Dealing

So it's a weird thing, that the funeral home sends me monthly newsletter type things that talk about grief, and dealing with death... A weird thing but strangely helpful in a "we've not forgotten" kind of a way.

There was a poem in this month's... I read it and it made me cry.. even though I don't know that I think it's actually that good of poetry... I'm going to transcribe it for you,  though, because I think it does a good job of describing what I'm feeling now... (no author is listed, just CLLC- www.counselingforloss.com) I am changing the feiminine pronouns to masculine ones in my reprint, just fyi.

I Will See You Through

I know it wasn't easy for you to let him go,
But love like yours would not hold back your love to suffer so.

And so I took him quickly so he would never know
a lengthy time of darkness that would distress him so.

I left his body here a while, so you could have some time
to be prepared to let him go... He was already mine.

I bid him come while happy, with joyous plans ahead
and laughter in his face and heart, and not one thought of dread.

You have the most to suffer, your loneliness to bear
but know that he is safe with Me, within My loving care.

And never doubt My love for you, I know you wonder why...
Just know My strength will be your joy. My love will never die.

I bore My son's own suffering and I will bear yours too.
Give your doubts and pain and hurt, and I will see you through.

Yes, perhaps it is a bit trite... I think it was the first line that really got me... "But love like yours would not hold back your love to suffer so." I don't even think it's well written, but it's how I *feel.* I couldn't hold him back here and let him suffer... I hated *hated* seeing that... and I thank God every single day that he's not hurting anymore, even if I do miss him so much it aches. I'd choose my pain over his pain any day.

I think that's all I got in me tonight... I might be getting extra emotional with a lack of sleep, so I think I'm going to go to bed.... to read something to get my mind off of this and then "sail far away from Lullaby Bay."