Timeline

I so wish I could skip ahead a few chapters in my life and find out what's coming and then skip back... but only the good parts... I don't want to know about the bad parts. I'm quite sure of that.

Or a timeline of my life.

All laid out with the happy things-- but not with my death (or anyone else's) on it but things like- first kiss, and first time Renée liked coffee, and engagements... I just wish I knew that there were lots of happy things to look forward to in a way that's more tangible than my "feelings"

There are a lot of times I think I know what's going to happen in my life. And there are a lot of times I'm right... like creepy-right.

But I always have this nagging feeling that the only reason I'm right is that I have just as many thoughts that are wrong, but after the fact I either forget them or pass them off as though, "Well, yeah I thought that, but I *knew* this." And maybe the only difference between my "thoughts" and my "knowings" is that one of them comes to pass and the other doesn't.

I'm not sure if I fear having insight or not having insight more.

I think it's not.... I so want to think I'm special.

And so does everyone else in the world.

I think a lot of people get surprised by me because I'm really straightforward with my feelings normally... If I know what I'm feeling, and if you want to know... well, then I'll tell you- you have but to ask. I'm not normally ashamed of my feelings and I try not to hide from them... Sometimes I can even control them, by just logic-ing my way around. Not all the times though. Feelings are tricksy little buggers.

Feeling a bit introspecty tonight... apparently it's come out in blog form.