I want a luck dragon

I must confess, I've failed on winking at people... unless you count winking at myself in the mirror... I'm attempting to practice so I seem like less of a creeper... or a moron... Though I have to confess I might look like a moron anyway... But I'm still determined to try and wink with more frequency! Maybe I'll lessen it to once a week or something.

You know who winks a lot?? Falcor the luck dragon!

Sleeeeeeeepy wink

Several friends and I went to see "The NeverEnding Story"  during the special late night showing that happened this weekend. It was glorious to hear the theme music coming from the movie sound system, even if they did love a synthesizer a bit too much in the 80's ...  and Falcor was huge! And he winked a lot.. it made me smile. There is a dragon who knows how to have a good time!

You know what I learned this weekend that I wish I'd learned a long time ago? Even the people who you think are really cool and more interesting than you and just generally higher than you on the awesome scale- They are actually just people... and sometimes they are even kinda dorky. You mean that spider really IS more scared of me than I am of him? People really are just people with feelings and interests and weird things that they do?!? Oh insight, where were you in Jr. High?

I had 2, count 'em, two nightmares last night that Nathan was dying.. the kind where you wake yourself up because you are crying/breathing so hard... and I woke up and it was actually worse. How often does that happen? Not bloody often, I hope... I suppose the good side of this is that nightmares pretty much have no power over me. Not that I want to tempt them... but... I've survived my worst fears... What else can you really do?

I think grief/mourning might have made me a more selfish person. Kara frowned and disagreed with me when I mentioned this to her earlier... I guess perhaps, more self absorbed... I think far more about my own needs than I ever did before and I think I probably protect myself, more too... I mean I will still *try* and assume the best about people... but I'm more likely to assume the best AND still be irritated with them for acting that way. I think more in terms of "can I trust them to love me no matter what" and less in "what can I do for them" terms. I think more like, "how can I get them to do this with/for me," rather than just giving without thought of return... I'm not really sure that I like this change... but I'm also hoping it is temporary.... just one of those passing strange stages.

In other news, it's easy to forget how well your best friend knows you until you don't hang out with her for days and days. And then you finally *do* get a chance to talk to her and it's like, "Ahhhhhh!" She lets you know you aren't a crazy person or a freak or doing anything wrong, and you just feel a whole lot better about yourself. Also she and Rhonda both seem to think that I should wait a year to skydive.... Apparently that could just be my crazy talking, and while I still think it sounds like fun, they are also probably the two people who know me best in this world, so I kinda feel like I should trust them.... especially since I know that I would never have let Nathan go, again. (He went once in college before we were very close)... Also I might not be super comfortable with heights... and I think that would normally factor into this decision far more heavily than it currently is.