Talking bout my generation'

Today for a while Tim and I got to talking about my generation (the millennials). Apparently he'd spoken to a friend who'd said that Millennials are the most socially awkward generation, thus far, because so much interaction can be done via text (phones, e-mails, the internet, ect) so we've lost.. or never had to acquire... the proper interpersonal skills. Tim disagreed and stuck up for us, saying that he felt like every generation has a way in which they are more awkward, and we are no worse or better than any other.

I appreciated it... but it also got me to thinking. I talk to people a lot. I was a Speech/Communication teacher, for goodness sake. I enjoy interpersonal communication, and I think I have reasonable skills at it. I enjoy conversations and one on ones with friends and small groups. I like the give and take, I like the conversational flow. And heaven help me do I like witty banter! But I am a writer and I really do enjoy expressing myself through text. There is a reason why I label myself as a textrovert. I like being able to edit myself to say exactly what I mean. I like being able to be witty without having to also speak quickly/correctly. And I like to be able to express my full thought without being interrupted.

Maybe this friend of Tim's thinks the Millennials are so socially awkward in person because we are so eloquent and savvy via text. Yep that sounds totally conceited- sorry. But really. Most of the solid friendships I've made since going to college have had a strong basis in text. (There are several exceptions- especially any friendships I made through Nathan.) But much of Kara and I's friendship-- especially the early years can be charted through notes written to each other. Every summer when I went home during college I had a person who I chatted with online for hours at a time. Yes, usually it was a boy, but text is good for guys cause they can express things without having to look at the other person which really helps them. And yes, Nathan was one of the people who I maintained my friendship with via words/the internet. Especially over the summer, but we regularly sent each other e-mails and texts while living in the same small apartment.

Now, with Nathan gone I find myself returning to the old ways. Of the 5 close friends I've made since Nathan's death, three of them are almost exclusively via some sort of text (e-mail, texting, IM-ing) and the other two have a large component of the relationship communicated through writing. And even Kara and I have taken more to e-mailing or chatting via IM, lately.

Oh and don't forget everyday I pour my thoughts out to you here on my blog... and add to that I'm also writing a book (6 pages today! Woot!)

But I don't see anything wrong with this. I've discovered that I view a person's internet presence as a stand-in for their actual presence... so Kara and I chatted for several hours and I get the same sort of emotional buzz as I do from hanging out with her in person. It's not quite as high, and of course I will eventually need to see her in person to maintain our friendship in the long run... But it's a great substitute.

I'm not sure that we give enough credit to IM/Chat as a viable way maintain a friendship.. but while Nathan was in the hospital, it's almost all I did... all I could do. I have a friend who I have described as being "with me" during that last week of the hospital. That took place exclusively via IM conversations. Chat is wonderful, like that, though. It lets you get into deep conversation because pauses are allowed, whole thoughts are shared, and you can express emotions but not have to pay them with your physicality... It's a lot easier to say, "I think you are amazing" when you don't have to watch the other person wonder if that means that you have a secret crush. (And if you do have a secret crush, it keeps alive the hope that the crush is still a secret!) Though, to be fair, the reverse is also true and a bit more dangerous. It's a lot easier to write, "You really hurt me" than it is to say it... which also means it's easier to say very mean things in text format than it would be to say it when you have to see their face.

Another positive about chat is that I can connect with people at 1 in the morning when I would never really call them. But if I'm online and I see they are online... well we can hang out cyber-ly without having to hang out in person which would be harder and in some cases, rather inappropriate. This is a huge bonus for me as a crazy extrovert/night owl.

I guess I just don't see a problem with being a generation that's more aware of/ focused on written communication. Maybe I am more awkward socially than the generation before me... but in my mind all this text and writing isn't the cause, it's my solution.