Nae Comin' Easter!

The mail is a fickle minx... Some days it's great to check the mail... some days I get mail from insurance and debt collectors... That's right, I'm back to the debt collectors... For some reason insurance can't get their stuff together right, and they pay the hospital the wrong amount... and trying to get them to take another look at the claims is ridiculous.... I hate red tape. I hate legalities. I understand the hospitals just want to be paid... I get that.. I get that most people don't have as good of an insurance policy as we do, so they are skeptical when someone tells them that it's not the right amount. But I *hate* being turned over to debt collectors for something that isn't my fault and for something that they won't believe isn't my fault... I don't like confrontation, and that's all this is... it makes me want to hide. It makes me want to sleep all afternoon. It makes me want to run away. It makes me want to cry. I'm not helpless, but this kind of stuff makes me feel like I am.

Well, I just started freaking out, but then I started talking to a friend and he reminded me of something very important things... 1) debt collectors are actually people with the job of debt collecting.... and they probably hate it. 2) They know nothing about me... they just get the math and the math spits out a number to them and the math sends me a letter and 3) I'm not in this alone... I have all of you who know me and love me and know that I'm a good person and this isn't my fault... All of you, who are my friends and don't think I would just refuse to pay a bill, or that I'm trying to cheat the system, or that I'm a bad person.

Oh I didn't claim that the reason I was freaking out was in any way logical or sensible.... If it was I probably wouldn't be freaking out... it's just when I get swept away by my emotions... It doesn't happen too often... I swear those IMDB personality tests just get confused by me... or maybe I'm confused enough about myself that I'm not answering them right.

I realized today that this time next week I will be writing you from Northeastern, MO. I'm going home for Easter. Well, actually for several days before Easter and Easter. I haven't been home for Easter in a really long time, and I'm excited. I'm going to dye eggs with my niece and nephew, and make a gingerbread church. Here is a blog with a gingerbread church-- only theirs is for Christmas time and ours will be Easter time. Have I told you about how Jeriah says, "Nae comin' Easter!" every time he hears my name?? Well, if I've talked to you in person I probably have... a few times, even. I'm kinda inordinately proud of it... and him... Rhonda said the other day Kadin was praying for me and Jeriah said "Nae comin' Easter" about 7 times in a row... gives me warm fuzzies to know he's 1) finally talking and 2) knows my name. There will be other sundry family activities, and it will be good to be back home... See my old stomping ground and the Memphis church family.

There is a song on the radio that goes somethin' like this: 

I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world that I’m coming

Then P Diddy (or whatever ridiculous moniker he's going by now) raps... but I'm always finding myself wishing that the whole song was like the chorus... Not that I think Memphis is anything like my kingdom... maybe my old room might be my kingdom... but that's a pretty small domain... then again, it's not like I want to be in charge of a large kingdom... so I guess it's all going to be alright... and maybe it will rain when I'm at my parents and I can hear the rain on their metal roof... Possibly the most soothing sound in the world.... and maybe the loneliest, too... Maybe I shouldn't hope for rain.