The Cliff

Woke up from a terrible, but highly symbolic dream about Nathan and heights this morning.

I fell off a cliff and caught myself two levels down from where I fell, on a really steep slope that dropped off into clouds, nothing-ness, and certain death (I haven't played Skyward Sword for over 2 weeks... but it looked like the islands in the sky from that.. only real) ... I was laying down because I had both arms grasping the moss/grass that was growing on this slope and I felt like if I stood up I would lose my balance and fall over the edge... and I also knew that if I stood up I would no longer know which way was up and I'd fall off because of that. And Nathan was suddenly on the level slightly higher than mine. And he was tense, but super encouraging and talking me through every movement so I could get back on solid ground. I was so stressed out because I hate heights that I can fall from and break something, and if I fell now I would die. But Nathan was there, just keeping me calm and helping me through like he always did. Calling me sweetheart.

So I got up one level, and just had another to go, and Nathan was with me... but by this time I was totally exhausted and really afraid of slipping back down and it was a lot harder to not get vertigo and to just hold on and I asked Nathan to get to the top because he was closer and pull me up... and he said, "No, sweetheart, I can't do that. I'm not even supposed to be here. This is your task. You can do it." And then he was gone like he'd never been there and I was alone and my alarm when off and I woke up, totally terrified of heights that I wasn't on, and missing him.

Wow, sub-conscious, could you be any more heavy handed with your metaphors? I mean, come on!

And yet, something about it spoke to me and my situation in a way that I'd not really come at it before. Nathan's task was riding out the disease... mine is climbing back up the cliff with as much grace and strength as I can muster... usually just by slowly crawling my way up, because if I tried to stand and run, I'd fall completely off the edge.