The third book in a trilogy

Another thing I like about a (my?) small town? When you are driving it's common courtesy to wave at every vehicle you pass. I've grown unaccustomed to this living as I do in the "big" city. People are far more anonymous in larger cities... and in a lot of ways I prefer that... but it's kinda nice when you are driving down the road and the oncoming driver waves at you. Or when you are driving in the country and the person in their yard waves at you. Makes ya feel welcome. Maybe everyone feels a little alone out here and so they want to connect to anyone they can. Or maybe they just don't want to endure the ribbing that they would get if they didn't wave hello to someone they are related to, and chances are higher in the country than in most places, so you just wave at everyone.

Things I'm bringing from home, to home: 6 jars of spaghetti sauce, a chocolate meltaway egg that blows all other chocolate out of the water, and will make me not want to eat other chocolate for about 2 years... luckily it's large enough to last for about 2 years. 4 issues of the Smithsonian, and both Fantasia and Fantasia 2000. I figure I should give them another chance as an adult... probably not both at the same time, though.

I've been eating and sleeping like there's no tomorrow here... I think my body might think it needs to hibernate... why it wants to hibernate when spring is here (sometimes) I have no idea.

I'm watching The Lake House right now, with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves... I can't decide if I've seen it before or not... It's not necessarily good, but I'm kinda enjoying it. Makes me want to get a lake house with a magical mail box so that I can write to someone from two years in the past. Preferably not Keanu Reeves though... his eyes are really squinty/tiny. Still I think there is something insanely romantic about a guy waiting 2 years for a girl to sync up time with her. It speaks to my soul... or at least the hopeless romantic/starved for romance part of my soul.... Remember that incredible love story? I can do it again...

please?

Lots of sweet older ladies came up to me at church today... most had tears in their eyes... and my grandmas both had the same look... Ach, that look... makes me wanna break down and cry. It's the look that tells me there is something about me to be pitied. It's the look that says they love me and they wish they could have taken this pain from me. It's the look that says they know, and they are so so sorry. Sometimes it's easier when people don't know... sometimes it's easier when people are "young" (aka my age) and they haven't seen and lived through all the good and bad of life... Sometimes I feel like I'm 27 going on 87... and I just want to go back in time 2 years. I don't even remember what we did 2 years ago on Easter, but if I went back in time I'm sure I'd enjoy it.

My brain is so screwed up sometimes... I want romance, but the only real romance I've ever had was with Nathan... and thinking about love in any way except as a remembering or as a fantasy feels like I'm doing something I shouldn't, when that's not actually true. I know it makes more sense in reverse but what it really feels like is that my brain thinks I'm married when my heart knows that I'm not anymore. My heart wants something that my brain says is off limits... except my brain is out of sync. So I reverse myself about every 5 minutes when it comes to matters of the heart... I know there are plenty of happy-pants answers out there about God being my romance, or about how platonic relationships are just as fulfilling, but I really don't want to hear them. Cause God isn't going to kiss me on New Year's Eve, and platonic friends aren't going to discuss our future children with me, and neither one is going to look at me with that stupid goofy adorable grin that says "I adore everything about you, even your annoying habits" that I miss so much.

But like I said- I'm a hopeless romantic and since this isn't happily ever after, I must be in the second part of a trilogy.... or maybe the beginning of the third, since the second book in a trilogy always seems to end when things are at their darkest. And there is no mistaking when that was.

Yes, I think I've begun my third book. Time to meet me some Ewoks.