I love to blog

Will you all hate me if I confess that Katy Perry is turning into a guilty pleasure artist for me? I hope not...cause she is. Just don't watch her music videos...

I took a 3 hours nap this afternoon/evening and I think that may not have been the best plan ever, but it does mean you are likely to get a sizeable blog post.

That is if I can think of anything to write... The words just aren't flowing the way they normally do. I have so little that I feel is of any interest- for example, I made a dinner tonight that was actual food that I actually cooked... (Rather than some sort of frozen thing I nuked and/or something takeout.) It's weird cooking for one.. I don't think I like it... I think I mainly like to cook for the accolades... (thus the ridiculous amount of cookie baking in college.) But I'm not likely to gush to myself about my own cooking.

See what I mean? The interest level, she is lacking.

There is a wedding this Sunday Saturday (I knew that... Thanks, April) ... the couple goes to my church... and they are super cute these days cause they are so grinny.. yes grinny. I said it. It's an appropriate word for how they are. It's really adorable.

I think the internet is my saving grace. I don't actually like talking on the phone at all... and I live so far away from my family, that I'd have almost no contact with them if it weren't for the internet... and the internet has Pandora to keep me company when I'm the only one up at 3:41 in the morning.. and it has facebook to help me keep in touch with everyone... and it has of course this wonderful thing called a blog where I can pour out my heart to anyone willing to listen. Yes, if it weren't for the internet I would be having a much harder time.

Twice yesterday someone told me that my blog made them cry... I don't mean for that to happen... I'm just getting out what's inside. A different someone told me this weekend that my blog made me kinda like a celebrity in that everyone knows what's happening in my head, but I don't know how other people are feeling or reacting... I suppose it's true-- though I love getting comments, so please don't be shy about leaving them!- I'm not sure when my willingness to be transparent happened... I don't know if it is how I've always been or if I developed it over time or if, with the onset of cancer, I knew I couldn't keep things to myself, but I don't really have a lot of taboo topics... I mean I have topics I'm singularly uninterested in... oh yeah there are plenty of those, but they aren't taboo... just boring... to me.  So you are welcome to ask me to expound on a topic... and I can at least give you my feelings on it. Maybe it's just that I know I can come off as a little cold or aloof in person and so I want to show the world that isn't actually true... Cause after all, people won't like me if they think I'm cold and aloof, right?

It's funny... I was at a party this weekend... and I think everyone knows by now that I'm kinda shy... but at this party there were a lot of people I know semi-well (there was one person I didn't know) and someone said they thought purple was my favorite color... now those of you who have read my blog know... I kinda have a rant about this... You can read about it here. So someone suggested that purple was my favorite color, and I found myself going off into my rant... and even though I didn't know everyone there as well as I normally would have to, to be the center of attention, I let myself go... and people laughed at me (Which is a good thing cause it was meant to be funny.) and I kinda felt that same buzz that I do when I'm in a show and have a really good line... only it was real life and *I* was the person saying these things, not some character... and while I was a bit afraid I might have hurt the feelings of a "purple person" in the room, I also felt more confident and safer speaking out than I would have ever expected myself to feel. And I can't help but wonder if some of that isn't due in part to the fact that I let out all the random weird mixed up emotions that go through my head every day on here and I still get compliments on it as though I'm doing something special -- when I feel like I'm just being me. Being complimented on being yourself feels so good.

In other news, parents, force your children to take a good art history class in HS or college and to pay attention... I can't believe how much knowledge has stuck with me sub-consciously from my HS class. I would venture to say it is more culturally enriching than even a good survey of literature class... though I'm sure some of my friends would disagree.

Well, I seem to have hit my stride mid-post. That's fine. Until tomorrow, then. Tie me kangaroo down, sport.