2) now we were going to have to tell everyone that he was back.
So weird.
Then last night I dreamt that one of my favorite preachers came to my church with his family to help out at a VBS program. My church doesn't have a VBS program, I have never met any of his kids and his wife only once, and I haven't seen this preacher for over 10 years.
Can you imagine what I'm going to be dreaming when I'm on painkillers?
Maybe I should blog in that state... that could be interesting.
I make no promises.
I've been going to bed much earlier lately-- 1:30 tonight... midnight last night... and yet I always feel like I'm forgetting to do something when I go to sleep that early.
Maybe that something is clean my house... maybe I'll do that tomorrow while on drugs. That could be a fun time.
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