Reflections on Kyle XY and Poetry

So sometimes when I'm hanging out by myself I watch Netflix... Ok, fine, a lot of times. Tonight I watched a TV show called Kyle XY... I know. It's ok... judge me. I watch ABC family shows for fun... It's a shame that I just have to bear. This particular Kyle XY was... weird. 1) a girl had been attacked in a back alley (black eye and scratches on her neck) and everyone was watching her... waiting for her to freak out... and she was shaken, but being pretty strong. Yeah, I didn't identify with that one at allllll. :) And 2) the father of the father figure of the show was in the hospital... He'd had a stroke and was on life support. Or should I say "life support." It was of course all wrong.. they were monitoring his brain waves and didn't even have any nodules on his head... and they tried to make it look like he was intubated, but really he just had one small tube in his mouth (like an NG tube, but in his mouth rather than his nose) and a pulse ox monitor taped to his nose... And gosh darn it if I don't wish I didn't know about this stuff.... I'm not a nurse. I'm not in the medical field at all. I never wanted to know this stuff. I wish I didn't. I couldn't even watch whenever the "grandfather" was in the shot... I had to hold up my hand to block my view of him. I wrote a poem once, called, "What I Wish I Didn't Know." I was young and emo and it was about a guy whom I had had a crush on, and it listed off all sorts of things about him that I felt like I'd wasted my brain space remembering- his likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams, ect. I have so much more to put into a poem now... So much more I wish I didn't know, but am not sure I'll ever forget.  And it's way way heavier than the name of some guy's car. I don't want to list the things though... because I don't want to make you cry... I don't want to force that burden on someone who can't handle it. Gosh, ABC Family shows are just landmines. My memories are landmines. I just never know when something will trigger an explosion.

Talking about poetry has made me go look through some old stuff that I wrote when I was in High school and college... and two poems seemed especially apt tonight so I'll transcribe them for you... Though I admit I'm going to edit/ add a final line to the first one:

The Cry

The cry from my heart
can't be matched
by a fleshly wound
or an audible wail

I've hurt
I still hurt
I will hurt

And the nothingness never comes
I can't make myself go numb
not on the inside
I already tried

I've hurt
I still hurt
I will hurt

But that doesn't mean I should give up.



The Love of My Life

Deeper than the depths can fathom
Longer than eternity's distance
Greater than all this world can know
is the love I hold for you

Nothing will ever end it
You need never doubt it
For even before you knew life
I knew and loved you

I will carry you in sadness
and with your joy shall be mine
there is nothing that I need from you
But if you choose, to love me too

You don't have to be weak
Because I'll be here for strength
Draw what you need from me
You are the Love of my life