Boss Fight

Had a Nathan dream last night. I hate them.

This one was different somehow...and I don't remember how, cause all I thought was- "Oh that wasn't the normal one." But I didn't plant what was different in my long term memory and it went the way that dreams do.

The "normal" dream is that he's somehow come back and I now have to figure out what's going on with him...  My emotions have changed with these dreams- at first it was just joy that he came back and then it was panic about everything that had to be done to tell the world he was back. This one might have been that he had died and I had to take care of all the arrangements by myself... That's pretty common nightmare for me-- preparing for something that I know I'll never be able to handle... or it might have been that he hadn't died and we were still in the hospital dealing with all of that... ugh that one strikes a good bit of terror in my heart just typing it.

I don't think I'll be able to date/marry a police officer, firefighter or military man... I don't think I could handle the mortality rates very well. I guess we will see though.

I'm really missing him tonight for a really ridiculous reason.

I'm stuck in the video game. And Nathan and I had the perfect system. He would read or play on the computer or do whatever and I would play video games... and when I got stuck on a hard boss or something I couldn't figure out I'd call him and tell him I needed his help and he would come in, usually beat the boss on the first try, (maybe the second if he'd never played it before) and then I'd kiss him and tell him thank you and he'd return to whatever he was doing.... and he'd tell me to save more often cause I'm really bad at remembering to do that.

He never got mad at me for calling him in too often, he just felt very helpful, and I, in a strange way, felt like he was taking care of me.

Only he's not here to take care of me anymore.

It's not the boss. With enough practice I'll beat that evil lava rock thing. It's that all those things I used to love so much are gone. And they just keep being gone, no matter how hard I try to ignore them.

There is something keenly ironic in video game boss fights being one of my real life boss fights.