Wishes

Eating habits are all sorts of messed up... I went to Lamberts today with some family, but I'm hungry again, now... of course it is midnight, and Lamberts was 6 hours ago... maybe I'll go have a ham sammich, and eat 2 times today... well that's if you don't count the cupcake for breakfast... and I don't, cause cupcakes before 10 AM don't count. I've decided I'm going to try and get in 30 minutes of exercise a day... which is much more than my previous attempts of nothing. We'll see how long I can keep it up before I start falling off the bandwagon.

Ok the sammich, it calls me... You just wait right there.

Ok I'm back-- Havarti Cheese.. so yummy. and also. ham. Dang, I ate that sammich fast. I mean I know it seems fast to you, because you can read so fast but I might have eaten it as fast as you read this... ok maybe not, but it was close.

Thus far my idea of a hippity hopping Friday night consists of watching some Netflix and attempting another round of clean-up-the-apartment. You just let me know if you have a rescue plan.

I think I might have seen Clark Kent in Lamberts tonight... only without the glasses- Clark got Lasik... but he was dressed in business casual, so it's not like he was his alter ego or anything... Why is it the glasses that disguise Clark's identity anyway? Why isn't it the lack of a shiny red cape with a huge S on it.. I mean if the glasses can fool you, then surely just the lack of the Superman costume alone should be enough!

They placed Nathan's headstone today, apparently.

It seems so much more real when confronted with the stone. I have to keep remembering that this is just where his body on Earth is... but he is not there. I wish that bodies disappeared when people died... I wish that his body just went to heaven with him, and was transformed into what it is supposed to be in a magical floating shooting star sequence like in the end of Beauty and the Beast... I've always loved that scene.... I think even if I hated the rest of it, I would watch the whole movie just for that moment when the lights start shooting out of his toes, as the music builds. I wish that his body had just floated on up and up to heaven, and that there were no need for gravemarkers.... especially not his.

Every day... even the "easy" ones feel like I've lived a year in them... The ups and downs, the time passing, the struggle... each day is a microcosm and it makes me feel so old... and yet so impatient. I know how short life can be, so I don't want to waste it.... and yet I can't do anything *but* waste it, right now. I think that might be why I so often want to see other people and to hang out with them.... because time invested in a person will never be a waste to me.  Wish I could talk to him. Wish he could tell me what he is thinking about what I am thinking. Wish I had someone to make all those stupid inside jokes with. Wish I could hold his hand.