Metamorphasis

Yesterday was usurper-- Paula is on a roll!

Weird moment today when I was reminded of a person I used to be and how much I've changed.

I remember making a big deal to Kara just after Nathan died, about how I hadn't really changed. It was sparked because I felt like everyone was treating me strangely. And to be fair I think they were treating me with kid gloves when what I really wanted was normalcy.

But man I have changed from who I used to be. Don't get me wrong- I'm still *Renée.* I'm still who I am, deep down. But the expression of that personhood has changed a great deal. A great deal.

And it's really weird when you run into someone from your past and you find yourself reverting into old patterns like a strange sort of muscle memory.

But I'm like Pangea... I've drifted so far from where I used to be that I've totally changed shape... so it felt really strange and awful. I don't think personalities are cyclical... they really do metamorphosize over time.. and I think mine has more than most, with everything I've been through.... Though according to my Myers Briggs I might be wrong

I just took 4 tests and I'm semi-reliably an ESFJ... which is what I think I was when I got married... but the expression of that ESFJ is very different than it used to be. (Notedly when the tests are compared I came out as borderline in every single category on at least one of them.) And the two categories in which I was the most certain of what I am (E and F) are also the ones where I got the opposite score. (On different tests, so it wasn't just one janky one.)

Maybe I was right about the whole metamorphosis thing, I was just wrong about how quickly personalities change?

Or maybe personality tests aren't really that reliable.

 Oh and I almost forgot to mention-- you know who is super Reliable? Reliable Toyota... I love them. My car was beeping at me and they found a hairline fracture in the oil filter today and fixed it for me for free and they always open my car door for me, and never seem to take more than an hour no matter what they are doing.

I heart my Prius, and I heart that dealership.